Am i the only one who thinks this is wrong?

[Pearls18]

I would love to know what a fathers take on this is seen as alot of them have to go off to work about 6am and by the time they get home most kids are in bed so only realy see them at weekends

That's the double standard isn't it though, too many people don't bat an eye lid about a father working it is what they expect, but when a mother wants to work as well it's gasp, shock, horror. I have had some terrible reactions in the past mainly because I am a military wife and work, lots of people think I should be making up for the fact DH is away so much by not working myself, unfortunately mostly within the military community. I feel guilty about lots of things as a mother, nobody is perfect, but the fact my child goes to daycare 4 days a week 8am-6pm is not one of them.

I don't think it's so much a double standard as the way our society views parenting roles. The mother is traditionally the nurturer. There is even scientific evidence behind it.

I don't think this fits for everyone in 2013, thank goodness we live in a society with more choices but attitudes need to change, just because society, science whatever states a woman should be the nurturer at home doesn't mean that is actually what works for everyone and they shouldn't have to put up with arrogant (not meaning anybody in this thread, people I have had to come across) opinions. I view it as a double standard because at the end of the day both sexes are more than capable of staying at home with a child, there is no biological reason beyond breastfeeding that it has to be the woman.

 

[Pearls18]

If I earnt more oh would be a sahd but then im sure he would like a break too.

My husband would not consider being a sahd a break. He would never be able to do it.

Neither my husband nor I would consider it a break either lol, I think we consider working the break haha. But seriously, I never thought my husband would be able to do it, but when DS was 8 months I had to go back to work and DH was between military service so basically was a sahd for 3 months, he did an amazing job, especially considering he had missed most DS's life up until that point due to service, never say never, maybe he would never want to do it, but I am sure he could do if he had to (well obviously not BF lol!)

 

[Dk1234]

I would love to know what a fathers take on this is seen as alot of them have to go off to work about 6am and by the time they get home most kids are in bed so only realy see them at weekends

That's the double standard isn't it though, too many people don't bat an eye lid about a father working it is what they expect, but when a mother wants to work as well it's gasp, shock, horror. I have had some terrible reactions in the past mainly because I am a military wife and work, lots of people think I should be making up for the fact DH is away so much by not working myself, unfortunately mostly within the military community. I feel guilty about lots of things as a mother, nobody is perfect, but the fact my child goes to daycare 4 days a week 8am-6pm is not one of them.

I don't think it's so much a double standard as the way our society views parenting roles. The mother is traditionally the nurturer. There is even scientific evidence behind it.

I don't think this fits for everyone in 2013, thank goodness we live in a society with more choices but attitudes need to change, just because society, science whatever states a woman should be the nurturer at home doesn't mean that is actually what works for everyone and they shouldn't have to put up with arrogant (not meaning anybody in this thread, people I have had to come across) opinions. I view it as a double standard because at the end of the day both sexes are more than capable of staying at home with a child, there is no biological reason beyond breastfeeding that it has to be the woman.

bsolutely not! That's not what I was saying. I was just saying that it isn't a double standard just more of a traditional role. People break traditions all the time. I don't think people see it as men shouldn't and women should just that women usually do and me usually don't.

 

[Pearls18]

I would love to know what a fathers take on this is seen as alot of them have to go off to work about 6am and by the time they get home most kids are in bed so only realy see them at weekends

That's the double standard isn't it though, too many people don't bat an eye lid about a father working it is what they expect, but when a mother wants to work as well it's gasp, shock, horror. I have had some terrible reactions in the past mainly because I am a military wife and work, lots of people think I should be making up for the fact DH is away so much by not working myself, unfortunately mostly within the military community. I feel guilty about lots of things as a mother, nobody is perfect, but the fact my child goes to daycare 4 days a week 8am-6pm is not one of them.

I don't think it's so much a double standard as the way our society views parenting roles. The mother is traditionally the nurturer. There is even scientific evidence behind it.

I don't think this fits for everyone in 2013, thank goodness we live in a society with more choices but attitudes need to change, just because society, science whatever states a woman should be the nurturer at home doesn't mean that is actually what works for everyone and they shouldn't have to put up with arrogant (not meaning anybody in this thread, people I have had to come across) opinions. I view it as a double standard because at the end of the day both sexes are more than capable of staying at home with a child, there is no biological reason beyond breastfeeding that it has to be the woman.

bsolutely not! That's not what I was saying. I was just saying that it isn't a double standard just more of a traditional role. People break traditions all the time. I don't think people see it as men shouldn't and women should just that women usually do and me usually don't.

Well I just think it is a double standard for women to be made to feel guilty if they are in work 7-7 but in fact lots of men do this anyway, I just think men have it a lot easier from judgement because women are expected to feel a certain way and are looked at as less of a mother if they feel comfortable working 7-7, I just don't see this as fair.

 

[Dk1234]

I would love to know what a fathers take on this is seen as alot of them have to go off to work about 6am and by the time they get home most kids are in bed so only realy see them at weekends

That's the double standard isn't it though, too many people don't bat an eye lid about a father working it is what they expect, but when a mother wants to work as well it's gasp, shock, horror. I have had some terrible reactions in the past mainly because I am a military wife and work, lots of people think I should be making up for the fact DH is away so much by not working myself, unfortunately mostly within the military community. I feel guilty about lots of things as a mother, nobody is perfect, but the fact my child goes to daycare 4 days a week 8am-6pm is not one of them.

I don't think it's so much a double standard as the way our society views parenting roles. The mother is traditionally the nurturer. There is even scientific evidence behind it.

I don't think this fits for everyone in 2013, thank goodness we live in a society with more choices but attitudes need to change, just because society, science whatever states a woman should be the nurturer at home doesn't mean that is actually what works for everyone and they shouldn't have to put up with arrogant (not meaning anybody in this thread, people I have had to come across) opinions. I view it as a double standard because at the end of the day both sexes are more than capable of staying at home with a child, there is no biological reason beyond breastfeeding that it has to be the woman.

bsolutely not! That's not what I was saying. I was just saying that it isn't a double standard just more of a traditional role. People break traditions all the time. I don't think people see it as men shouldn't and women should just that women usually do and me usually don't.

Well I just think it is a double standard for women to be made to feel guilty if they are in work 7-7 but in fact lots of men do this anyway, I just think men have it a lot easier from judgement because women are expected to feel a certain way and are looked at as less of a mother if they feel comfortable working 7-7, I just don't see this as fair.

My mom has always worked 7-7, she is a dr. I guess I've just never experienced any negativity about her working so maybe I just don't experience that double standard. I thought we were talking about being a sah parent.

 

[Pearls18]

I am glad she had a positive experience, I have mostly, but the military world is still a little bit backwards, I do experience negativity for working so it is a bit of a sensitive topic for me.

 

[overcomer79]

hmmm I should add "happy tradition breaker" to my siggy lol (a bit of humor)

 

[Pink Flowers]

If I earnt more oh would be a sahd but then im sure he would like a break too.

My husband would not consider being a sahd a break. He would never be able to do it.

Neither my husband nor I would consider it a break either lol, I think we consider working the break haha. But seriously, I never thought my husband would be able to do it, but when DS was 8 months I had to go back to work and DH was between military service so basically was a sahd for 3 months, he did an amazing job, especially considering he had missed most DS's life up until that point due to service, never say never, maybe he would never want to do it, but I am sure he could do if he had to (well obviously not BF lol!)

I meant he most prob would like a break from looking after DS... Just as I do sometimes

 

[smokey]

If I earnt more oh would be a sahd but then im sure he would like a break too.

My husband would not consider being a sahd a break. He would never be able to do it.

I think she ment a break from beimg a sahd not that it was a break

 

[smokey]

I would love to know what a fathers take on this is seen as alot of them have to go off to work about 6am and by the time they get home most kids are in bed so only realy see them at weekends

That's the double standard isn't it though, too many people don't bat an eye lid about a father working it is what they expect, but when a mother wants to work as well it's gasp, shock, horror. I have had some terrible reactions in the past mainly because I am a military wife and work, lots of people think I should be making up for the fact DH is away so much by not working myself, unfortunately mostly within the military community. I feel guilty about lots of things as a mother, nobody is perfect, but the fact my child goes to daycare 4 days a week 8am-6pm is not one of them.

Thats like my parents, my dad spent the first 2 years in the army so was always off in ireland, cyprus or fawklands.
My mum had to deal with working and raising a disabled child essentialy as a single parent.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I am a nursery nurse and yes some of our children are the first to be dropped off and the last to be picked up. BUT when their parents leave them you can see them lingering because they do miss them and when they pick them up you can see the pure joy in their face and they are all so enthusiastic to hear about their child's day. I am consdiering going back to work full time meaning my children will be in fulltime nursery. Why? Because I want to be able to save for their future, take them on great days out and ensure they have a comfortable upbringing. At the moment I am scraping by If I worked full time that would no longer be an issue. OP your post came across very judgmental. I have not met any parent that chooses to put their child in nursery is is usually because they HAVE too x

 

[Scottish mum]

I think men are not expected to do or sacrifice as much as us when it comes to having a baby and bring them up! Now not in all cases but most! Women stay at home to raise lo most of the time even if it's just maternity leave and men work! I know that my oh couldn't be a sahd! He wouldn't agree but having these crazy motherly instincts help me make decisions for lo get him organised for the day, fed, changed, bed my oh doesn't have this! Lo would be steaming the house down for a bottle whilst my oh decides to go to the toilet first before feeding lo them puts lo to bed in his clothes for the day including bib!! So I think certainly in my case he wouldn't be in a position to be a sahd! Lol he will kill ms for saying that but it's true! However the thread is about putting lo into nursery and yes this is what I'll be doing in 2 months when I go back to work! As I keep saying for money and because I want to!!! X

 

[smokey]

Im not just on about sahd though, im more on about dads that go out to work full time and dont see much of their children during the week.
Somtimes it seems as though fathers are assumed to not miss or love their kids as much because they arnt the mother.
If that makws sense.

 

[Scottish mum]

Oh yea! Yes my husband misses us when he works but we are fortunate that he comes home every night! X

 

[vaniilla]

I've only just seen this thread but as others have there are a large number of jobs that finish at 6 plus commute on top, they might also have very demanding jobs - both of my parents worked very long hours when we were kids and there were times where they both were working a night shift at the same time so the childminder would sleep over.No parent wants to spend large amounts of time from their children, it's just not an option sometimes.

 

[AmeliasMum]

I am in the U S and my SIL has her kids in Day Care from 6am until 7pm, everyday. She despises having to even pick them up to be honest. She has no affection for her children and makes no bones about it. My In Laws (her Parents) have to foot most of the care costs because her min. wage job doesn't cover all the fees. It's so sad. My DH and both his sisters were Day Care/Nanny children and he is the only one that absolutely hates the very thought of it. One sister refuses to have any children because to her they are a burden, and the other had 3 and has never spent more than a few hours around them if she can help it. My hubby went the other direction and wants a house full of children (I am 32wks with #4 in 6 yrs.) I am a lawyer by education, and have been a SAHWife and a SAHM since we married. It's my choice, and I have never regretted it.

 

[overcomer79]

I am in the U S and my SIL has her kids in Day Care from 6am until 7pm, everyday. She despises having to even pick them up to be honest. She has no affection for her children and makes no bones about it. My In Laws (her Parents) have to foot most of the care costs because her min. wage job doesn't cover all the fees. It's so sad. My DH and both his sisters were Day Care/Nanny children and he is the only one that absolutely hates the very thought of it. One sister refuses to have any children because to her they are a burden, and the other had 3 and has never spent more than a few hours around them if she can help it. My hubby went the other direction and wants a house full of children (I am 32wks with #4 in 6 yrs.) I am a lawyer by education, and have been a SAHWife and a SAHM since we married. It's my choice, and I have never regretted it.

I very much doubt this is the consensus of most of the people thta leave their kids. I sat in my office crying a few weeks ago because I missed my kids so much. People who feel like that about their kids are the ones that don't need to be having them.

 

[lhancock90]

I am incredibly lucky to be a SAHM mom. Not everyone has that option. Working parents deserve medals.



This is, an odd debate?

 

[Pearls18]

I feel very lucky to be a working mum, I could be a SAHM if I wanted my husband earns enough for the basics but I don't want to be, working isn't an option for everybody especially with childcare costs, I don't think working mums need any more or less pity or praise than a SAHM, it's just a different way of life no one better or worse in general, but each will be better for different families. Many people have said this isn't wrong because not all parents have a choice, what if they do? Does that make it wrong for them to send their child to daycare full time if they choose to work through choice not just financial necessity?

 

[overcomer79]

I feel very lucky to be a working mum, I could be a SAHM if I wanted my husband earns enough for the basics but I don't want to be, working isn't an option for everybody especially with childcare costs, I don't think working mums need any more or less pity or praise than a SAHM, it's just a different way of life no one better or worse in general, but each will be better for different families. Many people have said this isn't wrong because not all parents have a choice, what if they do? Does that make it wrong for them to send their child to daycare full time if they choose to work through choice not just financial necessity?

not wrong at all. If I could be a sahm...I don't think I'd want to be.