Being judged

[claudinator]

My little guy is 7months and since the day he was born my inlaws have given me grief about every decision. From breast feeding, co sleeping, baby wearing, perfect prep machine, his swing, jumperoo and now daycare. I always got "well sil didn't have this and that and she was fine" yeah because her husband works 3days one week and 4 the next and you used to take her children over night because they ere annoying her . My DH works six days 6.30 until 7.30. Allot of the bigger items were gifts I'm the youngest of 7 the oldest is 20years older and my next sister is 10years older. At my christening my DH neices asked why DS and I had such a big party (my 30th/christening) she said it was because we are spoiled. My inlaws never offer take him my bil and sil have never come to see him. They judge everything I do I have no help at DH is always gone my DS only sees him on Sunday my sisters work work full time so it's just me. I find it really grating when they judge me because I do it myself. Am I the only one who gets stick for doing it your way?

 

[BabyMamma93]

i dont understand what it is with people always having an opinion about what you do..
i always wanted to BF. & i was always asked why by OHs family, they gave me all the reasons not to 'it hurts, its not always best, it makes your boobs sag, what u gona do when hes older and wont come off, what u gona do in public etc' then when my DS was born he wouldnt take, when i was telling them about it 'oh thats a shame, its great for bonding, its best for them, what a shame u have to bottle feed'
then with giving him a dummy.. he was crying for a while so i was told he wants a dummy, 2 days later i gave him one, oh he will have it forever now, will be hard to take it off him, u will loose them and need to buy more, it will make him buck toothed..'
'dont stand him up he will be bow legged'... ' oh he want to stand up, what a clever boy'
the list could go on, and i really dont know why they do it, but i can sympathise with you, its so annoying!!

 

[pixiefairy]

Why don't you say something to them? It's obviously annoying you. I tend to find the only way to stop people from critiquing is to make it clear you aren't going to stand for it. By seemingly ignoring it or taking it (to them anyway) is obviously making them think they can get away with it.

I for one just don't understand why people put up with things like this- sure; extended families can be a blessing. But i'm my child's mother- and at the end of the day what me (and my OH) says goes.

There are many people in my extended family who are opposed to this- and then wonder why I never visit with DD

 

[Teri7489]

I agree - its maybe time to say something if its really bothering you. At the end of the day you are mummy and you make the decisions about your child. My mum is old fashioned and for the most part i take advice from her, i tend not to listen to others. My MIL is terrible for making comments about my choices - im stuck up because i dont give my 10 month old tea in a bottle before bed, or let her have chocolate. I do BLW and its apparently disgusting. I have a relationship with her now that i simply tell her to F off. Im mummy and i decide. Not her or anyone else. I hope you can sort it out soon xxxx

 

[sarah34]

i dont understand what it is with people always having an opinion about what you do..
i always wanted to BF. & i was always asked why by OHs family, they gave me all the reasons not to 'it hurts, its not always best, it makes your boobs sag, what u gona do when hes older and wont come off, what u gona do in public etc' then when my DS was born he wouldnt take, when i was telling them about it 'oh thats a shame, its great for bonding, its best for them, what a shame u have to bottle feed'
then with giving him a dummy.. he was crying for a while so i was told he wants a dummy, 2 days later i gave him one, oh he will have it forever now, will be hard to take it off him, u will loose them and need to buy more, it will make him buck toothed..'
'dont stand him up he will be bow legged'... ' oh he want to stand up, what a clever boy'
the list could go on, and i really dont know why they do it, but i can sympathise with you, its so annoying!!

Totally agree! So annoying! I have had to learn to trust my own instincts and at the end of the day he is my son and I know what is best for him. Xx

 

[vegazbaby]

i have found the whole experience of having a baby about judgment, and ive had to work a lot on me to learn how to stop it bothering me, i ended up with pnd and anxiety, as i dreaded getting a bottle out to feed him in public, my dad thought my baby was too fat and when i fed him he'd ask why im feeding him. the worst is the indirect judgement - talking to the baby ie.. you dont need that dummy.
then comes the whats wrong with him, hes tired hes overdue a nap, so what do they do play peekabo over your shoulder while you try and get them to sleep.
i could go on, i just say, i follow what i think he needs and its worked out so far!

 

[redlemonade]

Have you said anything to them? I understand how you feel. I think co-sleeping, babywearing and, sadly, even breastfeeding are so alien in our country, am I right? And because we do these things, we kind of stand out. In a way, I think people see us parenting differently as some kind of judgement on them

I would calmly say 'that's great that you/SIL would do things differently, to each their own, but this is how DH and I have decided to do things'. I'd ask DH for his support on this too btw. He should be backing you up.

 

[claudinator]

It's a constant argument. My mil and sil think the perfect prep is stupid they made bottles and stuck them in the fridge current infant guidelines have changed and they have to be made and fed within in 2hours. They roll their eyes at me. I froze breast milk for when he started daycare to help his immunity. To which my inlaws said "your at nothing" he's never been ill he's so hardy and strong. And also babymama he's always bein strong in his legs my mil said he'll be bow legged. Nope he can stand indepenantly. He said his first word at 4months he has 4words now. He can say cat but not mama!!!
In Ireland I'm the weird one because I wanted to do it my way I've no regrets he's the best baby and not a sissy like my mil said because I wouldn't put him down.
I had a third degree tear and rectal and spinal bruising from a failed placenta delivery. So he literally had to be on me 24/7 as I couldn't stand straight untill 5weeks untill I got a spinal injection and morphine and it all got better.
I think he's amazing I cried so much when he didn't fit in his newborn clothes.

 

[sue_88]

You sound very strong and confident in your choices so move with them and f**k everyone else!

One thing you can be sure of when you're a parent is people will dump their judgement all over you, from BF to FF to how your fart sounds......everything.

Either call them out on it, or let it wash over you. You're doing the absolute best for your son, he knows that too!

 

[redlemonade]

Well you're not the only weird one in Ireland, there's a bunch of us babywearing, breastfeeding, cosleeping freaks and we're growing in numbers

Don't get drawn into an argument; don't even engage in the conversation. Let them roll their eyes all they like. They'll be the ones with headaches from all that eye rolling. Hold your head high and be confident that you're bringing up a strong, happy healthy little man.

 

[claudinator]

Well you're not the only weird one in Ireland, there's a bunch of us babywearing, breastfeeding, cosleeping freaks and we're growing in numbers

Don't get drawn into an argument; don't even engage in the conversation. Let them roll their eyes all they like. They'll be the ones with headaches from all that eye rolling. Hold your head high and be confident that you're bringing up a strong, happy healthy little man.

Red lemonade your Irish? where from?? I'm from Kilkenny live in Waterford.

 

[redlemonade]

Well you're not the only weird one in Ireland, there's a bunch of us babywearing, breastfeeding, cosleeping freaks and we're growing in numbers

Don't get drawn into an argument; don't even engage in the conversation. Let them roll their eyes all they like. They'll be the ones with headaches from all that eye rolling. Hold your head high and be confident that you're bringing up a strong, happy healthy little man.

Red lemonade your Irish? where from?? I'm from Kilkenny live in Waterford.

I'll PM you