Anyone else scared to have the "when" talk with OH?
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HanaLu
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Sorry Thistledown- ierno like a really common and lazy way of sayin I don't really know around my area. I forget most of the time when I'm typing on here that I'm not just sending a qucking facebook message to my local friends! XXX
Cawley120410
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Congrats.....Just wondering if you could give me some advice for my OH. I have talked to him a couple of time and gave hime time to think about it. He still says that he wants to wait a couple of years. I am 29 in two days and he just turned 34. I want to have at least 3 kids so I would like to get started ASAP. How can I convince him how much this means to me.
I had a miscarriage in 2004 at 19 weeks and I have been through a lot since then. I am now happily married and ready to start a family. I don't know how much longer I can wait.
Any advice would be great.
I had a miscarriage in 2004 at 19 weeks and I have been through a lot since then. I am now happily married and ready to start a family. I don't know how much longer I can wait.
Any advice would be great.
Thistledown
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Thanks ladies! 
I'm still just surprised as anything how things worked out, and how we were both ready and not aware the other was! Maybe I should sit down with OH and have serious discussions more often. 
Cawley120410, do you know why your OH wants to wait? If he has reasons other than just not feeling ready, I'd say maybe try to find out what they are, and what can be done to remove those concerns.
If you have fears about how long it might take to conceive, it also might be worthwhile talking to him about that. I think a lot of men are under the impression that the 1st time you actually try to have a baby, it'll just happen immediately. Maybe if you lay out how many kids you want to have, what kind of minimum age gap you'd like, and what ages you'll be when the last one is born IF there are no problems, he might see it as a more pressing issue?
I'm still just surprised as anything how things worked out, and how we were both ready and not aware the other was! Maybe I should sit down with OH and have serious discussions more often. Cawley120410, do you know why your OH wants to wait? If he has reasons other than just not feeling ready, I'd say maybe try to find out what they are, and what can be done to remove those concerns.
If you have fears about how long it might take to conceive, it also might be worthwhile talking to him about that. I think a lot of men are under the impression that the 1st time you actually try to have a baby, it'll just happen immediately. Maybe if you lay out how many kids you want to have, what kind of minimum age gap you'd like, and what ages you'll be when the last one is born IF there are no problems, he might see it as a more pressing issue?
GettingBroody
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Hi! Just wondering if you're on bcp or anything? My oh had been putting off ttc too. We've had one or two talks since we got married year and half ago and he just said he didn't feel ready yet. In nov I decided to stop taking bcp so that at least my system would be free of hormones etc when we did decide to try. Told him I'd no problem waiting another while if he really wanted to but that from now on the contraception was in his hands....(after all, I'd looked after it for the last ten years!!!) Think it made him realise how serious I was bout wanting a baby cos we are now in our first 2ww
Even if he does want to wait longer at least your body and your cycles will be back to normal and ready when you do ttc...
Best of luck
Cawley120410
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Hi! Just wondering if you're on bcp or anything? My oh had been putting off ttc too. We've had one or two talks since we got married year and half ago and he just said he didn't feel ready yet. In nov I decided to stop taking bcp so that at least my system would be free of hormones etc when we did decide to try. Told him I'd no problem waiting another while if he really wanted to but that from now on the contraception was in his hands....(after all, I'd looked after it for the last ten years!!!) Think it made him realise how serious I was bout wanting a baby cos we are now in our first 2ww
Even if he does want to wait longer at least your body and your cycles will be back to normal and ready when you do ttc...
Best of luck
Actually, I haven't been on BCP since Nov. The only reason I stayed on it that long is b/c I have PCOS and it helps to regulate the cysts. He knows how important this is to me. We have been together for almost 4 years. We both wanted to wait till we got married, which we did Dec. 4th, 2010. He does have some good points of why he wants to wait. I have 2 yrs of college left, but I know so many parents in college that have children and they do just fine. I try to convince him that it wont affect us, I will just take the semester off that I am expecting and go back the next semester. I would like to have 2 to 3 children and I know how long the process can take especially with PCOS. I am 28 and I dont want to take the risk of not having my dreams come true. After I had my miscarriage in 2004 I was so scared to try again b/c I was heartbroken. I took me a long time to get to where I am now, and I just feel like I shouldn't have to wait any longer. My OH is 34, 5 yrs older than me. You would think that he would be ready too.
GettingBroody
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Actually, I haven't been on BCP since Nov. The only reason I stayed on it that long is b/c I have PCOS and it helps to regulate the cysts. He knows how important this is to me. We have been together for almost 4 years. We both wanted to wait till we got married, which we did Dec. 4th, 2010. He does have some good points of why he wants to wait. I have 2 yrs of college left, but I know so many parents in college that have children and they do just fine. I try to convince him that it wont affect us, I will just take the semester off that I am expecting and go back the next semester. I would like to have 2 to 3 children and I know how long the process can take especially with PCOS. I am 28 and I dont want to take the risk of not having my dreams come true. After I had my miscarriage in 2004 I was so scared to try again b/c I was heartbroken. I took me a long time to get to where I am now, and I just feel like I shouldn't have to wait any longer. My OH is 34, 5 yrs older than me. You would think that he would be ready too.
Aw,
Best of luck hon, I hope it all works out for you...
Cawley120410
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Actually, I haven't been on BCP since Nov. The only reason I stayed on it that long is b/c I have PCOS and it helps to regulate the cysts. He knows how important this is to me. We have been together for almost 4 years. We both wanted to wait till we got married, which we did Dec. 4th, 2010. He does have some good points of why he wants to wait. I have 2 yrs of college left, but I know so many parents in college that have children and they do just fine. I try to convince him that it wont affect us, I will just take the semester off that I am expecting and go back the next semester. I would like to have 2 to 3 children and I know how long the process can take especially with PCOS. I am 28 and I dont want to take the risk of not having my dreams come true. After I had my miscarriage in 2004 I was so scared to try again b/c I was heartbroken. I took me a long time to get to where I am now, and I just feel like I shouldn't have to wait any longer. My OH is 34, 5 yrs older than me. You would think that he would be ready too.
Aw,
Well, I just had another heart felt talk with my DH and he agreed that we could start trying right away. I am so excited.
Thistledown
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Congrats!
I was going to post this in a new post, but thought it was better here as it's related to this topic. (Slight hijack, sorry!).
My OH is here (poorly but here), in the same room as me. First time in several weeks (due to his work), and I just can't bring myself to talk to him! My dad is also here so I've not actually had a chance to speak to him on my own yet, but omg. It's driving me mad.
I know I should just bring it up with him, but I just can't.
Might broach it with him in bed tonight. Drives me mad. I know I should just chat to him, but every other convocation we've had has always ended up with 'we have lots of time babe, lets not rush it).
My OH is here (poorly but here), in the same room as me. First time in several weeks (due to his work), and I just can't bring myself to talk to him! My dad is also here so I've not actually had a chance to speak to him on my own yet, but omg. It's driving me mad.
I know I should just bring it up with him, but I just can't.
Might broach it with him in bed tonight. Drives me mad. I know I should just chat to him, but every other convocation we've had has always ended up with 'we have lots of time babe, lets not rush it). GettingBroody
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Well, I just had another heart felt talk with my DH and he agreed that we could start trying right away. I am so excited.
Yay!! That's great news, congratulations!!! Best of luck with ttc!
GettingBroody
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My OH half is here (poorly but here), in the same room as me. First time in several weeks (due to his work), and I just can't bring myself to talk to him!...
...I know I should just bring it up with him, but I just can't.
I know exactly what you mean! It's so hard to just open your mouth and blurt it out! There's been a few happy endings on this thread already though so maybe you'll be another one!! Best of luck!
wishandwant
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congrats thistledown and crawley120410 im so so pleased for you both, good luck xxx
I was going to post this in a new post, but thought it was better here as it's related to this topic. (Slight hijack, sorry!).
My OH is here (poorly but here), in the same room as me. First time in several weeks (due to his work), and I just can't bring myself to talk to him! My dad is also here so I've not actually had a chance to speak to him on my own yet, but omg. It's driving me mad.
I know I should just bring it up with him, but I just can't.
Totally feel the same chick, i get "it'll happen one day" ......one day??? what before i hit the menopause???
men grr!!
Thistledown
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Olivette, I know how you feel! I'm terrible at starting serious conversations with OH. I get myself all worked up over it. Worst is when I'm mulling over something for days trying to work up to being able to blurt it out, because I'll get preoccupied and moody, which makes OH grumpy... and then it's never a good time to start talking! 
I don't even know why I do it; my OH is usually pretty easy going and reasonable, and even if a convo gets heated, neither of us is the type to get into yelling matches or anything like that.
For me, I think I'm just afraid to put myself out there! I know OH will listen to me and at least try to understand where I'm coming from, but there's always that little fear that he'll just brush it off or make fun of something important to me (hasn't happened yet, but that doesn't stop me from being a little neurotic anyway!). Plus, it can be very disconcerting when I bring something up that means a lot to me, and finding out OH doesn't feel the same way about it/doesn't find it as important as I do. Some little part of me thinks that: "I love you and you love me, so you should just automatically understand where I'm coming from!"
I don't even know why I do it; my OH is usually pretty easy going and reasonable, and even if a convo gets heated, neither of us is the type to get into yelling matches or anything like that.
For me, I think I'm just afraid to put myself out there! I know OH will listen to me and at least try to understand where I'm coming from, but there's always that little fear that he'll just brush it off or make fun of something important to me (hasn't happened yet, but that doesn't stop me from being a little neurotic anyway!). Plus, it can be very disconcerting when I bring something up that means a lot to me, and finding out OH doesn't feel the same way about it/doesn't find it as important as I do. Some little part of me thinks that: "I love you and you love me, so you should just automatically understand where I'm coming from!"
GettingBroody
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Olivette, I know how you feel! I'm terrible at starting serious conversations with OH. I get myself all worked up over it. Worst is when I'm mulling over something for days trying to work up to being able to blurt it out, because I'll get preoccupied and moody, which makes OH grumpy... and then it's never a good time to start talking!
Hehe, this sounds so familiar!!
So after finally plucking up the courage to talk to OH, the outcome wasn't so great really. 
.
He was on his computer (meh), and I just sat down next to him and said 'I was thinking about when my injection runs out', and the convocation went from there really. I tried to put across that I really did believe NTNP would be great (explaining all about it and the like..), and his reply basically was 'well we might as well use condoms', followed by 'its too soon to have a baby'. So. That's that then. He continued playing his game, I said NOTHING further and just walked away he probably didn't even notice I went back to the sofa.
He'll most likely comment later 'Oh babe, whats up? your quiet', not realizing his majorly upset me, and i'll just fob it off by saying I'm tired. Meh.
. He was on his computer (meh), and I just sat down next to him and said 'I was thinking about when my injection runs out', and the convocation went from there really. I tried to put across that I really did believe NTNP would be great (explaining all about it and the like..), and his reply basically was 'well we might as well use condoms', followed by 'its too soon to have a baby'. So. That's that then. He continued playing his game, I said NOTHING further and just walked away he probably didn't even notice I went back to the sofa.
He'll most likely comment later 'Oh babe, whats up? your quiet', not realizing his majorly upset me, and i'll just fob it off by saying I'm tired. Meh.
