a rant: grrr why the snobbery about birth?!

[Tilly]

I feel that everyone should have the right to choose whether they give birth with or without drugs. I had gas and air and felt very proud of myself because I had coped better than I thought I would, but I don't think I am better than someone who had all the drugs going, plus I know that next time I give birth it could be a completely different story.. everyone has a different experience, it's not a competition. I do agree that some women boast about not having drugs and think it gives them some right to judge others that have to and vice versa! I also agree that it doesn't matter how the baby is born, the main thing is that the baby and mother are healthy and happy.

 

[Moraine]

Yes you do or rather I held my daughters a few mins after being delivered by a c section and it is not painfree!!!! Hope you get the delivery you hope for

Ah, that is good. I didn't think you would be able to hold them right away. And I meant pain free by having an epidural at the time. Not pain free alltogether!

 

[Amanda]

Having one vaginal birth (25 hours labour)and one elective c section, I know which one I will go for again - Section every time!!!!

With the vaginal birth, I was cut and was in agony for a good fortnight after, I was in hospital for 4 days after the birth, couldn't poo for 3 days, couldn't walk, sit or hold Kayleigh properly, and hated the whole birth experience. I didn't cuddle her until she was about 4 hours old as she had the cord round her neck and wasn't breathing. I was so exhausted and drugged up that I was asleep for the first 2 hours of her life, even though she was critical.

For the Section, I could arrange childcare, knew the day I would give birth, it took less than 2 hours start to finish, I was in hospital for only 2 days, cuddled Charlie within 5 minutes of the birth - DH had him first, I had a really quick recovery, and felt human.

Everyone's experience is different, and the choice is your own.

Oh, and I want to also make the point that my mum is one of the best mums in the world - and she didn't even give birth to me! I was adopted at 5 weeks old. That to me shows that you don't have to give birth in any way at all to be a fantastic mum.

 

[Lil_Baby_Boo]

At first I always said I wouldn't have an epi, then the more along I got I started to think maybe?

I decided, no birth plan, no dug plan no nothing! I had no idea what it was going to be like.....why try and stick to a plan when I didn't know exactly what I was planning for!?

I ended up having my waters broken.....and let me tell you - I wanted an epidural.......didn't want gas & Air & the other stuff........Naaa just give me the hard drugs!!

In the end I was rushed to theatre for possible section and if I remember rightly they gave me a diff type of epidural and was told had I not have had the epidural in the first place they would have just had to put me to sleep to do a section! In the end they managed to cut me which was better, but had I not have had the epidural when I did it would have been too late when I got taken to theatre and I would of missed out on the whole experience of seeing Noah being born!

I'd say to those who have not been there before to keep a very open mind!

Good job to all those who have and will manage it without drugs though! WOW!!

 

[Tilly]

In a way I sometimes feel as if I could have done better lol because I needed gas and air.. you hear about these women giving birth with nothing and it really makes you think. My goal for next time is to try and be more strong, but I bet when it comes to giving birth I will just be screaming 'DRUGS!! give me drugs!!'.

 

[Samantha675]

I don't think it makes me more of a woman because I am planning a natural home birth, ie a birth with no interventions and no drugs. It is my choice. I have done my research, and feel comfortable with my choice, but it is not for everyone. I do think that women need to learn about what intereventions do to the process of birth, how it will affect them, how it will affect the baby, and what the long term affects are. My major problem with the birth industry in the US is the systematic undermining of a woman's belief in her body and its ablity to bring a child into this world. In the US 1 in 3 women are having c-sections, and this does not have to be. Look up the numbers and it is really scary now. All this technology is not making for healthier babies or healthier mothers. I do know the system in the UK is a bit different, so I can only give my opinion for the US system. Most women do no know that pitosim is going to cause a much stonger more painful contraction, something that will cause more stress on the baby because of the artificial strength of the contraction, and a woman's doctor does not tell her this. That is what I hate! So I do feel that when a woman's options are taken from her, then she does lose something in the birthing process.

 

[lifeguard]

I don't believe I am a hippie because I want a natural birth. And in fact I really need to disagree with the tone of much of this post. If anything I feel I am made fun of & disrespected by other women for my beliefs & wants. I won't even talk about my birth plans with many of my friends to avoid this.

I agree that every woman needs to make the choices that are best for her. But I also believe that many make those decisions based on very little & wrong information.

I just wish that we could each do what felt right & have true support from other women. Too often we are so busy feeling judged by each other & defensive that we can't be supportive.

 

[nikky0907]

I don't believe I am a hippie because I want a natural birth. And in fact I really need to disagree with the tone of much of this post. If anything I feel I am made fun of & disrespected by other women for my beliefs & wants. I won't even talk about my birth plans with many of my friends to avoid this.

I agree that every woman needs to make the choices that are best for her. But I also believe that many make those decisions based on very little & wrong information.

I just wish that we could each do what felt right & have true support from other women. Too often we are so busy feeling judged by each other & defensive that we can't be supportive.

Nobody said that women who have a vaginal birth are hippies,we just said that a woman doesn't have to be judged by how she chooses to have her child.
Some women act superior because they had a natural no-drugs delivery.
However,I doubt that any woman on this forum is like that,I know that women here are very liberal and nice...

 

[tinytoes]

I do not look down on anyone for their choice of birth, and I would hope no one would look down on me for mine, such as calling me a hippy mum.

no one is calling anyone anything. But there are certain people in teh world who seem to look down on ladies who opt for a C or who have epidurals etc. IT's justa fact. IT's not nice. I'm not accusing anyone in particular at all!! And I'm not saying everyone who has a natural birth is a hippy, god no!!!! my sister in law had a home birth and she's just marvelous.

 

[tinytoes]

I don't believe I am a hippie because I want a natural birth. QUOTE]

you mis-judge the tone of the post. some women look down on others for their choices. they are the ones who i object to. The ones who seem to think that anything but their way is right and best for baby.
Like if I have a C section I know certain people who will think it's a cop out. Certain women who will feel secretly smug and will think "hmm....least I gave birth naturally, I did a better job" etc. etc. Not people here. People I know in teh flesh. People who get right up my nose.
So please, no one take offense.

 

[pepperflake]

I understand what you are saying. I've met those women who think they are better for having had a no-drug, all natural birth and it's unfortunate. I don't think I am better- I'm just happy I got to do things how I wanted to.

I tend to get the other side of the snobbery coin though. I had my first child with a midwife in a birthing center, no drugs, no episiotomy, etc. Women have generally told me I was crazy, why would I go through all of that, etc. I generally don't even share how I have given birth or how I plan to go about things the same way this time. I just don't even want to hear it anymore.

The worst though was when my first daughter was born and developed a rapid heartbeat a few hours after birth. We ended up leaving the birthing center and taking her to the hospital to be examined and they were all very, very rude about our choice to have her with midwives. Not only was I terrified that something was seriously wrong with my newborn, but they made me feel like a terrible mother for not being in a regular hospital. (This was in the Southern US.) She was fine and I got over my feelings of inadequacies but it still makes me sad to think of how insensitive the hospital staff was to us. I'm very glad we did have her at the birthing center and that we had 5 hours of constant skin-to-skin contact and breast feeding before the hospital took her from me. They even gave her a bottle of formula against my express wishes and we had much difficulty nursing for awhile.

This time we have moved and the midwife will deliver in a hospital and I am a little anxious about it but I also know what kind of birth experience I would like to have (barring complications, of course) and being informed is key to success, I think. I will also stand up for myself a little better this time, if necessary.

The mommies on this board seem very understanding and of course, everyone wants us each to have the best experience we can but there definitely are very snobbish people on both sides of the birthing fence out there!

 

[wishing4ababy]

I don't believe I am a hippie because I want a natural birth. And in fact I really need to disagree with the tone of much of this post. If anything I feel I am made fun of & disrespected by other women for my beliefs & wants. I won't even talk about my birth plans with many of my friends to avoid this.

I agree that every woman needs to make the choices that are best for her. But I also believe that many make those decisions based on very little & wrong information.

I just wish that we could each do what felt right & have true support from other women. Too often we are so busy feeling judged by each other & defensive that we can't be supportive.

I am sorry but I have to agree with you on this - every labour, every woman, every baby, and situation is different. I think that women should feel damn proud of giving birth - whichever way they do it. However for some women (and these women shouldn't be mocked in any way) a natural birth is extremely important to them - and why not? if that is wht they have set their hearts on then of course it will be a disappointment to them if they can't do it for some reason. My story isn't unusual but I have CPD and therefore i just couldn't get my son out and had to have an emergency section after pushng for 4 hours. It was extremely traumatic for my DH who was ushered out of the room whilst they sorted my out for surgery. But also, i had spent 9 months worrying that i wouldnt cope with the pain of a natural birth - and i did! other than physically not being able to get his head throuh my pelvis i coped fine so yes, i am afraid i was disappointed that I COULDN'T give birth, and yes i felt like i had failed in some way - i was extremely grateful that my son was safe but on a personal level i struggled to cope with the fact that i couldn't do something that is deemed as the most natural thing that a woman could do.
No one should be mocked or called a "hippy" because they feel they want to give birth naturally. and neither should women who want a section be deemed to be taking the easy way out - people have said that i took bthe easy option with my 2nd baby (the decision was actually taken out of my hands as i wanted to try for a natural birth) - we shouldnt have to justify ourselves to anyone.

 

[Jules]

Do ladies mean different things when they say 'a natural ' birth?? I take it to mean no pain relief etc. But in some posts seems to mean different. Does that make sense

I take a natural birth as being vaginal, with no drugs or interventions.....

I am having a vaginal birth as far as i know, unless there are any problems which mean me having to having a c-section, as far as i know c-sections are not optional where i live unless theres a medical reason for doing so. I will try my best to stand the pain without drugs but am not opposed to having them.

 

[nikky0907]

But also, i had spent 9 months worrying that i wouldnt cope with the pain of a natural birth - and i did! other than physically not being able to get his head throuh my pelvis i coped fine so yes, i am afraid i was disappointed that I COULDN'T give birth, and yes i felt like i had failed in some way - i was extremely grateful that my son was safe but on a personal level i struggled to cope with the fact that i couldn't do something that is deemed as the most natural thing that a woman could do.

Thats a myth.
You shouldn't feel bad that you couldn't do it.
It's not the most natural thing a woman can do.That's how babies are supposed to come out of their mothers body but it is very hard and in many cases the baby would die(like in yours) or a woman wouldn't be able to have any more children.

You shouldn't feel like you failed at something.

 

[vicky9207]

i agree with ya. wats the point nat having drugs tats wat they r der 4!! i think most ppl who say wat u should go naturly dnt have children, im nat saying this is always the case. my friend had a baby 3 days ago n she keep saying 2 me that i should have my baby naturely! i told her 2 wise up lol.i had all the drugs i could get my hands on lol. but my friend ended up when she was having her bby 2 get every drugs 2. i think it depends on the person. but i h8 ppl who put pressure on other ppl 2 have a natural birth when they havnt been though it themselves

 

[Margerle]

Thats a myth.
You shouldn't feel bad that you couldn't do it.
It's not the most natural thing a woman can do.That's how babies are supposed to come out of their mothers body but it is very hard and in many cases the baby would die(like in yours) or a woman wouldn't be able to have any more children.

You shouldn't feel like you failed at something.

Actually, anatomically and medically speaking this is not a 'myth'. Pregnancy and Childbirth IS a very natural thing for a woman's body to do. It is the complications many women face that are unnatural.

That's why we have medically advanced options to help those women through a situation where her body is medically unable to perform a natural function.

You wouldn't call a type II diabetic "natural" in the sense that that is normal for a person to need insulin. It isn't normal. But thank God we have the knowledge and ability to help those people.

I don't begrudge women who have these unnatural complications and or fears to take advantage of every medical option available to them to bring life into the world. That is what it was developed for to begin with. That would be like me saying the type II diabetic is a wuss for taking insulin.

But if there developed a trend in the medical profession that 1 in every three people that they see "MUST be a diabetic, therefore we'll just hedge our bets and put them on insulin". I'd have to stop and wonder what the hell is going on, and if this is right or not. No? This is in essence what has happened in the US. Women are being convinced that they are 'diabetic' and cannot naturally have a baby... AND that it's better for them to 'be on insulin' and have a section rather than let their body do what it does naturally.

We have all read stories here of women who's midwife told them they were having a HUGE BABY (10-12 pounds) and couldn't possibly birth it naturally... I have no problems there, I think that's fair. But then when that baby's born and it's 6 or 7 pounds, forgive me but I think WTF? THIS SCENERIO happens more often than not.

In other words, when a woman makes a complete informed consent to having ANY birth option they want I'm all for it. But when they are talked into having their baby via an option that isn't completely explained to them (I'm not talking about emergency sections here of course) and it seems that it's just to the benefit of the hospital/nursing staff/doc... that makes me mad.

I don't think you're a wuss or a crybaby for not pushing your LO out your vagina. And I don't think anyone who has given birth naturally is a hippy or snob or anything else.

We are ALL MAMAS.

 

[nikky0907]

Yes,a childbirth is a very natural thing for a woman to do but I think you're wrong to compare diabetes with childbirth.
A diabetic has to take insulin or he/she will die or go blind,a woman doesn't have to give birth naturally if she doesn't want to.

If she feels that she can't handle the pain or doesn't want to handle the pain and wants an easy delivery,she can have it.
When a person takes insulin for no reason that doesn't help them.

So,I guess it is a natural thing for a woman but there are a lot of things in the human nature that we ofcourse do not do.So I don't think that a woman has to have a natural delivery just because women have been doing it for centuries,they've been doing a lot of things that we absolutly wouldn't do.And just because something is in someones nature doesn't mean that it's the best for them.In this century we can opt for something that is more acceptable to us...

By

 

[Margerle]

Yes,a childbirth is a very natural thing for a woman to do but I think you're wrong to compare diabetes with childbirth.
A diabetic has to take insulin or he/she will die or go blind,a woman doesn't have to give birth naturally if she doesn't want to.

My comparison merely paralleled the 'natural-ness' that you indicated was mythical. A woman IS MADE biologically, and naturally to make a baby and give birth. That some women have unnatural complications or fears is akin to the unnatural-ness of someone having diabetes or any other complication to their health.

You are very correct, not one woman on this planet HAS to give birth through their vagina. We could all have sections.

If she feels that she can't handle the pain or doesn't want to handle the pain and wants an easy delivery,she can have it.

Of course. And I've never said anything to the contrary.

When a person takes insulin for no reason that doesn't help them.

Exactly my point. Many women in the US are told they have an unnatural complication (when in actuality it isn't as unnatural or as much of a complication as they are led to believe). It is in these scenerios (I gave one example of a woman being told her baby was just way to huge, and after delivery, it was nowhere near the anticipated size.) and in many cases they are put through MORE HARM THAN GOOD... as is the case with a non-diabetic taking insulin.

I'm not arguing for or against natural or planned childbirth. I am merely encouraging women to get informed so they are not "given insulin" when they DON'T NEED IT. There are a lot of threads (also on this board) where women have had both a vaginal birth and section. And a good majority would choose vaginal over section. Does this mean having a section is wrong NO! It means that every woman needs to make an informed choice, and that it is hers and hers alone to own. I think that's fair - don't you?

So,I guess it is a natural thing for a woman but there are a lot of things in the human nature that we ofcourse do not do.So I don't think that a woman has to have a natural delivery just because women have been doing it for centuries,they've been doing a lot of things that we absolutly wouldn't do.And just because something is in someones nature doesn't mean that it's the best for them.In this century we can opt for something that is more acceptable to us...

A woman has the right to utilize any medical advancement that she chooses to have whatever birth she wishes. Period. We need not call her a wuss or crybaby OR hippy or snob. Her name is Mama

THAT is my point.

 

[lifeguard]

I think my point earlier was poorly written. I was merely trying to say that I have felt the exact opposite situation. I find many more women judge me for wanting a natural birth using words such as stupid, ridiculous, etc. To the point that I will not discuss it with most women I know.

I feel we would all be better off if we supported each other & helped each other gain the knowledge necessary to make informed decisions.

 

[coccyx]

Why do you think the USA has such a high c section rate compared with the UK?. Is delivery more doctor centered rather than midwife led for majority of births as it is in the UK?. Do ladies just make the choice to have a section or is it doctors worried about being sued so they go for a section quicker than the UK? I watched a programme about a lady in usa having a baby, she stayed on the bed the whole time I was shouting get up ,get mobile. Only asking??