.

[smelly07]

I don't think it is in any way ideal - and should not be considered the norm. I think that any 13 yr old in that situation has been failed by the adults around her - mainly her parents.

In any situation, any person - young or old - has the chance to step up to the plate and some will be successful - others not.

agreed

 

[NG09]

For those saying they can't, then what makes a person a good mum?

A good parent IMO is someone who can not only provide love and emotional support to their child but can clothe, feed and provide a roof over their childs head. No it's not all about money but it's very naive to assume you can raise a child with nothing.

 

[PrettyUnable]

Yes of course she can. With the right support and guidance she can be just a good a mum as a 30 year old. Age is just a number it doesn't define the abilty to be a mother. x

Completely agree with this...

Although it isn't a choice I would recommend to anyone so young, it isn't because they'd be incapable, it's because they haven't lived their life yet to dedicate it to their own child.
I was 18 having my daughter and she made me who I am today, however I don't want that life for her, I want her to go off and live selfishly for herself first.
But what she wants for herself may be completely different, and I'll support her regardless...

 

[TwilightAgain]

This is a tough one. I don't want to say no because i'm sure if they were mature enough and had the right attitude and support they'd be a great Mum.

Having said that however, I personally think being a good mother is more than just raising the child and providing love and guidance. How are they gonna support them financially? At that age, in the majority of places and what not, you're not allowed enough to have a job and provide for that child.

I really don't know

 

[PrettyUnable]

For those saying they can't, then what makes a person a good mum?

A good parent IMO is someone who can not only provide love and emotional support to their child but can clothe, feed and provide a roof over their childs head. No it's not all about money but it's very naive to assume you can raise a child with nothing.

Yes but how many parents in the UK "support" their children on benefits? That isn't them providing for them, it's the system, taxpayers. And they will argue to the ground that they are only doing that to be good parents, to provide for their child(ren).
Whats the difference between them and a 13year old getting that financial support from her own family or likewise?

 

[whoops]

For those saying they can't, then what makes a person a good mum?

A good parent IMO is someone who can not only provide love and emotional support to their child but can clothe, feed and provide a roof over their childs head. No it's not all about money but it's very naive to assume you can raise a child with nothing.

Does anyone actually have 'nothing' though? Even young mums receive Child Benefit.

The ideal would be for everyone who has children to provide their own home for them - but things aren't always black and white. I made a sacrifice in moving back to my parents so that I could finish my degree, focus on my career and afford to buy my own home in a couple of years. The alternative was some variation of not working or working part time and receiving state housing.

Am I a bad mum now but a good mum in the future when I get a place of my own?

I know you're not talking about me and my situation, and I'm definitely not 13, but I think there's a few people on this thread placing a bit too much emphasis on the financial side of being a parent. A lot of people need financial help at some point, whether it's from their family or from the State.

Being able to afford a child is important but being able to afford rent isn't when there are alternatives that work.

 

[Nibblenic]

Im sure in rare exceptions they could be a good mum.

However I dont think they would be as good of a mum as they could have been if they had thier child in later life. Been fully educated and seen a bit of life. I think between 11-15 you barely cope emotionally with yourself let alone a new born/toddler who needs you to be strong for them.

 

[kmac625]

Agree with you always praying, well put, I'm waiting for the 'I don't drive so am I a bad mum' or 'I don't work..' etc but you explained yourself better than I did!

Out of interest, how many of you would leave your LO to be babysat by a mature 13 year old? Genuine question, not sarcasm

It would depend on the 13 year old. If I knew them well and trusted them, then yes they could babysit Clara. I started babysitting at 12 (no newborns) and at 13 was watching a 1 year old for entire weekends. However, this was in the same apartment building my family lived in and I had the support from my parents if needed. I did a great job of it, but that doesn't mean I was ready to have my own child at that point.

I've only read the first few pages but i can't entirely agree with the "if she has the right support". That kind of support is astronomical compared to what 20 year olds + need. For one, (in Canada anyways), you can't legally work until you are 14, you can't drive until you are 16 and only in the daytime. So, how is she supposed to financially support her child and get the child to the hospital if need be. Yes, I know you can get around without driving, but the fact that legally a 13 year old cannot drive is a valid point. Because when she does turn 16 she's a new driver, and with such precious cargo!

All that being said, I suppose, yes, a 13 year old "could" be a good mom, if we look at what a good mom means. That's why I brought up the age of working ability. A good mom should be able to financially support her family. Emotionally, the brains of children are not fully developed until their early 20's. The last thing to develop is the ability to understand consequences. That's why so many teenagers do so many stupid things, drinking and driving, sneaking out, stealing moms car, etc. They are not wired to really extrapolate and think of the consequences of their choices. Put a newborn into the mix and that situation would need massive support!

wait whut?! if you cant drive your a bad mum now?!
im a teenager, ive never snuck out, stole a car, drunk and drive, i dont do 'stupid' things. we rent our house privately and have no financial help other than what every other mother is entitled to. we have no debts and have alot of nice things we saved for and my LO goes without nothing, were two 19 year olds with a baby in a house on our own, but to you thats a reciepe for disaster right? lol
a lot of mums on here wouldnt be able to provide for their family without their OHs that doesnt make them bad at all.
i cant stand it when people think moneys everything.

I don't think your situation is the one that was described. You are able to meet the needs of your baby without relying on other people for most (or any) things you need. Mind you, I don't think being able to drive is important for having a baby. I know tons of people who don't drive/can't afford a car and that doesn't take away from their ability to parent.

For those saying they can't, then what makes a person a good mum?

A good parent IMO is someone who can not only provide love and emotional support to their child but can clothe, feed and provide a roof over their childs head. No it's not all about money but it's very naive to assume you can raise a child with nothing.

I agree with this. Money isn't everything, but food and a roof over your head are, and if you know you can't afford just these basic things, IMO intentionally getting pregnant is a bad idea.

 

[smelly07]

a 13 year old.......shouldnt be a mum....lets face it they are not allowed to legally have sex smoke drink drive or even work and WHATEVER AGE YOU ARE imo if you plan a baby you should be in a situation where you can look after that child without relying on finacial help thats my personal opinion

 

[Pramaholic86]

..

 

[DanielleM]

Can a 13 year old be a good mum? Yes, she could with a lot of help, support and guidance. Should a 13 year old become a mum? No way!

Just a question, if I left my children in the care of a 13 year old and something bad happened then I would be held accountable as the childrens mother. If something happened to a child in the car of a 13 year old mother, who would be held accountable, the mother or the grandmother as essentially the 13 year old mother is still in the legal care of their own mother?

 

[blondey]

Do you know what, I really don't know the answer to this question!!!!

Thinking back to when I was 13, yeah I fancied boys but the thought of sex scared the fricking hell out of me!! I would much rather play around on my bike or sit on MSN chatting to my mates.

Personally I believe there are far to many variables to make a sweeping generalisation as to yes they can or no they can't.

If my LO in 13 years time came home and told me she was pregnant, firstly I think I would have to hold her daddy back from battering the FOB lol! (although I know it takes two to tango and all that!!) Secondly I would be quite disappointed in her and also disappointed in myself and personally I would feel that I had failed as a parent somehow.

I think any mum has the potential to be a good mum. Would a 13 year old start off as a good mum, in my humble opinion, probably not. The change in life style would be so dramatic and it would take an extremely strong and mature 13 year old to not feel resentful (not towards the baby, but the situation in general) that their child hood had be taken away.

Could a 13 year old grow into a good mum, even a great mum, yes, I think so. If they have people willing to give them guidance, and they have examples of good mums around them, then I think maybe they could be great mums!

I do think it has become a sad state of affairs though that getting pregnant at 13 in today's society is not such an uncommon thing. I think it's sad that 13 year olds are growing up way before their years (or falling victim to peer pressure) and not enjoying being children for as long as possible.

 

[KatelynsMummy]

I actually feel like im being called a bad mum... I was 17 when I had my LO, my OH lost his job, we lost our house and we live with my mum. We rely on benefits to get us through, we cant drive either. We dont provide the roof over my daughters head, but we provide the food, and reading some of the opinions on here makes me sound like a bad mum because I cannot provide a roof for her just yet. Which isnt the case. It all depends on situations, and no-one can say if at 13 year old will be a good mum unless they were a 13 year old mum.

 

[DanielleM]

I actually feel like im being called a bad mum... I was 17 when I had my LO, my OH lost his job, we lost our house and we live with my mum. We rely on benefits to get us through, we cant drive either. We dont provide the roof over my daughters head, but we provide the food, and reading some of the opinions on here makes me sound like a bad mum because I cannot provide a roof for her just yet. Which isnt the case. It all depends on situations, and no-one can say if at 13 year old will be a good mum unless they were a 13 year old mum.

Don't feel like a bad mum, honestly I was 18 when I had my son, lived on benefits as I was a single mum. And I must admit I have made a great job of bringing up Evan, even with his additional needs he is a charming little boy! However I do think it is a bit different with our situations than it would be if we were 13, I think you do a lot of growing up during those years! Don't feel like a bad mum

 

[KatelynsMummy]

I actually feel like im being called a bad mum... I was 17 when I had my LO, my OH lost his job, we lost our house and we live with my mum. We rely on benefits to get us through, we cant drive either. We dont provide the roof over my daughters head, but we provide the food, and reading some of the opinions on here makes me sound like a bad mum because I cannot provide a roof for her just yet. Which isnt the case. It all depends on situations, and no-one can say if at 13 year old will be a good mum unless they were a 13 year old mum.

Don't feel like a bad mum, honestly I was 18 when I had my son, lived on benefits as I was a single mum. And I must admit I have made a great job of bringing up Evan, even with his additional needs he is a charming little boy! However I do think it is a bit different with our situations than it would be if we were 13, I think you do a lot of growing up during those years! Don't feel like a bad mum

Thank you Its hard when you see comments that are aimed at everyone "who cannot provide" not everyone knows they'll be unable to provide if you get me?

 

[v2007]

I had Mollie when i was 17, got preggo at 16 and i wasnt a bad Mum but TBH i wasnt a very good Mum, took me over a yr to bond with her and i swore i would have no more, hence the gap between her and Taylor.

Hug to all the ladies who are feeling a bit poo :hugs

V xxx

 

[blinkybaby]

I think a 13 year old could be a good mum with the right support, as others have said.

In my opinion though, it is a very sad situation because it really is a case of a child having a child. When I think back to when I was 13, the thought of me being a mum then would have been very scary and pretty much inconceivable. I was a young 13 year old and the thought of sex frightened me let alone being a mum!

xxx

 

[NG09]

For those saying they can't, then what makes a person a good mum?

A good parent IMO is someone who can not only provide love and emotional support to their child but can clothe, feed and provide a roof over their childs head. No it's not all about money but it's very naive to assume you can raise a child with nothing.

Does anyone actually have 'nothing' though? Even young mums receive Child Benefit.

The ideal would be for everyone who has children to provide their own home for them - but things aren't always black and white. I made a sacrifice in moving back to my parents so that I could finish my degree, focus on my career and afford to buy my own home in a couple of years. The alternative was some variation of not working or working part time and receiving state housing.

Am I a bad mum now but a good mum in the future when I get a place of my own?

I know you're not talking about me and my situation, and I'm definitely not 13, but I think there's a few people on this thread placing a bit too much emphasis on the financial side of being a parent. A lot of people need financial help at some point, whether it's from their family or from the State.

Being able to afford a child is important but being able to afford rent isn't when there are alternatives that work.

No, you're right there are few people who have literally nothing because taxpayers provide for them. Should people have children knowing they can't personally provide for them, I don't think so. I don't think it's right to go out and have children knowing you will be 100% dependant on benifits. They are there for short term help when needed, not to be abused. Children of 13 having children then I guess it falls on the parents for financial support which again isn't the 13 year old providing for her child. Yes accidents do happen, of course they do but it still doesn't change the fact that a 13 year old child is unable to provide for a baby fully.

 

[xnmd1]

The arguement of not being able to provide financially. I just want to point out that althought in the beginning, you're right, a 13 year old wouldn't. As I've said before, they don't stay 13 forever, and in the future they will be able to work and provide for them.
The amount of time that they would not be able to work would be such a small portion of the childs life, that as long as family helped and made sure the baby had the esstientials, and the 13 year old remained in school. That part to me, is not such a big issue. That is something that can be over come down the road.

 

[smelly07]

^^^^ well then essentially the 13 year isnt being 'a mum' .......if a 13 year accidently fell pregnant then you know its happened but i dont agree that a 13 year old should plan a pregnancy and people approving of it is wrong imo.