Anyone else WTT for #1 and older? Worried.

[PnkPolkaDots]

I never thought I would be 28 and without kids. I have always wanted to be a mom and it has been my dream far beyond anything in the career world. I met OH when we were young at 15 and 16. I guess meeting so young made it seem like commonsense we'd be married and pregnant in our early 20s. We had always thought he'd get a good job right out of college, we'd get engaged, and then get married shortly after I graduated college and then start a family. With the recession we had the worst luck with jobs after college, and are just now - at age 28 and 29 - feeling like we have a handle on things. We got engaged last December and will be getting married next summer, when we're 29 and 30. If we get pregnant right after getting married, I will be 30 when the baby is born. 30!! The little girl who has always wanted nothing more than to be a mother, and met the love of her life at 15, will still be childless on her 30th birthday.

I know, I know, a little bit dramatic! But in all reality, I feel like I went from being 20 years old with "plenty of time" to have kids. 25 was always my goal. I wanted to have a baby by 25. Having a first baby by 30 was like my "buffer goal." Now, I'm coming up to that buffer goal and am still not even sure. Yes, we are planning to start TTC after our wedding, but I'm a huge worrier and the 'what ifs' kill me.

I worry what if we're not any better off financially by the wedding? My mom keeps telling me that a lot can happen in a year, and I know that it can, but for the past 6 years I've been holding out hope that "anything can happen just like that." It hasn't. I came across an article on fertility today done by this British fertility expert. She basically warned people that fertility starts to decline at 27, and that if you haven't started trying before 30, there's really no sense in even trying. I just worry so much that I'm missing my fertile window. That we won't be in a good enough place financially next summer, and will have to put off TTC even longer. I'm worried that by the time we TTC, I will be too old and it will be impossible to get pregnant, and that I simply missed the boat on getting to be a mother in this lifetime. Yes, there is fertility treatment and adoption, but if we aren't well off enough financially to even get pregnant, the costs of fertility treatment and/or adoption is definitely off limits. Also, for no logical reason that I can explain, I want to experience being pregnant and giving birth to my child. Ironically, I am also terrified of giving birth, but something deep inside me knows that I just have to!

Does anyone else fear they will run out of time and miss their chance for motherhood?

 

[SanJan]

Hi,

I'm right here in similar situation I'm currently 28 and will turn 29 in December.

Currently, we are WTT because, we both, especially me, need some time to get over whatever has happened, because, the thought of pregnancy and what-ifs about things recurring is still so raw and terrifying. At the same time, the thought of not having the first baby till 30 is also equally terrifying. That's the main reason we are WTT for sure till August. I don't want the next pregnancy to overlap on the same months as Ananya's. But the thoughts about fertility also scares me a lot. It took us around 6-7 months to conceive Ananya.
So, it's kinda internal fight everyday about the choice between WTT v/s TTC

 

[PnkPolkaDots]

So sorry for your loss.

I've had two miscarriages; the first one I got pregnant while on the pill (not trying), then the second time we tried for a few months, got pregnant and miscarried. We went back and forth from actual TTC to not trying not protecting for about a year after that with nothing. I'm getting married next July so we decided to take the year off from trying so I could have a mental break from it, and just focus on really getting my body ready for pregnancy again. I will be having my hormone levels checked this month, and if my results show low ovarian reserve I may just go ahead and try and not worry about possibly being pregnant at the wedding. I'd prefer to not be pregnant then, but would rather be pregnant then than not ever!

 

[tverb84]

I'm 30 and have no children yet. Right now I have no clue when I'll have them. I do want children but don't feel ready. Plus next month I'm going to be an aunt!!! I'll get some experience with my niece that's for sure.

 

[foodiewife]

I'm 32 and even if I were to get pregnant yesterday I would be 33 by the time I had #1. I don't think you have to worry about your age just yet. Sometimes people just take longer to do things than others, and I don't think that either of us are too old for kids. I've been with my OH since I was 19 and he was 22! We've been married for 3 years and are still WTT. It's frustrating but we will have our time, and so will you!

 

[Symphony7]

I'm 28 next month and the DH is 29 in September. We will be trying next summer...so 29 and 30. I think it is the perfect age, for us at least. I wouldn't have been ready before, still not...but next year we are going for it ready or not. I didn't finish graduate school until last month, so it's been a long time for me to get myself and my career together. He also is finishing up a leadership program next year. We have a house and are married, but it still feel like we are just now starting to settle in life.

We can wait it out together, we will be TTC around the same time.

 

[PnkPolkaDots]

foodiewife I think the most frustrating part for me about waiting so long is that I never ever wanted to wait this long. I don't see anything wrong with people waiting to have kids, but me personally, I just didn't ever want to wait so long at all.

symphony7 - you should be my buddy! OH and I will be 29 and 30 when we try next summer too! I love that you've decided that next summer you will go for it ready or not. I hope I have that courage! What is your graduate degree in?

 

[SanJan]

Count me in too

We are planning on TTC from Jan-Feb 2016, but since it did take around 6-8 months to conceive Ananya, I'm sure I'll be there as your buddies till summer. I'll be 29 and DH will be 32 then. We are both settled in our career and are going to move in to our own new house next month. We are just taking the rest of this year to get our physical mental state better.

We all can wait it out together and ramble on here till then

 

[Symphony7]

My degree is in elementary education. I just accepted a position for sixth grade for next year. God help me, haha! It should be good, and it is one more thing I can check off my list we needed to do before trying. We were talking last night about possibly moving pretty directly after the baby is born in 2017 to an area further out, about two hours from where we are now. We could get a much bigger house there for a lot less...there looks to be lots of jobs for the hubby. It's also in the country/mountains and I really want a big yard where I can have a huge garden and lots of room for my dogs and babies to play.

We are taking a mini-vacation this weekend down to that area so we are going to go snoop out some of the towns and see what it's like.

Always something changing! Hehe.

 

[IchigoMewMew]

Hi, I wouldn't worry too much about the fertility article of ots the one that broke this week, I think it got blown out of proportion by the media she was on the news or this morning or something setting the record straight the other day. My aunt had all her children in her 30s, another aunt of mine is currently pregnant I think she is 40 so its not impossible but may take a bit longer. I am now 30 and still waiting. Got married at 25 but OH had no job then a month after he got a job I was offered a huge promotion but had to do 4 year degree. Waiting for degree results now, should find out next week whether theres a fully qualified post available for me THEN we need to think about finding somewhere bigger to live but we might just manage until baby is about to start moving around. I do worry about whether there are problems that haven't been picked up because we've never ttc before but I guess I'll just gave to take it as it comes......bit pants really!

 

[PnkPolkaDots]

symphony7 I'm a teacher too!

 

[Symphony7]

Hehe are we living the same life? Lol. What do you teach?

 

[PnkPolkaDots]

I teach elementary reading intervention as an assistant (but I am certificated), so I teach grades K-5. I have taught kinder though.

Good luck with teaching 6th grade! They scare me lol.

 

[SoupDragon]

I came across an article on fertility today done by this British fertility expert. She basically warned people that fertility starts to decline at 27, and that if you haven't started trying before 30, there's really no sense in even trying.

That article is just ridiculous scaremongering. I got pregnant on cycle 1 of trying for my first, and I was 32. I had my daughter in October 2014, aged 33. I am friends with three women who had babies when they were aged 40.

It's good to be aware of your options, just in case you do have problems conceiving, but 30 is no way past it!

I wish you the best of luck in your TTC journey, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding