Any other Mums out there with high needs babies?

[staralfur]

We had the same problems with shallow latching. I don't remember if you said you've seen a lactation consultant or not? I wish I would have. We basically just fed with a bad latch until 3 months when the pain finally went away and she seemed to just naturally latch better. I believe the bigger they get the easier it is for them to take more breast.

 

[Babyface179]

Hugs. My first was such a grumpy, fussy, miserable sod, until he was about 5/6 months old. The more he was able to do for himself the happier he got. Now at 20 months he is the funniest little dude. He is exceptionally bright and I think the baby stage was hugely frustrating for him.

My 2nd was really chilled out for the first 6 weeks and then spent the next three months SCREAMING all the time. We have him on a massive dose of omperizole for his reflux and now at 6 months he is so smiley and chilled out.

Both my boys had MEGA MEGA MEGA meltdowns when they got over-tired. It was like their brains short circuited. The sound of their screaming when this happend (which was often several times a day) was horrifying. The problem with this is that they flat out refused to sleep (during the day) so it was often unavoidable. They outgrew the meltdown stage at 5 months.

I got PND with both my boys because I found it so difficult. My advice would be to do all you can to make sure that the refulx is as well controlled as possible and make sure their is no CMPI or lactose allergy going on and to carry on what you are doing by coming on BNB and connecting with people that understand and can sympathise.

Hugs x

 

[sg2011]

I didn't read all the replies but just wanted to say that I feel for you. My dd was terrible from about 3 weeks until about 4 months of age. I really thought I had made a mistake having a baby even though I had wanted her so badly. My cousin's first daughter was the same as well so I had the support of someone who "got it" rather than moms of babies who were happy from the get go. Anyway, my dd is now almost 10 months and she is amazing! Good tempered, happy, sweet, hilarious and just awesome. I went from feeling like I had destroyed mine and DH's lives to not being able to imagine life without my little buddy who is so loving and makes me laugh all day. It can and will get better and eventually you will look back on this time as a distant nightmare and what you went through will be worth it for all the wonderful things you have yet to experience. I know it doesn't seem like it now but you will be ok...you will get through this.

I also didn't want to have anymore children after my initial experience but have since changed my mind and we will be trying for number 2 in a few months. I'm hoping we won't go through it again but that is a risk I will have to take but either way, I know we will get through it.

 

[lizlemon]

Don't know if someone else has suggested this - a cranial osteopath. My lo was similar and would not be put down flat at all, 4 sessions later she's cured and improved after session 1!!!

 

[izzlesnizzle]

I dont know if my LO is high needs as i have nothing to compare her to. I feel as though she is but OH says she isnt but hes not with her every day on his own. I was at the end of my tether last week and almost went to the doctors thinking i had PND but i feel better this week. OH looked after her while i went shopping on my own to get some space and i was interested to hear about his experience at the park with her.....

She screamed all the way around coz she didnt want to be in the pram, so he got her out to give her a snack in the cafe and took off her snow suit. Trying to put it back on, she went completely beserk and wouldnt let him put it back on. He struggled with her for some time (it was freezing cold out) managed to get it back on but she refused point blank to stay in the pram, so he ended up walking home (20 min walk) holding her in one arm and pushing the pram with the other hand! I didnt mean to gloat in anyway but this is the type of shit i have to put up with on a daily basis!

I ended up collapsing in a heap on the floor at the weekend (sounds drama queen behaviour i know!) but i just curled up in a ball (coz i felt like thats what i wanted to do) and sobbed and sobbed. I just needed some validation from OH that shes bloody hard work and to ask me how im feeling coz the night before i was crying and he didnt even ask what was wrong! Anyway, im over this now and feel alot better this week but thats coz LO was actually happy for once today! Her mood really affects me and ive decided theres going to be alot more of her testing me so i better just get used to it and hope things get better!

Im sorry you're going through all of this but just to say i think i know where you're coming from and although we havent had reflux issues, i remember the first 3 months being really hard, around 6 mths she was great then at 7 mths got really hard work again. I think when she started to sit up things improved but now shes trying to crawl and we're going through her frustration issues again!

Oh and just to add, i had a 42 hr labour, back to back baby, put on synto drip with no epidural coz i had complications and they wouldnt let me have one and emcs at the end of it all. Had latch issues too with awful cracked, bleeding nipples but they got better with the lansinoh ointment so i cant imagine how dreadful it must be for you with thrush and all the rest of it.

 

[NotNic]

I so could have done with this thread when lo was still a newborn. I wouldn't say that I have a fully 'high needs' baby, but I sure could tick off many of what you girls have experienced - back to back baby who got stuck; forcep delivery in theatre; slight tongue tie; latch issues; mullered nipples; pumped for 3 days then persevered with nipple shields; colic; trapped wind problems; suspected reflux; poor napper; hands off OH .... Phew! I was lucky that in between episodes there were glimmers of a happy baby and he actually sttn from 8wks until 4mths. Which I think now was his exhaustion.

Only now my sister has had an 'easy' baby can I fully recognise that it was tough and it takes a fellow survivor to really understand that you're not being dramatic. I remember once another mum at a baby group said to me 'Why do you call it colic? It's just wind.'.... I still don't understand how I managed to keep my cool.

My son did not improve at 12 wks I'm sorry to say. The 4mth regression hit us hard and we were encouraged by HV and GP to early wean. The reduction of milk in his day helped a lot as did sitting. What really gave us our gorgeous, smiley baby back though was a baby walker. Our stubborn newborn finally got the independence he was fighting for. Pretty much overnight he became much more content, I got a moments piece and he pretty much figured out napping.

Bugaboo - don't feel bad about combi-feeding. That's what I did. I supplemented to help my nipples heal (F was a long feeder) and then around 8 weeks I began swapping out feeds to combi-feed. I did this partly because my son wouldn't feed during his colic peaks of 4-6pm, and partly because I just needed to not be nursing all the time. We ended up doing just one feed a day and we stopped at 5mths. Without supplementing and nipple shields I never would have made it that long.

I also was a nightmare colicky baby. I wonder if there's a link?

 

[aliss]

I remember once another mum at a baby group said to me 'Why do you call it colic? It's just wind.'.... I still don't understand how I managed to keep my cool.

I would slap a hoe!

 

[eulmh82]

Ok do not feel bad for the formula feeding! We had serious issues with this too - my Lo had a tongue tie would scream when I tried to latch him right up until 8 wks he would scream and scream I was pumping but he was also high needs and i was struggling to do it every 3 hrs as my husband works away so i wa son my own with a screaming baby and unable to pump. You know what you;ve done your absolutebest - youpve gone beyond what a lot would do. It doesn;t matter how your baby is fed as long as she;s fed. At 5 she;s not gonna be made fun of because she wasn;t breast fed - nobody will care then. Give yourself a break over that. My LO got loads better with time. It will settle down but I know the feeling like you're ready for the loony bin. My LO is a year in 3 wks and it;s gone by soooo fast so I promise it does pass and in 10 mths time you'll be looking back thinking where has it all gone xx

 

[NotNic]

Aliss I think I was in shock that she dared to say it tbh. 6mths on I'm still seething about it though.

 

[struth]

Oh my-I had a high needs baby and empathise with lots of what you have said. It was hard work....but I promise it gets easier.

My son used to eat, sleep (if we were lucky) and cry/whine. Nothing else. He wouldn't let me put him down for a minute and I spent the few months doing everything one handed. If I sat down with him he'd cry.

He wouldn't sleep despite being ridiculously over tired. Every time we found a way to get him to sleep, he would find a way for it to no longer be effective.

You get the picture-he was hard work. He is now the most content, beautiful boy and I thoroughly enjoy every minute with him. I can't tell you what a turn around it has been. He is like a different person. We didn't do anything drastic-he just got older. I have a theory that some babies just need more reassurance than others. They test us more so that they can be sure that we will always be there for them! All you hard work will be rewarded by having a secure, confident, happy child who knows that Mummy loves them.

It does get easier, I promise.

Oh, and the best advice I ever heard.....stop worrying about forming bad habits, everything can be sorted out when the time is right. Just do whatever you need to do to get you all safely to the end of the day.

 

[dalismom]

Oh my-I had a high needs baby and empathise with lots of what you have said. It was hard work....but I promise it gets easier.

My son used to eat, sleep (if we were lucky) and cry/whine. Nothing else. He wouldn't let me put him down for a minute and I spent the few months doing everything one handed. If I sat down with him he'd cry.

He wouldn't sleep despite being ridiculously over tired. Every time we found a way to get him to sleep, he would find a way for it to no longer be effective.

You get the picture-he was hard work. He is now the most content, beautiful boy and I thoroughly enjoy every minute with him. I can't tell you what a turn around it has been. He is like a different person. We didn't do anything drastic-he just got older. I have a theory that some babies just need more reassurance than others. They test us more so that they can be sure that we will always be there for them! All you hard work will be rewarded by having a secure, confident, happy child who knows that Mummy loves them.

It does get easier, I promise.

Oh, and the best advice I ever heard.....stop worrying about forming bad habits, everything can be sorted out when the time is right. Just do whatever you need to do to get you all safely to the end of the day.

agreed! my lo is high needs and i hold him to nap all day eveey day amd feed him all night long to make it easier for me to get bacj to sleep bc i am.EXHAUSTED! i use tk feel bad about it but now i just say screw it, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive lol. my hubby always says, everyone has great plans until you gey punched in the mouth haha, so true! i will never jusge another mother for anything that they do!

 

[aliss]

Oh, and the best advice I ever heard.....stop worrying about forming bad habits, everything can be sorted out when the time is right. Just do whatever you need to do to get you all safely to the end of the day.

I can't agree more!

With Alex, by 4 months old & had not taken one daytime nap (not one... it was a sight to behold!!!), I finally started swaddling, dark room, bottle in the mouth, jiggling him (or bouncing him like a jockey on a horse, as my OH did it) with a ridiculous music box on, a loud fan behind his head, and "SHHHHHHH" until I lost my voice, EVERY TIME, every 2 hours,.... even if it took an hour screaming, to get him to sleep. He would scream, puke, blah blah.

Those were the days!!! Philippe, I pop a pacifier in his mouth & walk away, he's fine. Alex cried more in ONE day than Philippe has his entire life.

I don't regret a darn thing. Why? Because Alex sleeps 7pm-6am and naps noon-2pm (actually, 3-4pm IF I don't go in there and wake him up!!!). By himself. No 'training'.

Do what you can to survive. If you want to 'break' bad habits later, you can, but you might not even need to So why grief yourself now? You've probably had a bad labour, you're probably depressed, you might hate being a mom right now (I know I did), just survive!

 

[BUGaBOO]

EEK will try and reply while I can but she's stirring in her bouncer!

Staralfur I did see a LC (4 times) but she wasn't much help. I'm really hoping it solves as she gets bigger like it did with you.....
I did go the doctor today and get some medication to help with my supply which has drastically dropped as I've been letting my nipples heal. I also mentioned I think I have PND and although reluctant to give me medication, upon my insistence, he put me on a low dose of Zoloft and will be making up a mental health plan for me in 1-2 weeks so I'll be able to see a counsellor and just vent to someone because I think that will make me feel HEAPS better - a problem shared in a problem halved.

Babyface - Isla definitely has mega meltdowns when she's overtired. The problem is she seems to go from fine to suddenly REALLY tired - red raw eyes and everything so it's hard to catch the signs before it's too late and all hell breaks loose!!

Lizlemon - my mum suggested a cranial osteopath and I think we might try it, I'll honestly give anything a go at the moment

Izzlesnizzle - sounds like you're having a hard time too. I too try and get hubby to validate how hard I've got it. Today I had to go to my Dr appointment then do grocery shopping, I was away for quite a while and he was in a real cranky mood when I got back after dealing with her for a few hours. I was like 'See! See what I've got to deal with for 8 hours a day while you work?!' Honestly, I feel like going to work is the easier option, he gets to have adult conversation and not constantly have to try and calm down a fussy baby

Notnic - I think I don't feel bad about combi feeding so much now because it's one less thing to worry about, one less thing I NEED to worry about and at least I know she's still getting some breastmilk. I need to look after myself too and combi feeding is a compromise I can live with for now....

Eulmh - same situation here with trying to pump with hubby being at work and Isla demanding to be held - it was SOOO stressful - I felt like I was constantly watching the clock thinking 'oh no it's been 4 hours since I last pumped' or settling all the pump stuff up, starting it and having to stop because she was screaming and then being unable to start again.

OK she's fussing and I have to go to her - sorry I didnt get to reply to everything but I'm just grateful to have been able to write all that ^^ - one small victory at a time eh?

Oh and my friend came round tonight to hold her while I did a few things and it made such a difference - I got to have a bubble bath with a book and glass of wine, I unpacked a few more boxes, I ate dinner uninterrupted, had a cup of coffee and just sat for 30 mins without holding her woohoo!!!

 

[NotNic]

Yay for what you've achieved so far. Sounds like a productive few days! If your nipples are still suffering I can't recommend nipple shields enough. They take a bit if getting used to but they helped him latch on and gave me a security blanket for feeding. Something small night make a big difference for you. Keep going mama! You're getting through it. xx

 

[BUGaBOO]

We used nipple shields for ages but she won't let me feed her with them on anymore! She takes it in her mouth then spits it back out and screams if I persist

I spent 45 mins jiggling and patting her to sleep tonight, she fought and fought - kicked, squirmed and arched but now she's finally down and I'm sitting having a cup of tea feeling mighty pleased with myself!!

 

[aliss]

Bliss! Enjoy! Nothing nicer than 30 minutes of peace with a hot drink. It's amazing how a high needs baby helps you appreciate the little things in life.

They do get better, that's for sure. But they will always be energetic. I got a report back from preschool yesterday that said "Alex had fun with the exercise but his attention span is very short - he could not participate as long with the others and tried to do other toys at the same time". Ummm... story of my life!!! There's no off button with these ones!!

 

[BUGaBOO]

That's true - I really do appreciate the silly little things now. That bath earlier was bliss! And my k

 

[NotNic]

We used nipple shields for ages but she won't let me feed her with them on anymore! She takes it in her mouth then spits it back out and screams if I persist

I spent 45 mins jiggling and patting her to sleep tonight, she fought and fought - kicked, squirmed and arched but now she's finally down and I'm sitting having a cup of tea feeling mighty pleased with myself!!

Sounds like you've got a clever cookie on your hands! Hope you enjoy your cuppa!

Finlay doesn't like being cuddled to sleep. He likes to go to sleep on his own. So independent! Have you tried seeing if Isla is the same? I think a lot of fussy babies either are the extremes - need frantic rocking to go to sleep or go nuts if you try to touch them or 'make' them go to sleep. I know that Finlay gets sleepy if you rub his forehead gently. If I dare do it though, he pulls my hand off.

 

[Butterfly89]

BUGaBOO... I seriously feel like we have the same baby, lol. I also had a very long, difficult labour and delivery and I think that might have started things off rough, and trying to take care of myself has been next to impossible. Then poor LO ended up with thrush early on as well and he's been through gentian violet and nystatin and finally they gave us Diflucan which seems to be working (and not causing horrific gas pains like nystatin did). He is lovely and wonderful when he is not crying, but just a very very fussy baby compared to others I've known/taken care of, but I think its mainly because he suffers so badly with gas and thrush. =(

The first night we were home, he just screamed nonstop and looked like he was being tortured. It was awful. We took him to the hospital and they guilt-tripped me into formula feeding without even trying to help fix my BFing and said he was crying from starvation. Not wanting to give up (despite the pinching/scratching/flailing/toothless biting baby and cracked/blistery/bleeding nips) I went to a breastfeeding clinic... they said he was crying because of sore mouth from thrush and poor latch issues because of minor tongue tie. They sorted a lot out for me which was great, and showed me exercises to try to help the tongue tie, but its still excruciating. And the thrush has been transferred to me and after the nystatin, I swear its worse. So after another day and night of screaming nonstop, back to the doctor who prescribed the Diflucan so I'm hoping it works.

Our routine right now is looong.

He is used to formula from the break I had to take from BFing and OH was feeding him 3oz almost every hour, hour and a half at one point so he is not settled unless his belly is very full. So at one point, I was pumping and formula feeding until I healed just enough to BF again. Now I breastfeed, which takes him anywhere from 40 to 60 minutes with the latching/relatching/flailing/pushing away/screaming/etc.... And then usually he needs to be changed again. Then I make up a bottle of formula to top him off (while he screams in hunger for the 5 minutes it takes me to make it, lol) and by this point he is usually sleepy and frustrated so that can take another 30 minutes or more to finish... then we constantly have to stop every half ounce or so to burp him very well... then when he is finished, there's at least 10 minutes of belly rubs/back patting/rocking to try to settle his poor belly. Then he will usually drift off, and of course we need to change him again... so then more settling.

Once he finally sleeps, I have just enough time to make his bottles (just the water), change the diaper genie, maybe throw in a load of laundry, and toss a couple things in the dishwasher... and that would be a good stretch, lol. And then he wants to eat again two hours after he started eating the last time.

But! Things have gotten a little better since yesterday. Our doctor said gripe water is safe to try and it really has worked, despite my skepticism. We don't give him the full dose 4 times a day, but rather a smaller dose if he is really fussy/gassy after he eats and otherwise we just dip his soother in and it has done wonders. He will usually sleep for an hour now, sometimes even two, instead of the 20-30 mins like before. And he's gone from ONLY sleeping in our arms, to sleeping in his swing or his bassinet. I don't know what's in this stuff, but it helped us, lol. (It's the alcohol free one at least hehe)

Nights are still rough but I'll take any improvement... I am waiting it out for the magic "3 month mark" people keep telling me about (though some say 4).

 

[MeAndMyShadow]

My Sean, bless him, is what I would consider "high needs" compared to my first DS. He doesn't sleep well, even at 5 months, he still wakes 2-3 times a night, EVERY NIGHT. He only takes one 30 min-1hour nap in the day, still needs swaddled, won't sleep in his crib, etc. It's draining. But I know it won't last forever...just wondering when it gets "easier"...trying to find a light at the end of the tunnel here. I love my LO to bits, but do find it hard, and most nights, I'm so exhausted from the constant need to entertain my youngest son that I feel I have no time for myself and just want to pass out in bed. Hoping this difficult stage passes quickly, I feel for all you Mommies with high needs babies!