Green Lady
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- Jun 8, 2010
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I think I'm going backwards. My emotions have settled but I'm really struggling to enjoy anything. I think the tiredness has really kicked me up the behind. LO has actually started sleeping *less* this past week, waking now just about every hour in the night. I try to go to bed early as she does sleep some in the evenings but it's a gamble as to whether she wakes up! She wants feeding so much we can't really leave the house and when she's not feeding she wants to sleep on my lap. It's not really even cluster feeding; she feeds for 15 minutes then drops off for an hour. I've really ceased to enjoy breastfeeding but as we're struggling to get LO to take a bottle it looks like I'm stuck with it for now.
The worst is I feel so guilty for not fully enjoying the baby I've wanted for so long. I spent years wanting a baby, then it took us nearly a year to conceive with a miscarriage along the way, then all the anxiety of pregnancy...so much to go through. I love my little girl so much but I feel so trapped by everything and wondering when this will end. Just simple things like going into town (before the rioters smashed it up ), cooking dinner or having a beer seem out of reach. I suppose it's normal, especially as I don't really have anyone to help me out with the baby, but I was never expecting to feel this way. Baby will be a month old next week and things don't seem to be changing any. I want things to be better soon!
The worst is I feel so guilty for not fully enjoying the baby I've wanted for so long. I spent years wanting a baby, then it took us nearly a year to conceive with a miscarriage along the way, then all the anxiety of pregnancy...so much to go through. I love my little girl so much but I feel so trapped by everything and wondering when this will end. Just simple things like going into town (before the rioters smashed it up ), cooking dinner or having a beer seem out of reach. I suppose it's normal, especially as I don't really have anyone to help me out with the baby, but I was never expecting to feel this way. Baby will be a month old next week and things don't seem to be changing any. I want things to be better soon!