Advice/Help
- Thread starter daveww
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littlekitten8
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Thats a lovely thought but the point is you shouldn't have to!
Wow I'm glad CSA actually helped someone! I havent heard any other success stories where single parents have managed to get their money back dated.
Obviously u can't hold a gun to their head but stopping them from seeing their child unless they paid would do the job. I don't get to pick and choose so y the hell should he. I do think they should pay regardless but tbh if I could get rid of that prick out my daughters life(I have good reason too) & her have a stable upbringing then I wouldn't want his money anyway!
Thats true what littlekitten said. Also I would refuse to give her cash as u have no proof... I would do bank transfers.
Are u hassling your solicitor? U need to get onto them all the time... I also don't see why u can't apply for a court order now... my solicitor told me my ex has every right to make a court application whenever he wants.
Are u hassling your solicitor? U need to get onto them all the time... I also don't see why u can't apply for a court order now... my solicitor told me my ex has every right to make a court application whenever he wants.
i have been makin payments of £72 a fortnight and am no doin it thro cheque so its all logged , but i certainly agree with your point a father should not pick and choose his responseabilties ... a father should have to pay csa whether he sees the child or not and access should be arranged while court proceedings are takin place even if thro a contact centre
Mally01
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I actually had a conversation with a friend of mine who is a single mum yesterday about CSA payments and how I go about this for my LO. I'm not sure whether to wait until my baby is born and then ask him for money or start asking him now. The FOB of my friends LO was so angry at her that he had to pay child support because in his eyes (and this is the impression I also get from my FOB) is that she is the one who decided to keep the baby, not him, so therefore why the heck should he pay for a baby that wasn't his choice to have. Is this how a lot of FOB's think? that we ultimately made the final decision to go ahead with the pregnancy, therefore we should not bother them ever again for anything?
Newbieplusone
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Hi Daveww,
You are not alone - my oh has a LOT of problems with his ex. And sadly l know quite a few male friends that have gone through similar...
My OH pays on time, travels 4 hours every other w/end, rents a property there so he can see the kids (only get 4 nights a month there!!) never misses a time he has with them, tries to call during the week but the phone ALWAYS gets ignored. Trusted that she had found a man that would care for his kiddies - luckily they love him!!
But she wanted to meet me because l saw the once every blue moon...
She doesn't reply to sol letters etc and the sol is just as hard work as she is! It's a sad state of affairs when the ex can't get over her own feelings for the kids - because no matter how much they are hurting the kids will hurt more when they finally see that Dad was trying and Mum stood in the way!
As l always say the OH when he is upset that he can't see them, eventually they will see all this and not be best pleased - make sure they know you did everything you could to see them!!
Don't get me wrong, l haven't spoken to her or met her and as far as loving the kids are concerned etc she is great l just wish she would let up on OH sometimes...
I hope it gets sorted for you and remember the more she doesn't communicate etc the worse it will look on her when you go to court. Sorry this post won't take away the pain of when you can't see your little girl...
Good luck
You are not alone - my oh has a LOT of problems with his ex. And sadly l know quite a few male friends that have gone through similar...
My OH pays on time, travels 4 hours every other w/end, rents a property there so he can see the kids (only get 4 nights a month there!!) never misses a time he has with them, tries to call during the week but the phone ALWAYS gets ignored. Trusted that she had found a man that would care for his kiddies - luckily they love him!!
But she wanted to meet me because l saw the once every blue moon...She doesn't reply to sol letters etc and the sol is just as hard work as she is! It's a sad state of affairs when the ex can't get over her own feelings for the kids - because no matter how much they are hurting the kids will hurt more when they finally see that Dad was trying and Mum stood in the way!
As l always say the OH when he is upset that he can't see them, eventually they will see all this and not be best pleased - make sure they know you did everything you could to see them!!
Don't get me wrong, l haven't spoken to her or met her and as far as loving the kids are concerned etc she is great l just wish she would let up on OH sometimes...
I hope it gets sorted for you and remember the more she doesn't communicate etc the worse it will look on her when you go to court. Sorry this post won't take away the pain of when you can't see your little girl...
Good luck
Laura2919
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I havent but my friend did. They arranged times that her FOB would have the baby and then they arranged money and stuff like that.
Its not legally binding but you can then go to a solicitor who can draw you up documents.
Its usually offered before court.
yeh she has refused to attend mediation but i still need to go just to show i tried , the legal system is seriously messed up in my opinion and takes such a long time , i just want to no my daughter is safe and well and give her a big hug .... but because mothers have all the rights its going to be a long time before i can do that. so to all the mothers who have stopped access i hope you think about the child who is missin out on time with the father and thats time that can never be got back
Laura2919
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Its amazing how many dads actually dont want to know either.
FOB has the twins a lot, which I am glad because I dont want them to forget about him.
i certainly appreciate some fathers do not want to see thier children and in those cases they should have all of thier rights revoked, im just goin on the facts i have at the moment which are if a women decides for whatver reason she will stop access then both the child and father miss out for a long period of time till the legal process is completed
its actually nice to here that from a women just wish all women cared as much
Laura2919
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She wont forget who you are and when she is older you can say you did all you could.. It will only reflect bad on her for stopping you seeing your daughter.
Mally01
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I would be really happy and wouldn't stand in the way of my FOB having eventual access to my baby at any stage, no matter how much I was upset with him for leaving me, because my baby would know their Father and that is what would be important. I think ultimately, the majority of women would want the FOB's to see their children as that is what is best for the baby in most circumstances. I don't understand women who block access completely to the Dad's out of spite or other stupid reasons (i.e. If the Father is not an ogre and loves his kid/s and treats them right, why do this?) . I would do anything in the world to have my FOB acknowledge and love our child, so good luck to you. It's a shame other absent Father's don't behave like you.
from what i have exprienced so far i think other fathers just give up as it seems everything is against us and how long it takes and the amount of money it costs, its a shame some fathers do choose not to do everything they can but maybe if the legal system was a little bit quicker and easier they might and in the end it will be the child that benefits and gets to see dad
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Save recods of all letters, phone calls, payments, etc, and put them in a sepate folder for your daughter. One day, she'll start asking questions, and when she's older, you'll be able to show her the evidence of how hard you tried for her x
littlekitten8
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I have done this for James. Every bit of contact I had with FOB to try to get him to come see James, every solicitors communication, every text, email, facebook message....and down to the letter he signed saying he wanted no form of contact....are all safely put away so that when James asks where his daddy is I can show that I tried everything in my power to get him to see him.
stevon111
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must admit i have went through all the posts on this thread with very great interest.. firstly i would like to say WOW! to the poster Daveww very good thread and its been a very very interesting read and shows how much you do care for your daughter. i really hope you get things sorted out there.... i do generally agree with his post but make sure daveww if your paying your EX direct make sure its going through her bank account and not cash in hand otherwise 1 day your ex could get even worse and say you have not payed a penny towards your daughter.
2. there was a point way back about how girls dont seem to understand lads point of views on here and generally i put myself on the line in this 1 and i can say i genuinely do get help from the people on here with advice when i need it but i have noticed i wouldnt get as many replys to what a girl would who voices her opinions? thoughts on that anyone?
3. daveww im starting to get into a bit of a situation like yourself but im getting texts from my Ex partner stating that shes having major problems looking after our daughter the reason is very easy.. she wants her 18yo lifestyle back and is leaving our daugher with her alcoholic mother and she is not seeing our daugher upto 3 days at a time which is totally crazy when i will see my daugher 2 days a week and ive always met the times we have agreed but im starting to get tired of her not sticking to the times for example the other day we agreed she would pick LO up at 2pm and she was told this the day before and she was told at half 11 that day which she said was fine (had not seen our daughter for 2 days) and she text me saying i would have to keep her longer becouse she was at Mcdonalds with her friend and she turned up to pick her up an hour late which wasnt too bad but its little things like that which im getting tired of ....the fact she admits to getting nearly 800 pounds of benifits a month and she uses it as pocket money, no bills to pay, lives between her mothers and her dads house every other week, goes out and leaves my daugher with an alcoholic mother for nights. its all just crazy and shes not living up to looking after our little girl properly, she even let her 14yo step sister take her out on the train for a few hours to her grandmothers house which i was not aware of.
i dont think the way she looks after our daugher is acceptable but i will still try my best to help her out and try and help her with a routine to help our little girl try and cope with even though i feel so so sorry for faye being passed from pillar to post its not fair on her or anything!
i have no experience with court or anything like that or solicitors but if my Ex partner is not going to start looking after faye in the right ways and stick to times agreed then i think i could be soon going down that route to be fair.
good luck anyways daveww
2. there was a point way back about how girls dont seem to understand lads point of views on here and generally i put myself on the line in this 1 and i can say i genuinely do get help from the people on here with advice when i need it but i have noticed i wouldnt get as many replys to what a girl would who voices her opinions? thoughts on that anyone?
3. daveww im starting to get into a bit of a situation like yourself but im getting texts from my Ex partner stating that shes having major problems looking after our daughter the reason is very easy.. she wants her 18yo lifestyle back and is leaving our daugher with her alcoholic mother and she is not seeing our daugher upto 3 days at a time which is totally crazy when i will see my daugher 2 days a week and ive always met the times we have agreed but im starting to get tired of her not sticking to the times for example the other day we agreed she would pick LO up at 2pm and she was told this the day before and she was told at half 11 that day which she said was fine (had not seen our daughter for 2 days) and she text me saying i would have to keep her longer becouse she was at Mcdonalds with her friend and she turned up to pick her up an hour late which wasnt too bad but its little things like that which im getting tired of ....the fact she admits to getting nearly 800 pounds of benifits a month and she uses it as pocket money, no bills to pay, lives between her mothers and her dads house every other week, goes out and leaves my daugher with an alcoholic mother for nights. its all just crazy and shes not living up to looking after our little girl properly, she even let her 14yo step sister take her out on the train for a few hours to her grandmothers house which i was not aware of.
i dont think the way she looks after our daugher is acceptable but i will still try my best to help her out and try and help her with a routine to help our little girl try and cope with even though i feel so so sorry for faye being passed from pillar to post its not fair on her or anything!
i have no experience with court or anything like that or solicitors but if my Ex partner is not going to start looking after faye in the right ways and stick to times agreed then i think i could be soon going down that route to be fair.
good luck anyways daveww
