April Munchkins 2013- enjoying our wonderful babies!

[lily28]

She has always said (until about a year ago) that she hated children, babies especially.

I must sound so awful And trust me I feel it, but I am actually crying. Maybe it just was a bad day to get this news, when I'm feeling rubbish anyway.

I was saying the same for years, that I never want kids to get the pressure of all those people asking me about when I'm having babies. We were TTC for a long time and no one knew.

Everyone has their own reasons for saying what they are saying.

I don't see why you feel like crying about your best friend having a baby (almost at the same time as you) , since she is getting married soon and she will receive support from her DH.
Maybe it is the hormones that cause your frustration, but I know I'd be over the moon if my best friend (who has fertility issues) announced she is having a baby. I would be there for her 100%

Please try to be happy for her, you will need each other's support through this time.

Personally I think it is a kind of a sweet miracle you are both having babies almost simultaneously!

 

[ukgirl23]

Doggylover I completely understand why you are upset and you have every right to feel that way. you just have to remember that her fertility is not her fault. Sometimes people dont know what they want.. 4 years ago I wanted to be steralised i had just had my son with my ex husband who was so violent to me we had to run to another country to get away. i met my fiancee who has been a huge support for me and now we are engaged and pregnant and very happy.. apart from when hes being stupid lol... but what I mean is people change for loads of reasons and it is normal for you to feel upset about it but its not her fault that she got pregnant so fast and its not your fault that you didnt and you will both need eachother over the next months and years xx

 

[nimbec]

Doggylover i can totally relate to how you feel i have very mixed emotions as a good friend of mine is pg too as me and only the night before she found out she was telling me how she wanted to wait another year it wasnt that important to her and as i memtioned in a previous post she went surfing at 9-10weeks pg i just feel like she isnt aware of how beautiful the gift is that she has!! Also i realise its not my place to judge and i am happy for her and it is nice to have the company so i guess i know how yuou feel. I'm also very concerned that if i loose mine i'd find it so difficult to watch her go through the whole pg. I know that sounds extreemly selfish but i guess these pg hormones send us all a little wacky ((((((hugs)))))) to you and hope your day is nearly finished!!

 

[doggylover]

Thanks ladies. Nimbec, you just have it spot on. Day is ticking past...can't wait until 3.30pm!

Trust me, I know what I am saying is awful, but I think part of it is also that I worry about her a lot. She makes decisions based on a whim, (like buying her current house) and then struggles to deal with the aftermath (like affording a monthly mortgage) and I am worried that she will not come to realise the enormity of having a child until it's too late. I have no doubt she'll make a good mum, and her oh will make a good dad.

Lily I know I should be happy for her and support her 100%, but I just can't be, which I know is just the worst thing in the world. I don't want to feel like this either!! I wish I could be happy for her!

Another thing is that I think she will expect us to be pregnancy buddies, whereas I definitely prefer the support of my family, which she doesn't. I think that will be hard for both of us as she may have expectations of me which I won't be able to meet.

I dunno, I just feel awful, both about the situation AND about feeling awful

 

[lily28]

many hugs from me to you! Hope you sort out your feelings soon, but bottom line is that you should focus on your pregnancy and well being, no one else's

My problem is the opposite, no one I know is pregnant, or plans to have a LO anytime soon. I feel kind of all alone. I wish I could find a girl in my situation to connect with and share our woes over

 

[nimbec]

Aww Lilly thankgoodness for the forums! where are you from? they may have groups for pg women?

 

[ukgirl23]

Aww lily you have us hun xxx

 

[melissasbump]

Doggylover, oh poor you, I can imagine how you must feel and its really tough sometimes but you should just focus on yourself and in time hopefully you can be happy for her and excited you are going through it together, you are best friends right?
As ukgirl said, the problems you have had are not your fault, neither is the fact she doesnt appear to have issues, i hope in time you come around and this doesnt damage yuor friendship xx

 

[elohcin]

Nimbec I teach 11-16, so some of them are great, but some of the younger ones can be so irritating at times haha!

Ladies, I feel awful. My best friend just text me to tell me she is pregnant. That might seem like it's great news, but I just cannot be happy for her, and I feel awful about it.

She is getting married in two weeks time. She has always said (until about a year ago) that she hated children, babies especially. Then she changed her mind, and of course she decided to get pregnant and it happened right away. She doesn't have a job, and they struggle to make ends meet as it is. I know it's not my place at all to say she shouldn't have a baby, but I just feel like it's so unfair. It took me so long to get to this point, and all I have ever wanted is a family. She never did, and of course gets it like that. I know I'm being so selfish, and I should concentrate on a) the fact that I am pregnant and will finally have my baby and b) the fact that I'll have a close friend to go through this with, but I just can't help feeling like it's so unfair, and why was it so hard for me and so easy for her.

I must sound so awful And trust me I feel it, but I am actually crying. Maybe it just was a bad day to get this news, when I'm feeling rubbish anyway.

Okay, going against the flow here...

When you have struggled with getting pregnant and lost babies, especially over and over again, things are COMPLETELY different than they would be otherwise. Your emotions and feelings about others getting pregnant easily- ESPECIALLY when they didn't want to be- are COMPLETELY valid. It is SO hard when people have it so easy and there are those of us who struggle so much, for years, and losing so many babies, and we desperately want those little ones. It's easy to say not to let it bother you, but after struggles, it is very difficult to control those feelings. For me, I know I can get a handle on them at times, but bitterness and jealousy have been something I've battled since my first loss 8 years ago (and we TTC for 18 months with both of my girls), and now 7 losses later, you can bet it's just as difficult, if not more. It's just hard, and I don't blame you one bit. You already know that you don't want to feel that way, but it's always still a shock to the system and sometimes it takes a long time to learn to deal with "appropriately" by others standards. But grief manifests itself in a lot of ways, and after what I've been through (and trying so hard, but unsuccessfully, to avoid it or ignore what it has made me feel), I certainly believe this is one of them.

 

[RomaTomato]

Olive! Woot woot!

 

[elohcin]

Oh, and for clarification- and I *think* I'm probably speaking accurately for doggylover, but none of us WANT to feel that way. If I could feel genuinely happy for others instead of jealous and bitter and wanting so badly for them to know how lucky they are, you bet I would. I've spent so many tears wondering "Why can't I just be happy for them like normal people are?!?" It's miserable to have feelings like this that you just wish would go away, but that are almost completely uncontrollable most of the time. It's just part of the territory, I guess.

 

[kealz194]

Hi ladies, hope everyone is feeling ok! I completely understand the emotional roller coaster bit... I find I cry at the most stupid of things (don't laugh, but I was watching rug rats in Paris with my lo... Lol) and my partner is doing my head in....it's like he has no common sence! Well had my booking appointment today, had bloods done etc, the mw bruised my arm in search of a vein! And has told me I need to eat less carbs as I have a high bmi... I kinda knew that I'd put weight on after my dd but to hear it said like the way my mw did has just put me down.... Anyway, could doggy lover please change my dates on the front page from the 21st to the 17th please! Thanks ladies! Hope every one is ok! Lily have you got onto your doctor? Xxx

 

[doggylover]

Kealz that is no probs to change you dates, and I'm glad your appointment went well!

Elohcin - what you have said has made me realise that what I'm feeling is probably a lot to do with the grief of my first miscarriage. Thank you so much for your support. I hate that we feel this way, but I'm so glad someone else really understands, and what you said is SOOO right. I WISH I didn't feel like this, but I just can't help it.

Melissasbump you're right, in time I will be really excited. And my DH said just to focus on myself at the minute as well, not to get too stressed etc. Thanks

Lily I'm glad you have us to turn to to share things with, it definitely makes it easier for me having you ladies about.

Thank you all so much for your support. I know I'm being a total emotional weirdo today and it's so wonderful to have you ladies to chat stuff over with, especially when so many feel in the same boat a lot of the time.

 

[maybesoon]

ugh... nausea... vomiting.... dry heaving... more nausea.... more dry heaving...

That has been my life since Friday am. But I trying to keep positive. I have my appointment on Thursday & praying we get to hear our little bean's heartbeat!!!

Hope everyone is having a great week!!!

 

[liams_mom]

Hi ladies, I'm just checking in. I've been following today's conversation and I'm almost in that opposite boat. I wanted to wait a few months until after our anniversary holiday (or during) to try for another. I was charting and opk'ing and figured we were safe for the month after my Mirena was removed and BOOM! :BFP: in August, not September or October like I'd hoped. I wanted another, but now my hormones are telling me - this baby is in the way, will I be able to enjoy vacation if I'm still dealing with MS? I'm being selfish I know, but it was a planned/unplanned pregnancy if that makes any sense. I'm silly I know, but it was almost too easy and looking back at my chart now I can see it, boom boom boom. I wasnt ready for the positive, I wonder all the time if I'll be able to spread the love between two LO's. It is stressful but s/he will be worth it in the end. :heart:

 

[ReadytoMum]

doggylover: I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for you, but I do know that what people say about wanting children, or not wanting children, can drastically change. My sister is two years younger than me, and for as long as I can remember has hated children. Not that she couldn't be around them, just that she never imagined herself ever having any. I always told her she would change her mind when she got older, more settled, and had a partner that she wanted to raise a family with. She always claimed it would never happen. Fast forward to now... she's getting married in March to her partner (who is a woman), and the two of them are already planning their IVF treatments for the month after they get married. Who knows how long it will take them to be successful at it, but she has gone from being 100% anti-baby to being baby crazy. I'm sorry that you're feeling so upset by how your feeling towards your friends announcement, but try not to get too worked up about it. It will just make you feel worse. Things will work ok in the end.

liamsmom: I think it's perfectly reasonable to worry about how your early arrival will affect vacation plans. Having a little bean seems to effect everything! It might mean you will have adjust some of your plans, but it might be the last real vacation you and the family get before the new LO arrives, so try to enjoy it! Also, having grown up with a sibling, I can't even imagine having grown up alone... so try not to worry about how your LO will react to being a brother or a sister. They'll almost certainly love it!

ukgirl: hope your son has (had) a great first day! Starting school again each year was always such a big deal. I still start school every year in September, and I'm honestly not sure what I'll do with myself when I'm completely done and don't start up again come Sept!

dan-o: good luck on your scan!! Hoping everything is as it should be.

Today is my first day back into the full swing of things, and I'm totally exhausted. It's only 1 pm and I'm ready to crash hard. I was exhausted all weekend and felt like I couldn't get enough sleep. I'm starting to wonder actually if I'm coming down with a cold or something. I feel totally wreaked. Feeling a bit queasy today too. I hate Mondays.

 

[elohcin]

I am so anxious to pick up a HB. With my 2 younger children I got it by 8/9 weeks. However, this was also the time that my baby had died by with one of my later losses, and the not knowing what is going on is really wearing on me.

 

[Mommabrown]

Well had aother us because of spotting this morning baby is measuring a week ahead of due date so they have changed my due date to the 6th of April instead of the 13th. They seen no blood around baby and could not figure out were it came from. Im ok as long as baby is still great! Wow 10 weeks 2 day and getting closet to ending the first trimester i cant wait!

 

[Steph82]

Well had aother us because of spotting this morning baby is measuring a week ahead of due date so they have changed my due date to the 6th of April instead of the 13th. They seen no blood around baby and could not figure out were it came from. Im ok as long as baby is still great! Wow 10 weeks 2 day and getting closet to ending the first trimester i cant wait!

Looks like we are very close! I can't wait to hit the 13 week mark and hopefully feel a little less worried. I stalk little bean with the doppler every night lol.

 

[melissasbump]

Urrghhh midwife today tried to take blood out of both my arms, failed miserably and i ended up having to go to walk in centre to have it done! doh!

Maybesoon, your sickness patten sounds a lot like mine lol. hope you feel better soon.

Doggylover, big hugs to you, i hope you feel better soon, i was thinking id may have come accross too harsh and in no way did i mean to, emotions all over the place for a lot of us at the mo. In time you will see the postives, when you both have your little ones and you are sharing their wonderful milestones together and growing up together, that will be wonderful for you. Take your time and one day at a time with it xx