April Mummies 2011

[CaseyBaby718]

I can't even imagine the hurt Dana. It all seems from left field too from what you said. If they were having marriage problems there could have been something there to make them feel secretive. IDK though, if they were open with their marriage problems I don't understand the need to keep a baby secret. Did brother not know she was pregnant either? I caught up as best I could, I might have missed something. Did SIL do something else (besides the huge bomb of betrayal from the pregnancy secret) or is that exactly why you want to strangle her.

Little niece is wonderful though!! She's just precious.

Thanks Sazzler. I did join a new mommy group and met up with a few recently. They seem more relaxed. Going to another on soon. DH and I have better arrangements for balance in the house. He can have time but he has to ask because I'm bad at reading minds. Having that mommy group helps me feel more normal human.

Other than that, normal stuff. Spring is in the air. Snow is melting... though slowly and it's still piled high! At least the locals all say this isn't normal so hopefully I don't have to expect this every year. They all say the snow should be gone by late March too. So YEY! Can't wait to start having warmer weather. The house got to 70 over the weekend with lots of sun one day.

Josie and/or Ember have been mildly ill for about 2 weeks now. Ember first with just unexpected congestion and she's teething canines. Josie now has a fever. Mild flu or something maybe. Not sure. Either way nothing big. Though Josie does act the part sometimes to make me think she's worse off. She's good when the meds are working. When wear off she's back to being lethargic and sickly.

 

[DanaBump]

I can't even imagine the hurt Dana. It all seems from left field too from what you said. If they were having marriage problems there could have been something there to make them feel secretive. IDK though, if they were open with their marriage problems I don't understand the need to keep a baby secret. Did brother not know she was pregnant either? I caught up as best I could, I might have missed something. Did SIL do something else (besides the huge bomb of betrayal from the pregnancy secret) or is that exactly why you want to strangle her.

Little niece is wonderful though!! She's just precious.

It was all from left field. My brother never admitted to me he was having marriage problems, mom told him i already knew since he was trying to "match" with one of my friends on match.com. If I hadn't told mom i knew, i don't think he would've said anything. as it was she left end of aug and he didn't tell my parents til october. she wasn't along for thanksgiving or christmas, but he didn't say anything. mom told him i knew AFTER thanksgiving so again, weird. i can understand being embarrassed tho, we were raised in a home were mom and dad are now together 45+ years and were always told divorce isn't an option, but seriously... also, it wasn't sil that kept it a secret, it was my actual sister. SIL and sister have kept in contact this whole time even though SIL has refused my brother see his daughter (only one at the time). It feels like my sister's been chosen over me and while that's nothing new, it hurts. Yes, my brother knew she was pregnant. There was a dispute that he had to go to court and his counselor wrote a letter of recommendation for him (this all sounds worse than it is, police were called in a situation they didn't need to be). anyway in the letter, she wrote about his wife being pregnant. he let our parents read it which was over a month ago. they asked him if she was pregnant and he said he didn't know why that was in there, she's not pregnant. it's all very weird, and i don't know where to go or what to do. am i allowed to call and spend time with the kiddos? am i welcome? why can i spend days calling divorce lawyers for him, go to meetings with him, etc but i can't know about a child? why do that to my parents? it's all so weird, and i spent most of yesterday in tears again. i'm tired of going above and beyond to help people, and i'm still viewed as the "lesser" sister. our sister has been nothing but a judgmental jerk and gets to know the big things. it's all a very awkward situation and i don't know how to confront them both without getting out of control. of course my parents are hurt but as of right now they have no intention of talking to him about why he kept the secret. it's very frustrating. he owes all of us an explanation. when mom and dad went to see the baby last weekend, he pulled them away first thing and apologized. and while the first thing they did when i got there was move SIL to a new room (in the hospital), he had time after that to pull me aside and apologize. nothing. i sent him texts the next day asking if there was anything SIL or him needed, no response. yet he spoke to my parents and of course my sister and BIL when they came up sunday. can't help but feel i'm out in the dark. I have two things pulling in my head. 1, i want to stay as far away as i can and 2, i want a better relationship with my nieces but again, see #1.

sorry for the book, i'll stop rambling. really wish i had insurance to see a counselor, i could really use an ear to tell me what to do right now..

 

[CottlestonPie]

Ladies, sorry i'll catch up in a mo but I need to ask...
is anyone elses LO going through an "i cant" phase?

Getting ready for nursery this morning toby woulsnt get dressed because he "couldn't " take his pyjamas off. When it came to leaving the house he REFUSED to put his coat on even when dh was holding it up for him to slip into it because "i cant lift my arms"... he had such a huge meltdown which dh isnt used to so toby was sent to his room. I went up to explain that if he wanted to go to nursery and see his cousin he had to go now because by this point we were late. He told me he cant stand up.

Is this normal? i have no idea how to get him moving... wondering if maybe I've done something wrong

 

[caro103]

sarah, good to see you back in here hun! with regards to feeling overwhelmed with things, I'd say I've totally been there, but actually before I went back to work (dunno if you remember but went to the dr's etc, got given meds but never took them), for me the lack of sleep had a HUGE impact on how I was managing everything, once I got eddie's sleep sorted the whole world looked brighter. Now at times I still totally lose the plot and feels overwhelmed again, but usually it is ok these days, finding it much easier now eddie's more independent on the most part, sit down in the evenings and have peace. Mine and DH's relationship is probably what I need to put more effort into most as I def have let that go, we're fine but at the same time I know he'd like more us time, which we never get/ I can't be bothered and just want to be left alone once the kids are in bed!

Ashley so glad you've managed to meet some mummy friends , hope the snow melts soon, feel free to chuck some our way!

dana, the whole situation would hurt me too, its the secrecies and not treating you like you're as valued member of the family . keep talking to us hun.

Katherine, not going through that phase just atm but we have been there, usually when he;s jealous of eddie I think, could be toby is seeing the twins getting help so why shouldn't he? its so irritating when you know they can do something and they don't!

hope everyone else is ok? xx

 

[CottlestonPie]

nvm.

 

[MissFox]

Cottles- rosie is all about I can't or My body is too tired. Drives me crazy! She usually buckles herself in the car seat and has been pulling the do it for me and I can do it by myself. But it always changes. Or she is scared that something is going to eat her if she leaves the room alone.

Dazzle- I'm always overwhelmed. Always. I get a better handle on things when they else sleep but they don't usually sleep well. Plus with my job hours (8am-7pm, Monday through Thursday) I am just exhausted. Ryan works out of town so I'm alone 4-5 days a week too right now.

 

[RiRi]

Poppy says I cant a lot when avoiding demands it's so frustrating. Usually the threat of not going somewhere seems to work currently lol

 

[CottlestonPie]

MY DATE NIGHT! It has been rescheduled!
This excites me. Then I realise it's 9 weeks away and I want to cry.

 

[MissFox]

Oh no sorry it is so far away!

 

[CottlestonPie]

At least I get one though I spose!

Just home from a space event with Toby. He LOVED it. Made a little paper rocket and a galaxy out of a cd and ping pong ball... he reeeally listened in the planetarium and spent FOREVERRR in the carpark looking through telescopes. Best £1.50 I've ever spent!

Come home now to a poorly Eddie. I thought he just had the sniffles but now his breathings all laboured and his eyes are rolling back. Poor wee lamb is definitely the sickly one of the bunch. Always gets hit hard like this at the sniff of a virus. So I've got half a pizza and netflix and we're sleeping on the sofa.

 

[MissFox]

Poor guy! What is it with middle children being sicky? I don't have a non middle child to compare to yet but I hope this one isn't as sicky as Ruby! Poor kid can't catch a break. She is currently on her 3rd consecutive bilateral ear infection. Uuuugh. I'm trying to eliminate dairy and bring her to a chiropractor to see if it helps. They aren't treating this one beside there is no fever yet and she has already had two different antibiotics. She was doing so good for so long! We went 6 months without one and now this time t won't go away.

That is great Toby had fun!! The pictures on FB were cute too!!

 

[CottlestonPie]

Must be a middle thing! Eddie always catches every virus and even if its not respiratory to start with, it'll serious affect his breathing for a couple of nights. Its scary hearing him but nothing anyone can do Except wait til it passes.

I am sad. Just had to rehome my lizard because its not tame enough for toby to handle so my time with it is limited and i just feel unfair keeping her caged up all the time. My intention was to find something for toby that he COULD handle. Even if its a rat or something... But as soon as I found a buyer for the lizard, dh changed his mind and now is saying no animals... and ive got toby begging me for a snake. Sigh.

 

[MissFox]

Daycare said they think Ruby is lethargic all the time. Ugh. My friend who watches the girls sometimes says she thinks Ruby is fine at her house. She is ok at my house too. Plus she has been non stop sick since January. My work schedule is also really affecting both girls sleep habits.

 

[CottlestonPie]

Im really, really struggling.

 

[CaseyBaby718]

My post got erased!

I'm so spent I don't even want to write it again.

Short answer- my eldest is driving me so crazy I feel like I'm going to have preterm labor sometimes. My voice is hoarse from screaming so much. Almost every day is a struggle. Over what you say??? Over simpy brushing Her fricking teeth in the morning and taking off her pull up to put on panties by herself! She needs to learn this!!!! I'm having an infant in 2 months!!! Plus an 18 month old!

I'm so done. I wish I could say I even give a shit about all the psycho babble (what if she's regressing because of a new baby. What if she feels lonely. Acting out for attention). I don't give a rats ass!!!! I'm still the one who also has to take care of three children! ONE OF THEM should at least brush their fricking teeth and put panties on in the morning!! I'm not asking her to solve differential equations! I'm not even asking her to pitch in with house work (though I fricking should!!!!). Just take care of your effing teeth and put clean panties on!

Edit: one out of every 4ish days isn't a battle. Maybe a skirmish or sometimes even she listens. But that's just not enough. It's not and I don't know what else to take away from her. More toys! TV! Nothing works anymore. It's like she doesn't care what I pull out as a consequence she just doesn't want to anyway.

 

[DanaBump]

you have got to let go of your own time line. should she be doing this, yes but you're analyzing and making her a person with your sized and developed of brain and hers frankly just doesn't work that way. it's all a part of being a parent, my mom struggled with us 3 kids brushing our teeth well past 4, so it is what it is. i deal with it too. screaming does nothing for her and everything for you, deaf ears for screaming. perhaps it's time to try something new. i realize YOU have an 18 mo old and a newborn on the way, but at her developmental age, she doesn't care. it's not psycho babble, it's reality.

sorry you're frustrated and hope you find a different way to make it work. maybe a "chore" chart with rewards?

KJ- what's the matter?

My heart is still broken. I don't know where i stand with my siblings and i hate it, but i don't know how to fix it either.

 

[CaseyBaby718]

She does it anyway though. Its not that she can't. Its that she doesn't want to. And that's just too bad. She brushes her teeth in the bath by herself. On non bath nights we sometimes help her if she wants and she takes her pull up off and puts panties on by herself no problem. It's the fact that it's not on her timeline and that's just tough cookies. Sorry. So she will just have to learn to have a morning routine or she will suffer no TV and even more consequences. If I didn't think she could physically do it I wouldn't care. But I know she can and I know she's just trying to exert some sort of will.

So sorry but it's just not going to happen. She's going to learn or she's going to be in trouble. No screaming isn't the answer and i can't won't keep that up. But i will come up with more consequences.

 

[CottlestonPie]

Ashley it sounds like we're going through very similar things. Tobys selective hearing and testing limits is driving me nuts. Hell be told not to do something then he'll watch me with a grin on his face while he does it again. Then the twins copy him and it escalates.
The other morning he was throwing toys down the stairs. I told him not to in case he hurt someone and as soon as my back was turned i heard him mocking me like "murmurmurmurhurtsomeone"
Hes 3 going on 13 ffs. I dont know how to help... I cant find a solution either. If he whines non stop, he goes to bed. If hes naughty i just put him in his room til ive calmed down and can talk to him.


I'm in over my head. With all of it. Can't turn my back for one minute without busted lips, squidged fingers, pee on the carpet, pee on the table, fighting, crying, mess being created faster than the eye can see... These 3 are giving me a run for my money and I'm not sure how to handle it.
My hormones are all backwards just now (new pill, yay) and I'm a full time mum on my own all day for the first time in 14 months. Only this time instead of nice easy babies who i could plonk in the cot for 10 minutes while I got dressed.... I have two toddlers and a nearly 4 year old who are hell bent on destruction. I've only just grown my hair back... I don't wanna lose it again!

Then there are a whole bunch of issues i have with dh right now. (I know where Toby gets his selective hearing and memory that alters to always paint him in a good light.) Im sure I'll get back to this but eddie just shat on the carpet so...

 

[CaseyBaby718]

Ashley it sounds like we're going through very similar things. Tobys selective hearing and testing limits is driving me nuts. Hell be told not to do something then he'll watch me with a grin on his face while he does it again. Then the twins copy him and it escalates.
The other morning he was throwing toys down the stairs. I told him not to in case he hurt someone and as soon as my back was turned i heard him mocking me like "murmurmurmurhurtsomeone"
Hes 3 going on 13 ffs. I dont know how to help... I cant find a solution either. If he whines non stop, he goes to bed. If hes naughty i just put him in his room til ive calmed down and can talk to him.


I'm in over my head. With all of it. Can't turn my back for one minute without busted lips, squidged fingers, pee on the carpet, pee on the table, fighting, crying, mess being created faster than the eye can see... These 3 are giving me a run for my money and I'm not sure how to handle it.
My hormones are all backwards just now (new pill, yay) and I'm a full time mum on my own all day for the first time in 14 months. Only this time instead of nice easy babies who i could plonk in the cot for 10 minutes while I got dressed.... I have two toddlers and a nearly 4 year old who are hell bent on destruction. I've only just grown my hair back... I don't wanna lose it again!

Then there are a whole bunch of issues i have with dh right now. (I know where Toby gets his selective hearing and memory that alters to always paint him in a good light.) Im sure I'll get back to this but eddie just shat on the carpet so...

YESSSSSS exactly. Today it was brushing teeth. Other days it is about not throwing toys. Or eating at the table. Or NOT COLORING ON THE CHAIR! And yes she has the "grin" and the selective hearing. It's maddening. And my hormones are similar being preggo! We are like in the same boat except I believe your situation might be more destructive with the boys all over the place. Sometimes Josie can be calm and Ember knows to play quietly. Though she will start climbing on stuff and then the next thing I know everything off the bookshelves are being thrown here and there. Josie one minute, Ember the next. And completely understand about messes!! We sweep and then the very next time Josie or Ember want to eat something 1/3 or more of it is on the floor. Which is again, why Josie's not allowed to eat anywhere but the dining table.

I swear- I must have lost my mind wanting more than one child!

 

[RiRi]

We have selective hearing and full on melt downs over nothing in this house. Or I have to repeat myself a million times. Poppy even says to her toys 'how many times do I have to ask u' as it's such a stock phrase in our house lol

Today we had a 45 melt down and this was then followed by a hour on and off of whining over not being allowed a headache plaster. (One of the cooling fever patches)

I'm pretty good at ignoring this sort of behaviour. Think my job set me up well for it but someways it tests my patience.
Your not alone ladies xx