Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[KatO79]

Welcome Julie, hope you soon get your BFP How long have you been TTCing?

Angel glad everything is going so well with you and your LO! So sorry about your MIL

Cutestuff so sorry that the sleep regression is so tough I suppose I could try but it wouldn't strengthen e.g. his back muscles which he needs for crawling. Yeah it's definitely hard as it seems like these babies are developing quickly and are all on the super early end of normal while I fear Xander will be a late bloomer. He doesn't seem to have much interest in getting mobile or sitting as when he can’t reach toys just tends to give up and entertain himself by looking at our ceiling. He'll lie there and laugh Which is why I don't think seeing the other babies being ahead will affect him. I'll probably just not go every time and will definitely drop it if anyone in the group gets annoying about Xander being behind. I still am a bit upset that the young mother looked at me weird when I told her he can't sit unassisted yet, like she was judging my parenting skills or something. We'd otherwise had a very pleasant chat last time

 

[cutestuff]

Kat I honestly think that with a Johnny jump up or exersaucer Xander would still work some of those same muscles. The johnny helps cause and effect as baby's legs move it any direction they want and the door frame along with their core muscles hold them upright while saucers have toys along the edges and encourages kids to sit up and lean to get the toy. I'm guessing he's coming up on 7 months which is delayed for sitting and crawling but not be a huge cause for concern if hes hitting all his other social, emotional and physical milestones... I really think if you do those things or maybe even use a bumbo seat for support he will get there and do try the sitting behind him and letting him practice like that. Its a lot of work but worth it
AFM life's moving along quickly. I can't believe its been two years since my first ultrasound and its so fun to see dd pointing at things and babbling something about it. I do notice on days we hang out with kids who have more verbal skills she tries to talk more. Hopefully soon

 

[Angel5000]

Ooh I forgot to mention, we had the most amazing last two nights of sleep! When I first went back to work Melody went from waking 2-3 times a night to waking 4-5 times a night! It was insane, but I think related to the change in her environment and caregiver schedule. By Friday last week she was back down to only two wake ups a night for food, unfortunately they were around midnight and 4am. A 4am wakeup is incredibly inconvenient when my alarm is going to go off at 5, so by the time I feed her I might as well stay up. :/ But the last two nights she has only woken up around 2am to eat! It's amazing how great those two nights have been with only 1 wake up! She actually woke up 2 other times last night and I heard her on the monitor but I try to wait a few minutes if she isn't really crying before I go in and see if she settles herself down and both times she put herself back to sleep quickly. So proud of my girl! She's still 95% BF, we give a bottle "dream feed" at night when we go to bed to help hold her over a little longer. I usually use whatever breastmilk is left over in the fridge that my mom/sister thawed but didn't use plus a little formula (she drinks about 3-4 ounces at the dream feed so if she has 2 oz of BM left over then I add 1-2 oz of formula). Either way, I'm so proud of how well she's sleeping. Bedtime is between 6-7pm, she might wake around 8:30 to eat, depending on when her last meal was, and then just the one other wake up. And then we're up at 6am (perfect timing for me to feed her before I have to leave for work).

Keeping FX that it continues!


cutestuff - the nice thing about your dd wearing smaller clothes is that at least you get to have her in them for awhile! For some of our 3-6 month clothes, Melody only got 1-2 wears out of some outfits before she was too tall! Melody's 99% height, 50% weight, but only 10% head circumference! I don't know if that's bad, but the doctor didn't seem overly concerned. She said she was glad to see it was growing, I assume if there was a concern she would have said so.


Kat - the jumper or exersaucer would help to strengthen his core muscles as well as legs. I actually have an exersaucer for Melody because she really prefers to be upright but can't hold herself up just yet so I put her in the exersaucer with a textbook on the floor (she's just a tiny bit too short still for the one I have) and then put a blanket around her to keep her from toppling. Since I have started doing that, and I Have started sitting her between my legs and having her sit with my hands right near her so she has support but has to use some of her own muscles, I've seen an improvement in her muscles. She's actually at a point where she can "tripod sit" for about 5 seconds before she falls. I think it would really help Alexander.

 

[KatO79]

Ok I will look into getting one and see if I can get DH to cough up the money. Cutestuff yep he's 7 months but he didn't start doing tummy time until he was over his jaundice which was first after 2-3 months. So I'm thinking that has also delayed things with his development so thinking he's more like a 5 month old development wise. My HV wasn't concerned about him not crawling though as she said most don't until they're 9-10 months. We didn't get into him not sitting but I'll have to ask her next month when she comes by again. DH and I have been trying to get him into a sitting position the last couple of days and he'll max hold it for a few seconds before toppling to a side. He also sits slumped over Our huge issue is he hates tummy time. I give him as much as possible but stop when he starts to cry as my HV sees no reason to keep pushing when he gets like that.

 

[Angel5000]

A few seconds is not bad to start with. As you keep practicing he'll get better. I never make Melody stay on her tummy when she starts crying either. No point in making her mad about it. I do some "tummy time" on my chest though. I'll sit reclined with Melody laying on my chest and that's supposed to be just as good as tummy time on the floor. Not sure if Alexander is getting too big for that or not but it might be worth a try sometime. I do it now less for the tummy time practice and more just to be close an play with her.


AFM - DH and Melody are adorable together. A few weeks ago he started making "grrr" noises at her (it makes her smile) and she started imitating him. Now whenever she sees him she makes that noise. It's really cute.

 

[cutestuff]

Angel it is nice she fits in her clothes for so long but because she's average height she has a pot belly even though she's average weight too. I'm officially jealous of the sleeping but I would imagine if I had a career to return to it would have been different. Dh always said it was either starting a family or a career and because I chose family I won't probably work more than part time before the kids are in school full time so it's not as big a deal for me to not sleep. I'm pretty sure dd is what they call a high need baby. She's always doing something always wants to be held and resists sleeping through the night so I might be in for a long haul here.
Kat I guess that's where the us and Denmark differ. In the us a baby with jaundice has to have bili Rubin below a certain count to go home. Dd had both types she got over the one your born with but had mild continued breast feeding jaundice but had it been bad she would have gone back to the hospital for the light treatment rather than come home. The few seconds is right where he should be at 5 months but is he hitting the social milestones or is he behind in both????

 

[Angel5000]

cutestuff - Oh yeah if I hadn't had to return to work I would have not been as determined to help get Melody on a schedule, but knowing I Had to be back at work I wanted to make sure that I was in a mindset that I could get through the day. In my case there is not an option of "career OR family", we can't afford to live on one salary and raise a family. But at least as a teacher I have fairly decent work hours, and I will get all the school holidays at home. I still end up doing work during those holidays (even summer!) but at least I can do that around Melody's schedule so I can spend most of my time with her.

I had a friend with a high needs baby. She had a rough couple years at first while they learned what worked for him. But there are definitely ways to help cope.


Kat - I'm a little surprised that he was at home for such a long period waiting for the jaundice to clear up. When we were told that Melody had jaundice they wouldn't let us go home an extra day in the hospital to watch her numbers. LIke cutestuff said, it must be a US/Denmark difference. If she had been even a little worse they wouldn't have let us go home at all and would have immediately done light treatment until it was cleared up. Once they did let us go home, we had to go back to the doctor every days, and then every other day for a numbers check and if they weren't seeing improvement at every check they would have hospitalized her for the light treatment or given us a "kangaroo pouch" (thats what the nurse called it) for doing a light treatment at home.

 

[cutestuff]

Angel its not so much that we can afford it but more that because I wasn't currently working in my field and would need to take a minimum wage or entry level job to start it didn't make sense to potentially be paid 10-14 per hour or have crap hours when I would need child care or what have you and though my mom gives me crap about not seeing dd she's too busy to help full time so its just been easier to stay home. We got really lucky and found a job where we get free rent and a little extra and we can both stay home but even now he can't handle dd for longer than a few hours at a time so I would need a specific schedule which is hard to find

 

[KatO79]

The thing is he didn't have physiological jaundice, he had breast milk jaundice (not the same as breastfeeding jaundice!) which means something in my breast milk was preventing his liver from breaking the bilirubin down. In that case it's normal for the jaundice to last up to 12 weeks. It's apparently very rare. His numbers were never high enough to warrant treatment and he was in a few times to make sure the number was going down which it was.

As for social milestones he seems to be doing well. His fine motor skills are also good I think.

 

[cutestuff]

Kay that's really weird. I know dd had mild jaundice for a while but I was never recommended to not have her on her tummy. I think that in that case you just have to make up for it in other ways. One of dds favorite sleeping spots is on top of my chest which still allowed for dd to get in some tummy time without pressure on the belly. I lived in a 200 sq foot space while she was little so until she was 5-6 months old she didn't do a lot of laying on the belly just on my chest and such. I think that helped her a lot but she was about 15 pounds at that age so it was a lot easier than now at 22 pounds and more than 10 inches taller... Try the saucer and jumper. Also try not providing much support when he's sitting with you. He will get there.

Afm the gloves are off. Officially no longer careful and dtd 2 times during fertile weeks. I doubt I'll be preggo but won't do any planning or full force trying for a few more months.

Happy Mother's Day to all you ladies and I hope everyone gets massive doses of baby dust today if you are still trying

 

[KatO79]

Problem was that he was super sleepy and for many weeks I had to wake him for every feed. So don't think tummy time helps when baby is so sleepy And I've tried him on me, it doesn't help! I've tried so many tummy time variants but he still rolls over or tries to after a few minutes. So not sure what to do. Oh and I've now read that the medical professionals here don't recommend jumpers or exersaucers

 

[cutestuff]

Kat I don't really know what to say. It's okay to make a decision that goes against recommendations. Lots of people do just look at the number of kids who don't get vaccines or religions that prevent medical intervention it happens and it may not be the best choice but it's how parents champion for their kids. I think maybe a good idea would be to get one of those nursing pillows and use that to prop him up. You could sit him up inside it and put toys around him or lay him down on top of it and do the toys that way. I also think when he sits on your lap sit him as far away from you as possible maybe start carrying him on your hip instead of shoulder and the last suggestion would be to go renegade status and just do what feels right. Screw the medical profession they aren't raising your kid and should not always factor into your decision making... Sorry if that's harsh it just seems like every idea is shot down and it's hard to see people you almost know having a hard time if they don't need to

 

[KatO79]

Kat I don't really know what to say. It's okay to make a decision that goes against recommendations. Lots of people do just look at the number of kids who don't get vaccines or religions that prevent medical intervention it happens and it may not be the best choice but it's how parents champion for their kids. I think maybe a good idea would be to get one of those nursing pillows and use that to prop him up. You could sit him up inside it and put toys around him or lay him down on top of it and do the toys that way. I also think when he sits on your lap sit him as far away from you as possible maybe start carrying him on your hip instead of shoulder and the last suggestion would be to go renegade status and just do what feels right. Screw the medical profession they aren't raising your kid and should not always factor into your decision making... Sorry if that's harsh it just seems like every idea is shot down and it's hard to see people you almost know having a hard time if they don't need to

I'll try the pillow thing but he topples over very easily and quickly, don't think his balance is very good yet although he does sometimes try to correct himself.

I'll have to discuss with DH what we may feel most comfortable with but I'm thinking it'd be the jumper since the age group is 6 months and up while the exersaucers here are 9 months and up. I just don't want to do something that could potentially hurt him or make things worse. For a start we'll use it sparingly if we do decide to try it and see how that goes.

 

[KatO79]

So talked to my HV and she is concerned that his spine might be locked so he's now booked to see a chiropractor on the 6th. Going to hold off on trying anything other than tummy time variants until then.

And she told me that it's actually bad for babies to be sitting unassisted before they're able to crawl so Alexander is fine and it's the mothers teaching their babies to sit before crawling that are wrong.

 

[Moomi]

Hey!!im 30 and my bf is 26. Been ttc for 6 months now, I'm currently in the tww which is driving me crazy... good luck everyone x

 

[cutestuff]

Welcome moomi. Yes the tww is no ones friend especially if there's even the smallest chance you are pregnant. I'm spending some quality time there too.
Kat I'm glad you found information that helps you. Hopefully he gets the help he needs. Though I will say your post was somewhat condescending. I think there is a difference in health advice even in the same doctors office I will use my daughter as an example. I was asked at her 9 month appointment if she was clapping and at the time it was no. When we went in for her 12 month she was just starting to clap kind of but the doctor we saw that time wasn't concerned just said if she was waving and pointing it was fine. I think most moms do the best they can for their kids but just because one thing holds true for some kids doesn't mean it's true for all kids. My dd sat unassisted at 5 months and was scooting around by 6 and doing the worm by 8 with first steps at 9.5. That doesn't mean anyone else has to keep up with her. It's totally normal for kids to not crawl until 12 months and start walking at 14. Some kids wait until they are 18 months to walk. It's all variations of normal but the constant theme of your posts suggest stress and worry so suggestions were provided based on my experience. There's no need to say I am wrong because my experience didn't match what your hv has said to you. She's never met me or my dd and it's inappropriate for her or anyone else to judge me.
Afm I've been trying to let dd go around the house without a diaper to see if she'll use her potty but all she's doing is peeing on the floor and yesterday there was a huge turd on my kitchen floor. Cracks me up but damn the things you do that you may have never thought about....

 

[Angel5000]

Kat - I hope that they can help you with the chiropractor. I am going to be really blunt here but I feel like you are being incredibly condescending. I've felt that way before and held my tongue but I really don't think I can keep quiet. Every time I feel like something is recommendef you shoot it down. And that is fine that is your prerogative. But I notice that anything we say that doesn't exactly match what you say your HV suggests or recommends is also shot down. Ex: when I mentioned a long ago that my friends kids were STTN by 3-4 months you told me there's no way if they were EBF. But they were EBF and did sleep 6-8 hours by 4 months. When I said my kid was teething you told me it was impossible. Even though my niece did the same thing and had teeth before her 3rd month. And now when we are talking about babies sitting you tell us that we're wrong for helping our babies sit before they can crawl. Medical recommendations vary widely from person to person and state to state and country to country. And within the country doctors can't even agree. Heck, half the doctors here say we can start solids at 4 months the others are adamant that it's 6. Doing one or two things differently won't cause permanent damage. Justnlike using an exersaucer a little early won't either. Not all kids progress at the same rate.

I'm sorry to say this but I just can't keep coming to this thread anymore. I feel like anything I suggest is shot down, or I'm constantly told I'm wrong. I've appreciated you all during my time TTC but I think this group is no longer meeting my needs and the tone has changed too greatly for me to appreciate it.

Thank you all for the great months we had.

 

[cutestuff]

Angel I'm with you there. I remember you mentioning about early teething and just wanted to apologize if I dismissed you. I would like to start a new thread for us parents if you are in

 

[KatO79]

Wow. Ok.

I don't think I've been condescending. I don't see anything wrong in saying if any advice given isn't working or going to work in this case. Great if e.g. lying baby on you gives them extra tummy time. I've tried that and many other variants and Alexander doesn't stay on his tummy for any longer than he does on the floor. That I'm hesitant to use any tools that could potentially do more harm than good I also don’t see an issue with. Maybe the ladies who are insulted by me not being able to use the suggested methods should try and see why they feel that way? I never get insulted if people can't use my advice, especially if I don't know them personally or don't have much knowledge about the topic. Frankly I feel a few here have been very judgemental about my parenting e.g. Alexander's jaundice. I've explained that he had the rare breast milk type and that it didn't warrant treatment because his number was going down plus that it lasting that long is normal. Yet I still feel like because your babies needed treatment but had different jaundice types to mine that I've been neglectful in not pushing for Alexander not getting treatment when all doctors who saw him said it isn't necessary. How hurtful do you think that was?

As for the teething I wasn't the only one who doubted it and I don't think I ever have said it was impossible, just unlikely which it is at that age. Same goes for the STTN thing, I doubt I categorically denied it completely but expressed doubts as many babies that age will still wake for 1-2 feeds.

Despite all this I still wish you both and your babies all have happy lives!

 

[cutestuff]

Kat I wasn't originally going to respond but I would feel badly if I didn't. I think you bring up some valid points but there isn't just one issue.
When it comes to advice or tools given it's that after providing the advice you shoot it down and then the next 5 posts are about the same topic. To the point that it monopolizes the group and no one else feels like their problems would get the same attention. It feels like when you post the longest post you write is about yourself. When it comes to the jaundice no ones judging you we are just surprised a baby needing that much attention and work was sent home or that the medical profession would have recommended formula rather than breast feeding which our responses have been in line with your posts addressing concerns and gradually getting more frustrated because you bring it up but don't do anything to change the situation. When it comes to angels specific comments you were the first to respond and you didn't give her the same benefit of the doubt we gave you. Some babies have been known to teeth by 6 weeks old just like some babies are known to have reactions to breast milk.
The other issue is your specific comment that mothers who encourage their babies to sit before they crawl are wrong. Most health advisors will have different thoughts and you can look up milestones for babies which will have more but I know I personally felt dismissed and shocked because here I had spent weeks offering suggestions and providing sympathy or encouragement and then you say I'm wrong. And you can't apologize it's messed up. I think raising babies is hard and is stressful so having outside people tell you it's okay or know what your going through is nice but this extra drama is not cool....
Anyways I never really fit in here. I'm trying to stay in touch with a few via email. Anyone interested please feel free to pm me and I will reach out. Lots of love and luck