Adoption journey

[ipen44]

I thought U.S. adoptions were invasive!! Wanting to contact an ex-wife?? That is way over the line. Good for you for standing your ground. In the U.S., you provide proof of income and a monthly budget.

I have been doing a fair amount of book reading on adoption. These books have me convinced that I can and should get the baby room ready. I never wanted to do that before because of the uncertainty, but as the books point out--this journey will be successful--it is just a matter of when not if. This has me feeling confident. The books also point out that if you have very short notice, you will have so much stress and then when the baby comes home nothing is ready which would not be a very welcoming environment. Time to start planning the baby room! I have a vacation coming up in 4 weeks and we will do the room then. Very excited that I have allowed this possibility of success to finally seep through. To this point, I have been afraid to hope.

 

[Lyns]

Ipen44, we got the basic room ready with a bed, decorate, with a bed, furniture and carpet, but left it very neutral as we didn't know what child we'd get!

As we were adopting a 2 year old, which turned out to be a boy, we then used our 'introductions time' to shop with him for curtains, bedding, lampshades, pictures for the wall, etc....we think it was a nice way of letting him feel a bit more 'at home' straight away as he chose his own stuff!!! xx

 

[LolaM]

Ipen44, we got the basic room ready with a bed, decorate, with a bed, furniture and carpet, but left it very neutral as we didn't know what child we'd get!

As we were adopting a 2 year old, which turned out to be a boy, we then used our 'introductions time' to shop with him for curtains, bedding, lampshades, pictures for the wall, etc....we think it was a nice way of letting him feel a bit more 'at home' straight away as he chose his own stuff!!! xx

that is what we are thinking. The room has a bed and a dresser and some stuff animals and a few other random things but when we adopt a child, we will personalize the room.

 

[ipen44]

We are thinking of green and brown. We can add blue or pink later. We are going monkeys!

 

[drudai]

Neutral is so hard. I keep wanting to shop too, but afraid to jinx it. I like Winnie the Pooh, as well as Lion King stuff. It all comes pretty neutral with ipen's idea of green/brown. I have only bought a binkie so far though.

 

[Frustrated42]

Hi ladies! I have read through the entire thread today. DH and I have not started the adoption process yet. We have been ttcing and ntnp for the last 4 and half years and have just recently made the decision to adopt. Although we decided we would adopt we both agreed to wait until July to start the process because I am just finishing university this June and we are going on holidays for a month. We don't anything to get in the way or prolonging our application like a holiday! The stories I have read have been inspirational to me. We decided to go with government adoption because we simply can not afford $10,000 for private adoption. I will be happy with whatever child I end up with I just want to have children in my home. Thought I would just drop a line saying how inspired I am by all you ladies that are close to completeing your adoption process and the ladies that are in the process.

 

[Lolly1985]

Thank you for sharing your story Lyns I really admire your stance over certain things with your SW, good on you! I agree that they do desperately need us, but i'm still very anxious to 'rock the boat'. I read recently of a couple getting turned down as the father-to-be said that an A4 side for letterbox was too long and they said that they had not ruled out trying for a birth sibling in a few years time. I am sure there must be other things but it adds to my worry about wanting everything just right. i know that is not real life though I just want to get through the next session and hopefully get a definite panel date. At the moment we are still wondering if it will be May or June....

So glad to hear your little lad is doing so well. He was meant to be with you that is for sure. It must melt your heart to see your two LOs together, all the waiting, tears and fighting was worth it

Ipen, it is so exciting to be thinking of preparing a room. we are not quite there yet but we did buy some stairgates at the weekend It was our first purchase and so was quite significant! We had to get 4 as we live in a townhouse with two flights of stairs, they are now still boxed up in the hall! We are also thinking neutral for obvious reasons. We have seen a nice winnie the pooh cot bed and so that could be a mini theme, or simply teddies? Who knows! I love the monkey idea, that will look great!

Welcome Frustrated. I hope that you can change your username in the future as you get further into your journey and more excited!!

Loski, how is the christening planning coming on? Thanks for your words of support, I guess panicking all the way through is natural! It's nearly April hun

Hope everyone else is well. Our first referee is being visited a week tomorrow! It is our family one, DFs sister. She can talk for England so no awkward silences. She also works with children so knows all the good stuff to throw in there SW is also meeting DFs mum and stepdad the same say. His mum is worrying about what they will talk about for a whole hour and a half, but she will be fine. It will be much more informal anyway as they are literally a meet and greet. then the same day we have our final session our second referee is being seen after. The thing that could hold all this up in our third referee is out of area and so they need to get the local SS dept there to do the interview. But we will see and what will be will be. If we get panel delayed until June then so be it I guess. Although may would be super exciting

Have a good day

Lolly xxxxx

 

[ipen44]

Hi All,
Welcome frustrated--Hope you do not feel frustrated for too long. It was such a huge relief for us to stop TTC. I did not have the stomach for it. I only lasted 1.5 years not prevented and 6 months actively seeking treatment.

I know that with adoption, we will be parents. It is just a matter of how long and to whom. We have switched from adoption books to parenting books and are researching what all we need. I had to work up to this baby preparation slowly. I started by just allowing myself to be near the baby things. I feel like I do not belong there--like people are looking at me thinking--seriously--you a mother!!! Then I bought an outfit I thought was kind of cute. It hangs on the bathroom door in our hall so it see it an get used to baby things. When I see it, I think--my baby will be here soon.

We went to Baby-R-Us this weekend. That was intimidating. So much stuff, but we forged on and looked at it all. Even talked to some sales people. It was going well and then we ran into A LOT of very pregnant women in the crib area. All with very real babies. They know when they will hold them, what color to make the nursery, etc. It made me sad, but we will forge on (probably at a cheaper store though).

 

[LolaM]

Hi All,
Welcome frustrated--Hope you do not feel frustrated for too long. It was such a huge relief for us to stop TTC. I did not have the stomach for it. I only lasted 1.5 years not prevented and 6 months actively seeking treatment.

I know that with adoption, we will be parents. It is just a matter of how long and to whom. We have switched from adoption books to parenting books and are researching what all we need. I had to work up to this baby preparation slowly. I started by just allowing myself to be near the baby things. I feel like I do not belong there--like people are looking at me thinking--seriously--you a mother!!! Then I bought an outfit I thought was kind of cute. It hangs on the bathroom door in our hall so it see it an get used to baby things. When I see it, I think--my baby will be here soon.

We went to Baby-R-Us this weekend. That was intimidating. So much stuff, but we forged on and looked at it all. Even talked to some sales people. It was going well and then we ran into A LOT of very pregnant women in the crib area. All with very real babies. They know when they will hold them, what color to make the nursery, etc. It made me sad, but we will forge on (probably at a cheaper store though).

I hear you about the baby aisle, I used to be so angry that i would avoid that section of the store entirely. I have had a rough life and now that things are going well for me, I shouldnt have to suffer anymore, I should have just this ONE thing come easily to me...But since we stopped TTC it has gotten so much easier, and I have even gotten some basic supplies--dishes and cups and even some super cute bibs and a potty seat. My age range is 0-6 so Im gathering some basics that i know will be used for my age range. We have a twin bed, and soon we will pick up a convertable crib. I think stopping TTC and readjusting our thinking was the right thing to do for us.

 

[Frustrated42]

I know exactly what you mean by avoiding the baby section. I will not go to the baby section in a store and look at things and neither will my DH. I remember when I was pregnant which seems like forever ago which was 4 years ago was the last time I went into a baby section in a store. We have not stopped ttcing yet but a feel like a weight was lifted when we decided to adopt. It feels like now not if we have a baby just a matter of when it happens. I feel much more at ease with everything now. I hope you ladies don't mind me joining you discussion.

 

[Loski83]

Not at all welcome frustrated and hope we can all help you.

 

[ipen44]

I have some awesome, exciting breaking news--We were picked by a birth mother today.

She is due In less than 3 weeks.

It's a girl!!!!!!!!!

She cannot parent the baby so there is very little chance for it to fall through. Praying for a healthy baby, but we will love her and help her no matter what challenges she may have.

Now I am going shopping for real!!!! Adoption is a crazy ride. One day you think--will this ever happen for me and the next day you are headed to the baby section with a mission.

I am just busting.

 

[drudai]

That's great ipen!

 

[Aimee4311]

Yay! Congratulations! That is so very exciting!!

 

[Frustrated42]

Congratulations ipen!!

 

[puppymom32]

Awesome news ipen!!!! Praying she is healthy.

 

[zero7]

Thats fab news ipen. Hope all goes well for you hon. XXXXX

 

[Lolly1985]

Oh congratulations ipen, you must be bursting with excitement! Now go shopping girl!!!! xxx

 

[LolaM]

got the fingerprint clearance and turned in a copy to our SW, we still havent heard anything from her since we turned in the last bits of paperwork. Still no idea if she has found those last 2 reference letters. She isnt returning calls or emails and she wasnt in the office yesterday.

 

[dreamofabean]

Ooh congrats ipen!! Wonderful news! x