Adoption journey

[aimze]

Found it

 

[Rainy123]

Lol hilarious aimze! I am very thankful that I won't have to deal with in laws. I am hopeful that my parents will be great. My mum came to prep course with me and I think "gets it" at a basic level at least.

As I have no toddler feet, I did manage some gardening but would rather be having your weekends! Did talk to sister and niece on Skype and get to see them next weekend!!!

 

[Lolly1985]

Haha, funny you posted that Aimze as I saw it on Facebook yesterday and thought it was very apt given circumstances of late!!

My mum seems to totally get it and when she doesn't she respects my judgement. Sadly they live so far away But my parents are retiring in June so hoping to see much more of them

 

[aimze]

Lolly it's so true...interfering so & so!!!! Mines going to be awful, she's a no it all & irritating at the best of times so once babies here god help me to bite my tounge!!

Rainy it's good your mum went on prep courses with you, she should be a great support for you

Xx

 

[Lolly1985]

She's a pest at times but to be honest often sister in law gets to me more. She's works in a children's centre so knows 'all about children' but that certainly doesn't stem to adoption issues (we are lucky they are minimal) or to my daughter. It angers me so much that people think they know my own child better and think I'm a bit dramatic in some of my approaches. I've also started to doubt some of what's she's told me when she's cared for her in the past because after the terrible teatime drama of Friday she said 'well I think she's done quite well as she's only got a small tummy' (she had licked the spoon twice and her finger once!!) I know what is normal for my daughter and her eating habits and that's not it. She tried feeding and yoghurt and she refused and she said 'oh she's so funny with eating if you feed her, she's independent'. True with others (well actually not even independence, she would have just smeared it) but she let me feed her, but it was totally ignored because her 'diagnosis' was correct! She also told me when she's playing up to put her in the cot and walk away, hmmmm, don't think that'll do her separation anxiety any good. Oh and fab one from step FIL when I mentioned I had liked a boys name but it is one of her birth brothers names so we couldn't use it... 'why not? She'll never know' So once again I had to explain the yearly letterbox contact and life story work and the fact she would of course know and I didn't think having two brothers with the same name would do anyone any good!!! Ahhhh, I'm ranting again!!

 

[dreamofabean]

Oh my gosh, the ignorance really lolly! The comment from your fil is exactly what if get from my inlaws!!!
I get comments all the time: why don't I just leave him asleep in the car if I keep an eye on him? Why does he carry his toys everywhere? Why can't he use someone else's travel cot? Etc etc etc! Because he is my child and I know what's best for him!!! Grr.
I boil when I'm constantly told by mil 'you don't fit around your child, they fit around you!' Erm, no! We turned his little world upside down (for the better in the long term but it's still trauma!) so if I can work around his routine and what makes him comfortable I'm going to flipping do it!
My fil fed our boy candy floss the once when we were there.... I was livid!!

 

[Lolly1985]

Oh my god Dream its just upsetting isn't it? We have to fit around our babies as much as we can to help them feel settled and secure. And also that's the beauty of children, following their lead when they allow us into their little world's. Worrying when people say things like that!! I've also had the travel cot comment, again from sister in law, I just fobbed it off saying no, I'll take her home as I don't have her blankets or dummy. The response? Oh, I'm sure we can find a towel or something!!!

 

[dreamofabean]

Grrr! A towel?! She's not a dog!! That's made me really cross for you!!

 

[Lolly1985]

Thanks hun, me too!! I think she meant a soft one she could snuggle in to be fair, but even so I wasn't impressed and took her home

 

[aimze]

A towel?!? I can see how the travel cot comments are annoying...my step mum has already brought one for us?!? Our little one won't be sleeping in your travel cot in a strange room!!! If he falls asleep whilst we're visiting then he can cuddle his mummy!!

X

 

[dreamofabean]

We have a travel cot for holidays. We are going away in a couple if weeks for a long weekend so are going to start giving lo naps in it so he's used to it.
I carry my pram in my car and if he's tired he naps in that. It's not worth the upset of putting him in a strange cot!!

 

[aimze]

Yea my step mum wants him to nap in their travel cot upstairs...it's not like we will be there for a whole days and need it....she's very full on with children, my nephew she's so ott with. If he's crying with his mum in her arms she will actually remove him an see if she can calm him...I really hope she never tries that with our baby because its just nt appropriate!

We brought our own travel cot 3 years ago for our best freind who kept leaving her 7week baby with us whilst she partied....no longera best freind...our dog uses it now for nights away, works really well lol!

X

 

[dreamofabean]

Aimze!
Yeah I just find the pram works well, as our boy still only goes 3 hours between sleeps! Lol. So regardless of when we go out, there's always a nap approaching! Lol
We have little mans lac review this afternoon. We get court paperwork! Whoop!!

 

[aimze]

How was it dream? Xx

 

[dreamofabean]

It went ok thanks Aimze.
All happy with his progress n said how settled he was. Regarding bps and possible pg our boys sw is going to contact midwifery to see if she's been seen and put out a national alert so if she attends any clinic of related it'll be flagged to ss.
We have paperwork so dh is going to take it to the court over next few days. Fxed it won't take too long.
Our sw stayed after meeting and talked us through everything. We very reluctantly raised the issue over our boys sw sharing info with bps. I asked if it was normal for them to relay lots of info and was told no. She offered to speak to her but I don't want there to be any awkwardness. However we now know to be careful what we share!!
So now we submit court papers and wait! X

 

[Lolly1985]

I'm glad to hear you will be submitting soon Dream!! Isn't it a shame we have to be on our guard? But needs must, they are lovely people (generally) but when they still have birth parent contact I suppose it crosses a line. Happy they are delighted with his progress, proud mummy moment

We still haven't found out the outcome of directions hearing but will tomorrow as we have a double whammy of visits, little pinks in the morning, our agency's in the afternoon. I forsee a headache!!

 

[dreamofabean]

Yes I foresee a headache too lolly! That's a busy day!!
Yeah it's hard as our sw said she shouldn't be sharing info now as the bps will
Keep on calling for info if she's giving it! It's hard as I just feel that we should be able to choose what info we share in the settling in letter we send next month. Whereas she sat and jotted down what we'd done to celebrate his bday and then said bps had asked! I wasn't happy as it felt like we'd been tricked!!

 

[Lolly1985]

Hmmm not good practice at all in my opinion, those are your special memories, to share with who YOU want xxx

 

[dreamofabean]

That's exactly what I said. It should have been up to us what we share in our settling in letter. I will definitely not be as open with her from now on! She's lovely, but young and inexperienced. This is her first adoption and she's become too involved with bps in my opinion x

 

[Lolly1985]

I hear that from a lot of ladies who have adopted, SWs too involved with birth parents. I know little pink's worker has gone above and beyond with BPs, driving them to certain appointments and just being available as a shoulder to cry on. Thing is birth mum has her own social worker but apparently they haven't the same relationship. It can be a little tricky, but I trust she wouldn't ever pass on information. Does make me think now though...