Be warned I'm a babbler!!!

[itsnowmyturn]

I keep forgetting ur on different time to me lol. I'm sure the paper can wait for one more day while u have some family time, some ppl get it so rarely that its really nice to see ppl make the effort for family time. What do ur daughters think of having a baby brother or sister? Are they excited? I remember being the youngest I always wanted my mum to have another blessing really that she didn't but u don't no or even contemplate how things may or not turn out.

How's ur head today?

I'm fed up at the minute, I feel so lazy, instead of getting up to clean I'd rather sit n watch tv n although I don't want to be like it I find it hard to get the motivation, I wish I was one of those ppl that cudnt sit down for too long and had to be up and about but I'm not n I hate it, I feel lazy, I look lazy and u no what I'm sure most ppl wud agree I'm lazy but I just don't no how to get the motivation going. I'd love to spend a few hours cleaning then do some exercise and stuff but I can't even stick to doing a little bit of physio twice a day, I need a plan in place for this to become the norm for me. I really need to improve my fitness levels so that my muscles can build but its hard getting the balance right with my medical conditions because if I do too much Il be in pain which wud be counter productive and wouldn't help with getting off pain relief. I dud start swimming a while ago but its too expensive for me and I kept spraining my ankle (yes my joints really are that bad to sprain one while swimming!!!) But I need to do something, I hate feeling lazy

 

[MomWife]

I also forget that we are on different time zones LOL! I have such a bad memory. My head was hurting this morning when I woke up and when I came from my appointment. Now, no headache. I only take medication when I cannot take the pain.

Don't feel bad, I have not cleaned up today or yesterday, but I will be cleaning up tomorrow since my hubby will be back to work. He is off only on Sundays and Mondays. It seems like when he is home, I cannot get nothing done. Every time I am on my laptop he says "hey come here I want you too look at something I found on the computer such as stuff for the car, or things he know that I will like, or new gadgets that he wants.

I have horrible time management skills that I am currently working on. What I did in the past was I wrote down a schedule that I was going to follow each week. I included walking for about 25 minutes on my treadmill. I now can do about 35 minutes since I have chest tightness, I think I will slow my pace down when I start back excising. I think you should take it slow, like go walking somewhere or if you have exercise equipment at home. Whatever you choose start out slow. Walking is always good for you. I'm sorry that you have bad joints. Have you tried anything else with exercises? I enjoy our daily chats!!

 

[itsnowmyturn]

There are many exercises I can't do, anything repetitive is bad for my joints, anything that puts them into the extremes of extension or anything that puts pressure on them. Sometimes just stepping over something can give me a bad hip for days. I have thought about Pilates but its one of those things that I need someone to tell me whether I'm doing it right or not or u don't benefit from it.
After I wrote on here last night I bought a zoom for our Kinect because for some reason its decided it can't see us anymore so when that arrives I can start doin some of my fitness stuff on the Kinect n I have some fitness DVDs lying around somewhere but I think they might be in the loft so they will have to stay there until after holiday when we can put our suitcases bk up.

When I was at university I spent so much time making schedules that I never left myself enough time to revise for exams or do the work lol. I love making lists n doin spreadsheets n stuff lol my oh thinks its weird that I like organising things lol I have count downs on my phone so I can see in 7 days I need to do this, in 37 days I need to do this, finding that app made my day lol. I find it weird that I love organising things and planning n stuff but I can't be bothered to organise my own house....grr why can't I just get up off my arse n do stuff. I'm guna get something to eat in a minute n I can bet u anything Il sit there for hours just watching tv, I think I'm goin to make a plan where I start off doin 15 minutes of extra house work n add 15 minutes to it every week so I can gradually build it up n then it will become normal to do it. U have other things to do like ur paper n look after kids n husband lol but I don't I literally sit n do nothing, yesterday I meant to write a letter to someone about a bad holiday last year n I didn't been meaning to write it for 4 weeks now, I no I'm being hard on myself especially as I tire very very easy with my eds and fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome but I hate feeling lazy and how can I keep my house tidy once iv got children if I can't do it now. Also iv made my oh a bit lazy too, he used to keep things clean n tidy but he got fed up of doing it n me not doin anything n now we have to force ourselves to do stuff, although saying that, last night my oh said let's do kitchen n I said no leave it Il do it tomorrow because he needs to sleep more, he's been getting dizzy spells every other day where he feels dizzy all day so I'm trying to make him drink more n go to bed earlier but he feels he's wasting his time to himself if he goes to bed earlier whereas I always say if iv had enough sleep I enjoy my own time more than if I'm tired, last night was the only night iv made him go to bed before midnight but he didn't go to sleep till half past.

I woke up with a cracking headache today n a stiff jaw so I think I laid funny on my jaw n its given me a headache

How r u doing with ur paper?

I see u started ur weightloss a day after me, how r u finding it? Iv found it easy so far, actually struggled to keep my calories up because don't want to go below 1200 but I no from tomorrow it will be different as Il be back at work n getting up 4/5 hours earlier so will be having an extra meal n an extra snack n they bring naughty things into the office so Il have to use all of my willpower to not have them particularly when most things taste soooo good

 

[MomWife]

Let me know how that works out for you when you start your exercises with the kinect. Wow you was very organized. That is an excellent thing! For some people it is soooo hard to stay organized including me! I can barley remember anything which is horrible. Starting today I made a list of the things that I am going to do. I wonder if I will stick to it??! I finally finished my paper and my quiz today!! I got an A on my quiz, I will find out what did I get on my paper probably by the end of the week. I have a discussion that is due Thursday but I just might turn it in on Friday. I just want a few days without schoolwork, but I forget I will have months without schoolwork starting in the begining of September. I think if you will stick with your plan by starting off doing your housework for 15 minutes, your body might get adjusted to it.You are right that you are being too hard on yourself. It is not your fault that you have the medical conditions that makes you tired. Just take it one day at a time.

I hope your other half will stop having dizzy spells soon. I hope your headache went away by now. I weighed myself today and I weigh the exact same as when I started trying to lose weight. I thought I was going good but i guess by me eating at night snuck right back on me!!! I have to stop eating at night. Starting today, I will not eat anything after 7 but probably an apple or some celery sticks with a little bit of ranch dressing. Last night I has a snicker icecream bar, I ate it while everyone was asleep! dh should have never brought them yesterday. I will calm down my eating habits. My Dr. wants me to lose weight before I go back to see her on Aug 12. I think I can lose weight before I see her. Fingers crossed.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

Yeah headache mostly went away it stayed in the background tho.

I use myfitnesspal for my weight loss, I log everything i eat and make sure the nutritional values are correct because they are put in by other members, that way I can see where I need to improve. If u eat the right amount of calories it doesn't matter when u eat them ur body will still digest them in the same way its purely eating too much of the wrong stuff that will stop u losing it, I remember once I was always low on calories but cudnt work out why I was gaining then when I worked it out I was eating too much sugar n fat which obviously deposits as fat in ur body if not used as do carbs but the right balance of them will help burn off the existing fat stores u have. I try not to weigh everyday because I no my weight yoyos daily particularly as I get really constipated due to the high levels of pain relief I have and also the water the builds up being a different amount each day, so I don't no y I was surprised when i broke my rule and got weighed today n I had gone up but just ignoring it n il get weighed on Friday instead.

I managed to do 20 minutes tidying around today, cud have done more but I ran out of coat hanger lol so tomorrow when I get home from work Il do a bit more n aim for 25 minutes, I normally get home about an hour earlier than oh so my over all aim is to clean until he gets home on my work days, he goes to a shooting club on Tuesday n gym on Wednesday so I will use those times to exercise and I don't work Fridays so will do extra cleaning n exercise on those days but obviously building up to this rather than doin it all in one go, and obviously making tea n cleaning kitchen is on top of this as normal daily activities although I don't do it everyday as we share those jobs.

Don't be disheartened by not losing anything sometimes it can take a while for hard work to pay off, if it isn't working after a while it cud be worth trying a different method. I found that when I started this time my motivation for it was very high n that helped, iv cut out all bad snacks as these are where the hidden calories come from n just cut my portion sizes too except for veg which iv increased. Who cares what ur doctor thinks, u need to do it for u not them or ul never stick to it.

I see ur 5 days from testing this month, any give away signs either way yet? I'm dreading getting to that anxious wait each month n for me to start with it will probably be followed by disappointment, really hoping it doesn't take too long, my oh is 32 n this will be our first n we want more so need to get cracking n get number one cooking lol.

Ps I enjoy our daily chats too :-D
Wish me luck bk at work in the morning, in the last 9 weeks iv only been there for 2 weeks with having sick time, a weeks holiday and surgery. Luckily only 4 weeks bk before time to fly fly away to a nice hot sunny holiday lol.

 

[MomWife]

I have heard of myfitnesspal but never used it. I will check it tomorrow. I think I eat a lot of the wrong foods such as fried foods which I am cutting back on, plenty of snacks and less veggies. I think it is a good idea to weigh yourself once a week. My day will be Saturdays. I have to start back making tea as soon I get some sugar or honey. The tasty snacks sure sneak right on us! Starting tomorrow I am only going to have 1 snack. I am going to let you know how I did tomorrow night. I am going to drink 8 cups of water daily which I started a couple of days ago. I will buy more veggies next week for my snacks.

I think that is good that you was cleaning up for 20 minutes!! Yea you are right that I have to do it for myself and I will. I do not have any signs yet but I know I been very moody probably because the pill is finally out of my system. I am not going to test early, I am going to wait until I do not see AF on cycle day 32. My longest cycle on BCP is 31 and my shortest cycle is 22. Now I got to figure out if and when my cycle is going to come. I have been reading some posts after BCP that they have their cycles be between 38-45 days. I hope my cycle goes back to normal. I also been reading that off the BCP most women experience withdrawal bleeding which I still have not experienced, I don't know if it has something to do with that I just got done with AF on the 13th and I stopped the BCP on the 14th. If I start having signs I will be sure to let you know. When I was pregnant with my 1st I did not know, when I was pregnant with my 2nd I didn't know but I knew my boobs was getting bigger and I was extremely happy with them! A week later I took a pregnancy test and yes I was pregnant! Maybe when I conceive this time there will be symptoms like bigger boobs!! LOL!!

Good luck on your job!!!! Let me know how everything went.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

I would try n cut out sugar too, 50 cals per teaspoon of sugar, it happens so easily. I used to have 2 in tea and coffee n now don't have any in either iv managed to get it down gradually.

I'm getting a bit of a bad back sitting at work but got my tens machine on so hoping it helps. I'm going to do 30 minutes cleaning tonight and then when oh gets home from gym we can decide on tea andp then do the kitchen together, hopefully my zoom will come today or tomorrow and I can use it Friday.

I'm dreading coming off my pill, I can't come off it until the exact time I start TTC so really hoping I yo bk to normal immediately, I usually get af even if iv forgot to take a few in a row so hoping that means my body adjusts quickly. I'm dreading coming off it because of my endo, don't want it coming bk stronger, I just need to get pregnant and Il be fine haha

I used to have really big boobs when I was fat n I loved them lol I'm still a decent size now but my oh is a real boob man so he's hoping I get bigger x

 

[MomWife]

It will take me a while to not to use sugar anymore. I will probably just start off putting half a teaspoon of sugar in my tea and coffee. I know it will taste different! Did your tens machine helped your back while you was at work? How did work go today? Did you have an okay day? Sorry about all the questions!!! LOL!

If I have any symptoms I will let you know. I missed having big boobs!!! I want them back right now! When you stopped the pill, I will go through your journey with you. It is always nice to have someone to chat with! I woke up early this morning around 6:20 a.m. to wah clothes and I was done around 9:00 a.m. the only thing I have to do is seperate all of our socks which I hate doing!! I have been having heartburn recently, but not today. I had a slight headache but it did not last too long which is great!

I got an A on my paper, I found out this morning! My professor had to deduct points since I wa 2 days late. She mentioned in the paper that it was a well written paper she just wished that I submitted it on time!

 

[itsnowmyturn]

Oh wow well done on the paper u shud be really pleased.

I think a mixture of the tens n this cream I have helped my back a little but its quite sore now, I think its sitting Tbh it seems to put too much pressure on my back. The day was ok, was bored n felt deflated but that's just how work makes me feel, theres a girl there pregnant n her belly has grown so much while iv been away, she was wearing this top that curved round her bump perfectly and she looked amazing. I'm very happy for her she's had a hard time getting pregnant n lost a tube to an ectopic pregnancy so she certainly deserves it. But I felt so much jealousy n envy that its got me down a little tonight which I no is daft but iv waited so long for it that it feels like the time will never get here. I think I took my frustrations out on someone on the wtt forum, we were discussing baby expenses n I said in my opinion its as expensive as u make it, she commented sayin over simplistic n child care etc is expensive, I sort of said I was fed up of everyone saying how expensive it was n other than unavoidable costs like child care which in the UK is only for 2 years once u go bk to work it doesn't have to cost that much. I held my hands up n said yes Il cone across stuff I didn't think of but it really doesn't have to be expensive having a child. I no most ppl will disagree with me but I have sat n worked it out....me and my lists lol as I said to her its all about individual styles of doing things, I'm not materialistic n if my kid wants something expensive they r goin to have to save up n buy it.

Rant over sorry.

Today sort of reminded me that me TTC all depends on oh getting a permanent contract n if he doesn't then we will have to wait until he does. No jobs seem to be popping up for me either.

I found it hard with no sugar to start with n still think tea tastes weird, n I put sweetener on my cereal but other than that I'm pretty good now n I looove anything sugar. Jam doughnuts omg I want one I managed to stick to just 3 meals today which I was amazed at!! Felt like I was starving myself but I got thru the day lol one more day and I can get weighed n hope to god iv lost more because boy cud I do with a pick me up right now lol.

How's ur other discussion going, hope ur going to hand it in on time!@ when we handed work in late it git capped at a pass mark even if it wud have been a 70 (a first) u wud only get 40 (a third) which I thought was pretty harsh lol

I can't believe u got up that early are u crazy, I was up at 6:40 but not by my choice its having a job so god damn far away from home Grrr.

Well sleep time for me now with throbbing pain underneath my should blades ouchies

Night hun xx

 

[MomWife]

Thank you!! Yes I am pleased! I hope your back feel better now. Don’t feel bad for being jealous of pregnant women. I feel the same way since I saw my friend a couple of months ago and she was pregnant. At the time I did not want any more children but I kept wondering why I was extremely happy for her and telling my DH about her all the time! Every time I saw a newborn or a pregnant woman I was always saying awwwww soooo cute! Now I know why I was extremely happy at that time, it was because I really wanted another baby. In my opinion, I think you are right about it is expensive as you make it. I know firsthand since I was very cheap with both of the expenses when both of my daughters were infants. We did not buy things that we did not need for them. We always knew where to get their things that they needed very cheap! When you do not have a lot of money, you have to always find stores that are cheaper than the name brand stores. My DH and I did not have any childcare expenses since I stayed at home with both kids. My sister had childcare expenses, but she it took her at least 2 months to get vouchers since she was making too much. When she was paying all of her child care costs on her own, she told me that it was hard for her to buy enough groceries to last them for an entire month.

I am not materialistic either and it do not make any sense to buy your kids name brand things when you do not make enough money on your job, do not have a lot of food, or your bills are behind. I see this all the time. My cousin used to buy her kids name brand things all the time and she is behind on her rent and all of her bills. I ask her how come she keeps buying her kids name brand things, her response was that she want them to be like the rest of the kids with all of the expensive clothes, electronics, and etc. Currently, my mom is giving her some money to help out with groceries only for 2 months. Making lists will help out a lot!LOL! I am finished talking about this subject.

I am working on my discussion now. I will be done with my discussion before 5p.m. I want to receive an A in this course so that means I will have to submit everything on time! LOL! Wow a 40 that is harsh!! At this University, it’s 10% deduction every day until the 7th day and then you receive a 0 for the assignment.

I could not sleep last night, I went to sleep around midnight, then I woke back up around 3 a.m. and after that I woke back up at 5 a.m. and I went back to sleep and I woke back up around 8 a.m. maybe I am thinking too much about how I am going to finish school, jobs, and TTC.

I hope your day is going ok so far.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

Yeah I sorted it with her n said what I meant about expenses n just left it at that its one topic i get fed up of seeing and reading and talking about just like the breastfeeding debate zzzzzz please people change the subject!!!

Omg I was so tired this morning I cud have fallen asleep at work, I'm not used to nor cut out for 6 hours sleep a night I need a good solid 10, good luck with that when a baby comes

Sounds like ur doing really well at school, u shud be very very pleased, uni is hard its no mean feat at all especially when u have a household to run.

My back just hurts when sitting all the time, I have a terrible chair iv got a desk assessmenton Monday so I can see if there's anything I can do to stop it from hurting so much. Iv started doing my telephone reviews standing up in the store room instead of sitting down so that helps.

Jeez its so hot today!! 34 degrees!! Stuck in an office all day in this heat bleugh!! How's the weather over there? I heard Spain was in the 40's today as was getting a wind from Africa! I'm goin to turkey at the end of this month hope its a nice hot n not just melting me. Iv got to the point where I hate overheating, I think its the zoladex n temporary menopause, I just sweat n its disgusting especially with long hair, it sticks to everything n gets hotter n hotter.

How's your head been?

 

[MomWife]

Good luck when the baby comes!!!! You will get some type of sleep. Well at least you was standing up today. I hope everything works out for you on Monday. WOW 34 that is hoooot! If it was 34 here I would like it if just I would go outside with my kids and just run!! We did a few weeks ago and they was laughing at me sooo hard!! It is 23 here so not too bad! I was complaining about a month ago when the weather was toooo hot. I when I was younger I loved the heat but now I hate is sooo much!!!

I have a slight headache right now. It came out of nowhere. I only take medication if it really bothers me.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

Bless u u really should get these head aches sorted. My doctor never came up with any answers but I didn't leave it until they did loads of tests, if I left everything on their say so I wud never have had any of my diagnoses.

Just to add to our fun we have a blocked drain n its stopping the dishwasher working I hate washing the dishes lol

 

[MomWife]

I go to my Dr. appointment on the 12th I will make sure that I tell her about my headaches. Oh that sucks with your dishwasher! I hate washing dishes also and I do not have a dishwasher! LOL! One day I will get a dishwasher.

I am going crazy with reading all the TTC posts on here!! For the past few days I have been having heartburn, gassy, and started yesterday I have been lightheaded. Last night I was having cramps but they went away and came back today, but no AF yet. I know AF coming but I just don't know when.

 

[xprincessx]

welcome to babyandbump x

 

[itsnowmyturn]

I really hope ur headaches get sorted iv got a bad one today but don't think iv drank enough.

It's a shame that af symptoms mimic pregnancy it plays havoc with ur mind lol. I hope u get ur bfp very soon, nothing worse than trying for ages n not getting pregnant, I'm dreading that happening to me. The bad thing is u never no if ur fertile or not until u try which is just plain mean.

Think we've sorted the dishwasher fingers crossed lol but the drain is well n truly blocked lol, trying a few homemade remedies before going the whole hog of plumbers etc lol. What a nightmare.

I don't no why I read the pregnancy n baby stuff lol it makes me super broody.

Omg I was so humiliated today, went shopping n bought a rug, as I was driving off two staff n a security guard came running towards me n the Muppet behind the till didn't put it thru n they thought id stole it, never felt so embarrassed walking bk in to pay n everyone looking at me...cringe or what!!!

Been mass cooking again today, bought a slow cooker n got a huge beef n lamb casserole in there n a chicken casserole in the oven n done loads of mash to freeze, guna do loads of chicken curry to freeze later. Boy it takes it out of u, n if this headache doesn't bugger off I won't be doin the curry until tomorrow.

How's ur school work goin?

 

[MomWife]

No headache today but I am still having cramps. The cramping is off and on but today is worse than yesterday. AF still did not show yet but I expect AF to come between the 5th-8th. I do not know what is going on with me. Maybe my body trying to get used to being off the BCP. How is your back is it any better?

I am finally done with my discussion. The post was only supposed to be between 250-350 words. I did waaay over, My post was 765 words. I had to look at the discussion board to see if anybody else went over, and yes there was only 1 student, she posted 1,204 words so I don't feel bad. Tomorrow I just have to repsond to 1 student and Sunday I have my quiz and a 1-2 page paper on finding three reputable resources that address challenges for measuring and evaluating performance in health care. I will try my best to stay at 2 pages but I can not make any promises.

Wow! I would have been embarassed also but the situation was handled! I would have been taking my time trying to go back in the store!!!

I have a slow cooker but I only fix green beans and pototoes in it. It is still practically brand new! I need to get some receipes so I can really start to use it. I had it for 3 years and it is a shame that I did not fully use it yet. It sounds to me that you are a great cook! Whenever I get pregnant, start working, and when the kids go to school I will start the mass cooking. Thannk you for the great idea! What do you freeze the foods in?

My hubby fixed my treadmill cord, so I am about to get on my treadmill and walk for an hour if I can. Hopefully my asthma won't get in the way, well if it does I will just walk slower! I hope your day been okay!

 

[itsnowmyturn]

Wow that is way over the word limit we were only allowed 10% over n they were really strict on it, I always found I had too many so instead of putting I am I wud change it to I'm and that's one word less for every one like that lol by re wording it I always found a way to keep the content but within the word limit.

Tbh I don't think they handled it very well the first thing he said to me way uv stolen a rug very accusingly like I'd meant to, n they all looked at me with utter disgust even when I stood n checked my receipt, mistakes happen n it was mostly the check out persons fault for not putting it they yet I was made to feel like I shud be hanging my head in shame lol, I think Il stay out of there from now on lol.

I freeze my meals in plastic tubs with lids, I bought about 30 of them. Tbh I'm not a fantastic cook n the variety of stuff I can cook is limited n I am in general a very picky eater so we tend to circle thru the same foods over a few weeks to a month but that makes mass cooking easier anyway. I was going to do once a month cooking so doin 2 portions of 30 meals to sort the both of us but doin 60 portions in one day is just too hard for a beginner like me lol so I tend to stick with around 20 portions so feeds us for a week or two but were constantly adding to it so will soon build it up n as I get more used to it Im sure I will get better n be able to cook 60 portions in a day.

My afternoon was pretty awful that headache turned into full on illness where iv been on the sofa all night feeling sick n had a hugely bloated tummy (like 6 months pregnant bloated) n every time I moved ny head thumped!! I'm sure it was just a mixture of dehydration n not eating because I'd only had two slices of toast then forgot about anything else as I was busy. A good nights sleep should sort me out.

How much longer have u got left at school? I'm sure uv told me before but I can't remember lol.

I haven't managed to get exercising yet that is next week but apart from today iv kept up with the cleaning n tidying side of my plan. Adam cooked last night n did us a really salty meal, I git weighed this morning n it said I had put three pounds on :'( I was gobsmacked, hoping it was just water retention from the salty meal because iv made an extra special effort with being bk at work n all that's changed is instead of having two meals n two snacks I'm having three meals, calories stayed about same so I don't get it. Will weigh again tomorrow n c. I also wonder whether my body goes thru period symptoms without the period, obviously the zoladex means I have no hormones so can't be having the hormonal changes that go with af but I do wonder whether ur body somehow goes thru the bloating n tender boobs n stuff anyway n obviously that causes weight gain thru water retention who nos

 

[MomWife]

They shouldn't have came to you like that. It would have been better if they said you forgot to pay for the rug. No people skills at all!

I was just at the store looking at some containers but they were too expensive so I will go to another store sometime next week since I can get them for about $3.00 in pack of 6. I cook daily and it is getting on my nerves since there are things that I want to do like browse on here for a few. I have to buy some more skillets and pans also. I hope you feel better now. I hate when I get bloated I try to wear a bigger shirt to hide it while I am out! LOL!

I have 5 courses left but I am taking a break in the beginning of September so that I can save up some money to pay off my current course and I will return back in January. While I am on break I should get an internship while I continue to fill out job applications. If I start volunteering in a hospital, I will have a better chance of somebody calling me for an interview since I will have RECENT experience. Who knows I might get a job at the hospital I choose to volunteer. That will be awesome!!! I will be done in the fall of next year.

I did an hour on my treadmill yesterday! I was walking slow but I did it!! Well at least you did not have to cook. I remember a month ago dh was cooking dinner and he did not put any seasoning in the meal, the next day he cooked and he put too much seasoning in the meal! Hopefully the next time he cooks, he will get it right this time! Maybe as I continue to get on the treadmill daily I can walk a little bit faster. I hate what medications do to one's body. It is always some type of side effect.

I am still having cramps on and off again & a slight headache. Well if AF does not show before my Dr. appt I will tell my Dr. what is going on. I hope you are feeling better.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

Well my belly went down this morning and scales say iv lost 2 of the 3lb but still means im 1lb heavier than i was at teh start of the week but iv had 2 days of not eating enough, like only 7-800 calories which i always try to avoid due to starvation mode. it doesnt help with the constipation either but hopefully once i start reducing pain meds that will ease off too.

My head was still a little sore this morning and I realised I hadnt had a cup of tea yesterday so part of it was probably caffeine withdrawal. wowser did i feel ill yesterday.

I dished up the casseroles today to freeze and had 14 portions altogether!!! that should last us a while lol.

Volunteering does help, nowadays i think its more about who u no rather than what u no so having a foot in the door will absolutely help you. I have been thinking of going back to uni, I wish I could go and do a masters, I want to do a rehabilitation masters that looks into neuropsychology and the recovery of brain injuries but I just cant afford to do it, it would mean getting a loan out to pay the few grand for it and then not working would be impossible to pay my bills. If I hadnt already decided on my ttc date I think I would be going to do my midwifery degree, I want to have two children quite close together then go and do the midwifery in the september following that but if things dont go to plan i may end up doing it earlier, its just a shame its a 3 year course otherwise i would def go and do it now and just delay ttc for a year but 3 years is just far too long for me, hopefully i can try and plan something for my second, maybe try and get pregnant so i can give birth during the summer break and then have those few months off, I'm not really thinking of that yet tho, I have to get these next 2 months out of the way and see whether we can actually start trying in october, and more importantly whether my body regulates quickly after my zoladex wears off, i think rather than trying in october its going to be more november due to ovulation after zoladex but i will have to wait and see.

I went to the bank yesterday to extend my fee free overdraft because im still struggling to pay it off, makes me feel like a financial failure because i cant get back into full time work, if i had never got ill i would have it paid off by now because i would have stayed in full time work.

I really have been through the emotional ringer this week, felt every emotion going, more than anything im feeling quite anxious all the time, not sure if i need a little time away from the forum to try and forget about the baby stuff, I have literally sat on here all day reading most of the sections of the forum and it just makes me want it even more. Im just glad I have my holiday to turkey to break up my wtt time because it is just driving me insane, i want a baby so much, it feels like something is missing out of my life, hate the heart ache of wanting something so much and not being able to have it yet.

I cant imagine how bad the 2ww must be, symptom spotting and wondering if everything is a sign your pregnant, waiting for af to show and if it decides to trick u and be a day late sending ur mind into overdrive, I see the people that are like 'im 10 days late and still bfn' I think I will HAVE to take a very relaxed approach to it, I'm half thinking that maybe I shouldn't do ovulation tests and just bd every other day so that I won't no when af should show IYKWIM I think that 2ww then followed by negatives would just be heart breaking to me. That being said I want to maximise the chance of getting pregnant with each cycle and obviously doing ovulation tests would do that so I dont no.

TBH Im not really sure how I feel right now about anything, I just feel that something is going to rip all of this away from me

You know what I'm pretty convinced that this month I am going thru all af symptoms without the af, I have been all moody today and very easily irritated.

Anyway enough about me I do babble on about myself a lot dont I, ooops lol