Hi Jenny!
Well I've gotten onto the "two and through" bandwagon with dh! It's slowly dawning on me that I have everything I need in my life right now to be happy and if we stay at two, we can all have an incredible life. Lily is starting to get into a lot of activities, and Ethan will be starting some soon. If I have another baby, I'll have to miss out on a lot of stuff and Lily and Ethan would not be able to have all the opportunities they do now.
As much as I would love a third child, that would require major sacrifices that I don't think I am prepared to make. I would have to pull Lily from activities and none of them would be able to do everything I'd want them to do. The financial side is a huge driver in my decision too...the thought of paying for daycare/aftercare for three...OMG. Since I am pretty much the only one wanting a third child...it doesn't seem fair that everyone would have to make such major adjustments because of my own desires. I'd rather be the one to sacrifice than my family.
Also, I've never really had baby fever. I can't see myself going through the infant/toddler state again. The diapers, maternity leave, formula, daycare, the tantrums...I just can't! Ethan just turned 3 and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Soon they'll be able to do all sorts of cool activities and stuff together. We'll be able to take real vacations and enjoy it instead of having to plan around caring for a baby. Maybe if I could get pregnant and give birth to a 4-year old I could do it, lol. I don't want to wait another 5 years to get the freedom from the rigors of those first few years. We just moved and I shocked myself by how easily I threw out old baby stuff--the car seats especially. I just kept thinking wow, if we stay at two kids, in one year we'll never have to hook up another car seat again! I just threw everything out and didn't even look back.
Even though it's clearly the best thing for our family, I'm a little sad about the decision. I'm relieved and excited about the next phase of life, but a part of me feels that I've "failed". Hopefully in time this will feel more like a choice and not like something that was imposed on me due to circumstances. It also doesn't help that everyone seems to assume that I am done. I'd like to feel like this was a choice that I freely made--not something I had to do because it was expected. I also hate that it comes down to finances. Whenever I tried to budget for a third kid, it really got me down. Sometimes I feel like I chose material things over a child. I think subsconsciously I am already "there" but it may take a little time for my heart to fully catch up.
I was 43 when i conceived my little girl who is now 6!!!! I am finished with ttc now [ 49] but wishing you all the luck.
