Adoption journey

[LolaM]

tough choice. I understand, we were offered 2 siblings of baby boy who isnt even ours yet, and we just do not have room for 2 more bodies with STUFF in our house and it was the correct choice but sometimes...I just want to snap them both up and tell SW to shove off!

 

[zero7]

Thanks lola. We are going with our heads and know its the right decision, but it is a tough one! And you are so right. Its not just the extra body, it is all the stuff too!

If we had the space and the money, we would snap her up. Xxx

 

[dreamofabean]

Ah zero, that must have been such a tough decision to make! At the end of the day, your little princess is your priority. Yes it would be lovely to have a sibling, but as you say, the birth mother could keep on having children.
If it feels like the right decision then it is. If it's not right for you, it's not right for the child either. Big

 

[Lolly1985]

Ahh Zero its so difficult. We had the same fear relatively recently and were so upset at the thought of having to decide. Obviously fate stepped in and at that time I was already pregnant but unaware. But there's so much to weigh up. Is it right for your daughter right now? If you say yes now how long until you are put in this position again? And then what, where's the cut off? Can you afford two children as you are or will you need to dramatically change your lifestyle to accommodate a sibling? If so do you want to? Do you have the space? Do you want pickle to have to share you? So many considerations and none of them easy. Crazily enough we had decided that if this was presented to us at this stage we would say no. I wanted to give all I can to my little pink, to be able to afford to work part time, take her on holidays and not have extra worries that come with having two. Obviously that's taken out of my hands now, but my work's generous leave package and DF going self employed have allowed us to adapt and embrace a sibling, but we had to. With adoption you get a choice and I know whatever choice you come to it will be what is best for your daughter and your family. It's heartbreaking though, I get that and support is here xxx

 

[Rainy123]

Zero, such a tough decision to make. At the end of the day, you are the only ones who will know what the right answer is. It is difficult to not feel guilty etc but you have to make the right decision for you and your family.

 

[Lolly1985]

I feel so incredibly hurt today We have done everything we could to show empathy to birth mum, compassion towards her, met with her, reassured her, showed pictures and told her all she wanted to know about little pink. We have written her a well thought out settling in letter and have promoted her to family. And now she's using it all against us and saying all sorts of lies to try and get leave to oppose our order. I shouldn't be so trusting, I can't stop crying. My baby's future isn't in my hands any more, it once again sits with a stranger who I pray sees sense and let's her stay with mummy and daddy forever. I don't think this should be allowed, I'm so upset

 

[Aimee4311]

Aww, Lolly. I'm so sorry she's doing this.

 

[dreamofabean]

Lolly I'm so cross that she has done this it really should not be allowed!
The judge isn't an idiot though Hun, pink has just flourished in your care and all the reports will say that! They can't possibly take her away from you to give her to a home where she certainly wouldn't. I can't imagine how stressed you both must feel, and can understand why you feel so hurt.
Sending you massive hugs as there isn't anything else I can do... Keep the faith, sense will prevail! Lots of love xx

 

[zero7]

Lolly- It will all be ok. Little pink was placed for adoption for good reason. Like dream says, the judge isn't an idiot and will see through it for what it is. Am I right in saying she has other children, all in care? I think many BP's threaten opposing the order and/or turning up at court - its all they have left.

So stressful for you, especially with your hormones all over the place!

Thanks for all your support ladies. Feeling a little better about things today. Xxxxxx

*****lolly, just looked back at a recent post you put up regarding BM. It really, really, really is NOT happening!*****

 

[Lolly1985]

Thanks everyone. I know I would be saying exactly the same to any of you but I've lost my rational head, this is so precious I can't seem to think straight Also our social worker is still off and little pink's is now until next Wednesday. Feel really alone in terms of professional support. You are all fab

 

[aimze]

Lolly can totally understand why you feel like this....I wish I could magic away the next few weeks an give you a gd result x

 

[dreamofabean]

Hi all
Hope everyone is well
We have had a lovely day today, we met up with little man's foster carers we kept it neutral so met in a local garden centre with a nice cafe and soft play area. It was so lovely to see them!! Littlie coped amazingly well, he eyed them up a bit suspiciously but within a minute or two he was all smiles and gave their other foster son a big kiss! Bless him!
They have a new baby in placement, only 6 weeks old and so tiny!
I had been a bit worried about how our boy would be but he took it all in his stride and was happy enough once we got home too. So our first meet up is done!
Tomorrow we were meant to meet up with some friends but they've cancelled as their daughter is poorly, so we're hoping for a dry day so we can go to the park! X

 

[zero7]

I have had such an awful day today One of my beautiful cats died this morning right in front of me. I heard a strange noise coming from the kitchen and came downstairs to find him laying on his side by the door. While I was on the phone to the emergency vet, he died. It was completely out of the blue. No signs of illness. My poor boy - he was such a lovely cat. I have been on my own today as hubby is working a ten hour shift and its been so hard trying not to cry in front of LO. I just keep saying that mummy has a bad cold and her eyes are running.

So, so sad.

 

[dreamofabean]

Oh zero I'm so sorry Hun

 

[aimze]

Sending a big hug zero...xxxx

 

[Lolly1985]

Oh Zero that's utterly heartbreaking, I'm so so sorry I hope hubby is with you now, thinking of you xxx

Dream so glad to hear what a star your boy was, I knew he would be He sounds like little pink, very resilient and taking it all in his stride. So proud xxx

Thanks again ladies. It's been a horrible week but I'm feeling a lot stronger and more realistic now. They simply cannot even consider sending my daughter back to a woman who cannot care for herself adequately let alone a child. Her change of circumstances are she has a new partner, it's simply not enough. So we are making calls tomorrow and seeking out some answers to questions and ultimately reassurance that this is not a realistic possibility. I also want to know whether the adoption order could be granted at the next hearing if the appeal is thrown out. Why would they want to keep dragging this on and on, costing more and more? Still extremely angry though xxx

 

[dreamofabean]

I don't see why that couldn't happen lolly! I'd be stamping my feet and letting them know just how angry you are! It's amazing what can happen when you show you're not impressed, think back to the rules that were bent and timescales forgotten when it came to our boy!!
Thanks Hun, yes he's a resilient little monkey, just like your little girl! He's been such a good boy the past few days too, after a week of being a little monkey! Lol.
We had a big breakthrough food wise today, he's eaten lots of 'real' food rather than baby foods which makes me smile! I had to laugh though as we had chicken and chorizo tonight and I made him some pasta with it before we had our meal. Well he gobbled it all up! Then I ate some chorizo and it was sooo spicy! Lol. My little man obv isn't fussy!

 

[aimze]

Ladies we've met with the foster carer now loads of lovely photos we now have in our living room we love him!!

5 weeks till I leave work x

 

[Lolly1985]

They do surprise you sometimes don't they Dream?!! Bless him! Yeah you're right, I think now the shock has settled down I won't be fobbed off! I will be ringing our agency saying I think this has been handled a bit poorly from placing authority's side (I will say it very nicely, want them onside!), I will ask my 12 questions I have been noting over the weekend! I will not be told by my agency I'm upset because of my hormones (Ummm no I'm upset because I love my daughter with all my heart, never say that to me again!!) I will be asking when our social worker is back and what's happening on hearing day and push for some support that day in terms of us finding out the outcome asap. Other half is ringing placing auditory and will also be speaking to legal. Maybe this is standard for them, maybe it's a no brainer and they aren't worried. But this is my life and someone will talk to us! Hopefully several people!!

 

[dreamofabean]

Totally agree lolly! I think you're doing exactly what I'd be doing! Whilst we all know the outcome already it's horrid that you have to endure such a wait. As for hormones, that's awful they said that! You are upset because you feel your family is in jeopardy! Anyone would feel the same! Grrrr!!!
Awww Aimze was it lovely meeting them? Were they nice? How exciting!! We had photos of little man all over the house before we got the nod! Lol. It really helps you to bond though I used to carry his photo around the house and sit in his bedroom and read him stories! Lol!!
There is a poem that someone sent me called 'kisses in the wind' about waiting for your baby. I used to open his bedroom window and blow him kisses every night! Dh thought I'd gone mad