Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[KatO79]

Gagrlinpitt I don't feel as if I'm neglecting my DH. He does get less attention as my son comes first but that's to be expected. I do everything I can to include him, I'm constantly trying to get him to play with 'Xander and spend time with him when he's home. I honestly don't know what more I can do.

I know how you feel-I'm now 35, hubby is 32 and ttc # 1 for 8 years! Definitely gut-wrenching; about to lose my mind, but glad that I'm not entirely alone in this. Keep your head up. We'll all get there someday, some way.

Welcome to BnB rkozak :wave: Who are you referring to? If it's Holynesss then she did get pregnant and now has a little 10 month old daughter. This thread was started in August 2014. But you're welcome to still join, this is a great group! Some of us do have our babies now and talk about how things are going so if you don't mind that, then join by all means

Wow 8 years, I'm so sorry I "only" tried for 2 years (+ 3/4 months) and thought that was bad enough, ended up needing IVF to conceive. What have you been trying as far as stuff like OPKs, Preseed, supplements ect? Have you explored assisted conception?

 

[KatO79]

Afm af started this am. I'm relieved I don't think I could have handled another so soon. Dd just got her first molars and according to wonder weeks... Not the ap but the website she's getting ready for leap 10 I just hope it includes some more vocabulary.... This screaming temper tantrum flappiness doesn't work.....

The app is definitely worth getting but since she's about to enter leap 10 may not be worth investing in now. Here's what the app says about Leap 10:











Btw I started thinking about how you said that your dd flaps her arms a lot and started to think about if she could possibly be autistic? Sorry if I'm out of line, just thought I'd put it out there. I remember seeing a video recently on how hand flapping is a potential sign (was looking for videos on how to do alternative tummy time methods but hand flapping videos came up in the list of potential interest) and it made me look up arm flapping: https://www.livestrong.com/article/536140-arm-flapping-toddlers/

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Kat I was not implying you are neglecting him. I'm sure you're not, but men sometimes are very fickle and that was my point. I honestly think you need to schedule a time to sit down and hash all this out...

 

[cutestuff]

Kat that's good info. Dd does a lot of that already. As for autism it's not out of line but she doesn't have any indicators and according to the doctors it could just be a way to communicate till she has more words. She's been on point or ahead of every milestone but flaps. A lot of babies do. From what I understand kids who are autistic don't grow out of it and they get more concerned after age 3. They also screen at 18 and 24 months in the us so I guess even as a possibility I'm not too worried.
Welcome newbie. A lot of us on this thread are either pregnant or have babies/ toddlers. Mine is 17 months and I'm ttc2 later this year. But we like new ones

 

[KatO79]

Kat I was not implying you are neglecting him. I'm sure you're not, but men sometimes are very fickle and that was my point. I honestly think you need to schedule a time to sit down and hash all this out...

I just hate discussing stuff with him as he's been difficult to talk about issues with. He goes quickly on the defensive. Whenever I've tried in the past since 'Xander was born, he just says he doesn't want to discuss it right now and e.g. wants to relax. No matter if I'm talking to him after work or during the weekend. I suppose I could try again although I really wanted to write that letter but 'Xander takes up most of my time. When he's not awake (I want to spend time with him when he's awake), I'm either preparing his dinner in advance (since the short naps leave me with little time) or eating or trying to nap (although that most often fails as his naps have gotten shorter - those 3 hour naps are a thing of the past).

cutestuff I'm glad that they're keeping an eye out for it. Glad you found the info helpful

 

[Angel5000]

It's been awhile! Melody keeps me busy and I've been stressed about going back to work. I can't believe my Mat Leave is over and I go back on Monday!

Melody was getting so much better and then turned around and her cold settled into her chest. She's got rattling in her chest, and a cough. Poor baby. I talked to the doctor and she said as long as it's a wet cough and she's breathing and eating okay then she's fine and no need to bring her in. If she spikes a fever, or eating decreases or labored breathing to go in. The last two days are slowly getting better though. We've been doing lots of warm baths in a very steamy bathroom (run the shower as hot as it'll go until the bathroom is fully steamed up then start her bath in warm water, she loves water so this is a fun time for her). That plus nasal drops and the NoseFrida seem to be working to pull out the mucous and she's not quite as raspy when she breathes now.

I feel like we made a breakthrough in her sleep. I got her on a good schedule where she goes down for bed between 7 and 8 every night, getting up around 6am. The last three nights I have started to give her a "dream feed" (feed while she's still sleeping) around 9pm before we go to bed. Then she has only woken twice, around 12-1am and 4:15am (always 4-4:30am, that one is becoming habitual). I really think in the next week I'll be able to start encouraging her to push that 4am feeding forward closer to 6am. My doctor says at that age, even EBF, she can easily go a solid 6 hours over night without food if she's getting enough calories during the day. Since I've seen her go 5 hours on her own before overnight I'm sure she's close to being ready. If she continues to do this for a week (only wake twice a night) I'm going to start encouraging her to go back to sleep at the 4am feeding. if she goes back to sleep easily (within 15 minutes) I'll go back to bed, if she fights and really wants to eat I'll feed her. If I feed her at least I'll be waiting at least 15 minutes later and I think eventually she'll start to shift her wake uptime a little later. It just sucks because by the time I finish feeding her at a 4am feeding it isn't worth going back to sleep (alarm for work goes off at 5).

I'm also really excited because she's started to put herself to sleep without my help! Not every time, but twice after we do our sleepy time routine when she's resisted me patting her back and is too busy looking around and wiggling in bed I will just kiss her goodnight and say "good night sweetheart, it's sleepy time. I'll see you when you wake up" and walk out. If she cries (not fusses but cries) I go back in and comfort her, and help her go to sleep (patting her back and "sh" noises), but on two occasions this week she just laid there and looked around and wiggled a bit and started to drift to sleep and next thing I know I look at the monitor and she's asleep! Same thing with the middle of the night, Monday and Tuesday she woke at 1am (after eating at midnight) , fussed a bit but before I could get up and go to her she settled back down and so I waited and watched and within 20 minutes she was asleep again. Of course if she cries I go right in but when she's just making noise I let her try to put herself down first. She's getting there slowly.

Since I start back to work Monday, I hope it continues. I'm afraid that she'll regress a little because of the disruption and change. But at least right now I know she is capable of letting me get a solid 3-4 hours of sleep before waking! It's like I'm a new woman with 4 hours of sleep.


Kat - DH did start to help with her wake ups, thank goodness! She doesn't go to sleep as easily for him, probably because she's used to me, but I think it helped her to start to sleep better because she doesn't associate nursing or comfort sucking with him. I also moved her to her own room middle of this week and I think that's helping. The monitor is very sensitive so I still hear her noises but in our room if she even shifted her weight and rolled to her side I woke up and would check on her, and that seemed to wake her even more. This way she has the opportunity to settle herself and she seems to be doing well.

I'm so sorry about your DH. Honestly, I would have lost my sh*t if my DH had talked to me like that. Seriously. It sounds borderline abusive the way he talks to you, telling you that you'll do it just because he says so.
In fact, I'm pretty sure i would have packed up my stuff and gone to stay with someone else or even at a hotel and he would have just come home to find me gone. But...I was in a very abusive relationship with my ex for 6 years and once I got away I quit taking any BS from anyone so my personality is just a little more "aggressive" about that. In fact, my husband and my BIL joke that you can't tell my sister or I what to do unless you want us to do the exact opposite because we are just too strong willed. (it's only half way true )

Alexander is adorable! Love the pics!


Jezika - The house hunting sounds awful! I'm so sorry that you lost the house you had tried for 2 years ago. I'm so glad you were able to pull out of the dark house though, it's never good to buy out of desperation. I would rather continue to rent than buy a home I would hate! Congrats on Tilly's teeth breaking through! She's adorable by the way! Too cute! Hope she's settling down and sleeping better now!

How does Tilly like the exersaucer? I got a free one yesterday from our community group and even though Melody can't sit up unaided yet she likes to be sitting so I'm giong to let her sit in it with lots of blankets packed around her to keep her upright and see how it goes (and I'll be right there in case it doesn't work out). She gets so frustrated if she's laying for too long, she wants to sit upright!

I was really iffy about the NoseFrida but after a ton of recommendations from friends we got it. And OMG it's amazing, even as I'm gagging as I do it.

That finance issue sounds tricky. I'm so glad that DH and I combined our finances. We almost didn't, and until we were married we had separate accounts even though we lived together. I think we have less money contention now than we did when we had separate accounts. I'm so thankful he doesn't moan about my student loans. I've got quite a bit, but my job wouldn't be possible without them, so he just tolerates it.


drjo - a boy?! Congrats!!!


Gagrl - So what does that mean, that they saw those instances of cardiac.... is there anything you have to do or just be careful?

That situation with your FIL's house sounds awful!! I'm so glad that things are getting going though. It's wonderful that you have people who can/will help you.


cutestuff - your DD sounds adorable! So cute

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Angel thankfully none of it is life threatening and it'll go away after delivery.

 

[cutestuff]

Angel colds are tough.... I recommend zarabees cold for babies.. there is some that is without honey you need to get that version, but when dd had colds that medicine really helped. It just soothed her throat and didnt have really anything in it.. it was all organic or naturally occurring plants or what have you...I will say I am officially jealous that melody is sleeping through the night more or less...

I just found out Im gearing up for the 18 month sleep regression which I guess means her already crappy sleeping at night will possibly get worse.... I guess this is a good time to start sleep training again... Ladies be aware that sleep is a commodity and I would love to have some.... if you have extra send it my way please.....

 

[KatO79]

Angel glad Melody is doing better! And wow on the sleep training, I'm only now starting to try to get Alexander to sleep without my help this past week He's only needed help 2 times and the one time was last night at my BIL's house but he's 1) not used to being there very much and 2) DH's family is very loud so my 2 BILs, the eldest BIL's kids and the cousin were being extremly noisy DH ended up going into the room and rocking him very gently to sleep because it'd been 30+ minutes Anyway I was also told to only rock if baby is crying in a sad way so have been keeping to either that or if it's been 25+ minutes and he isn't very close to going to sleep. As for breaking a habit I'm doing that with 'Xander as his 5 AM waking seems to also be habitual. I think it can take about 1 week to break it

As for DH I'm trying to wait it out given that he was never this bad before we had our baby. I'm still hoping he gets his s*** together soon. Although he still will sometimes shift blame, like last night we first headed home around 1 AM (he wanted to stay for Irish coffee and listening to music) and I told him I couldn't understand why he didn't have us set out sooner given that 'Xander wakes at around 6 AM and now we won't get much sleep. He then says he didn't realise and that I should've said something but I don't like being the boring, nagging wife that tells her DH in front of numerous members of his family that it's time to go home. I told him it was logical that we can't stay long after 11 PM with a baby but he says nope, he doesn't see the logic and I should've said something

Ugh the night went a bit wrong because my youngest BIL and his GF wanted to hitch a ride with us to the station. But we couldn't because the whole backseat is spoken for: Alexander on one side and the other side has to be down for us to fit the baby carriage (it's a large Emmaljunga carriage and we have a Renault Clio IV, not the station car version but the hatchback version). I told them they wouldn't be able to fit and the BIL looked at me funny. Like he didn't believe it or something. I wanted to send him a pic of how much the carriage fills up our car but DH talked me out of it.

 

[KatO79]

Ugh my laptop isn't working so will be replying with my phone So sorry for any short replys.

So my toxic mother has been using lame excuses for not wanting to come to my birthday party on Saturday May 6th. She hates the stairs in our house and they're a death trap, we should've asked her advice before buying the house yada yada. Now she's suddenly fallen while she was out and also complained about how she's starving Sad thing is I can't help but wonder if she's done this on purpose for attention and to have a better excuse not to come on Saturday.

 

[KatO79]

Wow it's quiet on here

How's everyone doing?

Had a nice birthday on Monday. DH had ordered some sushi that I picked up while he put Alexander to bed. Enjoyed a bit of white wine and then there were chips and candy while we watched "Star Trek Beyond" that DH had bought cheap on Blu Ray The people I have most contact with on FB and my toxic siblings all wished me a Happy Birthday. Only one I didn't hear from is my childish friend and she's always texted me the morning of Guess once she wasn't the center of attention DH and I aren't her friends anymore

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Kat happy belated birthday... Sorry I've been quiet.. it's been busy as we have a business conference this weekend we are heading to and trying to deal with the house construction at the same time. Met with the carpet guy yesterday, meeting with a lady who does post construction cleaning today and meet with the contractor on Monday. The baby furniture is all arriving this week too.

Other then that we are just getting excited for our couple's shower memorial weekend and then just waiting for peanuts arrival.

 

[MissDoc]

Hey ladies, congrats on the progress with the pregnancies, new sweet babies, and to those of you working on TTC! I love seeing the precious photos that are periodically posted. So adorable!

GaGrl, congrats on making it to the last tri. Woohoooo!

Happy belated bday Kat!

I've been quiet, but I periodically pop in an read the updates. If I'm totally honest, I just haven't found this thread as pleasurable as I think the tone and type has greatly changed-- which is natural and normal in a forum so certainly doesn't mean anything bad! I just find I have less to contribute to the current tone, so just pop in to read a few updates here and there!

Doing well here, overall. Doctor thinks baby will come any day now as his head is low and engaged, I'm 80% effaced, 2-3 cm dilated, lost my MP, and have been spotting and having menstrual type cramps pretty frequently. Exciting stuff!

Hope you all are doing well and those of you TTC get your positives soon, those of you pregnant have awesome smooth deliveries, and those with adorable babies keep fighting the good fight and get as much as rest and peace as possible!

 

[KatO79]

Gagrlinpitt thanks! Wow sounds like you're very busy with the house. Hope it's soon in order! The shower sounds like fun, hope you have a really nice time

MissDoc thanks and nice you still check in Wow sounds exciting, I hope your delivery goes smoothly! Keep us updated and by all means share some pics when he's born

AFM Alexander's first tooth is on the way! It's his lower right middle tooth. Can feel it sticking out a bit. Also I think Alexander is trying to drop his 3rd nap. Most of the time it's skipped and when he does have it, it only lasts 30 minutes. Have texted my HV to ask about it since I'm not sure if he should still be having it or not. DH is driving me crazy though with refusing to help during the mornings. Alexander has been waking every 10-15 minutes from about 4 AM and on so I get 0 sleep after that while DH just sleeps through it When I do try to ask for help he says he needs his sleep for work Anyway he's going to buy some painmeds for children so we'll see if it helps. We're not supposed to be using the numbing gel for gums we bought as apparently dentists here strongly recommend against it's use.

Oh forgot to mention I asked the Mommy Group for advice on teething and one of the mothers said that she hasn't been getting much sleep for the past 3 weeks and that according to her HV it's because so much is going on with her son since he crawls and is already starting to get up on his feet using the furniture. So she suggested that could also be why 'Xander is waking so much. I told her he does neither of those things so she said then it must only be the teething then. I felt a bit annoyed by her but DH says I'm reading too much into it. If this woman does start making milestones into a competition than I'm leaving the group. I refuse such childish nonsens!

 

[cutestuff]

Miss doc congrats. Yes I noticed the change too but for now it's still nice to vent to strangers. Hope the next weeks fly by and you have a very uneventful delivery.
Kat happy late bday. As for teething try freezeable tethers with a small dose of Tylenol. He could be gearing up for his first sleep regression and start with the crawling or babbling or what have you. Try not to compare too much every baby and every leap is different and your experiences are just as valid as everyone else's..
Afm I've had a crap week one of my cousins overdosed and had been dead for 2 days before they found him and two confessions. 1 I thought once I had dd I would be over getting jealous of others but nope. An older cousin of mine got preggers and had not only a very uneventful pregnancy but got to go into labor naturally. Not the case for me. At 20 weeks they found cysts on dds brain and at 34 weeks had pih and induced at 37 weeks followed by a hemorage and dnc .... Don't judge me I feel bad enough. 2 after last months scare I thought we would abstain but nope dtd this am and predicted o is Tuesday so about the same timing as with dd......dd is in full sleep regression mode and wakes every 45 minutes or so on top of the mental leap around this age. Crap life is not so fun right now.......

 

[KatO79]

Thanks cutestuff I'll have to get DH to buy some. I know I just felt like she was using the opportunity to brag about how far ahead her son is I don't get it though as the next leap for both babies should first be around the start of June. Anyway so sorry about your cousin. I think jealousy is pretty normal. I know what you mean as I always get a bit jealous hearing about others getting pregnant easily or the ones that got to give birth vaginally. Hope you get through this leap okay

AFM my party went ok yesterday although my ILs didn't buy anything from my list The only thing that was ok was a lipstick in a nice color. The 2 other gifts from them were gardening tools even though I never asked for gardening stuff and stink at it. They seem to fail to understand that I grew up in an upper middle class family that hired professional gardeners and my toxic mother knows precious little about gardening so I had no opportunity to learn. Not that it interests me much so I was a bit annoyed that they did that

 

[KatO79]

Ugh so was at a Mommy Group meeting today and all 3 of the other babies can sit up by themselves while Alexander can’t at all. All he wants to do is lie on his back since he's boycotting tummy time again I felt so sad watching the 3 babies playing and Alexander not being able to play with them I now fear he'll constantly be many months behind the others and he'll be lonely Don't feel like meeting with the group much as it's just too painful for me emotionally that Alexander can’t really make friends with them.

 

[JuliedeMeulie]

I'm 35 almost 36. Hubby is 41. For me the added pressure is a family history of early menopause. My mum and aunts all hit menopause in their early 40s

 

[Angel5000]

Hi all. I haven't been on lately. Too much going on. I started back to work May 1st. I'm exhausted, but it's been a good transition. Melody is doing well with my mom and sister watching her and they are doing a great job of trying to stick to her routine, which makes it a lot easier for her to go between care givers. Her 4 month check up was on Monday and she's in the 99% for her height! She's wearing 6-9 month clothes already! She's 13lbs 14oz (so 50% for weight, meaning the 6-9 month clothes will fit her length wise but sometimes she still looks like they're huge on her width wise ). She can almost get from back to tummy too! She's moving back to side easily, and tries to get to her tummy but gets stuck on her shoulder. I have found her on her tummy once while she was sleeping so I know she can do it.

In other news, my MIL passed away on Monday. It was fairly sudden, we expected another 4 weeks at least. It's been a really rough week. Anyway, trying to check in at least.



MissDoc - I'm in a similar spot actually, I try to pop on and read updates when I can but I'm having trouble enjoying this thread as much as I had before. I think you nailed it perfectly when you said the tone had changed, I couldn't put my finger on it before. I'm excited to hear your baby will come soon!! Let us know when baby arrives!

 

[cutestuff]

Welcome Julie. That must be hard but hopefully seeing a thread of women who are in their 30s and either pregnant or have young babies will give you hope. We love stalkers and questions.
Angel that feeling like melody is okay without you sucks. I know its hard but in a lot of ways its good that you will be free in a couple weeks for more bonding. Melody sounds like she's gonna be tall. My dd has always been 50 % across the board until this last appointment when her head circumference shot up to 62%.... She's just now at 17.5 months growing out of 12 month clothes but the 18 month are too long for her....
Kat I think you should get a johnny jump up for xander so he can maybe get used to using his legs but not have to do tummy time. I know its hard when it feels like your kid is behind but sometimes hanging out with those kids will encourage them to catch up or learn new things. 6 months is young for friends or play in fact 18 months is when some kids start parallel play which is playing near other kids but not with...
AFM..sleep regressions are real and for anyone who wants a window to their life in a year from now read the book toddlers are assholes by sopha king tyred and that is my life