I had a 40 hour labour and then emergency section as he was in distress. I felt like a failure (even though he was so tangled and facing the wrong way, so he wouldn't have come naturally) and was utterly and totally drained.
My baby blues hit big time on day 3, I was in tears for any reason, but mainly because I was so in love with him and was terrified something was going to happen. It was madness! Ime never felt so in love, but so utterly terrified and unable to control my emotions. Then my mom told me she was diagnosed with breast cancer and was having surgery the following week and I was inconsolable.....the worst time ever.
I a'm bit better now, but still don't feel totally right. I ask also now battling bf issues and am close to throwing in the towel....but I feel like I didn't born him naturally, so desperately want to feed him naturally. I've been giving him a 4oz top up in the evening, but the guilt I feel about it is overwhelming....I feel like I'm poisoning him!
The baby blues suck and nothing prepares you. Hugs to all x
I was in the exact situation as you. Nora was born vaginally, but I couldn't have her by myself like I wanted because she was such a large baby for my tiny body. I had to get an epidural, and when the time came to push she wouldn't come out. I had an assisted delivery with vacuum and forceps, a 3rd degree cut, and she was born with a broken collar bone. I felt like all that was my fault, if I had only gotten a c section I could have avoided giving my baby so much pain.
Afterwards I tried to bf her, that was a terrible time, she wouldnt feed right, on top of dealing with her broken bone. I had to hold her a certain way, and many times I would hear a pop from her broken side. It was so scary and sometimes she cried from the pain and I absolutely hated myself for doing that to her, even though the nurses said it was almost unavoidable. I couldn't even see my family or closest friends for support because we live clear across the states (I'm alone in Hawaii while they are in New York).
I have to say that I believe all my trouble with the bf was the root of all my Postpartum depression. She wouldn't suck right, she wouldn't latch or stay latched, and she much preferred the bottle over me, and I was in tears during every feeding session. Our bond was compromised because of all the trouble, the pain I was in, and I always questioned myself for deciding to have a baby (she was planned). During those first few weeks, I would also give her tops up to the point where it was several times a day because she wouldnt get enough from me, and it was the only way I could feel somewhat normal. It put her into a schedule rather than eating on and off every 10 mins all day long, yet I hated myself for doing so, and I hated the formula too. It took 4 horrible, tear filled weeks until she finally got bf right and she was gaining again. Sorry long rant
Now every thing's perfect, and I'm happy to say that she prefers me over the bottle. I've grown so accustomed to this new life that I can't even imagine going on without her. So yes, there is always hope in sight. Everyone says it goes by fast, and it really does. I can hardly picture the baby I have now as the same one who gave me so much trouble in the beginning.
I know it's tough, but you will get past this so quick. Nothing stays the way it is forever