Attachment Parenting Group

[Kitten]

With the car seat thing what are the rules in the UK? I got in a bit of a discussion with the health visitor and nursery nurse at a parenting course last week cos I was convinced it was 1year but apparently it's 9 months. I want to rear face as long as possible but not many seats seem to allow for it. We don't have a car anyway but we need a car seat for the occasions where we get lifts to places etc.

 

[mommyof3co]

Sorry I don't know the laws there as I'm in the US. But I know Swedish car seats have the highest weight/height limits of anywhere in the world and I THINK I saw in another thread a lady said they are legal to use there too. Here they aren't. But maybe you could get one of those? But they are quite expensive but they also last until they just need a booster so you get your moneys worth

 

[nkbapbt]

Welcome candyfloss!

 

[purple_socks]

i have a question ...who uses/used a dummy? i'm starting to wonder when and how i'm gonna 'let the dummy go' coz i dont wanna do any CIO or CC or anything. i'm hoping he just self weans and i'm not too worried just yet (i'd like it to b gone by the time LO starts talking which isn't for a while) but i wonder if phasing it out would work better while he's younger and its less of an ingrained habbit?! any advice/tips?

 

[kirsten1985]

Sorry can't help as we don't use a dummy - just wanted to say love your new sig!

 

[purple_socks]

thank u...i'm getting in the festive spirit early

 

[mommyof3co]

We used one for all 3 boys. I have a very strong view AGAINST CIO for babies. BUT for toddlers when you can talk to them more, reason with them, and they understand more I don't think CIO is always a bad thing. I think it really depends on the situation. It use to be with Hayden everytime he cried at night we went straight away. Now he cries when we put him to bed but stops within a couple minutes MAX and it's only because he wants to play not go to bed and he knows he really has to go to bed, he's just hoping we will let him stay up. However we do go right away if he's hurt of course, or in the middle of the night if he wakes..things like that. Ok with that said....for weaning off the paci with my older 2 when they got to a point that we felt they were done with it and no longer needed it (which was 13mo for Landon and 25mo for Casen, so really based on their personality and needs what we thought they were ready for) we explained that they were big boys now and no longer needed it, we threw them all away and they understood that...however they of course wanted it come bedtime. They cried a bit the first night especially and we just kept telling them they were big boys and didn't need them, they understood but were still upset. By the 3rd day they never asked again. Casen's we took at 25mo and at 30mo is when Hayden was born and he still was fine, never needed the baby's or anything, he fully got it just needed a little push to give it up. We will do the same with Hayden when we feel he is ready, he's 26mo now and our plan is by 2 1/2 it will be gone

 

[nkbapbt]

We use one..and not because I wanted too....They gave Lakai one in the NICU..so he got started really early here. That being said, he never cries for it and rarely wants it. He does suck himself to sleep most nights but thats the only time he will use it.

We actually use it to keep up Lakai's oral stimulation because of his feeding issues, so we are different.

I think I will start phasing it out soon, as I can also get him to sleep just fine on the breast. And frankly have no problem with him comfort sucking.

 

[nkbapbt]

I have a question for you fellow AP'ers....do you have clingy or sucky babies/kids? Do you think AP helped to make your kids more attached and clingy?

 

[nkbapbt]

Not bad clingy..I just cant think of a better word!

 

[mommyof3co]

Casen was totally attached to me from the day we came home from the hospital, like so bad that Mark couldn't even touch him, no family could hold him without him screaming and this was seriously from the day we came home from the hospital...everyone kept saying "oh he doesn't know, they can't have separation anxiety at that age" trust me he did lol. Mark would try and calm him and he would just get sooooo worked up, I'd touch his sides to pick him up and it was like magic....silence! It's his personality...he's 4 1/2 now and I can say it's def that lol. No way did 2 days of AP make him clingy haha. BUT it has helped him tremendously...I didn't plan AP with him, it happened out of neccessity. Putting him down and letting him cry was not an option, he wasn't a baby that would have CIO and been fine, he would have gotten worked up where he would have stopped breathing...and it's happened with him in a matter of seconds. He was one of those babies that when they got hurt or upset they would take a deep breath to cry and just be silent and be SO upset they couldn't calm to catch their breath to actually cry and he would turn blue...scary. But I really think the AP has helped him so much, the first 7 mo were tough, after 7mo he finally started letting mark calm him some and play with him more...occasionally before that if he was in a great mood Mark could play with him, but never calm him, that was only mommy. But now he is very bonded with me, and Mark too, but he's most def a mommy's boy. He's still very shy and takes a bit to warm up but I think responding to his every need, doing the things he really NEEDED at the time has helped him so much now, he is a very confident, smart, well adjusted kid...he may be shy but it's just him, that's my Casen.

With Hayden it was a plan to do the AP...he has always been very bonded to both me and Mark. He went through normal 9-12mo or so separation anxiety, nothing extreme though. We never left him with anyone but each other, I only left him a handful of times with Mark to maybe run to the store until he was 21mo and we had to both go do something important...I left him with a friend that he had met a few times but I have known for years. He waved goodbye to us, not a tear shed, he was completely fine. I think the things we have done have already shown themselves with him, he's very independent, he knows without a doubt that we will be back. It didn't make him clingy at all.

Ok I think that probably ended up being really long haha

 

[purple_socks]

We used one for all 3 boys. I have a very strong view AGAINST CIO for babies. BUT for toddlers when you can talk to them more, reason with them, and they understand more I don't think CIO is always a bad thing. I think it really depends on the situation. It use to be with Hayden everytime he cried at night we went straight away. Now he cries when we put him to bed but stops within a couple minutes MAX and it's only because he wants to play not go to bed and he knows he really has to go to bed, he's just hoping we will let him stay up. However we do go right away if he's hurt of course, or in the middle of the night if he wakes..things like that. Ok with that said....for weaning off the paci with my older 2 when they got to a point that we felt they were done with it and no longer needed it (which was 13mo for Landon and 25mo for Casen, so really based on their personality and needs what we thought they were ready for) we explained that they were big boys now and no longer needed it, we threw them all away and they understood that...however they of course wanted it come bedtime. They cried a bit the first night especially and we just kept telling them they were big boys and didn't need them, they understood but were still upset. By the 3rd day they never asked again. Casen's we took at 25mo and at 30mo is when Hayden was born and he still was fine, never needed the baby's or anything, he fully got it just needed a little push to give it up. We will do the same with Hayden when we feel he is ready, he's 26mo now and our plan is by 2 1/2 it will be gone

dunno if u read my rants at cheese man in the cc/cio thread but i feel the same way...i'm completely against either at this age but i think its a different matter when they r older and r able to understand ur explanations. i did imagine i'd probably end up doing something similar to u when Kian was older (throwing them away together and doing the 'big boy' thing) but just wondered if it might b better to let the habbit die out slowly rather than go through any sadness. He doesn't want it very much...i worry i'm actually pushing it on him when i offer it to him. he usually only wants it 4 a few secs b4 falling asleep. he'll suck on it like mad then sometimes he'll just drop it out his mouth and not care and half the time he just lets it hang in his mouth and he's not even sucking it. He doesn't ever want it if he wakes up without it in i think he actually uses it as a teething chew toy more than anything else. maybe when his teeth aren't so bad he might just give it up himself...i guess i'll just wait and see.

 

[kirsten1985]

Freya isn't a clingy baby but then we didn't get the opportunity to do AP right from the start, I was very ill after I had her and had stays in hospital without her (I would have been too ill to look after her if she had been with me) right up to when she was nearly 4 months old. She actually spent a whole week without me when she was 3 months, which broke my heart at the time, she was with my husband, mum and MIL, so didn't miss out on any attention/affection but it wan't the same obviously. Other times it was 2/3 days at a time. Even when I was at home during those first few months we had people staying to help (my mum and MIL mainly) as I was in a lot of pain and couldn't do it all on my own. I didn't spend any time alone with Freya 'til she was six weeks old.

I really worried that this would affect our bond (or that there wouldn't be one at all). So since then, in the last 2.5 months I have done EVERYTHING to ensure the bond between us is amazing, I haven't left her for one minute, she loves her cuddles with me, we play all day (and don't do any housework, lol!) and I wear her loads which I think helps. She is my little best friend now.

I think our situation has meant that Freya is very happy to be with other people, and definitely has a strong relationship with my mum and husband, but also now is very attached to me. She has always been quite independant (would never co-sleep, despite me trying) and is much more socially confident than me!

I hope it continues like this, but I guess it could all change in the next year!

 

[codegirl]

We've done AP from the start and Edward is totally not clinging in anyway. He is extremly confident and has NO problem with other people. The only time that only I will do is when he wants to nurse, which is understandable.

I always thought that he was so secure because I've carried him so much that when he's met new people I've been right there to show him he's ok. My DH and even my Mom wear him so it's so normal and comfortable to him. He'll go to people he hardly knows without batting an eye, but he's always ready to come back to me when I ask.

From what I've read, AP babies tend to be less clingy, and so far that seems true with E.

 

[codegirl]

As for the sucky question, E has one that he can have when he's napping/sleeping or in the car. He will hand it over when I hold out my hand and say "please". I see no reason to wean him off it as I figure he'll give it up before he lets a girl see him sleep with it

 

[nkbapbt]

I knew the word clingy was a bad choice I should have said more "touchy feely" or more cuddly?

 

[kirsten1985]

In that case, yes, Freya is very cuddly.

 

[codegirl]

Can't say that E is particularly cuddly either. When he's tired he might put his head on my shoulder but other than that. I think that's why I like to wear him so much, it's the best way to get him to sit close to me for any length of time

 

[mommyof3co]

Cuddly I'd have to say yes, Casen most def is...but again I think it's his personality. We did even more AP with Hayden as it was planned and while he does love to cuddle, give hugs and kisses, he'd rather be running around playing

 

[nkbapbt]

What's everyone doing this weekend?