Advice/Help

[daveww]

hello everyone , im lookin for some advice in regards to my contact with my daughter and would like anyone who has had experience in this matter to help me

 

[Happy]

Hi, do you have any contact with your daughter at the moment? My ex husband visits our daughter who is 2.5 every Friday for the day.

 

[Laura2919]

Well if it helps this is the set up I have with FOB.

He has the twins every other weekend Friday afternoon to Sunday evening. He also has them one day during the week and the night before his day during the week. His day changes as its part of his contract so this week is like this:

He had them last weekend and then his day off was today, he didnt have them last night because on wednesday he has football so they dont stay on wednesdays and this is my weekend. Next week is his weekend to have them and his day off falls on the Friday so he will have them Thursday night, friday, saturday, sunday and bring them home at 6pm..

I still have them 20 days out of 28. Its not ideal but its nice to have a break.

 

[daveww]

i would me more than happy if i could get eithier of those options... i have had contact with my daughter who is 2 year 7 month for her whole life , her mother has not met a new partner and has refused all access now and will not have any communication , my sol has sent a letter requestin weekends and weds. but i no she will refuse , while all of this paper work is being sent back and forth im not seein my daughter and it feels as tho it could be a very long time before i do and im scared of my daughter losin the bond she has with me

 

[Laura2919]

i would me more than happy if i could get eithier of those options... i have had contact with my daughter who is 2 year 7 month for her whole life , her mother has not met a new partner and has refused all access now and will not have any communication , my sol has sent a letter requestin weekends and weds. but i no she will refuse , while all of this paper work is being sent back and forth im not seein my daughter and it feels as tho it could be a very long time before i do and im scared of my daughter losin the bond she has with me

I wish there was other men out there like you. FOB at the moment is only interested in one person and thats his new girlfriend. Chloe and Jaycee come a far 2nd. He only agreed to have them the extra night because his mum and my sister were here and I told him that he was entitled to time to himself and so am I. They both agreed. He just agreed to save himself the bother. Sat here with face like a slapped arse!
One day he will be sorry though that he put her before his kids. He never bails on me though but thats simply because his mum pins him up. She wouldnt allow him to bail.

I dont say what she is doing is right but seperating is hard and if you have moved on (not sure if you said you did) she could be really hurt and pushed out. Even now sometimes I think the things he is doing we did together but I cant let it bother me too much because I know he is worthless and this same scene will play out numerous times in his life.

 

[daveww]

i need to correct my earlier post i just re read.... not was meant to be now. she stopped all my contact when she met this new partner.

 

[Laura2919]

i need to correct my earlier post i just re read.... not was meant to be now. she stopped all my contact when she met this new partner.

Ohhh well that changes things.. I'm not sure what to suggest but keep chasing the solicitor.

 

[daveww]

yeh i am doing but all the solicitor says is we have to allow the mother time to respond to my requests , in the mean time i have no idea whether my daughter is safe well and happy , dont understand why she can just take our daughter out of my life and i can do nothing about it any time soon i just have to wait !

 

[JA1988]

It is very wrong for her to be doing this without any valid reason (ie she has no right to do this unless you are a danger or have been abusive to your daughter or her mother or she has valid reason to consider you a threat). You need to send her a solicitors letter which firmly states that you wish for reasonable and fair contact to recommence IMMEDIATELY and that if she does not respond to the letter or get in contact with you within a certain timeframe, that you will be making an application to court for a contact order to see your daughter. Are you on the birth certificate? If not the you can also put in the court application that you wish to apply for Parental responsibility aswell. Unless you are a danger to your daughter, then the courts will not be impressed at all with your ex for refusing access and will most likely grant you fair and reasonable access. The whole process from application to a contact order being made shouldn't be much longer than 2-3 months which I know is a long time if you are not seeing your daughter, but the longer your ex denies access, the worse she will look, especially if she is not even letting you know how your daughter is, so you will have a strong case. Also once a contact order is in place, if she breaks it then you can go straight back to court again and you will already be in the system. If money is an issue then as you have such a strong case, you could in all reality just attend the court in person to save on solicitors fees but if you think that your ex is likely to accuse you of anything such as abuse then I would take a solicitor with you.

My ex was verbally abusive and harrassing to me, pays no child support yet I do not deny access as I know it would be the wrong thing to do (unless of course he had been abusive to my son).

 

[JA1988]

yeh i am doing but all the solicitor says is we have to allow the mother time to respond to my requests , in the mean time i have no idea whether my daughter is safe well and happy , dont understand why she can just take our daughter out of my life and i can do nothing about it any time soon i just have to wait !

To be honest, it is your choice what you do and the solicitor is only there to advise, you know your ex and if you really don't think she is going to respond, then personally I would be making the court application now. I think that she deserves a maximum of a fortnight to respond to letters, phonecalls, emails etc and if you hear nothing at all then you definitely need to make the application.

 

[daveww]

no she has no reason what so ever apart from the fact this new man has come in to her life and it would be a inconvience for her to have to speak to me about our daughter or allow me to pick her up. yes im on the birth certificate and got my sol to send a letter requestin weekends and weds , im 90% sure she will not even both to respond to court will have to be the route to take it. 2-3months just feels like a very long time for my daughter not to see me .. what if she forgets about me or does not recoisne me or something

 

[daveww]

yeh i am doing but all the solicitor says is we have to allow the mother time to respond to my requests , in the mean time i have no idea whether my daughter is safe well and happy , dont understand why she can just take our daughter out of my life and i can do nothing about it any time soon i just have to wait !

To be honest, it is your choice what you do and the solicitor is only there to advise, you know your ex and if you really don't think she is going to respond, then personally I would be making the court application now. I think that she deserves a maximum of a fortnight to respond to letters, phonecalls, emails etc and if you hear nothing at all then you definitely need to make the application.

my sol when i spoke to her on tuesday said i could not make the court application yet because she needs time to respond and also i would have to try mediation first , a date will be set for mediation , which is just another waste of time cos she wont turn up thier eithier

 

[JA1988]

I know it is very frustrating, I have been on the receiving end of this, being taken to court when my son's dad has always had regular access to him. I told him of Dad's like yourself who have a genuine reason to go through the courts due to not being allowed to see their children, yet he has wasted tax payers money taking me only to be told by the judge he wasted everyones times bringing me to court when he has regular contact! It disgusts me!

Unfortunately you will have to offer mediation first and wait for her to respond but then you can make the court application and just sit tight for the hearing date. I can't imagine how awful it must be to not be able to see your little girl and I really hope your ex bucks her ideas up quickly for your sake. Even if she does though, I would still take her to court and get a contact order in place so that she can't do anything like this to you and your daughter ever again. How did this all happen? Did you just turn up one day for contact and she didn't turn up??

 

[daveww]

I know it is very frustrating, I have been on the receiving end of this, being taken to court when my son's dad has always had regular access to him. I told him of Dad's like yourself who have a genuine reason to go through the courts due to not being allowed to see their children, yet he has wasted tax payers money taking me only to be told by the judge he wasted everyones times bringing me to court when he has regular contact! It disgusts me!

Unfortunately you will have to offer mediation first and wait for her to respond but then you can make the court application and just sit tight for the hearing date. I can't imagine how awful it must be to not be able to see your little girl and I really hope your ex bucks her ideas up quickly for your sake. Even if she does though, I would still take her to court and get a contact order in place so that she can't do anything like this to you and your daughter ever again. How did this all happen? Did you just turn up one day for contact and she didn't turn up??

yeh i will be followin it thro to the end for the contact order im not going thro this again, it all happend when i had my daughter one day and she mentioned a man who "was in mammys house" so when i dropped her off i told the mother what she said and asked who it was .... her reply to me was **** off none of your business .. to which i said it is my business if there is a man around my daughter in her own home . who was he?? since that point has changed her phone number so i could not contact her by phone and will not answer to any other forms of communication

 

[JA1988]

She is technically right that it is not your business who she dates, BUT if that man is around your daughter then I think you have every right to know and she certainly shouldn't have reacted the way she has. Could you not turn up at the house on a day you would normally have contact and see if you can speak to her? I am not sure what else you could do if she has blocked you from phoning? Do you speak to any members of her family at all like her mum, dad or siblings?

 

[daveww]

She is technically right that it is not your business who she dates, BUT if that man is around your daughter then I think you have every right to know and she certainly shouldn't have reacted the way she has. Could you not turn up at the house on a day you would normally have contact and see if you can speak to her? I am not sure what else you could do if she has blocked you from phoning? Do you speak to any members of her family at all like her mum, dad or siblings?

yeh i have turned up on each of the days i would normally pick her up for the last two weeks and she just ignores the door ... i dont have any of her familys contact details

 

[JA1988]

That's terrible behaviour on her part. Well I would definitely recommend you keep a log of the days and times you have turned up for contact and she has ignored you and the days and times you have attempted to call etc and just crack on with the court case. I think the judge will be able to see you have tried your hardest. Are you paying maintenance and if so is it to her directly or through csa?

 

[daveww]

That's terrible behaviour on her part. Well I would definitely recommend you keep a log of the days and times you have turned up for contact and she has ignored you and the days and times you have attempted to call etc and just crack on with the court case. I think the judge will be able to see you have tried your hardest. Are you paying maintenance and if so is it to her directly or through csa?

i have always just given her money direct and on two ocassions when i have turned up at her house and got no response i have posted the money because i dont want my daughter to miss out

 

[Laura2919]

yeh i am doing but all the solicitor says is we have to allow the mother time to respond to my requests , in the mean time i have no idea whether my daughter is safe well and happy , dont understand why she can just take our daughter out of my life and i can do nothing about it any time soon i just have to wait !

To be honest, it is your choice what you do and the solicitor is only there to advise, you know your ex and if you really don't think she is going to respond, then personally I would be making the court application now. I think that she deserves a maximum of a fortnight to respond to letters, phonecalls, emails etc and if you hear nothing at all then you definitely need to make the application.

I agree with this..

Thats bloody terrible. Definitely apply to the courts

 

[daveww]

its nice that you agree with me and re assures me her actions are so so wrong ... but it does not help me and my daughter in the mean time its so frustratin !