~ Anorexia, Bulimia & Eating Disorder Support Thread ~

[louandivy]

Me too I always struggle around Christmas.

Christmas is definitely difficult. I struggle so much with being around my family, because as much as I love them I can't help but feel really competitive with my sisters as being thin is my thing. Also, this sounds terrible but I am used to people making a bit of a fuss of me around food but this is now the longest time I have gone without relapsing since I was first diagnosed so my mum seems to have stopped worrying and never comments on my weight anymore, and it makes me feel like shit I am beginning to think that I will never get rid of this mindset, I can only change how I cope with these thoughts.

 

[mayb_baby]

Me too I always struggle around Christmas.

Christmas is definitely difficult. I struggle so much with being around my family, because as much as I love them I can't help but feel really competitive with my sisters as being thin is my thing. Also, this sounds terrible but I am used to people making a bit of a fuss of me around food but this is now the longest time I have gone without relapsing since I was first diagnosed so my mum seems to have stopped worrying and never comments on my weight anymore, and it makes me feel like shit I am beginning to think that I will never get rid of this mindset, I can only change how I cope with these thoughts.

This is me I am in competition with my family as I was 'the thin one' and I'm not the thinnest any more and I feel like my identity has been stripped away from me. To be honest I love the fuss as I know I am small when there fussing but now they stopped means I'm no longer 'thin' but normal and I have nothing else I haven't lovely features but I was small and thin.

 

[Rin731]

Thinking of all of us lovely ladies as Thanksgiving and the holiday season approaches.

I have some of DH's family coming into town that I've never met before, so I'm stressed...

Those of us with an ED know how hard the holidays can be, with Thanksgiving a holiday centered around food...and Christmas with it's pies, cakes, and cookies right after...with a New years party or too, full of snacks and drinking. It can be difficult not to relapse. ( I always, always have the urge to restrict at the holidays...)

I'm hoping that we can all try and find it in us to think positively about ourselves this holiday season.

to all the girls on this thread.

 

[TupeloHoney]

I don't have an ED, but I do have a problem with restricting food to harm myself. Naturally, this gets worse when I get depressed. I've been doing really, really bad lately and am finally starting to - physically - feel normal after two weeks in bed. I was so stressed that I made myself ill. I started eating normally again for a little over a week, even indulging in foods I normally moderate, but now it's getting hard again. I was so focused on feeling better, but now all I can think about is how unhappy I am. I feel hungry, but it's like I don't even care what happens anymore. My family is willing to pay for me to take an art class or a college course to try and make my life more fulfilling, but I'm scared.

Maybe this is the wrong place to write, as you girls have real problems, but I'm just having a hard time.

 

[Rin731]

I don't have an ED, but I do have a problem with restricting food to harm myself. Naturally, this gets worse when I get depressed. I've been doing really, really bad lately and am finally starting to - physically - feel normal after two weeks in bed. I was so stressed that I made myself ill. I started eating normally again for a little over a week, even indulging in foods I normally moderate, but now it's getting hard again. I was so focused on feeling better, but now all I can think about is how unhappy I am. I feel hungry, but it's like I don't even care what happens anymore. My family is willing to pay for me to take an art class or a college course to try and make my life more fulfilling, but I'm scared.

Maybe this is the wrong place to write, as you girls have real problems, but I'm just having a hard time.

It sounds to me like you might have an ED, though you think you don't. It's not cut and dry binge/purge, there are many many kinds of ED and depression can be part of the problem, etc. I know that when I'm restricting, I have self loathing/self harm thoughts also.

Spoiler

Anorexia signs and symptoms may include:

Refusing to eat and denying hunger
An intense fear of gaining weight
Negative or distorted self-image
Excessively exercising
Flat mood or lack of emotion
Preoccupation with food
Social withdrawal -(I bolded the ones that stood out to me from your post)
Thin appearance
Dizziness or fainting
Soft, downy hair present on the body (lanugo)
Menstrual irregularities or loss of menstruation (amenorrhea)
Constipation
Abdominal pain
Dry skin
Frequently being cold
Irregular heart rhythms
Low blood pressure
Dehydration

https://www.mayoclinic.com/health/eating-disorders/DS00294/DSECTION=symptoms

If you want more info, take a look at that link.

I know how scary it is to go out and do something new, I hated college because of all the girls there thinner than I was. Just see if you can find maybe one course you really truly would enjoy and try it out?

And if you're having a bad day, no matter how small it may seem to you, I'm here to talk.

 

[TupeloHoney]

Thank you, Rin. It's a comfort, knowing that there's somebody listening.

 

[Rin731]

Thank you, Rin. It's a comfort, knowing that there's somebody listening.

No problem hon. I understand.

 

[Jellyt]

So I'm having therapy from the 30th December. I went to the doctors this morning and spoke about my anxiety and he pulled up my file and mentioned the anorexia. I was honest with him which surprised me and he's booked me into cognitive therapy. There's always such a long waiting time but hopefully it'll be a new year, new start. I hope it helps this time. Hope you're all okay!x

 

[Jellyt]

I don't have an ED, but I do have a problem with restricting food to harm myself. Naturally, this gets worse when I get depressed. I've been doing really, really bad lately and am finally starting to - physically - feel normal after two weeks in bed. I was so stressed that I made myself ill. I started eating normally again for a little over a week, even indulging in foods I normally moderate, but now it's getting hard again. I was so focused on feeling better, but now all I can think about is how unhappy I am. I feel hungry, but it's like I don't even care what happens anymore. My family is willing to pay for me to take an art class or a college course to try and make my life more fulfilling, but I'm scared.

Maybe this is the wrong place to write, as you girls have real problems, but I'm just having a hard time.

Just because ours may be diagnosed/self diagnosed doesn't mean that yours isn't a real problem and it does sound to me like maybe you might have an eating disorder. It isn't black and White. I get physically ill from stress/anxiety too and it's tough. I'm glad that you're feeling a bit better though! The class would probably be a good idea. I've recently started back at university and some days I'm so nervous that I actually throw up but once I give myself a bit of a talk and make myself go, I'm always glad I did and proud that I managed to talk to people/act normal etc xx

 

[Rin731]

So I'm having therapy from the 30th December. I went to the doctors this morning and spoke about my anxiety and he pulled up my file and mentioned the anorexia. I was honest with him which surprised me and he's booked me into cognitive therapy. There's always such a long waiting time but hopefully it'll be a new year, new start. I hope it helps this time. Hope you're all okay!x

I hope it goes well for you.

 

[mayb_baby]

So yeah I am anaemic. . . again :/

 

[TupeloHoney]

I'm sorry to hear that, Mayb_Baby. I hope you feel better.

Yesterday was tough for me - my uncle always takes me out, whenever he comes up, and I couldn't accept anything he offered. He tells me to look at clothes, look at books or jewelry, and I just felt like I didn't deserve it.

It was especially hard when we walked passed the chocolate shop and I said "no" to him. He tried again at the bakery, and as much as a part of me wanted to, I wouldn't let him buy me anything. He did take me out for Japanese, for lunch. I ate a cucumber roll, a tuna roll, and half of my miso soup but most of the salad. What was worse was, when we got home, I went straight to bed and didn't allow myself any dinner.

I feel horrible, because I know he's all the more worried, now. I don't always do this, but I was so indulgent last week, trying to get better, that I feel like an asshole now. My mom noticed that my breath is starting to smell again, which also mortified me. I might have a date next week. I don't want to reek if he goes to kiss me.

 

[sarah0108]

Lorna my iron levels have gotten soo low again they're always low but its bad now,im blacking out and having AWFUL headaches

 

[TupeloHoney]

I need to focus on the energy I get when I eat, and remind myself that even if I gain a little weight, with that energy I can burn it off. My mother is here to help me, so I won't eat too little or too much. I want to start over. I want to feel better.

 

[Rin731]

I need to focus on the energy I get when I eat, and remind myself that even if I gain a little weight, with that energy I can burn it off. My mother is here to help me, so I won't eat too little or too much. I want to start over. I want to feel better.

I hear that. I want to feel better too. It's sad when say to my husband, "I don't feel well." and I mean mentally. Tired of the ED...

Spoiler

but all I want to do is restrict.

 

[TupeloHoney]

I hope you feel better, too.

My belly actually feels weird tonight, because I haven't felt so full in a while. I've noticed that usually when I go through a "phase" like this, I do fine for a week or so. I just hope that I don't fall back, because for me, this all plays around my depression. My fingers are crossed that I'll stay strong, because I'm going through alot in my life right now. And I'm often left home alone.

Spoiler

Because I know, just like when I was abusing pills, that if I don't stop now, I'm going to really hurt myself.

But at least I have my mother to help me get through this. She wasn't mad at me, at all, when I explained it all to her.

 

[Rin731]

I hope you feel better, too.

My belly actually feels weird tonight, because I haven't felt so full in a while. I've noticed that usually when I go through a "phase" like this, I do fine for a week or so. I just hope that I don't fall back, because for me, this all plays around my depression. My fingers are crossed that I'll stay strong, because I'm going through alot in my life right now. And I'm often left home alone.

Spoiler

Because I know, just like when I was abusing pills, that if I don't stop now, I'm going to really hurt myself.

But at least I have my mother to help me get through this. She wasn't mad at me, at all, when I explained it all to her.

My husband is there for me, which is a help.

Mine also centers around periods of self loathing and depression.

 

[mayb_baby]

Could be triggering

Spoiler

So I am really tired all the time with my anaemia, missed uni today again.
I cannot stop thinking about food, I love food loads but cannot help but wanting to punish myself for eating it by purging.
I am calorie counting again and restricting

Spoiler

I refuse to eat over 600cals in a day

my mum says she sees me losing weight, I feel awful for being so happy with this.
I am so fed up of being twisted but I need to be thin by Christmas

 

[Rin731]

Could be triggering

Spoiler

So I am really tired all the time with my anaemia, missed uni today again.
I cannot stop thinking about food, I love food loads but cannot help but wanting to punish myself for eating it by purging.
I am calorie counting again and restricting

Spoiler

I refuse to eat over 600cals in a day

my mum says she sees me losing weight, I feel awful for being so happy with this.
I am so fed up of being twisted but I need to be thin by Christmas

Spoiler

Try to take it one day at a time. Let yourself have something nice to eat, but that is good for you, and take a walk after.

I find that if (for example) I have a salad with fish in it and then take a walk vs a burger and no walk, it can help the way I cope with the feelings of wanting to restrict.

If I know it's healthy food, and I walked as a way of exercising in a constructive way, it really does help to make me feel less guilty and apt to restrict or have a panic attack over it.

Ps I was down to 500 calories in high school and felt so weak all the time.

 

[mayb_baby]

Spoiler

It's too wet to walk anywhere and it's so cold so I play wii
I'm having grilled chicken and rice tonight then 2 hours of WII