~ Anorexia, Bulimia & Eating Disorder Support Thread ~

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I'm still 225lbs, I wanna lose 80, but it's SO HARD when all I want to do is starve myself. I have panic attacks when I exercise because I feel like I'm not doing enough...:cry:

Hoping to get an elliptical soon, so I can do it whilst I watch tv and whatnot ( so I don't have to think about it), but as we don't have it yet, and I ate cookies last night, I'm pretty mad at myself this morning. :growlmad:
 
:hugs: to everyone!!

Anyone care to share how their ED began? Put it under a spoiler if you think it may be triggering xxx

Ever since i was in Year 8 at school (so about 13 yr old) i got bullied, called everything under the sun, i have a really shit complexion so was told i was diseased :cry: up until 2010 i wouldn't of been able to write that without bursting into tears! Anyway the joys of decent make up.

I started hanging out with a girl when i was 15, i guess i was jealous of her, she was petite and skinny, yet ate everything! like she would eat ginger bread men, cakes all sorts, her sisters were the same, they just had high metabolism i guess. So one night in 2007 December i started looking up online how to lose weight fast, was taken to a pro-ana site, people cheered everyone on for weight loss. I was 148lbs then, i lost a couple of lbs by starving myself thats all. My mum used to make me eat my tea at 4pm when i was in from school. I didn't go to bed til around 1am and around midnight i would eat aloada shit, so i guess that was my weight problem! BMI then was 24.8.

2008 i moved out, was kinda better emotionally but this started again.. anyway Xmas 2008 i was down to 119, my lowest (god i feel a fraud now lol) BMI was 19.8.
Pregnancy went fine.. at 39 weeks i weighed 167lbs! I lost most of that within 3 weeks. So Late september last year i started on those sites again and now addicted, i'm now 119 but 5 foot 6 so BMI is 19.2. Everyday starts where i feel shit with myself, i either fast for 2 days, restrict then once a week binge, meltdown where i feel vile, then the whole thing starts again. I know this won't go but i hope one day i will reach a weight i'l be happy with.
 
Okay :blush:

i always knew i wasnt stick thin as a child but it never bothered me, i was never huge or anything, then went i started year 7, we were getting changed for Swimming once, a girl just said i look like i was pregnant :blush:
From that day i didnt eat for a whole week, it just triggered me being obsessed with being fat. I couldnt shake the comment. So yeah, thats where it started. :/ so that was like 6/7 years ago now.

i wont bore you wit the rest

xx
 
Ok so I was 15 coming 16 and it was my prom/formal I was always skinny and my dress was a 4xsmall (my natural shape then) but needed taken up as I'm a short ass :). My friend who was also going had said a few weeks previous that she tried her dress on and it now won't zip as she gained a bit of weight and was freaking out that she wouldn't fit into it, so I started to think 'my dress is such a small size what if I gain a couple of pounds and don't fit into it' So I cut out all junk and grilled food, it got to three weeks before the formal and I was eating a grilled chicken breast a day and a small tub of grapes and about 2liters of water.
I went back for my dress fitting and well I had lost 4" off my chest and waist so my dress had to be altered again, everyone commented on how thin I was and well after that I wanted tot be thinner and thinner. When there was a row or anything I would run 3mile one day and 5 mile the next and refuse to eat, to the point my bloods dropped to 5 there supposed to be 12 so I was immediately given a triple dose of Iron and was told if my levels weren't rising I would need a transfusion I was 6stn 10 I think and it took me two years to get to 7stn 7 and 7months for my bloods to get to 10.
Then it was out of control I just was in love with my habit and I still can't kick it :cry: not even for my baby :cry::cry:
 
I don't even know how or why it started. I think it was the need for control but i wasnt even aware of it, i just did it. I didnt even know this until i was reading back my old diaries and there was one day when my mum 'busted me', she'd noticed i hadnt been eating and made me weigh myself in front of her and stuff and got us a takeaway so i felt like i had to eat it :cry: And i'd wrote a massive rant about how fat and disgusting i was and how i couldn't let her win and i HAD to be in control. It was weird cos i hadnt even remembered i felt like that til i read it back :wacko: I was 14 when it started and i started by throwing away my packed lunch (sorry mum lol). Then skipping breakfast, i'd get up before my mum and put a bit of cereal and milk in the bottom of a bowl to make it look like i'd eaten, then she'd cook me tea and i'd make excuses by saying i felt ill or wasnt hungry or i'd go to bed when i got in from school and get up again about 9pm so i would definitely miss tea. Carried on until i met FOB and he took me out for meals and stuff and would cook for me :)cry:) so i just ate cos i didnt wanna put him off me. :( Then when i got pregnant i was kinda ok, about halfway through i stopped recording all my calories for the first time in 3 years. Then about March/April this year i got into my head i was getting fat and was also having a shit time with FOB and various other things so just fell back into it really. Its what i know and trust. Ive lost about a stone since then but i still feel fat and i want to lose more weight even though i'm the lightest i've ever been even when i was like 13/14. And every time something happens or me and FOB argue i just sit and drink and dont eat for days because i feel like i deserve to be punished and i have no respect for myself whatsoever. Feel like i'm the problem so i'm the one that deserves to hurt. Sorry for essay lol feeling like utter shit today (FOB as per)
 
To be honest I don't know when it started, I'm another one that used to throw away my packed lunch. I didn't actually think ''I want to lose weight'' though. With me I think it's just all crept up on me, FOB used to call me fat and disgusting. So I started counting calories and fasting (some of which while I was pregnant, I know shit mother) I still count calories now and fast, although it's mainly when I'm stressed. After being in an abusive relationship where FOB had all control over me I think I've used this as something I have total control over.
Oh I mention weight related things in the next spoiler so recovering ladies please DONT click!

I'm a 26'' waist now, still a bit to go.. and now I'm stuck at 7stone 6lbs
 
I have bought scales.. i do already have some but i decided i cant deal with not knowing my exact weight all the time, soi bought digital ones with body fat and water mass :dohh:
 
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