.

[aliss]

Yes.

There are millions of women today who became mothers at 12, 13. I'm sure that the vast majority of them are good mothers.

I think some of us take for granted how immature we were allowed to be at 13 in our society. I'm pretty sure I still had Spice Girl dolls.

My grandmother, who was Hungarian, was already a mother at 13. She was a very good mother. She was expected to be a mother at that age, as were all the women in my family before me. I was the exception, at 26. My cousins were all mothers at 17-18 (again, 'older' than usual in my mother's family).

I'm basing this off the question - Can a 13 year old be a good mom. Yes, of course. SHOULD a 13 year old be a mom, is a totally different beast. And I think the vast majority of 13 year olds don't need to be or want to be mothers, but sometimes they are either due to lack of protection or cultural expectations.

 

[KittyVentura]

Does that mean every mother on here who is on benefit isnt a good mum though? regardless of age

Great minds...

 

[xnmd1]

And I am now a single mom and not sure yet if I will be able to live on my own, may have to re-think going back to my parents. If I do need to live with them I won't be able to keep my job, so will need their help, financially. (Will do as much as I can with my baby bonus but it wouldn't quite cover it all) Would be for a year or two, while I finished school.

So am I a bad mom now, because due to my circumstances, I have have some problems in the foreseeable future. I didn't think it made me any less of a mother, but according to some opinions, maybe it does.

 

[KittyVentura]

I think (hope) it's quite a rare opinion Nic. It is undeniable that you are an amazing mother to Jarrett. He thinks so too. He told me

Money has NOTHING to do with the ability to be a good mother. Of course you need to be able to give baby the essentials and so long as baby gets them, who cares where they come from. Being a good mother is about your actual mothering skills and abilities, not wether you can buy the nappies without help or not xx

 

[aliss]

You know, I really have to admire some aspects of Indian culture. Ever notice how Indian women rarely use childcare facilities? It's because the grandmother and extended family is expected to assist them 'financially' by caring for the child while the mother works. In return, the mother will do the same in 20ish years when her time comes. The village raises the child. And yet, nobody bats an eye.

So xnmd1, please don't feel bad at all - you are no different than a billion other women in the world

 

[Mum22GTTC]

Don't know about anyone else. But I was basing my opinion on 13 year olds in this day & age.

Things are sooo different now to how there were in years gone by, 13 year olds mentalities are so different. Life is just different now & in my opinion the human race has evolved with it.

So now, in the 21st centuary, I don't think that 13 year olds are truly physically & emotionally capable of being good moms.

And Aliss - spice girls dolls!! My respect for you has just plummeted!!!

 

[lizzieredrup]

I think she can.

With the right support and guidance then why not.

V xxx

This is exactly what I think too

 

[aliss]

Don't know about anyone else. But I was basing my opinion on 13 year olds in this day & age.

Things are sooo different now to how there were in years gone by, 13 year olds mentalities are so different. Life is just different now & in my opinion the human race has evolved with it.

So now, in the 21st centuary, I don't think that 13 year olds are truly physically & emotionally capable of being good moms.

And Aliss - spice girls dolls!! My respect for you has just plummeted!!!

Ginger was my favourite

 

[special_kala]

Not all 13 year olds are the same though.

I had River when i was 21 and i know my level of maturity made a massive leap during my pregnancy and when she was born so whats to say a 13 year old wont be able to step up the same way?

 

[Pramaholic86]

.

 

[whoops]

It depends on the 13 year old in question.

The same with any mother, regardless of age. I watch '16 and Pregnant' a little too much and the differences in maturity there are striking - you have some mothers like Christina and Maci, who seem wise beyond their years and are more than capable; and then you have others like Megan, who was very innocent, and Jenelle, who was very immature and you know that neither of those was ready to become a mother.

16 is different to 13, sure, but the differences in maturity still exist. You hear about 13 year olds becoming carers to their parents, or taking on a parenting role to younger siblings if a parent dies. And some cope admirably, even if it's not the ideal.

I got pregnant accidentally while finishing up a Masters degree, and for financial reasons, had to move back to my parents. But that doesn't make me incapable of being a good mother, even though I currently need some support. I do everything for my child in the sense of being a parent to her - I just don't pay for the roof over our heads at the moment.

 

[vaniilla]

Does that mean every mother on here who is on benefit isnt a good mum though? regardless of age

Good question, no.
Depending entirely on the individual, I'd say if for example you're talking about a 13 year old who isn't old enough to work to support a child financially, or in my opinion at that age emotionally either then I don't think someone in those circumstances that individual will make a good mum, but I can appreciate not everyone shares these views

If your talking about a single mum who is looking after a child and claiming benefits to support that child then I don't see that has any bearing on their mothering capabilities.

Thats just it, I feel that regarless of age doesn't come in to it because to me age does matterl, I'm not disputing that a teenager can't be a good mum, but a 13 year old is far too young, age, inexperience, lack of maturity and inability to provide combined doesn't make a particularly capable parent... That's only my opinion though!

this is so true,

also on the benefits side while I don't doubt or see anything wrong with people needing it, putting yourself in a situation where you know for a fact I do see something wrong with, having a child when you know you can't bring it up is something I don't understand and thats where a 13 year old would fall, with the way the economy is going and with the population growing it won't be long before there is hardly any help available, what then will they do when they have a child that they cant provide for and/or families that disown them/give no support.

 

[Pramaholic86]

.

 

[kmac625]

Now that I've read most of the thread I'd like to explain my earlier post. I still think 13 is too young in our current western culture. Years ago and in other cultures it is a different situation. I of course think a 13 year old is capable of loving and nurturing a child, but it is my belief that if you are unable to provide for a baby financially (as 13 year olds are unable to do) then you shouldn't be getting pregnant. Needing some support because your situation has changed (Nicole, like yours. You weren't expecting to suddenly become single after having Jarrett) is different. Or if you need benefits while on mat leave or are working but don't earn much. Whether you are 13 or 33, if you don't work (or have a partner who works) and know that you will have to rely on others for most things then you should delay intentionally getting pregnant until you are in a better position. This is not the same as having family members help with childcare or helping to buy things for the child as well. I'm tired today and I'm not sure if I've explained myself very well here.

 

[Breezy]

Based on 13 year olds I know, no I don't think they would make good moms. Sure they may have good intentions but they can't get jobs or provide for their children. Relying on their parents to help raise the baby and them at the same time, etc. My mom raised me with the skills I need to be a good mom just as her mom did her. At 13 I didn't have those skills and was not emotionally prepared to have a child. No way I would have been a good mom. You shouldn't have a baby knowing you need to rely on other people for help.

 

[amygwen]

I do think a 13 year old can be a good mother. There's loads of girls over in the teen pregnancy section that were pregnant at 14/15/16. Realistically, I don't care how old you are, you never know what being a mother is like until you are one. It's a huge responsibility as we all know but I don't think age can say that you're not mature enough. If you have support from your FOB and family then that'll make a 13 year old even more lucky, but I think they are perfectly capable.

 

[amygwen]

Also, I can remember being 13 years old and having a child at that time would've been awful for me, I was extremely immature. But, having said that, I wasn't a mother at 13 years old so I honestly would have no clue how it would be!

 

[NG09]

IMHO, no. A 13 year old is a child no matter which way you look at it and in most cases a child of that age has very little life experience or common sense. A 13 year should have the freedom to experience lifes lessons for themselves whilst growing up, not be responsible for the upbringing of another child.

 

[cowboys angel]

I think they could with the right guidance and help...but no, I don't think a 13 year old could be a good mom on her own. She could intend to be a good mom, but I just don't believe it would work out very well. I know what I was like at 13 and I know I would have WANTED to be a good mom, but I would not have been able to handle it.

 

[Babushka99]

I think a 13 year old could potentially be a great and energetic mum. One of my friends mums had her when she was 14 and she is a fab mum & they have done really well for themselves.