Today has already been a really bad day, I can't stop purging, My parents have been my case like crazy and the stress is just pushing me harder and harder. I'm lactose and tolerant, and the only thing that sounded some what good was pretzels and cheese and I got yelled at for eating it. which in my head just re-enforces the don't eat. My parents don't know about my ed but i'm thinking it's time i have to tell them. Any thoughts on how?
Thats very brave of you
Perhaps you could write them a letter and leave it on their pillow? Its sometimes easier to get across feelings that are difficult to vocalise, as for the eating, I would say go see you gp and explain how you are feeling and that you desperately need support, if you feel your gp isnt helpful or supportive enough then dont hesitate to look for another! I'm not sure where you are but I was given a liason officer from the eating disorder unit that I was attending before I found out I was pregnant and found she was really helpful! I have been following a meal plan, its calorie restrictive but i discussed everything on it with a dietician to make sure that there were things i liked and which werent too challenging or difficult to follow. Also you mentioned you dont want to see the scales when your weighed at your next appointment, you dont need to! At my first meeting with the midwives they took my history and I explained that I was still in treatment for bulimia, I asked them not to tell me my weight ever and to only mention it to me if i am gaining too much or loosing too much, but even then do not tell me the number. Now when I go for appointments my actual weight is kept from me, im weighed with my back to the scale and a note has been placed on my file that this is how i am always to be weighed and to under no circumstances tell me. I'm sure if you explained how stressful your finding the thought of weight gain your doctors/midwives could put a similar note in your file, it takes the stress out as they literally will not allow me to see and ive not been allowed to have a scales in the house for a long time so its only on occasional trips to boots that i can look, once the option was taken away i found it much easier to relax and the panic subsided to the point that I dont think I would ever want to own a scales again!
Heres a few tips that I was taught that I found really useful
1. Remind yourself everytime you eat that your not feeding yourself your feeding your baby, i found that helped a lot.
2. Its not your belly that is growing it is your baby getting bigger and stronger
3. Eat small meals often, dont let yourself get hungry, I know that sounds ridiculous but its true. If you have to use military planning to achieve this then so be it but its really helpful to mark out when you need to eat and whether your hungry or not just eat, if you stop yourself from getting to the point where your really hungry your less likely to binge, if you have small meals it will stop you from feeling too full and wanting to purge.
4. If you have a binge, dont berate yourself, just fight the autopilot and force yourself to go lie down, at first tell yourself you will allow yourself to purge in 5 minutes, but next time it happens make it ten and then 15 and after some time you'll get to the point where if a binge does occur your more able to calm yourself down and resist the urge.
5. Dont leave sugar out of your meal plan, if you happen to binge on cakes a lot then put one into your meal plan, with reduced calories in other meals for that day if it makes you feel safer or a scheduled light activity. If you have sugary foods everyday during binges like i did there is absoloutly no point in trying to eat lettuce instead, you just cannot cut it out that easily your body will crave it and it'll drive you to binge.
6. If you have a bad day dont give up, if you feel you cant do it then ask for more support from your gp and tell him honestly how you are coping.
7. Make sure your staying properly hydrated, purging makes you very dehydrated and dehydration puts your body under a lot of stress so its really important
8. Take an interest in cooking from scratch, if you cook yourself a healthy meal and make sure your not too hungry when you start I think personally that your less likely to binge, just because when I binge its always on fast food and junk, by the time you've cooked an actual meal the urge to binge will hopefully have passed
Best of luck hun, let us know how it goes telling your parents and remember you are doing the right thing for you and for baby
x
I know I should eat more, I feel guilty for eating a lot last night.
It's all just a big bummer. 
I want to do what's best for my son, but it's all overwhelming since everything happened in the course of a week. I made myself eat a doughnut this morning because I had been up all night with LO, he had a colicky night. 
Although I know it may not be exactly what you'd want at this point in time. I had JUST been discharged from the hospital again when I found out I was pregnant, and it is difficult to be in the middle of treatment and pregnant. 
