~ Anorexia, Bulimia & Eating Disorder Support Thread ~

[tasha41]

Does anyone else here eat (or not eat) emotionally??

To elaborate,
I find that when I'm stressed out I overeat,
Then when I'm really upset or really happy I don't eat much at all?

It's like when I'm really upset I'm so upset I can't face food and when I'm really happy I don't need food to make me happy. IDK if psychologically when I get stressed out I eat to take my mind off other stuff or what?

Just wondering if anyone who is "recovered" is still totally incapable of feeding themself properly.

I know I could go to a nutritionist and she could write up a meal plan for me or something but I know I'd have to bring in a food diary of a week and I'd worry she'd call my food choices fat. Obviously I know she wouldn't say "it's fat of you to eat 2 tacos" but I KNOW she would say "instead of 2 tacos you should eat one taco made up like ___ (insert disgusting food idea here.. like fish and salsa, I do NOT eat fish!!) and a salad".. just as an example I used tacos, I really don't even eat them but the Taco Bell commercial was on, lol. But does anyone else see that as okay she's telling me I wouldn't be so fat if I didn't eat 2 tacos??

Bc I had a similar experience when I saw her when I was pregnant and spent the rest of my pregnancy obsessing to the point I wouldn't drink juice because I was afraid I'd gain too much weight and be fat forever

Also, does anyone else have a hard time drinking milk because they think about all the calories in it?

 

[Love Bunny]

My eating habits are pretty weird to be honest - I hardly ever get hungry (like hungry as in cravings/stomach rumblings etc), and I'm lazy too! So I have to actually feel hungry to encourage myself to eat - and that rarely happens therefore sometimes its a real effort to eat! given the choice I could probably go a few days with little to no food and just drink water/juice and it wouldn't bother me in the slightest the thing is I don't force myself to NOT eat like some people do - I just don't eat cause my body isn't screaming I NEED FOOD!

When I'm upset I tend to stop eating alltogether because when I'm upset I busy myself in other things and don't really think or have time for food or to eat.

Rather than starving myself to lose weight nowadays (I learnt the hard way it ain't pretty shitting your insides out and not even having the energy to drag yourself outta bed!!) I'm usually just reallllly careful with what/how much I eat when I do and I used to do about 10 miles on the treadmill a few times a week before I got pregnant just so if any excess fat/calories were there I could burn em all off again!

I think one of the main things at the mo is that I feel unfit and unhealthy because I've had to stop going to the gym and change my eating habits completly!!

As for the milk Q - I can't bring myself to drink it I don't really like the taste (on its own) and the consistancy!! I'll have it in things like a hot chocolate or in cooking or something but I can't drink it on its own

Hope this helps =D x

 

[tinybutterfly]

tasha, to answer your inital question... been there, done that... and then i threw up.
exam periods were the worst, esp the year i lived in my own studio at uni, it's a miracle i made it through it all bc i barely kept anything down!

and i used to have a hard time drinking anything with calories, i drank water or diet coke all the time.
then when i started recovery i'd drink a soy drink as a snack bc i found liquids
easier to handle than solid foods, it didn't seem to be so much and i digested it better

Just wondering if anyone who is "recovered" is still totally incapable of feeding themself properly.

and personally i think if you're not capable of feeding yourself properly you shouldn't really consider yourself recovered.

last year i went on a trip abroad, meeting up in paris with a few girls from an ED board.
and eventhough when i was at home i had balanced meals and snacks and
didn't think much about food, during that trip i learned i still had a long way to
go, bc when i was abroad i had a VERY hard time eating anything, i didn't like
the food that was available, i wanted "real" food, wasn't prepared to settle for something i didn't really know, or knew how it was made,...

 

[Windmills]

V

 

[shocker]

shocker - O M F G.
I just blew off in that thread in general.
I seriously cannot believe what a STUPID hearless uneducated cow that woman is. you know it disgusts me what she said - especially coming from another woman! I could understand if it was a bloke but jesus!!!!!!!
xXx

I completely agree, i wrote out this big long thing and tbh i doubt she even read it just replied with such utter bullshit!! It was so incredibly ignorant and insulting i couldnt believe it!! And a stone by 36 weeks is very little, you shouldnt worry

Tasha - On milk i dont drink it, i have it in tea now and again but it usually makes me feel sick because its too heavy and feels like a meal.I literally just drink diet coke, unhealthy i know but i havnt wanted to drink anything else since i found out the calorie contents of everything.I drank decaffinated when i was pregnant and water, but now i dont drink water either.I just dont like the taste or the feeling if you drink too much.I dont consider myself recovered yet but i am getting better at feeding myself.I remember a time when i'd cry everytime someone asked me what i wanted to eat, every choice was like a mildfield of calories and fat, so id make people chose for me then freak out when they chose saying it had too many calories.Then there was the stage where things were chosen purely for how easily i could purge them, now i can pick things more easily but i still feel really panicky if i have to eat out because people are waiting and you dont know if your able to eat any of it and its really stressful.

Tinybutterfly - I find things are harder when your with people who have an ed and your all eating.I know that when i went out for dinner a few years with an old friend who was a recovered anorexic it was extreemly awkward.I found it harder to eat with her, afraid she would judge me or think i was fat for eating this or that

 

[tinybutterfly]

^^ they actually did good eating wise and there was no judgement as we were all in the
recovery mindset and at that point i didn't care anymore what others were thinking of me.
i think i made them feel bad for eating so poorly.
But when i was more sucked into my ED there was just no way i'd eat around another
friend with an ED, had to prove i was strong and could resist etc etc

 

[tinkerbellita]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. 20 weeks pregnant and REALLY starting to feel gross... have put on nearly 2 stone in a year, over a stone with the pregnancy and before that half a stone as I ripped a ligament in my foot which = no exercise for over a month which = weight gain. But I guess I'm now a little more 'healthy' at the moment bodily wise, just not mentally

 

[Love Bunny]

How is everyone doing

*sigghh* I've FINALLY come to terms with my stretchies - I think once you get past the "I now realise there is actually NOTHING I can do about it" stage, it gets a little easier to deal with.

I mean they're not BAD bad, its just there is so many of them :\ I guess thats what you get from growing so rapidly from a size 6 to a 10!!!!

Eeeep full term now though =D not long til I meet my little lady! Hope she comes soooon



x

 

[tinkerbellita]

Doing ok, actually had some healthy appetite this week and got some exercise in, actually had some energy!

I've gone from size 6-12 already, n only half way It's the cellulite I'm having probs with... grr

 

[Chris77]

Hi ladies Just checking in to see how everyone is doing around the holidays.

 

[tasha41]

Already planning my diet for the new year and trying to work a lot of healthy veggies into Christmas dinner (since I am now helping cook.. even though I don't want to cook on Christmas! lol)...

 

[Love Bunny]

Gah I'm DYING to go on a diet trying to be good with food at the min though!

Need to keep my energy up Can't wait til baby is out! I feel like everything I eat my energys being leeched!

x

 

[londonbird]

Not sure if this thread is only for ladies who are pregnant?? - if so I am sorry

Just hoping its somewhere I can check in

Lost baby September 3rd, since then been eating less and less, now the past three weeks been living on redbull and coke.. a lot of sleeping.. feeling much better emotionally than I have been, bust still not feeling able to consume anything

Been to my GP twice..he isnt concearned, just says its normal..but feeling really drained

Anyway hope its okay to post here...

 

[Love Bunny]

Its for anyone hun ! Course you can post in here welcome! xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

love bunny - are you going to breastfeed? I ask because I found that when I breastfed all my pregnancy weight dropped off me, without me having to eat too little/go on a diet.

I breastfed for 21 months, and I don't think it's a coincidence that at 21 months, I relapsed back into anorexia. Breastfeeding motivated me to eat well (so that my baby ate well).

I sympathise with you though... I can't wait to give birth and be able to diet again. At the moment I feel so unfit and fat.

 

[Love Bunny]

Yeah I'm deffinatly planning on breastfeeding if I can ! I'm sorta worried though that i'll just slip back and not be eating enough to support myself AND baby I dunno... I guess we'll see. I can imagine its a huge shock to the system too when you stop and your bodys sort of going back to normal and obviously fat will get processed differently again argh!!!

xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

I found that because the weight was coming off anyway, I had less of an urge to restrict my food while I was breastfeeding.

I don't know if I'll be breastfeeding this time round, I'm on too many meds but we'll see. I might be able to sort something where I just breastfeed at night when the meds are at their lowest level in my body, then formula feed in the day... I'll be seeing the consultant at some point to discuss it.

 

[annawrigley]

i dont know where to start.
i developed an ED when i was 13 out of nowhere, just one day decided to throw my packed lunch away and it went from there. i didnt know why but i just did it.
since then its what iv used as a coping mechanism when things get rough, although when i met FOB i actually got a lot better. he made me feel wanted and always made a lot of effort to cook for me so i'd feel mean not eating it, plus i'd just met him so he didnt know i had/used to have problems so it was kind of an opportunity for a fresh start.
anyway that went a little downhill when he turned into a violent controlling psychopath, my self esteem went lower than its ever gone before, i wanted to die and thought about suicide constantly, and i went back to my ED as well as self harming to help me cope (if he can inflict pain on me why shouldnt i do it to myself too? type thing). he has abused me physically, mentally and sexually as well as constantly talking to other girls and getting them to send him naked pictures etc basically the entire way through the relationship. every time i found out he'd done it again it knocked me down that bit more. it was only when he had sex with another girl in our bed (i lived with him) in May this year that things really fucked up, i left him but stupidly went back to him after about 2 days. i didnt eat anything for about 4 days after that and even then it was hard.
i found out i was pregnant in june and it terrified me, not because of having a baby or labour or any of that, but because i knew i had nothing i could use as a release anymore and i didnt have a clue how i would cope.
its been so hard forcing myself to eat normally and stuff but i have to,theres no alternative for me until after i have finished breastfeeding. when im ashamed to admit i plan on going back to it
FOB ended it in october ish for another girl, whilst i was glad to be rid of him it was another huge knock to my confidence. he obviously left me for her because of how my body is changing, he thinks im ugly and disgusting etc etc.
this is getting far too long now but ive been having a really bad day today (he rang me at 4am this morn goin on about how he thinks i should meet up with him and his new gf because 'she will have to see noah at some point' ) and have just been feeling awful about everything and want nothing more but to slip back into it but i cant and it makes me feel so powerless.
hmmm
xx

Uch it really is so soul destroying having an ed, like a ghost always waiting to pounce when your at your weakest and tear you to shreds

exactly x

 

[Novbaby08]

Well I've been avoiding saying anything. Its part of me I don't like others to know about. I've been struggling for years with this. Since I was 12 years old. I dealt with it by cutting, but eventually when I was 17 I reached a breaking point after getting out of an abusive relationship. I was so sick of being fat, it was suffocating, everytime I ate I wanted to cry, I felt like such a failure. I was fat, ugly, and just completely disgusting. I started dieting, I didn't mean for it to be out of control as some people claim it was. I just wanted to be thin, I felt so gross, I was 6'1" and 180 lbs and the fat was every where, everytime I looked in a mirror or weighed myself it was like a reminder of how disgusting I was. All I see when I look in the mirror is this tall fat chick. I feel destroyed everytime I look in the mirror. Finally around the holidays I lost control of my diet and gained a ton of weight, I was 220 lbs by the end of thanksgiving. I left the table, went downstairs into my bathroom, took on look in the mirror and broke down. i felt so full and fat and just completely disappointed with my whole life. I knew there was only one way to cure it, so I threw it up, I used my finger. Afterwards I felt relieved, like a small chip had been taken off my shoulders. By January I was down to 175 lbs and taking up to 16 diet pills a day. I ate a single piece of fruit and drank only water and unsweetened green tea. I wanted to continue on my wonderful diet. I was finally losing, and was still no where close to my ideal weight, I wasn't as fat, but still had a chunkiness about me. I continued on getting down to 160 lbs, and two days later, I found out I was pregnant. When I think back now that I was more afraid of the weight I would gain the caring for a baby alone. Its kinda sad. I ate, I let myself give in to that horrible stuff. I tried to enjoy it, I really did. But now having a 13 month old and being fatter then ever, I weigh 207 lbs and I'm 6'2 I've reached my breaking point, I'm so sick of food and the curse it brings. I can't get on a scale with out crying this fat is so suffocating I just want it off. I can't take another moment like this.

 

[dbsbaby]

nice thread.. will come back when i need