~ Anorexia, Bulimia & Eating Disorder Support Thread ~

[annawrigley]

I haven't kept a scale in the house for years, and I don't plan to change that. I know it'll only make me more obsessive and I punish myself enough, already.

I binged TWICE in the last four days and feel so down on myself. I just got out of respite, after OD'ing on sedatives to avoid eating dinner and due to simply feeling sad. I've had to eat two meals a day in respite, though restricted what I could, which wasn't much. Now I feel like I've lost control over my body and I'm so afraid I'm going to balloon. I just lost another jean size in the last two weeks - I should be feeling great. But I only want to get smaller. I know I should be trying to kick this, but I just don't want to stop.

It's more than just the vanity, though. A part of me is uncertain of what I'll do, without pills or restriction, when I get depressed. I don't know how to cope with my emotions, I truly don't.

I'm exactly the same. Alcohol and my ED is all I've ever known to deal with things. When FOB dumped me when I was pregnant it was the lowest I've ever been, because I couldn't drink and I couldn't restrict. I felt SO out of control it was horrible. Hope you're feeling better x

Spoiler

Hi girls, just need a little support to help me rationalise things right now. I decided to attempt a healthy diet beginning last week as my shorts ripped when I sat down and it depressed the hell out of me. Do you guys think it is possible to be a recovered/ing anorexic and diet healthily without getting out of control? OH's birthday so we went to an all you can eat buffet and I am feeling wretched about how much I ate, even though I know really that it wasn't very much but I have been controlling what I've been eating quite strongly this week so it made me feel very ashamed of myself.
I find it so easy to diet, but am beginning to think that maybe I'm not eating enough as I'm finding myself very preoccupied by food too. Generally I have been having porridge for breakfast, a cuppa soup with a few breadsticks and carrots for lunch and a small portion of whatever Ivy is eating for dinner, with apples and tea if I need to snack. To me this seems like a reasonable amount but I am already a size 8 so I kind of know that maybe i am taking it a bit far. I just wondered what you girls thought about dieting post-ED and whether it is healthy/safe/possible? Thanks

For me its not possible, the only form of 'dieting' I've ever known is restricting and unhealthy behaviours and thoughts. I don't think I could try and eat healthily without getting obsessed with it and slipping back into bad habits, but it may be possible for others I don't know. It sounds like the amount you're eating is a lot less than a 'normal' healthy diet, but I'm not really sure what normal is tbh, it doesn't sound like you're eating much though xx

 

[mayb_baby]

How is everyone keeping in the festive season? xx

 

[annawrigley]

How is everyone keeping in the festive season? xx

I'm poorly all the time,I know if I eat better it'll resolve it but I don't want to I love winter and Christmastime but not when I'm ill How are you? xx

 

[mayb_baby]

I have an app that's making me restrict more
Christmas is so tempting so I restrict more

 

[louandivy]

Oops for some reason didn't see the replies until now. Thanks guys I have been trying to eat a bit more but it is so hard around this time, especially when I know that I am going to be around my family and always compare my weight to my sisters.

What is the restriction app? Hope you guys are as well as can be

 

[mayb_baby]

just a fitness pal but i always go way under my calorie limits but the past 2 days I have binged like crazy

 

[HellBunny]

Hi everyone, i've not been on for a good few weeks, i found things so easy with jayden and this time i'm so paranoid, i can't wait til May until i can give this ED what it really fucking wants.
I've put on 4lb this week, up until now i haven't gained at all, i lost a few lbs at the start due to a stomach bug and i must admit i was happy.
My thighs seem so much bigger, i'm so scared i will gain so much and never get it off, i spoke to o/h about it and he said weights irrelevant when you are pregnant, i know he is right in a way but that doesn't make it easier, i can't just switch this off and be normal, i don't mind the bump gain, i'm just worried the gain will go all over me.

 

[mayb_baby]

Hi everyone, i've not been on for a good few weeks, i found things so easy with jayden and this time i'm so paranoid, i can't wait til May until i can give this ED what it really fucking wants.
I've put on 4lb this week, up until now i haven't gained at all, i lost a few lbs at the start due to a stomach bug and i must admit i was happy.
My thighs seem so much bigger, i'm so scared i will gain so much and never get it off, i spoke to o/h about it and he said weights irrelevant when you are pregnant, i know he is right in a way but that doesn't make it easier, i can't just switch this off and be normal, i don't mind the bump gain, i'm just worried the gain will go all over me.

I was the same but if you eat healthly and no high in fat food and exercise you and LO should be Ok hope you stay safe and healthy

 

[HellBunny]

Thanks hun xx

 

[hot tea]

Thought I would pop in...

 

[Lubbird]

x

 

[AirForceWife7]

Really feeling down about my weight after this holiday season.

I have eaten way too unhealthy this past month & have gained probably 5-7 lbs. That is my own fault.

I look at myself in the mirror and want to just cry. I feel absolutely disgusting

 

[mayb_baby]

Really feeling down about my weight after this holiday season.

I have eaten way too unhealthy this past month & have gained probably 5-7 lbs. That is my own fault.

I look at myself in the mirror and want to just cry. I feel absolutely disgusting

same

 

[Jellyt]

Really feeling down about my weight after this holiday season.

I have eaten way too unhealthy this past month & have gained probably 5-7 lbs. That is my own fault.

I look at myself in the mirror and want to just cry. I feel absolutely disgusting

same

Me too . I can't stand it!

This is gonna sound weird but does anyone else think that they look different in every mirror and therefore panic that they don't know what they really look like? I looked at myself in my mirror at home before I left for work this morning and then the mirror at work makes me look thinner. I know it's probably to do with lighting etc but I don't know which one is telling me the truth if any.

 

[Kelln]

Really feeling down about my weight after this holiday season.

I have eaten way too unhealthy this past month & have gained probably 5-7 lbs. That is my own fault.

I look at myself in the mirror and want to just cry. I feel absolutely disgusting

Sounds familiar. Don't feel bad about it. It's all part of the learning process. I the end, it only creates more motivation stop these habits.

 

[annawrigley]

Really feeling down about my weight after this holiday season.

I have eaten way too unhealthy this past month & have gained probably 5-7 lbs. That is my own fault.

I look at myself in the mirror and want to just cry. I feel absolutely disgusting

same

Me too . I can't stand it!

This is gonna sound weird but does anyone else think that they look different in every mirror and therefore panic that they don't know what they really look like? I looked at myself in my mirror at home before I left for work this morning and then the mirror at work makes me look thinner. I know it's probably to do with lighting etc but I don't know which one is telling me the truth if any.

All the time!!! It drives me insane.

 

[louandivy]

Really feeling down about my weight after this holiday season.

I have eaten way too unhealthy this past month & have gained probably 5-7 lbs. That is my own fault.

I look at myself in the mirror and want to just cry. I feel absolutely disgusting

same

Me too . I can't stand it!

This is gonna sound weird but does anyone else think that they look different in every mirror and therefore panic that they don't know what they really look like? I looked at myself in my mirror at home before I left for work this morning and then the mirror at work makes me look thinner. I know it's probably to do with lighting etc but I don't know which one is telling me the truth if any.

Yes absolutely! It is quite a scary thought. I remember when I was first admitted into the ward I looked in the mirror in my room and for the first time thought 'wow, I actually look very thin' but then immediately became paranoid that the hospital purposely put mirrors that make you look thin in our rooms to trick us into not realising how much weight we were gaining

Spoiler

I'm still dieting, not restricting. But I am feeling extremely hungry all the time but literally cannot bring myself to eat in between meals or have more than a small portion of everything because it isn't in my "plan". Right now I am absolutely starving, to the point that it is making me feel sick but after eating a few grapes, it felt so wrong I had to stop. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to rid myself of the anorexic mindset no matter how much or little I eat.

 

[HellBunny]

I don't think this ever does go away, i really hope the new year brings lots of recoveries.
I'm doing ok, gained 5lbs so far, though it looks more, maybe its in my head i don't know but i just miss the fasting/restricting, though i don't miss my vile depressive behaviours that came with it.
I think i'm going to have to go on AD's or something after our baby is born, i can't go through all that again, how i was with Jayden i was a mean stroppy cow, at the moment i'm fine i'm managing, enjoying being a mum but its the pregnancy happy hormones, once he/she is here i just know i'm going to be manicly depressed again and i don't know what to do about it. I wasted so many precious months being suicidal i can't put them all through it, not just to do with weight/ana just general moods.

 

[misslissa]

Major binge weekend, oh has been working so I've eaten so much, feel rotten. It's like I 'have' to do it if I'm alone.

I hate not having self control

 

[JacquiKeren]

well, iv had anorexia/bulimia since 2009, ever since my grandma died. I have had cbt for 1 year but last july, when i was 8months gone, i made the decison to quit it. i felt i was improving better on my own and to be honest the dr did my head in! My hubby was adament i would get worse, but iv got better and better. i had the odd day where i binged/purged, but nothing compared to what i was!

I am determined that 2012 is going to be my fresh start and so far iv been healthy eating and havnt binged purged once!! iv only weighed myself a couple times as well. i cudnt be feeling better for it! I havnt gained weight, nor lost it and i certainly havnt been restricting either!

From being a low 7st at 5"8 im now a healthy 9st 3lb. my son is 20 weeks old.

hope it continues and i dont go back to my crazy thoughts (as my hubby kindly puts it!) xx