Advice/Help

[Laura2919]

No, sometimes you don't make a choice to become pregnant by someone. I was told by drs that I could NOT have any more children. My exdh and I tried to have one for years. We went through all sorts of fertility treatments, including IVF. It just wasn't going to happen with my medical conditions. A few years after our divorce, I finally decided to date a man. I didn't know he was a sociopath and a drunk. Everything was a lie with him. I was with him for over a year before I found out all the lies and bs. I was done with him and I left. Only after I left did I find out I was pregnant.
NO, he will not be on be on a stupid piece of paper that does nothing but give him parental rights. It does list your child's heritage on it. It just says a name and dob for fob. I don't need such a thing to tell my baby about her heritage. Besides, if he were to go on it, she wouldn't survive long enough for it to matter.My son said he didn't think the baby would be alive after spending the day with him or his family. Oh, and do not think my life isn't in danger for breaking up with him. These people are truly sick and scary people, and I have enough guilt to deal with by thinking I was actually conned into being with someone so sick in the head.
It is not about me! It is about my children! Should I really put him on the birth cert and put her life in danger, because he had sex with me? Should my other kids have to live without their mother because of this too? Who would take care of them? Their dad isn't in the picture. He pays child support, but has only seen them once in 8 years. His choice, not mine.
So, you really think his rights go above and beyond my children's rights? A drunken, self centered, abusive, using, lazy, coke addict is more important then 3 loving and great children? (BTW he refuses to work, uses other people to get him drugs and drink, lives with his ma, and is violent. Oh and he is in his freaking 40s!)

But not all dads are like this................ many dads would love to see and spend time with their children but unfortunately the mothers have put a stop to them seeing their children, they're certainly haven't got their childrens best interest at heart.

1) A male friend had a one night stand, found out the girl is pregnant, but because the man didn't want a relationship with the mother, she banned him from seeing his son - a few years down the line and countless court cases he now thankfully has full custody and mother ended up in jail for perjury.

2) Another male friend dated a woman for a good 6months, shes says no need to take the pill as i can't get pregnant. He stupidly agreed that they can stop using protection, hey presto she feel pregnant, dumps him and says she only used him as a sperm donor so he is still fighting to see his child.

3) Yet another male friend got married had 2 children, wife decide to leave him for another man, they divorce but as soon as friend gets in to another relationship, ex wife stops him from seeing his children, now 5 years on his 15 year son realises mother made up lots of lies and now lives with his father

And these men are all very good fathers - there are as many shit mothers as there are shit fathers.

Also Daveww has come on here for advice not a lecture and this is a 'Single Parent' section and not a 'Single Mothers' section so give the guy a break

I agree.. I suppose he could say walk a mile in my shoes also and see what it feels to be a dad who wants to see his child but cant. I can see his point of view. He is a caring dad who is doing all he can to see his daughter. There arent enough of those kind of dads around...

Plus remember, its just him against all you women give him a break. lol

 

[daveww]

thank you laura

 

[xSophieBx]

Sorry to butt in and ask a random question...

Janidog: On number 1, How did she end up in prison for perjury? Must be pretty serious for them to put her in prison and give the child to the dad as I would of thought that would be more detrimental for a child...

 

[Janidog]

Sorry to butt in and ask a random question...

Janidog: On number 1, How did she end up in prison for perjury? Must be pretty serious for them to put her in prison and give the child to the dad as I would of thought that would be more detrimental for a child...

She was constantly lying in court, making up stories and causing a lot of stress to her son and eventually she was seen to be quite an unfit mother. She was far more detrimental to the child then him being handed over to his dad. He is now a much happier little boy and his father dotes on him

 

[Statik]

i have spent some time reading thro various posts on this forum and i feel physically sick at some comments and suggestions such as ... dont put his name on the birth certificate and make sure you breast feed.... because that will make it harder for the father with custody. where is the childs best intrests in that very very selfish !

....well if they are being verbally or phsyically abusive to the mothers that is wrong but it is just as wrong to not put a name on the birth certificate because of that .... the man is still the childs father whatever his actions

...so to all the mothers who have stopped access i hope you think about the child who is missin out on time with the father and thats time that can never be got back

a birth certificate is thier for one reason and one reason only to document the mother and father as parents of a child ... no body has a right to deny that ..... if a man thought u should not be on the birth certificate for a parictular reason would that be right??? no mother and father should both be on thier because there are the parents !

...now if a father was such a waste of space and no good he would not even bother to exercise those rights , i certainly agree with u in terms of violence drugs etc, but whatever a man has done he is still the father and therfore desrves to be on the bc .... he could very well be a bad person but the space on the bc that says fathers name is for that exactly the fathers name! , women can make it very difficult to allow fathers to see the children and if a man is the father he can go thro dna test etc. so the name will be on thier evantually so why draw the proccess out

I am just confused on if it is support needed or the bashing of mothers' decisions regarding the safety of their children and their own lives. BTW, women are killed everyday by their current or former partners. There is a lot of literature out there about why a toxic parent should not be allowed access to children, as well. Courts fail to recognize when a parent is toxic and harmful to a child, and most of the time will give such a parent full rights due to biology.
A parent is someone who takes care of, provides for, and loves a child. Biology does not make a parent. Parenting goes way beyond that and should be a selfless act.
So, I only told my story because of the comments from Dave. I don't think it was fair to go off about other posts and the decisions of other posters. Being supportive goes both ways, and it is not because he is a man. I think bad parents come in both female and male, and I don't think it is fair to play the "father card" to criticize others.
I do not post much in this board, but I do come in here and read as it helps me to get my head around some of the crap I deal with.

 

[Laura2919]

It's not just women that suffer from a violent partner. It happens to men also and I bet it happens a lot more than we know because it's hard for a woman to admit it let alone a man.

Lets just say a woman was violent to her partner and he wasn't to her and they have a child and he leaves.. She is still on the babies birth certificate but of it was him being violent to her then he doesn't have a right.

Come on now let's not act like its all one sided. Dave has a point! It is so annoying to read people who keep going on and on about how a man shouldn't be on the birth certificate yet if the roles were reversed then that's ok because she is a mum.

I also believe children have a right to know where they came from. Regardless of the situation.

And don't nobody say walk a mile in my shoes because walk a mile in mine. everything is different for everybody..

 

[daveww]

i think laura is very mature and sees things from both sides. i am by no means anti women or have opinions against women , but when it comes to a child or children it should not matter whether your the mother or father... you should both be able to express your opinions and do what is right for the child.... my point being a mother feels for whatever reason she can withold the fathers name from the bc but what if a father had the same reasons that he wanted to prevent the mother from the bc?? ....after all is it not all about the childs best intrests so why is only one parents opinion and choice taken into account.