Am I over reacting?

[Spudtastic]

Hello ladies.
My due date is 11 Jan with no2. I am going to hospital for the birth. The hospital is about 330kms away so it's a 3hours drive. My midwife (who will also drive down to the hospital) said that as this is no.2 we will leave as soon as things kick off.
Now my dh likes a drink. He finishes work and cracks open a beer and will have half a dozen (sometimes more) most nights (much to my despair) and falls asleep on the sofa.

With dd1 we had massive arguments because I asked him to only have 2 beers (330mls each) every night from 36 weeks onwards. He is driving us to the hospital and I was worried about him being drunk and me going into labour. So he still got very drunk a few times after 36 weeks but insisted that 4 beers were fine to have. So we argued 4 vs 2 beers (still the 330mls bottles).

So last night I asked for him to not get drunk from Christmas onwards (I'll be 37.5weeks on Xmas day). I just know he'll say getting drunk for Xmas and new years is fine and will insist that 4 beer bottles each night are fine.

So what do you think? Am I over reacting? I really think he shouldn't have more than 2 beers a night so he can drive me 3 hours to hospital.
You see if it was me I wouldn't even have any beers at all but sometimes I do doubt myself.
Advice appreciated. Shall I just stick to my guns?

 

[suzanne108]

Stick to your guns. Not being able to drink is not the end of the world & I would be very annoyed. Tell him there's plenty more Christmases but this is a special one xx

 

[chezababy]

Definitely stick to your guns. Doing a 3 hour drive on 4 beers would not be acceptable in my opinion (personally I'd stop him having 2 except for Christmas day and new year). I could be poking my nose in where it's not needed but I have to wonder if he has that much of an issue giving up drink for a few weeks is it something he should be dealing with? It doesn't sound unreasonable to me to be able to give up alcohol for a few weeks.

 

[Quantea]

Definitely stick to your guns. Doing a 3 hour drive on 4 beers would not be acceptable in my opinion (personally I'd stop him having 2 except for Christmas day and new year). I could be poking my nose in where it's not needed but I have to wonder if he has that much of an issue giving up drink for a few weeks is it something he should be dealing with? It doesn't sound unreasonable to me to be able to give up alcohol for a few weeks.

This, 100 times. Especially the this-doesn't-sound-so-innocent part. Remind him that it's going to be wintertime and the weather might be bad (I don't know that the weather conditions or the road conditions are like where you live). Also, that a 3-hour trip is a long way to go with lots of possibilities for being stopped over and getting a DUI charge. Worst case scenario, I would enlist the help of friends or other family members to make him understand (sometimes it sounds completely different coming from a guy buddy as opposed to a wife).

Personally, I wouldn't even allow the 2 beers, so no, it's not unreasonable. Four cans is more than a litre of beer every night for crying out loud...

 

[LillyFleur]

You're not over-reacting at all, I've told my DH the same and we're only 35mins away from the hospital, he can have a few drinks on his staff night out on the 18th december and after that he can have 2 drinks on a night, but no more.

 

[winterbabies3]

Not at all!! He will live without it for a few weeks as we have for almost a year! Safety of u and baby first!!

 

[flowergirl7]

No you're not overreacting. I would be upset if my husband was drinking that much every night no matter when it was.

 

[laila 44]

A 3 hour drive to a hospital is no joke! I'd be very very worried if my husband would drink too much on any given night that labor can start. You are 1000% right and this coming from someone who is pretty relaxed about drinking and used to enjoy a few drinks myself in the evening. However this is NOT the time at all.

 

[LilianA]

not over reacting at all!!! in fact I wouldn't let him have the 2 drinks towards the end! 3 hour drive is exhausting for anyone let alone someone who has had drinks! also would he want to be drunk or even tipsy at the birth of his child?! If he keeps insisting I would really line up some help to get you to hospital just in case. If the midwife will also be driving there it would be great if she could take you with her!

 

[Quartz]

Definitely stick to your guns. Doing a 3 hour drive on 4 beers would not be acceptable in my opinion (personally I'd stop him having 2 except for Christmas day and new year). I could be poking my nose in where it's not needed but I have to wonder if he has that much of an issue giving up drink for a few weeks is it something he should be dealing with? It doesn't sound unreasonable to me to be able to give up alcohol for a few weeks.

This, 100 times. Especially the this-doesn't-sound-so-innocent part. Remind him that it's going to be wintertime and the weather might be bad (I don't know that the weather conditions or the road conditions are like where you live). Also, that a 3-hour trip is a long way to go with lots of possibilities for being stopped over and getting a DUI charge. Worst case scenario, I would enlist the help of friends or other family members to make him understand (sometimes it sounds completely different coming from a guy buddy as opposed to a wife).

Personally, I wouldn't even allow the 2 beers, so no, it's not unreasonable. Four cans is more than a litre of beer every night for crying out loud...

Both of these.

Also before you ask him to cut back due to the baby being born how much does he normally have each night as I hate to be blunt but it sounds like he is an alcoholic

 

[BunnyN]

You are being more than reasonable. I would probably ask OH not to have more than one. Honestly I dont think its possible to drink that much every night without becoming addicted. If he is not able to stop drinking/cut back for a good reason its also a big red flag of it being a problem.

 

[LockandKey]

Definitely stick to your guns! I don't think you are overreacting or being unreasonable at all, in fact I think it's a very fair request in all honesty.

My DH was drinking heavily during my entire first pregnancy, right up until she was due, and I told him that if he didn't stop drinking altogether, he wouldn't be the one driving me to the hospital when the time came (for obvious reasons), I would find another ride, and if he wasn't going to be the one driving me, he wasn't invited to attend the birth either. I was a jerk about it, but it got him to stop

I do agree with above though, I'd be concerned about an underlying issue. If he can't give up alcohol for so much as a few weeks for you and his child's sake, I'd be worried.

 

[PocoHR]

You are being 100% reasonable and he should be able to do what you ask. I would tell him that if you go into labor and he's had more than two beers, he's going to have to pay for a taxi/car service because you won't allow him to drive you. If I were you I would make some arrangements and figure out who else could take you in case your husband has had too many drinks when you go into labor. That might give him an incentive to avoid drinking.

 

[Spudtastic]

Thanks for your input ladies. I totally think my husband has a drinking issue. And his parents are even worse. They drink every lunchtime as well as evenings. Dhs brother is an alcoholic but luckily he doesn't live nearby.
I like in nz where it's summer but it means my whole family live in the UK so where we are I have dh and his parents and that's it. As it is I won't let Dhs parents look after dd1 after lunch because I know they've had a few wines.
Anyway as it is I could go with the midwife but then I'd be giving birth on my own.

You've all given me the belief in myself to be tough and stick to my guns and tell him to keep off the drink. Thank you.

 

[DannaD]

For most people, this is a very normal request and easy to stick to. But it sounds like you are dealing with an alcoholic (6 beers a night and passing out on the couch?).

So it's not even just a question of him being unreasonnable and not understanding, but dealing with his addiction, which sadly isn't as easy as making a "compromise" for a couple of weeks.

I'd have a back up plan for driving you, and would refuse to get in the car with him if you consider he can't drive, maybe that's the wake up call he'll need.