~ Anorexia, Bulimia & Eating Disorder Support Thread ~

[Lubbird]

So my Dad told me to move my fat a** today...

 

[mayb_baby]

So my Dad told me to move my fat a** today...

How rude
Hope you'r Ok

 

[Lubbird]

So my Dad told me to move my fat a** today...

How rude
Hope you'r Ok

Thanks hun just feeling so shitty today like i'm never gonna be good enough.

 

[sarah0108]

How is everyone tday? x

 

[annawrigley]

Better but still not in the mood to eat. You?

Lorna

Spoiler

You may have put on muscle if you've been exercising loads? Weighs more than fat after all!

HellBunny
No, well i don't think so anyway i have no idea what goes on in his fucked up little brain he's like Jekyll & Hyde. Tells me he wants me one day and that he dumped his gf and tries it on with me, then runs back to her hours later makes her block me on FB so I can't tell her (cos i always do lol) and says that i'm pathetic and disgusting and he never wants to see me again and bla bla bla. I just want him to go hide in a big hole and never come out He causes so much drama its unreal

 

[mayb_baby]

Anna

 

[sarah0108]

Anna thats so shit he is such an arsehole.

Spoiler

i feel stuffed today i made a curry and had the tiniest portion ever and then add on the 2 hot drinks i have had today. Probs about 400cals all day

im so full though its unreal!!

 

[Rin731]

-I'm having a REALLY hard time because I DO need to lose weight- I'm 225 lbs, and I weighed 145lbs in May 2011.

-I am so upset and depressed all the time, all I want to do is restrict and starve. I'm eating a peanut butter sandwich right now, not because I want to but because I feel like I'm going to pass out-hadn't eaten yet today.

-I have a hard time because when I try and exercise, all I can think is "You stupid, fat, ugly, b!tch!!!! You are so awful and grotesque, why are you even trying???". I can't even THINK about exercise without the huge amount of self loathing attached popping up.

-I want to cry right now, because I feel like the only thing that will make me better is to go full blown anorexic again (like I did to go from 225 to 125 lb about 4-6 yrs ago...)
, and to lose this weight. If I got down to 150 this time, I'd feel fine. I really, truly would.

-Problem is, last time I was single. Now I'm married. It makes it so much harder. The wanting to starve makes the guilt worse with DH involved, and makes the cycle so much worse...

-I try to be careful what I eat, but...I get so sad, I overeat, then I gain, then I hate myself, then I eat, then I gain.

-I am so upset right now. I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning.

-DH and I went to see his family, mine, and go to an Autumn Festival in the area last weekend, and I didn't have fun. All I can think is, "See that chick there? Yeah, you should look like that..."

-I seriously just want to scream. I am so tired of being fat. I wake up in the morning and before I get out of bed, I think about it. When I'm in the shower, getting dressed, going places, just ANYTHING, I think about it.





-I just....don't know. All I want to do today is crawl into bed and cry. Which doesn't make me lose any weight....

Sorry such a long moan-y post. xx


P.S. MIL is getting rid of some exercise equipment, so I'm going to try and get my hands on some- I really want an elliptical so I can do it whilst I watch tv or something to distract from the weight loss thoughts....(though MIL doesn't have one, I'm saving for it.) So maybe that'll help...*sigh*

 

[Rin731]

So my Dad told me to move my fat a** today...

Yeah...my grandpa told me to "Suck it in." the other day when he was moving things in the kitchen and I had to get through...He didn't mean any harm, but for someone who's ALWAYS worried their weight will be mentioned, it hurts.

 

[mayb_baby]

There is healthier options such as Weight watchers, Slimming World or join and exercise class. Do a healthy weight loss scheme

 

[Rin731]

There is healthier options such as Weight watchers, Slimming World or join and exercise class. Do a healthy weight loss scheme

I've tried healthy, believe me. At my best, I was eating 80% organic, and taking belly dance 4x a week...I've been bellydancing for 3+ yrs (2.5 or so in-class) and LOVE IT, but whenever I try to do it now, I flip out over my weight and have a full blown panic attack...I really want to re-join the class (as I've been doing it alone at home), but I refuse to go back til I've lost at least 50 lbs (because I am too scared of being seen as fat, and it triggers my self-harm).

Also, DH and I are on a budget and can't really afford any classes at the moment.

----------------------
I have a history of depression/anxiety, and was only ever diagnosed with depression (when I was 12, I gained 60 lbs in 3 months on the medication, and that's why I went anorexic the first time).

I'm fairly certain (from looking at how I am, how life events affected me, etc) that I have this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder

Sorry if I sound b!tchy, I'm just so lost lately.

 

[Rin731]

Me too hun, i get so depressed at trying on my old clothes and i cant even get them past my knees x

YES! I'm a 2x on top, size 20 jeans..... I was a size MEDUIM on top and a size 11 in jeans 1.5 yrs ago....SO angry at myself, and so sad.

 

[mayb_baby]

aww

 

[Rin731]

I'm just so tired of having to fight an uphill battle everyday, and still end up hating myself at the end.

I'm tried of having to try so hard. It makes me so.....blah.

Like all I want to do now is exercise for 8 hours straight, or something, to feel like I'm worthwhile...but all I can do is see how fat I am and want to cry.

 

[mayb_baby]

Does anyone restricting get severe headaches?

 

[sarah0108]

Me too hun, i get so depressed at trying on my old clothes and i cant even get them past my knees x

YES! I'm a 2x on top, size 20 jeans..... I was a size MEDUIM on top and a size 11 in jeans 1.5 yrs ago....SO angry at myself, and so sad.

i know exactly how you feel hun

i darent post my weight in here and i doubt i will, because im far from how i want/used to be everytime i think about it i make myself so mad!!

 

[sarah0108]

Does anyone restricting get severe headaches?

YES

mine used to be so so bad, i got sent for eye tests multiple times by my drs for it but my eyes are prefectly fine

 

[Rin731]

Does anyone restricting get severe headaches?

YES

mine used to be so so bad, i got sent for eye tests multiple times by my drs for it but my eyes are prefectly fine

I have one right now. I've eaten 3/4 of a peanut butter sandwich today, and I can't bring myself to eat anything more.


Isn't it sad when you say to yourself, "Well, let's start restricting again, shall we?" It's so sick...because I never feel like I'm worth anything unless I do...and I get an excited, happy rush thinking about it.

 

[Rin731]

Boo

 

[sarah0108]

yep, even worse how 'proud' you feel if you dont eat