Adoption journey

[nexis]

Hi, is it ok if I join you all? My husband and I have taken the first step towards adoption. We were TTC for 2 years and have been told that we have no hope of conceiving at the current time (fs wanted me to have bariatric surgery, lose 10st, then try clomid when I'm 30 - I'm 27 atm). Some members if my family think that we should continue ttc, but we have both decided that we would prefer to adopt than rely on maybe's.

 

[dreamofabean]

Hi nexis and welcome! I'm sure all the ladies here will be able to give you lots of advice x

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi everyone!!

Wanted to welcome Nexis! Great you have a plan, and adoption is a wonderful thing, the feeling when your baby finds you is amazing

Just driving round Bath looking for parking, rubbish!! But the sun in shining, brill!

 

[karenh]

Monkey: I am in the US so the process is a little different. I think I have come to understand that panel is where you are told you are approved to adopt? What will happen here is once we are done with all our classes and paperwork and things we will start interviews. We will have our interviews and home visit. After the interviews are done and our case worker writes up our home study the staff at the agency will review our file and decide whether to approve us or not. Then I presume we get an email saying if we were approved. We still have a little ways to go, but we are getting close.
Good luck with your home visit and getting all your homework done. It is nice that SW is transferring your information for you.

Dream: Sounds like you are having a great time on vacation! Enjoy camping and little mans court date will be here before you know it! So exciting!

Nexis: Welcome! I hope you find the support you need while on this journey. Deciding to forgo treatment and adopt can be a hard decision, but it is worth it. I hope your journey is a smooth one, and I look forward to sharing our journeys together. I also have PCOS, am 28, and have just stopped treatment and moved to adoption.

Lolly: Looking for parking is no fun. I am glad the weather is holding out for you!

AFM: We didn’t make any progress on our adoption this weekend. : ( DH kept saying no to another class. I was really hoping to do one Saturday, one Sunday, and our last one today after work. Now it will be at least one more week until we are done. : (

 

[aimze]

Hey ladies

Welcome new ladies....I'm at a very similar stage to you...had failed assisted conception & 2 miscarriages most recent only July..

Approached agency an went to open evening, had a phone interview the following Monday, approved to continue to stage 1 on the Friday even though we've only just had a loss...

I personally think it's because we approached them 18months ago so they know its not a rash decision...

We start the 2 four hour prep classes next week ....they also contacted references the day after we gave them our details!

I'm hoping its be because they've got a. Match already and want to make it speedy...

Is anyone else a mixed etnicity adoption? X

 

[karenh]

I won't know if I am a mixed until a birth mom picks us. We are open to it though. Our family has mixed ethinticities so our child would fit in.

 

[aimze]

I won't know if I am a mixed until a birth mom picks us. We are open to it though. Our family has mixed ethinticities so our child would fit in.

Ah fab...I'm mixed white & Caribbean an hubby white so ideally we would like a mixed race baby...I would hate for another kid at school to say "she's not your mummy"

X

 

[LolaM]

My baby has dark skin and fuzzy curly hair. No mistaking him for our own there but we could care less what other people think

 

[nexis]

Thank you for all the welcomes! We're hoping to hear something from the agency this week

 

[Lolly1985]

I think in the UK they say skin colour and heritage don't matter, and of course it doesn't, love rules all, BUT of my friends who have adopted all their children do look like them and people say our little pink is like us so that must come into it. They just don't talk about it so readily from their own matching considerations.

Nexis really hope you hear soon. Everyone will agree waiting is the hardest part in adoption! Where in the world are you hun? Wanted to say I'm another 28 year old with PCOS. Guess there's a few of us around xxx

 

[dreamofabean]

I'm 29 with pcos, there's lots of us unfortunately! X

 

[dreamofabean]

... And I totally agree with what lolly says about the matching, they do try and match closely. Little man could easily be ours!

 

[karenh]

wow, I didn't realise most of us were about the same age and situation. Everyone I know in my infertility circle here is mid to upper thirties so I usually fell like I am out of place. Everyone tells me I have plenty of time, I am still young, don't be in a rush. It bugs me. We have been trying for 6 1/2 + years.

 

[nexis]

I think in the UK they say skin colour and heritage don't matter, and of course it doesn't, love rules all, BUT of my friends who have adopted all their children do look like them and people say our little pink is like us so that must come into it. They just don't talk about it so readily from their own matching considerations.

Nexis really hope you hear soon. Everyone will agree waiting is the hardest part in adoption! Where in the world are you hun? Wanted to say I'm another 28 year old with PCOS. Guess there's a few of us around xxx

Thanks I'm in Cardiff

 

[Lolly1985]

Agreed!! The age thing always really annoyed me as while I'm young I knew at 21 things were not looking good and then went through the same 6 year journey I would have ultimately gone through then or in my 30s. Having time on your side doesn't cure a medical condition!! People can be really ignorant, but maybe we expect too much as why understand a situation that doesn't apply to you? Would help though!! Haha!

 

[Lolly1985]

Another UK lady Nexis! We have a good mix here xxx

 

[dreamofabean]

Totally agree ladies, it's infuriating to be told that you're lucky as you have age on your side! Yup I'm REALLY lucky to have those extra years of infertility ahead of me!

 

[Loski83]

Hi sorry I'm on holiday so just a quick hello and welcome nexis. Hope everyone is doing ok I will catch up later x

 

[aimze]

Haha dream that's so true..thanks for all those extra years...

We're both 26 & all we ever hear is "isn't it lucky you tried young rather than old" regardless I still wouldn't naturally conceive!

My agency made a big thing about the match being right, they've out us down for a mixed Caribbean/white baby and I wouldn't want it any other way...whilst I would love my baby regardless I know from going through school as the only black kid in the class kids are cruel...

My friend whose adopted looks just like her adopted mum too so there must be some sort of match process such as dark hair etc...of course saying that if people don't know what skin colour your partner is then its often a guessing game. People think I'm with a random person when I'm with my dad as they expect a black man an my dad is very white!!!

Ah bank holiday over..boo x

 

[LolaM]

I agree and i have no patience for those that complain about their pregnancy symptoms "oh YEAH??? well, screw you AND your stupid fetus!"