Almost 44 final ttc journey -- buddies needed : )

[TTC74]

Hope it goes better than you anticipate, Sophie!

 

[Sophie2015]

Thanks ladies. I just feel so defeated already. I'm not sure I have it in me to keep trying. I just want to disappear.

 

[CaliDreaming]

How frustrating! Those procedures are no fun and just seem like a waste of time in your case. Does insurance pay the cost? I hope you get a sensible NP this time.

 

[Sophie2015]

Insurance will pay it because we've met our out of pocket for the year. As for the NP, she's the NP in charge of my IVF and I can't stand her. I don't trust her.

 

[AngelUK]

Oh dear, I am sorry.

 

[Sophie2015]

Thanks for your support ladies! Appointment is in 5 hours. The NPs are slow at this so expecting it to take at least an hour (my first one took over an hour and they filled me with almost 2500 mls of fluid &#128533. The one my RE did was quick. Took maybe a minute. But sadly all the doctors are out of town at a conference.

 

[AngelUK]

Goodness what a difference! I will be thinking of you! xx

 

[CaliDreaming]

Aw crud! I hope you got through your appointment okay and hopefully the worst is behind you!

 

[Sophie2015]

SIS was normal. I told the NP not to focus on the fibroids and she didn't. My AMH is 1.6. This is CD 10. My first cycle post mc and D&C. It's a natural cycle. I have 12 follicles growing. 5 on the L. 7 on the R. This is normal for me. Too bad all the eggs inside are bad (or so they keep telling me).

 

[AngelUK]

Gosh that is a lot of follicles! But how can they tell they are all bad?? Surely that can't be true?!

 

[Sophie2015]

They can't. But because I've mc 5 times in a row my RE always says all my eggs are bad. That's why we're doing ivf w pgd. To basically prove to everyone I have nothing but bad eggs. Sounds negative I know. But that's the sole purpose of it. No one, especially my RE, expects us to actually get a normal embryo from this process.

 

[CaliDreaming]

Sophie, I don't think you're being negative. It seems like you just want some closure after so many years of TTC.

That is a pretty good AMH for your age and a lot of follicles though. You have a ton of eggs left and you've been able to conceive with out IVF thus far, so I have a hard time believing that all of those eggs you have are bad.

 

[AngelUK]

I agree, hard to believe indeed!

 

[Sophie2015]

I agree as well. But then I remember all my pregnancies die. It seems like a cruel joke to have AMH, E2, LH, and FSH levels all normal yet I have lost every pregnancy since I was 41.

 

[AngelUK]

I know it must seem like a really unlikely thing but I know of a few women on here who had many more mc than you before having a healthy baby. They didn't test so there is no knowing if those miscarried babies had defects but I am assuming so as a mc seems often to be nature's way. Admittedly they were younger than you but then again there are older women than you who have healthy babies.
I can imagine that you are exhausted though and that hope and positivity is hard to come by. So many hugs!

 

[Sophie2015]

Thanks ladies. I can feel my 2 dominant follicles (10s yesterday) growing and I'm anticipating a double OV middle of next week while we're at the beach. Maybe we'll get lucky.

 

[Sophie2015]

Just saying hi and seeing how you ladies are doing. My IVF starts in 2 weeks. Struggling to decide which meds to use. Nothing else new on my end. Hope you all are well.

 

[AngelUK]

Nothing new here either but FXing for you! I hope you are feeling better.

 

[CaliDreaming]

Sophie, I'm so excited for you! I hope everything goes smoothly! I will be sending all the positive vibes I can your way.

AFM: Nothing much is happening at all. We actually started our first round TTC last month and got a bfn. I've been taking DHEA and coq10 and I think that has me in tip top shape. However, I fear dh may have a mild antibody issue. When we were TTC #2, he had done a preliminary sperm analysis that was borderline and then nothing further.

I'm going to have him try some supps that supposedly help suppress immune responses to see if that helps. The supps he took when we were TTC #2 (which he refuses to take this time around) had an ingredient that helps with that. I've been having him try things to increase his count but nothing for a possible antibody issue.

It's tough because I am the one who really wants a third child while dh really wants to stay at two--he actually preferred staying at one but I was depressed 24/7/365 he was willing to do anything to see me happy again. So there will be no fertility treatments or testing this time around and limited cooperation from dh. It's kind of like I'm just stumbling around in the dark not really knowing what is really going on with me or him. Still, it's easier for me to accept the possibility we won't be successful this time around since I already have two children.

I'm not panicking or anything since it's our first try, but just trying to be realistic and think long-term. I really don't think I have it in me to try for months and months again like last time.

We probably are not going to be able to try this month since dh is crazy busy at work and will have to work some late nights when I'm supposed to ovulate.

 

[AngelUK]

I know that feeling of stumbling around in the dark. I got smilies on the ovulation test this month but unless my luteal phase is no longer 14 days as it used to be, this cannot be accurate as I got AF today, 4 to 5 days earlier than expected. Also, OH did have antibodies in his sperm which is why we had treatments in order to get pregnant before. But I know that this can resolve itself and that even with untreated sperm pregnancy is not absolutely impossible. But I have no idea if I am even ovulaing anymore and if his sperm is better now or even worse. Pretty hopeless. But ah well. Hope springs eternal.