Advice/Help

[daveww]

feel horrible tonight , i would normally be sat happy watchin tv with my daughter asleep and maybe a little chat with her mam..... got a sinkin feelin and feel so so so lonely hate this

 

[Laura2919]

feel horrible tonight , i would normally be sat happy watchin tv with my daughter asleep and maybe a little chat with her mam..... got a sinkin feelin and feel so so so lonely hate this

Im guessing your split wasnt mutual?

 

[daveww]

yeh we been split for quite a little while now .. but was still able to see my daughter and have a little chat with mam

 

[daveww]

i have spent some time reading thro various posts on this forum and i feel physically sick at some comments and suggestions such as ... dont put his name on the birth certificate and make sure you breast feed.... because that will make it harder for the father with custody. where is the childs best intrests in that very very selfish !

 

[littlekitten8]

I hate to say this but you are in the minority for actually wanting to see your daughter. Don't judge people for their advice on here without actually knowing the circumstances. Alot of us have been using this part of the forum for over a year and know each other well.

That said, I think your daughter is lucky to have a father like you. I know it is difficult and frustrating right now but at her age she will not forget you quickly. Nor will her bond with you be destroyed easily. You have to keep pushing for contact and she will thank you for it later.

 

[littlekitten8]

Unfortunately for me, James's father wants nothing to do with him since he was 11 weeks old so believe me you are to be applauded for doing what you are.

 

[daveww]

i certainly dont think i should be applauded , im not seekin access thro choice im doing it because she is my daughter and i love her with all my heart and want her to grow up noing im always here for her no matter what , i may of been a little harsh in my previous post as i dont no the full circumstances in which those comments were made , but i do feel as tho regardless of a womens view of a father they should never not put the name on the birth certificate or breast feed just to stretch out the process for the father.

 

[littlekitten8]

Most of the fathers are being verbally and physically abusive towards the mothers and this is why they want to delay the inevitable of contact.

 

[daveww]

well if they are being verbally or phsyically abusive to the mothers that is wrong but it is just as wrong to not put a name on the birth certificate because of that .... the man is still the childs father whatever his actions

 

[Laura2919]

I think that your ex is being very selfish but when you read some posts on here it can seem like we are anti men but some of the ladies here have gone through stuff that is unforgivable.
I didnt have a violent/abusive relationship but since we have been apart he has moved on with his new girlfriend and suddenly doesnt want to do me any favours and I am a c**t for making his life hard. Actually its the opposite, I am just trying to move on with my life.
I havent stopped him moving on, or having the girls. We have an arrangement which actually was pushed by me more than him.
I'd never stop him seeing the girls. I have used the threat once and said take me to court but that was because he didnt want to have them more. doesnt make sense but if you read my thread you will understand.

Anyway, I do think your in the minority, There are plenty men who dont see their children or even make an effort to see them.

Hope you get to see your daughter soon.

 

[daveww]

when i went to see my solicitor i was told i do not have a right to see my daughter its my daughter who has a right to see me... which i sort of understand but think its a weird way of doing things. i was also told the access i get would be what is in my daughters best intrests, thro some of the posts i have read on this website there seems to be a lot of fathers who get every other weekend ... this would really kill me as it seems such a small amount of time and i no when im with my daughter she is really happy and smilin and when i take her home asks "daddy will you take me to the park tomoz" , so i guess what im askin is , what do people think is reasonable access that will be granted thro the courts .. is it every other weekend?

 

[Laura2919]

Actually most courts grant one night every other weekend so what I give is plenty.

FOB gets contact every other weekend, one day during the week and the night before that day. He didnt want this. He was happy to miss the night before, because I might of stopped his social life.

 

[littlekitten8]

It depends on age. Most courts won't grant overnight access until the child is 4 years old. My niece who is 5 goes to see her dad from 9am Saturday to 6pm Sunday every other week. Before she was 4 she saw him every other Saturday from 9am to 5pm. Unfortunately the courts consider a child's relationship with their mother to be more important which is very wrong. I wish you all the best with it all!

 

[mkm1083]

when i went to see my solicitor i was told i do not have a right to see my daughter its my daughter who has a right to see me... which i sort of understand but think its a weird way of doing things.

Sorry, I don't understand at all. You do have a right to your daughter and she has a right to you. From what I'm seeing on this site, the UK just does not seem to value father's rights at all. And, for the record, your child's mother seriously has no idea how lucky she is to have the father of her child actually want to be in her life. This shit pisses me off.

 

[Mally01]

when i went to see my solicitor i was told i do not have a right to see my daughter its my daughter who has a right to see me... which i sort of understand but think its a weird way of doing things.

Sorry, I don't understand at all. You do have a right to your daughter and she has a right to you. From what I'm seeing on this site, the UK just does not seem to value father's rights at all. And, for the record, your child's mother seriously has no idea how lucky she is to have the father of her child actually want to be in her life. This shit pisses me off.

Yeah, I think the UK are just quite harsh with men who abandon / leave a pregnant woman or their kid and then reappear later on with unreasonable demands or suddenly decide they want full custody or something. We are however, pretty good with genuine Dads who, from the get go are actively involved in the pregnancy and upbringing of their child but have maybe split up with the Mum or are being denied any access to their kid.

 

[xSophieBx]

My solicitor told me the same thing that he has no rights.. its my daughter that has the rights. Actually I think the legal system is more for the fathers these days.. and I think the legal system fails big time in the fact they don't care about fathers that don't pay for their child. IMO it should be law they pay for their child or they don't see them. As I am having this prob atm... FOB wants to see my daughter but isn't willing to contribute to her upbringing and never has... you can't pick and choose your parental responsibility.

In response to you saying about the disgusting things you've read on this forum... You don't know the full story and alot of the women have had to put up with ALOT of abuse etc me being 1 of them. I don't want that unstable weirdo(that has never lived with my daughter anyway) anywhere nr my child and messing her head up but unfortunately its gonna happen.. and its going to be MY child that will be suffering... so if I can protect her as long as possible I bloody well will be doing everything in my power to do so.

However, in your situation I think its VERY unfair.. you have clearly been a very good father and tried your best and shes bang out of order for what shes doing and its going to be your daughter thats hurt in the long run as she knows who her daddy is. I would apply for that court application asap and make sure u reply to all correspondence immediately. She is not gonna look good in court at all... Its frustrating but u WILL get access eventually.

 

[Laura2919]

Well all fathers absent or not do have to pay for their children its just getting them to agree but it never goes away, the longer they avoid it the more they have to pay so I think that its fair really just need some men with decency and respect to want to help raise the children they helped create.

 

[xSophieBx]

Well all fathers absent or not do have to pay for their children its just getting them to agree but it never goes away, the longer they avoid it the more they have to pay so I think that its fair really just need some men with decency and respect to want to help raise the children they helped create.

You'd think that Laura, but some quit their jobs to get out of paying...and CSA are useless.. The court took a step back as CSA are meant to deal with it all and their rubbish.. So no its not fair.. as you never do get the payments missed etc.

 

[Laura2919]

Yeah but you cant hold a gun to their heads and make them so the law is trying its best. My friends daughter is going to be 8 in January and her dad hasnt been much of a dad through those 8 years so she said when she hears that he is expecting another child she will contact CSA and this year he said he was having a boy with someone else so she took him to CSA and he owes £16,000 and has to pay back every penny, they found his employer and told him if he doesnt contact them in 2 weeks they will automatically take a payment they think suitable from his wages.. Which they did.

 

[daveww]

i certainly agree that csa should happen regardless whether or not the father wants to see the child or not and it should be enforced