I hope everyone has a wonderful Weekend, Sorry about all the negativity, We need some Positive things, ladies. We cant beat ourselves up about anything, It all happens for a reason. I know you will all get blessed with healthy and happy beans real soon, I have my FXed for all of you.
AFM, I had a one night stand last night, Shame on me, but I needed to get my mind off things, I talked with my aunt the other night and it really set in that my EX husband wanted me back. She said that until the day he died his heart belonged to me. I miss both of my Ex husband and BF, I miss my Ex husband because my daughter wont ever get to know him, have a chance to make a decision if she wants to see him or not, but I know that they are both watching over me and her. I didnt feel as guilty as I thought I would after messing around, but It felt nice. I am sure that wont be the last time he comes over, but my daughter never suspected as she was in bed in her room, he came and then left. He used protection as he didnt know me as well and I asked him to wear one as I am ovulating.
Please dont judge me as I wanted to feel a man to be wanted, It was nice and gentle, and I told him about what happened, he knew that I had lost them both and also we made it clear that we want a relationship but just to hook up and hang out once in a while and see where it leads to. Who knows he could stick around a while, but I dont want to throw my daughter in there just yet. AS long as he comes over while shes sleeping it wont be a problem, I met him at the front door and walked him out, its not like he was alone in my house. I will always have a heart for my BF and everyone knows that, I miss him like crazy but I cant beat myself up about the things I cant change.
good luck ladies on your ttc journey, I am taking a break from ttc until find the right person, may still be onboard for a 2013 baby though, just taking it easy and day by day. I have faith in all of you and you have been so inspiring to me. Feel like my second home is right here. Thank you MM for the post.