Baby blues, depression or hormones?

[alienbabe4321]

Hey everyone,

I've been extremely emotional since Louis was born and he's now 5 months old.

I'm on the verge of tears for most of the day. Have broken down into hysterical tears a fair few times because of being convinced that I'm not a good enough mum. I've even thought about giving him up to my SiL... But the thought made me worse.

OH is trying to be supportive but his patience is wearing thin now because the silliest little thing can set me off.

I was convinced it was hormones being out of whack but hasn't it been long enough for them to have settled down? Then I thought maybe it could be a touch of the baby blues but again, wouldn't it have settled down by now? So, I'm now wondering if maybe I'm going through depression.

What can/should I do? It's not fair on Louis to see me like this but I just can't help it. I have no control over what my head's doing. I want to be strong and happy and to feel like I'm the best person to be his mum. I'm crying whilst typing this because of all my doubts and guilt for not being the best I can be.

Thanks in advance for reading this.

 

[lilliesmummie]

Aw hun, i've been there. I had baby blues for the first week after having lillie, they went, and depression kicked in. I wanted to give lillie away because i didnt think i was good enough, i cried at everything! One night i put lillie to bed and my OH went to bed, i went on the sofa, sat there amd cried for hours! I kept saying i was depressed when OH woke up and found me crying, he said i was just hormonal, but i felt worse than hormonal... Just as i was going to tell my hV i was depressed, it went and i felt happy? - if you are depressed, speak to someone. It felt good and bad for me to tell my OH.. He didnt judge me, but i didnt dare tell anyone else.
Do you have anxiety? Or dont want to be near LO for any reason? Anxiety is the main point of depression hun. I kept thinking i was going to get hit by a car when i was pushing the pram. It should get better , as hard as that is to believe. Take some time to yourself! .. Talk to someone. Hun, youre doing an amazing job.. Youve noticed somethings not right and want to do something about it. Stay strong and positive, dont doubt yourself, when people say youre doing great, its cause you really are. LO wouldnt be happier without you, youre already his rock! Pm whenever you neeed a rant, im on here everyday. Dont lock yourself up, but time alone helps xxxx hugs!

 

[kdea547]

I think you've gone for too long feeling like this. Please do yourself a favor and ask a doctor for help. You shouldn't have to live everyday feeling down, tearful, and like you're not good enough! I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job raising your LO, and anxiety over doing the right thing is normal, but I don't think it should be constant and persistent for this long. At 5 months, it's likely more than just baby blues. My doctors offer me anti depressants at every visit because post partum depression is really common and they don't want you to get to a point where you feel hopeless. It's a mix of hormones, sleep deprivation, babies being a lot of work, and the overnight change that happened in your life.

 

[alienbabe4321]

Thanks for the replies ladies. I will be going to my GP soon. I think I just needed to know that it wasn't normal for emotions like this to still be present before going to the doctors and feeling like I was about to make a fool of myself.

Do you have anxiety? Or dont want to be near LO for any reason?

Definitely anxious. I won't even hold Louis with just one arm, I have to use both because of being worried that I'll drop him.

When he cries though, I curl in on myself. If I've tried everything and he's still miserable, I have to put him down somewhere safe, leave the room and stay away. If I try staying with him I end up in tears, if I'm in the other room, every time he cries I cringe and burst into tears. I don't want to be near him when he's like that, then feel worse about who I am as a mum because I can't handle going to him.

OH has ended up sorting him or putting him to bed because I'm sat in the kitchen with tears streaming and cringing against his cries.

Am I a bad mum because I can't persist with settling him once I've tried everything?

 

[klcuk3]

I would go and speak to your GP hun or your HV if she's good. I developed PND early on and am so grateful that I went to the GP. I was constantly crying, I had no interest in anything, I was going through the motions with LO and not enjoying her. I worried all the time about her and would wake up (when I could sleep) in a panic that something had happened to her. I felt like I'd made the biggest mistake having a baby and was always thinking she'd be better off if I wasn't her mum.
I was started on citalopram (anti-depressants) and this has just put me back on an even keel...I enjoy my daughter now and most importantly feel normal.

I hope you get the support you want/need x You're not a bad mum.....sounds like you're doing a fab job. And walking away for short periods when it becomes too much is sensible not awful x

If you need anything hun just pm me xx

 

[Scarlett07]

I'm on citalopram, has really helped me. I was having dark thoughts, paranoia, me and nbaby would get hurt if we went out, I became very hostile. Please go get medication, it really helps when your seriously depressed and I never thought I would say that. It takes a few weeks to kick in usually but it worked after a few days for me I was that bad at week 4-5 after birth. Baby is 8 week on Sunday. Take care. I know how lonely you are feeling and your a good Mum xx