~ Anorexia, Bulimia & Eating Disorder Support Thread ~

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Having a really difficult time right now. At my mums and my older sister came to visit yesterday and she has lost some weight and looks great. I am such a bitch but I found this really difficult to deal with. She is almost 30 and has a first class degree in English lit and a masters in scriptwriting, my sister Finola is an amazingly talented artist and my younger sister is in school and doing so well. I was a fuck up when I was a teenager, the only thing that I have is that I am (was) the thinnest! Coming back home always reminds me of how much of a part of my identity it still is, as much as I try to deny it. I have been obsessively checking my collarbones are visible which is one of my old ED behaviours and subtly trying to figure out if my sisters arms look thinner than mine. I am such a selfish bitch, but all of a sudden it is like my anorexic mindset just came flooding back and these past two days I have been struggling so much :cry:
 
Louandivy-
:hugs::hugs::hugs:

I'm sure you look fantastic. And it doesn't matter what your sisters are doing. You are you, so try not to compare. ( I know it's hard, we all do it, but still, gotta try not to...)

Try not to worry about it too much. :)
 
Thank you Rin. I really try so hard not to but it is so deeply ingrained in me, I really feel like it was one of the main triggers for my anorexia in the first place. I just feel so inferior compared to all of them, I just need to be the thinnest, its all I have! Of course that isn't even true, I have my beautiful little girl, but I just don't feel like myself. As terrible as it sounds, I am used to my family worrying about me and pandering to my needs at meal times, when they started talking about the calories in yorkshire pudding yesterday I wanted to scream 'just because i am recovered doesn't mean that i can't relapse!'. I feel so childish :( Hope you are okay :hugs:
 
I'm doing...alright. I understand your troubles, though.

I got taken from my unfit mother when I was 3, and my grandparents took me in. Always, (even now), I'm scared I'm not good enough and that those I love will abandon me, too. That's where my anorexia started in high school. Now I'm a little overweight, actually, but it makes those feelings that much worse.

I have yet to relapse, but that's because I put so much effort into NOT relapsing. It gets exhausting.
---

Just want you to know you're not alone, hon.

:hugs:
 
Oh no, so sorry to hear that Lou, i'm not surprised it made you feel like that with them talking about calories! They should know better than that, just because we have children and have moved on it doesn't always mean its all in the past. Do you see your family often? Try and not let it get you too down, remember what you said before in the recovery thread, how you wouldn't want Ivy to know/witness all that you went through. Its our reason to carry on and get better :hugs: xxx
 
Bah...
I KNOW I can't exercise bc I'm sick...and I ate 2 doughnuts last night with DH. Feel so fat, gross, and a let-down to myself. :dohh:
 
Wooooo Hoo!

Worked out on the Ab Circle for 30-40 min Tues, and wow.

It gets my heart going, and I'm rly sore today!

Here's to hoping it works!

:thumbup:
 
Can anyone in recovery tell me if recovery caused irregular cycles? Even if while sick, your period was very regular?
 
My periods have only recently become regular, after Ivy. I have had an eating disorder on and off for years but even when in recovery they were very irregular, it must be a miracle that I actually got pregnant. :hugs:
 
My period was always regular, through 7 years of purging, af came every 28-30 days. Stopped purging cold turkey on 9/25. Next period came on time, 10/15. Now i should have started on 11/12, but haven't. Been having beige cm since 11/12 but no af.
 
I'm having a bad time at the moment too I met some friends and realised I am a hell of a lot bigger then I thought and have really let myself go although I am 2lb lighter then I thought and have 11lb until I am happy. :cry:
My thoughts are awful but I am a failure and am having it sooo rough at the moment :cry:

This makes barely any sense at the moment you wouldn't believe I am doing a literature degree :cry:
 
mayb_baby said:
I'm having a bad time at the moment too I met some friends and realised I am a hell of a lot bigger then I thought and have really let myself go although I am 2lb lighter then I thought and have 11lb until I am happy. :cry:
My thoughts are awful but I am a failure and am having it sooo rough at the moment :cry:

This makes barely any sense at the moment you wouldn't believe I am doing a literature degree :cry:
Click to expand...

Ditto. I have ~75 lbs to lose and seeing friends really hits it home...
 
Soooo. How are we feeling about the holidays? Thanksgiving is almost here, and Christmas, and it seems like I always feel worse then. Maybe it's all the food and family and comparing myself to everyone...:dohh:
 
mayb_baby said:
I'm having a bad time at the moment too I met some friends and realised I am a hell of a lot bigger then I thought and have really let myself go although I am 2lb lighter then I thought and have 11lb until I am happy. :cry:
My thoughts are awful but I am a failure and am having it sooo rough at the moment :cry:

This makes barely any sense at the moment you wouldn't believe I am doing a literature degree :cry:
Click to expand...

I know you won't believe me but you are teeny tiny in person and I wouldn't lie about something like that lol - smaller than me for sure. I'm feeling the same way but try not to let it get to you too much. You're not a failure :hugs: Chin up Irish! xxxxxxxxxx
 
Cautiously back in here..

:dohh:


Lorna, you are so tiny! honestly, i felt like such a fat bitch, i mean look at annas dp haha i am huge :cry:

i felt so fat on our night out and ive been such a freak this week with food again :cry:

the past few weeks i have really struggled to eat, i just feel constantly sick!!
 
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