Gem, it's your decision of course it is, but you need to think clear. Clearer. Can you speak to someone you don't know? Your friends won't listen properly and will say things that come across wrong.
Ring the Samaritans, then if you can see your Dr to get some support because you know what, everything that happened with Ollie was traumatic, your health scares are traumatic, you need to talk to someone.
And, on the board I moderate on when someone says what you are saying we call in the emergency services, because it's not for us to do nothing. If you don't post on here out fb shortly I'll do the same.
It's not because we don't listen, but because we do.
Gem talk. Talk to us, talk to the Samaritans, then make plans for you and Ollie x