Am i the only one who thinks this is wrong?

[Foogirl]

I do think it is much harder for those who want to be SAHMs but can't afford to be, though. No physically, but emotionally. If you've a longing to be at home with your children and you can't be, that must be tough.

 

[Pearls18]

I do think it is much harder for those who want to be SAHMs but can't afford to be, though. No physically, but emotionally. If you've a longing to be at home with your children and you can't be, that must be tough.

Yes definitely, I am confident and happy in my decision, no guilt, but for those who aren't threads like this must be difficult.

 

[overcomer79]

even though I said I would work if I had a choice, there are days that are hard on me to leave my kids. If I had my dream, it would be part time .

 

[tina3747]

I am incredibly lucky to be a SAHM mom. Not everyone has that option. Working parents deserve medals.



This is, an odd debate?

It started off in baby club..... Obviously!!

 

[DragonflyWing]

If I had to put my babies in daycare, they'd be there from 8:30am-6pm since I work 9-5:30 full time...I wouldn't want to do this, but if DH wasn't able to stay home with them, I'd have to. Some people don't have a choice if both parents need to work.

As a previous poster said, this thread is difficult to read for me, because I'd give anything to stay home with my babies. I don't have that option. We planned on one child and got twins...definitely a blessing, but also twice as expensive. Having just recieved a $15,000 bill from their birth and NICU stay, I may have to work 12 hours a day before long.

 

[pinklizzy]

I do think it is much harder for those who want to be SAHMs but can't afford to be, though. No physically, but emotionally. If you've a longing to be at home with your children and you can't be, that must be tough.

Yes definitely, I am confident and happy in my decision, no guilt, but for those who aren't threads like this must be difficult.

I haven't read this thread, for that reason. I only have to put LO in nursery for 1.5 days but 4 days a week I only see her for 20-30 mins before she goes to bed and I hate it

 

[Jess137]

We're not all lucky enough to have loving partners who stand by us. Ya know, sometimes, even when children are planned in a loving, happy marriage, things go wrong later on. Some of us are left to raise our children alone, with no one to go out to work. We either stay at home to take care of our children, claiming benefits, or we put our children in nursery so we can get a job and earn money to pay for them. When you have 3, 4, 5+ children needing childcare, you HAVE to work 60+ hours just to be able to pay for the childcare! Which are we meant to do, when everyone seems to think both ways are totally wrong!?

Your situation is completley different tho. I'm talking about when people plan a baby knowing full well the child will be going straight into full time care, like i said in above comments, my aunt for example who was TTC and already planning her childcare options..

This is so narrow minded. Guess what? In the US, we don't have socialized medicine, which means we have to work in order to pay for insurance. We also have no federal laws regarding maternity leave, so we generally get 6 weeks if we're lucky (btw lucky me has enough paid time off saved up that I can take 10 weeks). I would LOVE to be a SAHM but unfortunately it is not cheap to live here and DH and both work full time - sometimes barely getting by and paying the mortgage and to keep the heat and lights on. If we waited until our mortgage was paid off I'd be 55 before I could have a child. It's really not up to you to tell us that we're worthy of having kids. Yes, our daughter will be in daycare, but more importantly she will be LOVED and happy.

 

[LilyValley]

Yeah i'm sure i will be offending somebody but that's not my intention at all. I understand the need to go back to work, i'm going back in April, luckily my mum and MIL are having her a day each then me and OH are going to work around each others hours, so i'm lucky i don't need to rely on childcare whereas i suppose others aren't that lucky. But i just think if i needed to leave LO for 12 hours every week day, and have someone do everything for her during the day, even if it was a family member, i would honestly quit my job and have money problems.Of course people with demanding jobs should be allowed to have children but if you leave them 7-7 each day surely you're child is going to spend more time at nursery rather than at home? Thats just crazy to me! I'd be so worried about them getting more attached to the nursery worker than me lol!

I think this is the part where you are very, very offensive. Reading back over this thread actually made me more mad that when I read it the first time.

Having a child SHOULD NOT be to satisfy a selfish need to have a baby who only has eyes for its mother. Being a responsible parent is recognising this fact AND providing a home, warmth, food, love etc. Suggesting that anyone who has to rely on childcare for the majority of the week just quit their job and have money problems is completely immature and ridiculous. Babies know they are loved by their parents, even the ones who leave them in daycare for substantial amounts of time.

Grow up. Surely, if a baby is comfortable with a nursey worker then it shows the child is secure and happy, it shouldn't be a point of jealousy. My DH has to work part time because he is ill. The time he is off I will be working full time (to keep a roof over our heads) and LO will be in daycare because he cannot look after him. Maybe we are the people you meant who shouldn't have had a child knowing we couldn't look after him during the week.

 

[DragonflyWing]

I think it's very short-sighted to say you'd just quit your job and have money problems.

If I quit my job, I would lose my home. I'd be sent to collections on all our medical bills and lose my good credit. I would lose my health insurance for my whole family. I wouldn't be able to keep the heat and the lights on. Tell me, how is this better than putting my children in childcare during the day? I work so I can keep a roof over our heads and build a good life for my family. Right now I'm lucky in that my DH can stay home with the babies...but this may not always be true. There may come a time in the not too distant future where DH has to go back to work to make ends meet, and then I will not feel guilty for letting someone else take care of my children while we work for them.

 

[missbabypo]

Ok I haven't read all the replies but I want to have my say.

I am currently a SAHM who is looking for work, to get a full time job most of the hours are 9-5. This means factoring in travel by bus I would need to drop the boys off at nursery/school/childminder at about 7am and wouldn't be able to pick them up until 6pm or possibly later. Finding a part time job is a lot harder than you might think.

Lots of people have no choice but to work 12hrs+ a day and you have no right to say that they shouldn't have had children. I am pretty sure that you wouldn't criticize someone who doesn't work putting their child into nursery for the free 15hrs a week because they don't have a job to go to would you.

 

[Pearls18]

I think after 35 pages although she's disappeared we can answer the OP's original question........... Yes.

 

[DLA]

Read many pages of this thread. Just like to say it's beyond infuriating and offensive to see comments from SAHMs (not all of course, but a couple) that make it sound so easy. Like "I could never do that" or "I would quit my job and have money problems rather than". Guess what? You could do it, if you HAD to like I HAVE to. There's no choice, you do what you have to do. If I quit my job I wouldn't be stricken with some "money problems", we would be homeless.
Not everyone has that choice. If I had it my way of course I'd be home with my children. As it is I am up at 445am so I can work earlier hours than OH so DS is only at the sitters for about 7 hours. Not everyone is as lucky as me and can choose their hours though.
Consider yourself lucky if you get to be home with your children and don't judge those who can't. I can only dream of it being so easy as to quit my job, but being homeless with 2 children is even less than desirable than them being in daycare.