Any thoughts on the "it will happen when you stop trying" philosophy?

[Cestamy83]

I think I am trying too hard too. When we just had sex when ever and had fun with it versus doing it as a chore, it just "happened"

So difficult. How can you stop thinking and "trying" for something you want so badly?!! AHHH!

Goodluck to everyone...who is trying, or not. Or trying to not try

I know, right? It's such a contradiction: Ok, DON'T TRY! But still have lots of sex around ovulation time! I mean, in this day and age, you need to MAKE the time to have lots of sex- busy lives, etc.

Ps. I love that your name is Robert Redford lol... big fan?

 

[skookie]

I'm starting to think that I may be trying too hard. I'm stressing out and I hate it. I'm not using OPKS this month, not testing early on HPTs and spending extortionate amounts of money on over priced FRERs (as tempting as it is ) and not going to google EVERY SYMPTOM 1 DPO like a crazy lazy. That is my "not trying too hard".

interesting! definitely post an update later as to whether it works. ..i think this is what i will shoot for my next cycle if this cycle turns out to be a bust (i'm 11 DPO and it's looking pretty bust-ish).

I think I am trying too hard too. When we just had sex when ever and had fun with it versus doing it as a chore, it just "happened"

So difficult. How can you stop thinking and "trying" for something you want so badly?!! AHHH!

Goodluck to everyone...who is trying, or not. Or trying to not try

right! it feels like it gets harder NOT to try every month. not good. haha.

 

[skookie]

I know, right? It's such a contradiction: Ok, DON'T TRY! But still have lots of sex around ovulation time! I mean, in this day and age, you need to MAKE the time to have lots of sex- busy lives, etc.

exactly! i guess the idea might be to try to make the time equally spread out throughout the month. i'm really contemplating all this and i want to be better from here on out. i've been really stressed this cycle. i started out really optimistic and relaxed and then the 2ww has turned and slapped me in the face.

 

[RobertRedford]

I think I am trying too hard too. When we just had sex when ever and had fun with it versus doing it as a chore, it just "happened"

So difficult. How can you stop thinking and "trying" for something you want so badly?!! AHHH!

Goodluck to everyone...who is trying, or not. Or trying to not try

I know, right? It's such a contradiction: Ok, DON'T TRY! But still have lots of sex around ovulation time! I mean, in this day and age, you need to MAKE the time to have lots of sex- busy lives, etc.

Ps. I love that your name is Robert Redford lol... big fan?

EXACTLY!

I know him personally, actually. I went to high school with his grand kids, BUT no, not a fan. It is one of my horses names

 

[Bubbub]

i think when people really get disappointed getting negatives cycle after cycle even after doing every possible tactic available just to have a baby then really they stop trying!
else it always lingers back of the mind that maybe this is the month,maybe we hit the nail this month,etc,etc
definitely stress plays a role in messing everything up and baby making sex becomes a chore...
if people can just chart and have bd during o and forget about evrything else..no symptom spotting..maybe thats when its stress free ttc.
But most of the time its not...when we want to get pregnant everything else takes a backseat!so i dont know...even i want to stop trying and get pregnant

 

[Solus]

After months of no success, I think I might try just letting go this month and seeing what happens. I mean, I am going to think about it, but maybe just not try so hard? We will see how it goes. I am going to see a natropath in a few weeks who has helped women whom regular docs say could never have kids to conceive. I am excited and very hopeful.

Also, on the when to BD note if "not trying"... My husband says he thinks my body somehow tells him when I am ovulating. We have noticed after my temps say I ovulated that he was particularly... Erm... Easily motivated those nights lol. It would be interesting to just let him do his thing when he thinks the time is right and see what happens. Who knows!

 

[RobertRedford]

After months of no success, I think I might try just letting go this month and seeing what happens. I mean, I am going to think about it, but maybe just not try so hard? We will see how it goes. I am going to see a natropath in a few weeks who has helped women whom regular docs say could never have kids to conceive. I am excited and very hopeful.

Also, on the when to BD note if "not trying"... My husband says he thinks my body somehow tells him when I am ovulating. We have noticed after my temps say I ovulated that he was particularly... Erm... Easily motivated those nights lol. It would be interesting to just let him do his thing when he thinks the time is right and see what happens. Who knows!

I just giggled out loud! How cute of your husband, haha!

 

[skookie]

After months of no success, I think I might try just letting go this month and seeing what happens. I mean, I am going to think about it, but maybe just not try so hard? We will see how it goes. I am going to see a natropath in a few weeks who has helped women whom regular docs say could never have kids to conceive. I am excited and very hopeful.

Also, on the when to BD note if "not trying"... My husband says he thinks my body somehow tells him when I am ovulating. We have noticed after my temps say I ovulated that he was particularly... Erm... Easily motivated those nights lol. It would be interesting to just let him do his thing when he thinks the time is right and see what happens. Who knows!

that would be interesting!!! 6th sense.

 

[calm]

This theory has really been niggling me too. Every female around me says that the month they stopped trying they got pregnant. Two women actually said to me that they couldn't even understand how they got pregnant as their men were away abroad at ovulation time. I always wondered if the universe could be trying to give me a hint or something, it can't be normal the amount of “not trying” cases I have encountered. The thing is I have never been able to let go. Since TTCing I have had 2 occasions of several months where we have had to WTT (at the moment actually) but couldn't risk pregnancy so used condoms, a part of me did believe then that if I didn't try I would get pregnant.

I have my own theory, but not really put it into practice. That the non-trying could be related to the 2WW. That at this moment is when we have to let go and expect our period, or not give so much importance when it appears because our hopes were not risen. To be so engaged in other things so we don't even give it a second thought. How to get to that point? It seems that many couples get to that point because they give up on the hope. They are not in the future, wishing and hoping, they are in the moment they are living. And no real hope means the witch is not such a blow as it was when your TTCing your tits off, its just part of some sad plan we are starting to expect and accept. And then wham, it seems to happen. So that is my theory, its not so much not trying as "getting on with living" in the present moment, letting go of the ups and downs of testing 100 times and wanting to fast forward 2 weeks of our lifes every month.

So my plan is going to be, if allowed, to apply my mindfulness meditation and keep within each day, to balance out the highs and lows of TTC with watchful awareness, accepting that its going to kind of happen when it happens, but on the other hand accepting things like broodiness as part of it all, without getting super wrapped up in it. I think I would always BD at some time around OV even if I didn't try, because I get horny come that time of the month, I actually know when I am going to ovulate because I get sex dreams the night before. So I am going to try and be “sensible” and aid my TTCing, but let go at the same time, just keep that balance some how! (will report back if it works!) Baby dust all around!

 

[smiley23]

i don't get it, at all. i'm sure you knew when you were ovulating. and when you say you stopped caring.. i just have trouble thinking people could stop caring, or stop being aware of the fact that they are fertile, etc... i have a tendency to overthink everything, in case that's not obvious.

Truth.

I'm starting to think that I may be trying too hard. I'm stressing out and I hate it. I'm not using OPKS this month, not testing early on HPTs and spending extortionate amounts of money on over priced FRERs (as tempting as it is ) and not going to google EVERY SYMPTOM 1 DPO like a crazy lazy. That is my "not trying too hard".

well that's interesting and it does make sense.. i'm really happy for you! bet you're so excited!

The only thing I can thing of that makes sense to validate why it might happen easier that way is that you aren't so stressed out? I'm really clueless as to any other possibility of how it could make sense. Thank you ! To be honest, I was so scared and not happy like I thought I would be when I found out. I found out on the 2nd and I've cried at least once a day, just because we have so much stuff going on and I truly was ready to let the idea go for at least a year. So,I am now just coming around to the idea again, and I felt guilty about not being excited like I always imagined I would be, but I saw a prenatal consultant today and she said that was a perfectly normal emotion that even people who are trying for years experience, so that made me feel like I wasn't so terrible. Just keep your head up and I promise it will happen for you!

& omg I can SO relate to googling every "symptom" I had when we tried. I was a TOTAL maniac with that LOL.

 

[RobertRedford]

This theory has really been niggling me too. Every female around me says that the month they stopped trying they got pregnant. Two women actually said to me that they couldn't even understand how they got pregnant as their men were away abroad at ovulation time. I always wondered if the universe could be trying to give me a hint or something, it can't be normal the amount of “not trying” cases I have encountered. The thing is I have never been able to let go. Since TTCing I have had 2 occasions of several months where we have had to WTT (at the moment actually) but couldn't risk pregnancy so used condoms, a part of me did believe then that if I didn't try I would get pregnant.

I have my own theory, but not really put it into practice. That the non-trying could be related to the 2WW. That at this moment is when we have to let go and expect our period, or not give so much importance when it appears because our hopes were not risen. To be so engaged in other things so we don't even give it a second thought. How to get to that point? It seems that many couples get to that point because they give up on the hope. They are not in the future, wishing and hoping, they are in the moment they are living. And no real hope means the witch is not such a blow as it was when your TTCing your tits off, its just part of some sad plan we are starting to expect and accept. And then wham, it seems to happen. So that is my theory, its not so much not trying as "getting on with living" in the present moment, letting go of the ups and downs of testing 100 times and wanting to fast forward 2 weeks of our lifes every month.

So my plan is going to be, if allowed, to apply my mindfulness meditation and keep within each day, to balance out the highs and lows of TTC with watchful awareness, accepting that its going to kind of happen when it happens, but on the other hand accepting things like broodiness as part of it all, without getting super wrapped up in it. I think I would always BD at some time around OV even if I didn't try, because I get horny come that time of the month, I actually know when I am going to ovulate because I get sex dreams the night before. So I am going to try and be “sensible” and aid my TTCing, but let go at the same time, just keep that balance some how! (will report back if it works!) Baby dust all around!

Thank you, Calm! If I don't get a BFP this month, I am going to try this, too

I think, as TTC'ers, we put too much energy into planning and catching the egg, and BD'ing on certain days that we forget about the rest of life. I hold back on a lot of things because of the thought of "well, what if I am preggo this month..." Maybe we need to put the focus back into life, not TTC'ing. SO much easier said than done, though.

 

[RobertRedford]

This may sound bitchy, and I apologize if it does. It is not supposed to be like that!!

On another note, has any one ever been confused by how people get pregnant accidentally?

I can't understand it because it has always been a trying matter for me.

 

[smiley23]

This may sound bitchy, and I apologize if it does. It is not supposed to be like that!!

On another note, has any one ever been confused by how people get pregnant accidentally?

I can't understand it because it has always been a trying matter for me.

It doesn't sound bitchy. I can understand what you mean. Like for example, with me I wouldn't say oh it was an accident, although that may be someone else's definition of accident? I just feel there is really no accident in life anyway, I am a believer that everything happens for a reason, and if anyone has really pondered conception or watched the great sperm race on youtube, then you know it is truly a miracle... but, if you mean like how come people can get pregnant without really planning or trying, and totally not wanting kids when other people like want them so very bad and don't get them, I know its a crappy feeling :/

 

[Solus]

I just giggled out loud! How cute of your husband, haha!

Teehee!! I know!

 

[lele316]

This theory has really been niggling me too. Every female around me says that the month they stopped trying they got pregnant. Two women actually said to me that they couldn't even understand how they got pregnant as their men were away abroad at ovulation time. I always wondered if the universe could be trying to give me a hint or something, it can't be normal the amount of “not trying” cases I have encountered. The thing is I have never been able to let go. Since TTCing I have had 2 occasions of several months where we have had to WTT (at the moment actually) but couldn't risk pregnancy so used condoms, a part of me did believe then that if I didn't try I would get pregnant.

I have my own theory, but not really put it into practice. That the non-trying could be related to the 2WW. That at this moment is when we have to let go and expect our period, or not give so much importance when it appears because our hopes were not risen. To be so engaged in other things so we don't even give it a second thought. How to get to that point? It seems that many couples get to that point because they give up on the hope. They are not in the future, wishing and hoping, they are in the moment they are living. And no real hope means the witch is not such a blow as it was when your TTCing your tits off, its just part of some sad plan we are starting to expect and accept. And then wham, it seems to happen. So that is my theory, its not so much not trying as "getting on with living" in the present moment, letting go of the ups and downs of testing 100 times and wanting to fast forward 2 weeks of our lifes every month.

So my plan is going to be, if allowed, to apply my mindfulness meditation and keep within each day, to balance out the highs and lows of TTC with watchful awareness, accepting that its going to kind of happen when it happens, but on the other hand accepting things like broodiness as part of it all, without getting super wrapped up in it. I think I would always BD at some time around OV even if I didn't try, because I get horny come that time of the month, I actually know when I am going to ovulate because I get sex dreams the night before. So I am going to try and be “sensible” and aid my TTCing, but let go at the same time, just keep that balance some how! (will report back if it works!) Baby dust all around!

That is a wonderful way of putting it!

 

[Maybebabynr3]

O how I hated to hear the words Stop trying so hard ...... Or you want this to bad .... and even maybe its not in the cards right now ......

Here is my account weird as it is lol

I had a annual pap smear scheduled for mid cycle so my DH and I bedded the last time before my Dr's appointment Cd 10 , 4 days before my appointment . Now I have been having some issues with high BP for a while and my normal Dr's were aware that I was no longer on birth control and had no problem with us ttc . But the gynecologist I went to see for my pap smear did! She told me we must must not get pregnant until the cause of my high BP can be discovered and that I should go on a form of birth control again. I was on Depro Provera and honestly the thought of birth control scares the living daylights out of me . I was so messed up coming of of Depro .... but that's a story for a different time. I was devastated and in tears as I got into the car . Told The Hubby what the Dr said and we both decided we will then just forgo the BD from Cd 11 to Cd 18 when I'm suppose to be fertile . As part of the trying to find out the cause of the high BP I had to go and see a Cardiologist . He ordered a rage of tests including a stress test. On the forms he gave me one said to be sure you are not pregnant before taking the test so a few days before AF was due I took a home test and low and behold up popped a second line . I ran to find my hubby and handed him the test and said what do u see ?? He said a second line !! I was not crazy it was indeed there. Tested again the next morning with another brand test and a CB digital and both came back positive. Had a Beta test done the day AF was due and got a 228 total . Went and saw the Cardiologist again and he made sure the meds I'm on are as safe as they can be for the baby.

Still early days but we are proof that when you least expect it it can and does happen .

Good luck to all you ladies TTC and may you all get the your are longing for .

 

[smiley23]

O how I hated to hear the words Stop trying so hard ...... Or you want this to bad .... and even maybe its not in the cards right now ......

Here is my account weird as it is lol

I had a annual pap smear scheduled for mid cycle so my DH and I bedded the last time before my Dr's appointment Cd 10 , 4 days before my appointment . Now I have been having some issues with high BP for a while and my normal Dr's were aware that I was no longer on birth control and had no problem with us ttc . But the gynecologist I went to see for my pap smear did! She told me we must must not get pregnant until the cause of my high BP can be discovered and that I should go on a form of birth control again. I was on Depro Provera and honestly the thought of birth control scares the living daylights out of me . I was so messed up coming of of Depro .... but that's a story for a different time. I was devastated and in tears as I got into the car . Told The Hubby what the Dr said and we both decided we will then just forgo the BD from Cd 11 to Cd 18 when I'm suppose to be fertile . As part of the trying to find out the cause of the high BP I had to go and see a Cardiologist . He ordered a rage of tests including a stress test. On the forms he gave me one said to be sure you are not pregnant before taking the test so a few days before AF was due I took a home test and low and behold up popped a second line . I ran to find my hubby and handed him the test and said what do u see ?? He said a second line !! I was not crazy it was indeed there. Tested again the next morning with another brand test and a CB digital and both came back positive. Had a Beta test done the day AF was due and got a 228 total . Went and saw the Cardiologist again and he made sure the meds I'm on are as safe as they can be for the baby.

Still early days but we are proof that when you least expect it it can and does happen .

Good luck to all you ladies TTC and may you all get the your are longing for .

Congrats!! I am also 5 weeks 0 days

 

[MirandaH]

I cannot tell you how upset I was when people said that to me...especially when it was OH and he was the most serious about it. He told me that if we didn't catch it in December, we would not be trying again and if it was meant to be it was meant to be. I was so upset that I really went on a rant in my journal about it and I was SOOOOO upset. Especially with my age. Then in January, there was no time for trying. This was one of my posts in January:

"I don't think that we are trying this month. I am not temping or dong OPKs until next month. Between my 40 hours a week which are completely opposite his 60+ hours a week and the fact that when either of us is not working, we are moving into the new place, we have DTD less this whole month than we normally do in a week. If I fall pregnant this month, I will be shocked, but that would be the way with me. To end up pregnant when we aren't trying and have hardly seen each other. But it is highly unlikely since I am supposed to O some time this week and he is as sick as he can be, so I don't see much action in my near future. But I will be back as soon as everything calms down."

This last weekend, we went on a trip to SC and on the way down and back I really wanted to sleep in the car, which never happens. I also wanted a hot dog (again, never happens). Then while we were there, I was the only person who could smell something and I thought they were all screwing with me because I knew I could smell it. To make what could be a longer story as short as I can, we got our BFP night before last. I was so sore and nauseous that I needed to test for peace of mind, but knew it would be negative. AF is not due until Saturday and I just knew I was throwing money out of the window, but it did happen. Now I am hearing nothing but "I told you so" from OH. He is quite pleased with himself.

Also, with my Exhusband, we tried for 7 years with unexplained infertility and when we decided to stop trying and divorce, I got a BFP then too. I just don't know...but I still hate being told not to try and it will happen if t is meant to, blah, blah, blah.

 

[skookie]

So that is my theory, its not so much not trying as "getting on with living" in the present moment, letting go of the ups and downs of testing 100 times and wanting to fast forward 2 weeks of our lifes every month.

---

I think I would always BD at some time around OV even if I didn't try, because I get horny come that time of the month, I actually know when I am going to ovulate because I get sex dreams the night before. So I am going to try and be “sensible” and aid my TTCing, but let go at the same time, just keep that balance some how! (will report back if it works!) Baby dust all around!

very eloquently said. i think i'll try next cycle to leave the hpt's in the cabinet, focus on other things, including my old friend exercise.. i ditched any semblance of hard exercise when we started trying. the most i do now is a short, wussy workout on the bike machine at the gym and/or walk my dog. i wanted to run a half marathon last year but i thought making any major changes to my physical health could prevent ovulation, etc. i still won't do anything crazy, but i think i should let myself exercise, at least somewhat hard, sweat, get my heart rate up, that would be my own special way of giving the finger to TTC because i'm always so conscious "could this prevent ovulation, could this prevent conception," etc... plus i realize exercise makes you healthier which is definitely a good thing when it comes to TTC.

i think i have sex dreams when i'm fertile too! that's sooo weird. i know i have them a lot, and now that i think about it, i'm pretty sure they come around near that time.. i will have to pay close attention next month.

I'm starting to think that I may be trying too hard. I'm stressing out and I hate it. I'm not using OPKS this month, not testing early on HPTs and spending extortionate amounts of money on over priced FRERs (as tempting as it is ) and not going to google EVERY SYMPTOM 1 DPO like a crazy lazy. That is my "not trying too hard".

same here. i POAS more this cycle than probably any of my other 6 combined.. i know it's been a mistake. even if it doesn't magically prevent me from getting pregnant it's a waste of time when fretting over it definitely doesn't HELP me become pregnant.

To be honest, I was so scared and not happy like I thought I would be when I found out. I found out on the 2nd and I've cried at least once a day, just because we have so much stuff going on and I truly was ready to let the idea go for at least a year. So,I am now just coming around to the idea again, and I felt guilty about not being excited like I always imagined I would be, but I saw a prenatal consultant today and she said that was a perfectly normal emotion that even people who are trying for years experience, so that made me feel like I wasn't so terrible. Just keep your head up and I promise it will happen for you!

thank you!!! and i know that the feeling of fear/freaking out is very normal, even when people are actively trying that month. in fact, once when i saw one of those "phantom" lines on the hpt instead of being thrilled, i noticed my first emotion was being terrified. i know it's very normal, it's going to change your life forever. in a wonderful way, though.

T
On another note, has any one ever been confused by how people get pregnant accidentally?

I can't understand it because it has always been a trying matter for me.

i can understand it i guess, but it doesn't stop me from being somewhat indignant at times about the unfairness of it all! when i started TTC, i knew almost nothing about ovulation, pregnancy in general. i just knew i had a period once a month (tbh i probably couldn't have even described scientifically what exactly a period was, except i knew it meant i was young/fertile). i think i was asleep for the special pregnancy videos in science class growing up. so i just thought, for the longest time that if you have unprotected sex at any given point in your cycle you have a really huge chance of getting pregnant! but now that i'm realizing how freaking complicated it is to get pregnant, i'm coming to realize there are a lot of people out there who probably have sex all the time and don't get pregnant. :-| i know.. amazing revelation, right? haha. all that to say, it's harder to understand now that i've been trying so hard, how some people have it happen by mistake, since it seems like such an unreachable goal to me right now. <--p.s. after this cycle i'm going to stop being so melodramatic.

 

[skookie]

I cannot tell you how upset I was when people said that to me...especially when it was OH and he was the most serious about it. He told me that if we didn't catch it in December, we would not be trying again and if it was meant to be it was meant to be. I was so upset that I really went on a rant in my journal about it and I was SOOOOO upset. Especially with my age. Then in January, there was no time for trying. This was one of my posts in January:

"I don't think that we are trying this month. I am not temping or dong OPKs until next month. Between my 40 hours a week which are completely opposite his 60+ hours a week and the fact that when either of us is not working, we are moving into the new place, we have DTD less this whole month than we normally do in a week. If I fall pregnant this month, I will be shocked, but that would be the way with me. To end up pregnant when we aren't trying and have hardly seen each other. But it is highly unlikely since I am supposed to O some time this week and he is as sick as he can be, so I don't see much action in my near future. But I will be back as soon as everything calms down."

This last weekend, we went on a trip to SC and on the way down and back I really wanted to sleep in the car, which never happens. I also wanted a hot dog (again, never happens). Then while we were there, I was the only person who could smell something and I thought they were all screwing with me because I knew I could smell it. To make what could be a longer story as short as I can, we got our BFP night before last. I was so sore and nauseous that I needed to test for peace of mind, but knew it would be negative. AF is not due until Saturday and I just knew I was throwing money out of the window, but it did happen. Now I am hearing nothing but "I told you so" from OH. He is quite pleased with himself.

Also, with my Exhusband, we tried for 7 years with unexplained infertility and when we decided to stop trying and divorce, I got a BFP then too. I just don't know...but I still hate being told not to try and it will happen if t is meant to, blah, blah, blah.

wow.. congrats!!! love this story!