Am I just being silly?

[caz81]

Thankyou for all the lovely advice...

I was stuck inside today and sorry girls i went to see him...
I'm glad I went to see him though, i managed to tell him how i've been feeling and how hurt I was. He told me the reason he split up with me was because he was sick of shouting at me, hurting me and was so in love with me that he couldn't do that anymore. There were a few tears and we both told each other that we miss being together. We're staying really good mates and will see how it goes from there.
I feel much better

I dont mean to sound like a bitch but if he was in love with you he never would have treated you like he does, thats just an excuse for his behaviour, if you really love someone you never treat them the way he treats you. Please see things for what they really are xx

 

[Lianne1986]

If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.


i agree completely...
teeniestep...
u said in recent threads that u hated seeing him with other girls...if ur only mates now, he will get another girlfriend, and where will that leave u then?
stay away now before u get hurt even more!!!

 

[Cornbread]

Don't apologize to us. It's only you that is going to get hurt here.

I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you owe him NOTHING after what he did to you. NOTHING. Not an explanation, not a check-in, not even the time of day.

If you can be friends, great. From my own personal experience (and the experience of others) I can tell you that I would be VERY surprised if he suddenly turned around. It sounds like he's still manipulating you. If he really loved you he wouldn't have treated you like that from the get go.

Like I said, I'm sorry to be a bitch but I really think you need to hear that. I hope everything comes out ok for you.

agreed ^^

I wonder the difference between "mates" and "really good mates"

If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.

What I am trying to say is, it's ok to be civil, but please be aware he is a manipulator, and there's every chance he could flutter those eyelashes at you and you'll be back to square one.

I agree with both of these.

If he loved you that much and just couldn't take doing that to you anymore and wanted to be with you, wh not get himself into some sort of counseling with a pastor or anger management classes or couples counseling or something of the sort? If he loved you that much and couldn't take treating you like that and still wanted to be with you, he could have.. I don't know... stopped treating you like that (he never should have started in the first place). I've got red flags going up all over the place over this for you. It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, in the form of being single but still keeping you on the line. He sounds like a manipulative douchebag and I really think for your own emotional well-being, you ought to distance yourself from him, especially while you're trying to get over him. It sounds VERY much like he's still trying to play you and I hope you won't let him.

 

[teeniestep]

Don't apologize to us. It's only you that is going to get hurt here.

I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you owe him NOTHING after what he did to you. NOTHING. Not an explanation, not a check-in, not even the time of day.

If you can be friends, great. From my own personal experience (and the experience of others) I can tell you that I would be VERY surprised if he suddenly turned around. It sounds like he's still manipulating you. If he really loved you he wouldn't have treated you like that from the get go.

Like I said, I'm sorry to be a bitch but I really think you need to hear that. I hope everything comes out ok for you.

agreed ^^

I wonder the difference between "mates" and "really good mates"

If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.

What I am trying to say is, it's ok to be civil, but please be aware he is a manipulator, and there's every chance he could flutter those eyelashes at you and you'll be back to square one.

I agree with both of these.

If he loved you that much and just couldn't take doing that to you anymore and wanted to be with you, wh not get himself into some sort of counseling with a pastor or anger management classes or couples counseling or something of the sort? If he loved you that much and couldn't take treating you like that and still wanted to be with you, he could have.. I don't know... stopped treating you like that (he never should have started in the first place). I've got red flags going up all over the place over this for you. It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, in the form of being single but still keeping you on the line. He sounds like a manipulative douchebag and I really think for your own emotional well-being, you ought to distance yourself from him, especially while you're trying to get over him. It sounds VERY much like he's still trying to play you and I hope you won't let him.

He's tried counselling in the past and it doesn't work for him . I've tried it aswell and wish i never did .
I spoke to a good friend of mine who i actually met through my OH, and she warned me to be more careful and not to be 'second best'. I'm going to speak to him later today, i'm worried about him. His new druggy girlfriend seems to be playing the game on him, using him because she knows he was weak . We're staying mates, and when i mean mates i mean i am not sleeping at his no more, having sex with him or no kissing.
This would make a good Jeremy Kyle Show
I have respect for myself and my feelings,...

 

[mightyspu]

Don't apologize to us. It's only you that is going to get hurt here.

I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you owe him NOTHING after what he did to you. NOTHING. Not an explanation, not a check-in, not even the time of day.

If you can be friends, great. From my own personal experience (and the experience of others) I can tell you that I would be VERY surprised if he suddenly turned around. It sounds like he's still manipulating you. If he really loved you he wouldn't have treated you like that from the get go.

Like I said, I'm sorry to be a bitch but I really think you need to hear that. I hope everything comes out ok for you.

agreed ^^

I wonder the difference between "mates" and "really good mates"

If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.

What I am trying to say is, it's ok to be civil, but please be aware he is a manipulator, and there's every chance he could flutter those eyelashes at you and you'll be back to square one.

I agree with both of these.

If he loved you that much and just couldn't take doing that to you anymore and wanted to be with you, wh not get himself into some sort of counseling with a pastor or anger management classes or couples counseling or something of the sort? If he loved you that much and couldn't take treating you like that and still wanted to be with you, he could have.. I don't know... stopped treating you like that (he never should have started in the first place). I've got red flags going up all over the place over this for you. It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, in the form of being single but still keeping you on the line. He sounds like a manipulative douchebag and I really think for your own emotional well-being, you ought to distance yourself from him, especially while you're trying to get over him. It sounds VERY much like he's still trying to play you and I hope you won't let him.

He's tried counselling in the past and it doesn't work for him . I've tried it aswell and wish i never did .
I spoke to a good friend of mine who i actually met through my OH, and she warned me to be more careful and not to be 'second best'. I'm going to speak to him later today, i'm worried about him. His new druggy girlfriend seems to be playing the game on him, using him because she knows he was weak . We're staying mates, and when i mean mates i mean i am not sleeping at his no more, having sex with him or no kissing.
This would make a good Jeremy Kyle Show
I have respect for myself and my feelings,...

Well good for you, however, do remember that you owe him NOTHING! Seems like karma may well be at play here! (for him!)

 

[sleepinbeauty]

Mighty--Right??

 

[mightyspu]

Mighty--Right??

It does have a tendancy to bite you on the ass doesnt it?

 

[Cornbread]

Don't apologize to us. It's only you that is going to get hurt here.

I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you owe him NOTHING after what he did to you. NOTHING. Not an explanation, not a check-in, not even the time of day.

If you can be friends, great. From my own personal experience (and the experience of others) I can tell you that I would be VERY surprised if he suddenly turned around. It sounds like he's still manipulating you. If he really loved you he wouldn't have treated you like that from the get go.

Like I said, I'm sorry to be a bitch but I really think you need to hear that. I hope everything comes out ok for you.

agreed ^^

I wonder the difference between "mates" and "really good mates"

If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.

What I am trying to say is, it's ok to be civil, but please be aware he is a manipulator, and there's every chance he could flutter those eyelashes at you and you'll be back to square one.

I agree with both of these.

If he loved you that much and just couldn't take doing that to you anymore and wanted to be with you, wh not get himself into some sort of counseling with a pastor or anger management classes or couples counseling or something of the sort? If he loved you that much and couldn't take treating you like that and still wanted to be with you, he could have.. I don't know... stopped treating you like that (he never should have started in the first place). I've got red flags going up all over the place over this for you. It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, in the form of being single but still keeping you on the line. He sounds like a manipulative douchebag and I really think for your own emotional well-being, you ought to distance yourself from him, especially while you're trying to get over him. It sounds VERY much like he's still trying to play you and I hope you won't let him.

He's tried counselling in the past and it doesn't work for him . I've tried it aswell and wish i never did .
I spoke to a good friend of mine who i actually met through my OH, and she warned me to be more careful and not to be 'second best'. I'm going to speak to him later today, i'm worried about him. His new druggy girlfriend seems to be playing the game on him, using him because she knows he was weak . We're staying mates, and when i mean mates i mean i am not sleeping at his no more, having sex with him or no kissing.
This would make a good Jeremy Kyle Show
I have respect for myself and my feelings,...

Have you considered that you both may need to try a different counselor? If you went with a secular counselor before, try one from a church, and vice versa. I have seen counseling (when done properly) be a huge help to my marriage and to others. Why not give counseling as much of a chance as you're willing to give him?

 

[teeniestep]

Don't apologize to us. It's only you that is going to get hurt here.

I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you owe him NOTHING after what he did to you. NOTHING. Not an explanation, not a check-in, not even the time of day.

If you can be friends, great. From my own personal experience (and the experience of others) I can tell you that I would be VERY surprised if he suddenly turned around. It sounds like he's still manipulating you. If he really loved you he wouldn't have treated you like that from the get go.

Like I said, I'm sorry to be a bitch but I really think you need to hear that. I hope everything comes out ok for you.

agreed ^^

I wonder the difference between "mates" and "really good mates"

If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.

What I am trying to say is, it's ok to be civil, but please be aware he is a manipulator, and there's every chance he could flutter those eyelashes at you and you'll be back to square one.

I agree with both of these.

If he loved you that much and just couldn't take doing that to you anymore and wanted to be with you, wh not get himself into some sort of counseling with a pastor or anger management classes or couples counseling or something of the sort? If he loved you that much and couldn't take treating you like that and still wanted to be with you, he could have.. I don't know... stopped treating you like that (he never should have started in the first place). I've got red flags going up all over the place over this for you. It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, in the form of being single but still keeping you on the line. He sounds like a manipulative douchebag and I really think for your own emotional well-being, you ought to distance yourself from him, especially while you're trying to get over him. It sounds VERY much like he's still trying to play you and I hope you won't let him.

He's tried counselling in the past and it doesn't work for him . I've tried it aswell and wish i never did .
I spoke to a good friend of mine who i actually met through my OH, and she warned me to be more careful and not to be 'second best'. I'm going to speak to him later today, i'm worried about him. His new druggy girlfriend seems to be playing the game on him, using him because she knows he was weak . We're staying mates, and when i mean mates i mean i am not sleeping at his no more, having sex with him or no kissing.
This would make a good Jeremy Kyle Show
I have respect for myself and my feelings,...

Have you considered that you both may need to try a different counselor? If you went with a secular counselor before, try one from a church, and vice versa. I have seen counseling (when done properly) be a huge help to my marriage and to others. Why not give counseling as much of a chance as you're willing to give him?

He really won't want to go, and to be honest neither do I . I've tried a couple of counsellors and only one truly helped, and she was only my school mentor when I was 13/14.

 

[mightyspu]

I don't see why the op needs a councillor. She's going through something fairly standard - a douchebag ex/oh. A lot of us have been there and not needed professional help. It will just take her time to realise what he is and get over this relationship. Or he may change, but I doubt that!

 

[Cornbread]

I don't see why the op needs a councillor. She's going through something fairly standard - a douchebag ex/oh. A lot of us have been there and not needed professional help. It will just take her time to realise what he is and get over this relationship. Or he may change, but I doubt that!

I think HE needs counseling or anger management and if they were going to get back together I really think couples counseling would be a good idea.

 

[sleepinbeauty]

I think he need help PERIOD. He reminds me too much of my abusive ex-fiancé.

 

[aliss]

I don't really see this guy as a typical douchebag ex. Let's not forget he has given her an STD *and* still has another girl pregnant, amongst sleeping with others. And he has a girlfriend. I've seen some pretty bad relationships, but he honestly treats her worse than dog shit.

This is obviously going to get worse before it gets better. Teenie refuses to see this for what it is, and until she does, she is going to get hurt again and again and again.

 

[sleepinbeauty]

^ That was my point in a previous post. I hate to say it, but it's true.

OP--I hope you know we're not picking on you. We're just trying to get you to really see what you're involved in.

 

[Cornbread]

I don't really see this guy as a typical douchebag ex. Let's not forget he has given her an STD *and* still has another girl pregnant, amongst sleeping with others. And he has a girlfriend. I've seen some pretty bad relationships, but he honestly treats her worse than dog shit.

This is obviously going to get worse before it gets better. Teenie refuses to see this for what it is, and until she does, she is going to get hurt again and again and again.

True. Douchebag was a poor choice of words on my part, it's a little too complimentary for him.

I especially agree with the last paragraph/sentence. Teenie, please understand we're all trying to help you see the truth and keep you from getting hurt more than you already have.

 

[mightyspu]

I don't think a councellor would help becausehe doesn't want t be helped. Neither does Teenie! I agree that douche is too nice a word for him, but this is public forum and we didn't want to offend others! I wouldn't be wasting all this effort on a 6 month relationship tbh!

 

[Amygdala]

I wouldn't be wasting all this effort on a 6 month relationship tbh!

Agreed. Far more hassle than it can possibly be worth.

 

[Lianne1986]

I wouldn't be wasting all this effort on a 6 month relationship tbh!

Agreed. Far more hassle than it can possibly be worth.

i totally agree...if my husband treated me like this i'd be gone in a flash! and we have been together a lot longer than 6 months, have children etc,

just hope the OP see's him for what he is before its too late!

 

[mightyspu]

Just think ladies, in your current (and I presume happy) relationships, what did the first 6 months entail? I did marry a pretty amazing chap, but here goes...

Upsides
Flowers
Meals out
Support finding a job
Asked me to move in with him (very early I know)
Holidayed together
No arguement (to this day we have done nothing more than bicker)
Lovely Christmas presents

Downsides
was not as good at cleaning the bathroom as me.

As far as I can tell all he brought to Teenie's relationship was

Unfaithfulness
Constant rows
an STI
an unsincere proposal of marriage
Selfishness

Teenie my love, I do hope you don't think we are having a go, but you seem a lovely girl and he is not worth your generous nature.

 

[teeniestep]

Well i've spoke to his friend, we're all sitting him and his new girlfriend down tonight to basically tell them the truth. He's chosing drugs and her over the people who mean the most. I've had enough of the lies, the hurt and treating me like a complete tosser!.
Girls i'm just so scared,.. i've got to go and get tested for STI's again and see if i come on my AF! I'm so scared to go through everything by myself from now on.