argument with ex husband over our son

[chel27]

I just wanted some opinions here really!! some of you may remember me posting once before about my sons dad. well here goes:

my sons dad lives with his wife and 3 kids (2 boys which are not his kids) 1 girl (who is his kid)
then there is his son who lives with me and my OH and daughter.
the sitution is that my sons dad sees our son every sunday and takes him over to their house for the day, lately it has been said that his wifes 2 boys will be taken out every sunday to avoid my son as he teases them and they dont want to play with him so they have the choice to go out, my son was therefore told by his dad that they are not there on a sunday to get away from him!!!!!

my son told me this and i went FUCKING MAD!!!!

i said how dare he say that to my son!!!! and if thats the case i will stop him from going to his dads every week if thats the case and his dad will have to see him under different circumstances!!
now he brought him back yesterday and said "well my wife has spoke to her boys and decided to give it another try!! i thought how many choices do you give a 7 year old!!! so my ex went on to say they wont tolerate fighting or teasing in their house, they are encouraged to talk it out!!!

now i dont encourage fighting myself but the way i see it is boys will be boys and will have the odd fight and will learn from doing it...right??? and as for teasing...come on dont all kids do that???? and can you imagine boys age 7 all sitting down and disscussing things?? get friggin real will ya!!

does anyone else see my point??? would like to see your opinions!!

it all seems like his wife seems to be in control of what does and doesnt happen and at the end of the day hes my son and i wont let him be the black sheep and be left out every week. do i have the right to say ur not going to their house but his dad is welcome to see him any other time somewhere else??

sorry for the long rant i just want your opinions xxx

 

[MummyMummy]

doubleposted ooops

xXx

 

[MummyMummy]

it's your decision wheather you allow him to go there or different placeto be together,

i personally think he needs to know if he's done bad, and the other kids have every right to go out if they don't like the atmosphere. at theend of the day its their house, they shouldnt have to put up with meanness. kids will be kids yes, but it isn't nice, i'd be more interested in wanting to know why my child was teasing other kids than stopping visits. maybe something has happened there? maybesomething is bothering your son? it'd bebest to find out beforejumping in all guns blazing. if you ex worded it like that to him then that isn't the right way to word it, but i think he was right in tellinghim. as far as her making the rules/the rules they have in their house... then their house, their rules. in life your son will learn that differentpeople and places require differently of him.

if at school somebody was teasing your son, i'm sure if nothing was sorted one of your 1st thoughts would be to take your child out of the enviroment.

xXx

 

[Serene123]

While he's n their house he has to go by their rules I guess. If you're allowing him into their family then they can't up and change the way things work for them, just because you've taught him different? Maybe I'm being naive! x

 

[chel27]

hmmmmmmm well seems i have different opinions to most!!! i just felt it to be wrong for my son to think every sunday that these boys get treated and he gets to think hes being punished!! oh and the other thing is its been admitted the 2 boys also tease and fight but bcos one of them have anger issues they take him away from the situation.

in refernece to what mummy mummy said (thanks for your reply) but yes i do understand where you said if my son as being teased at school u take them out the environment BUT in this situation their family class all the boys including my son as brothers!!! soooo would you seperate brothers this way?? no they would just have to get on with it surely??

 

[mumtobe25]

I agree with the above..i dont see the problem in them being taken out to avoid not feeling welcome in thier own home..and yes boys fight but should be punished for it as its wrong and they should not tease im sure if your son was being treated the way her to boys are when yuor son is there you would be up in arms and not let his dad take him to the place so i think they have done a really grown up thing by removing the other to from the house...

 

[babe2ooo]

no i think your right, isnt it a bit silly that she take her boys out when your son is there, talk about making u son feel like he isnt part of there family, yeah it there house but omg boys will be boy and i know wot 7yr old boys are like one min they are best mates and the next there not, i think they all need to learn to get along, all boys r like that so i dont know why they are making your son feel bad they should talk it out 2gether not just take the other 2 boys out, that just saying to them that they arent family,

 

[babe2ooo]

they should be showing that they work through problem not run away

 

[chel27]

no i think your right, isnt it a bit silly that she take her boys out when your son is there, talk about making u son feel like he isnt part of there family, yeah it there house but omg boys will be boy and i know wot 7yr old boys are like one min they are best mates and the next there not, i think they all need to learn to get along, all boys r like that so i dont know why they are making your son feel bad they should talk it out 2gether not just take the other 2 boys out, that just saying to them that they arent family,

thank you im so glad someone sees my point of view!!! and everything you said is exactly my point xx

 

[rachjim98]

You never said how old the other boys are? I have a 6 (will be 7 in June) yr old boy. I do understand boys will be boys. I guess if he is older then them and is picking and teasing (is this the first time it is being brought up to you?) and nothing was being done to stop it or at least minimize the behavior. I would probably do the same as the other Mom and take my boy out of the situation. If he couldn't behave when my children are around and it was becoming a problem then I would definitely do the same.

But I do see your point..

 

[chel27]

You never said how old the other boys? (is this the first time it is being brought up to you?)

they are 7 (6 months older than my son) yes its the first time its been brought to my attention. my OH just doesnt know his son enough and therefore doesnt know how to handle him, he will txt me nearly every week with a problem, normally because he wont eat the dinner his wife has cooked for him, so i think well why call me to say that just dont let him have a pudding!!! i eman it aint rocket science

 

[vicky]

Chel27 i do see where your coming from, its like they haven't tryed another way to solve the problem other then punishing your son every week from the sound of it. they need to punish them their and then like the naughty step not just your son all three of them if they are all doing it.

 

[hypnorm]

one of them have anger issues they take him away from the situation.

Well if one of them has anger problems then they are probably doing the right thing by removing him from the situation, and therfore stopping it from escalating, the child may not know how to deal with anger just yet.

If your child wasn;t being mean to the others (if that is the case) then he is the one missing out on going out and being 'treated' although i dont really see it as being treated if their kids are having to go out of their own home, because thy don;t get on.

Yes kids will be kids but there is a limit.

 

[rachjim98]

Well now that this has been brought to your attention have you spoken with your son as to why he is teasing his "brothers"?

I personally do not allow that in my house either. I have 2 children girl 9 and boy 6 and yes they have their moments but they do sit down and talk it out or they lose privileges. If they can not behave or be nice then there will be consequences for their actions. Clearly at age 7 they understand what is nice and what isn't?

I also agree with the post above that said if the other mom knows her son has anger issues and takes him out of the situation that is pretty mature (grown up thing to do).

Maybe you all need to sit down and put it all out in the open. You are all grown and if your children see you handling it in a better manner then they will have a better example as to handle their problems. Just my opinion

 

[chel27]

Chel27 i do see where your coming from, its like they haven't tryed another way to solve the problem other then punishing your son every week from the sound of it. they need to punish them their and then like the naughty step not just your son all three of them if they are all doing it.

thank you for seeing it my way, my son has never had much confidence and him thinking hes being punished EVERY week to me is just going to give him issues about his self image xx

 

[chel27]

If your child wasn;t being mean to the others (if that is the case) then he is the one missing out on going out and being 'treated' although i dont really see it as being treated if their kids are having to go out of their own home, because thy don;t get

i do see it as treated when they are actually taken to adventure parks, zoo's ect: then they go home and catch my son before he comes home and tells him all about it!!! they dont have to go out their own home either as his dad has always been welcome to see his son here or take him out somewhere!! also the kids have got on with eachother for the past 2 years so it dont sound right to me.

 

[hypnorm]

Chel27 i do see where your coming from, its like they haven't tryed another way to solve the problem other then punishing your son every week from the sound of it. they need to punish them their and then like the naughty step not just your son all three of them if they are all doing it.

thank you for seeing it my way, my son has never had much confidence and him thinking hes being punished EVERY week to me is just going to give him issues about his self image xx

You need to sit down as a unit, be it you, you OH, Your Ex Hubby and his ex and discuss it, find some where neutral that you can go to and find out exactly what is happening. If they have got on for 2 yrs then something muct have changed for him to start being nasty.
Could he be feeling insecure especially if your OH has a child with this family and you have a little on too, it may be his way of getting attention but in the wrong way.

Remember you are the adults in the situation, and some times talking things through even with kids can bring surprising results and the kids understand more than we think they can.,