Benefits of bf exadurated?

[staralfur]

I can't believe you guys know such awful people. I've never in my life seen anyone attack someone else based on how they feed their baby or how they gave birth (and I live in an area where BFing rates are very high). That's ridiculous.

 

[vintage67]

Socity, I love the word "mompetition."

And I hope the friend of your BIL is doing better. I told my husband I was planning to kill myself and he slapped some sense in me literally and figuratively. I was going to give my baby to a woman that was making breastmilk. A lot of that was fueled by things said online; it just was. If anyone out there thinks I'm weak because of that, then all I can say is pray you never go through something like that.

I've seen plenty of things online that could push many a "sane" woman to think of taking her life and question her worth as a woman and a mother because she couldn't breastfeed. When you go online in desperation looking for a little kindness and support, it can be hard to find.

Anyone just reading through this and having feelings of worthliness, please feel free to connect with the ladies of the grief sticky thread at the top of this page. Breastfeeding grief is real and it can destroy your marriage, your relationship with your baby and rob you of the will to live. There is no love stronger than a mother's love and when you "lose" breastfeeding, it is like part of your relationship with your baby has died. It's terrible. If breastfeeding wasn't part of your dream for you and your baby, then you probably didn't go through this.

 

[staralfur]

Socity, I love the word "mompetition."

And I hope the friend of your BIL is doing better. I told my husband I was planning to kill myself and he slapped some sense in me literally and figuratively. I was going to give my baby to a woman that was making breastmilk. A lot of that was fueled by things said online; it just was. If anyone out there thinks I'm weak because of that, then all I can say is pray you never go through something like that.

I've seen plenty of things online that could push many a "sane" woman to think of taking her life and question her worth as a woman and a mother because she couldn't breastfeed. When you go online in desperation looking for a little kindness and support, it can be hard to find.

Anyone just reading through this and having feelings of worthliness, please feel free to connect with the ladies of the grief sticky thread at the top of this page. Breastfeeding grief is real and it can destroy your marriage, your relationship with your baby and rob you of the will to live. There is no love stronger than a mother's love and when you "lose" breastfeeding, it is like part of your relationship with your baby has died. It's terrible. If breastfeeding wasn't part of your dream for you and your baby, then you probably didn't go through this.

 

[bubbles123]

Never assume 'natural' is always good and 'artificial' is always bad. Cancer is natural. Famine is natural. Natural disasters are natural. Dying in childbirth is natural. Don't know about you but I'm pretty glad we have chemotherapy, food aid and c sections! The obsession with 'natural' is insane. Would being dead be better? Well yeah she and her baby died in childbirth but at least it wad natural. That will be a great comfort to her grieving family! Madness!

 

[sandilion]

Anyone just reading through this and having feelings of worthliness, please feel free to connect with the ladies of the grief sticky thread at the top of this page. Breastfeeding grief is real and it can destroy your marriage, your relationship with your baby and rob you of the will to live. There is no love stronger than a mother's love and when you "lose" breastfeeding, it is like part of your relationship with your baby has died. It's terrible. If breastfeeding wasn't part of your dream for you and your baby, then you probably didn't go through this.

Oh dear reading this broke my heart... I am probably just being hormonal, but i am all teared up. It breaks my heart that women go through this.

 

[overcomer79]

Vintage, I know the feeling. I have been doomed to death by comments made online...not just about not breastfeeding but also about different parenting styles.

 

[HellBunny]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that Vintage, i had PND last year and alot of it was fuelled by crap i read online and i was wreaked with guilt due to it, i've no pnd this time but i really feel for those who do have it because of the whole bf/ff thing. I now tell myself i feel sorry for the kids who grow up with such ignorant mothers who make out they are so inferior just because they breastfeed. I've done BF and FF (now FF) and i have 2 happy/healthy kids regardless how they were fed, they only started catching things when i started taking them to playgroups, funny that since the things they did catch were off their cousins who were both breastfed, they are ill every 5 minutes (gastro, hand foot and mouth, colds, rotavirus) the list goes on, so i do snigger sometimes when i read how people are adamant their baby won't catch things because they were BF.

 

[overcomer79]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that Vintage, i had PND last year and alot of it was fuelled by crap i read online and i was wreaked with guilt due to it, i've no pnd this time but i really feel for those who do have it because of the whole bf/ff thing. I now tell myself i feel sorry for the kids who grow up with such ignorant mothers who make out they are so inferior just because they breastfeed. I've done BF and FF (now FF) and i have 2 happy/healthy kids regardless how they were fed, they only started catching things when i started taking them to playgroups, funny that since the things they did catch were off their cousins who were both breastfed, they are ill every 5 minutes (gastro, hand foot and mouth, colds, rotavirus) the list goes on, so i do snigger sometimes when i read how people are adamant their baby won't catch things because they were BF.

I stayed offline a long time (3 and a half months) after my daughter was born. She had severe colic and let's face it...I nearly slipped in depression and looking back on it these comments would have pushed me into it.

 

[Liesje]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that Vintage, i had PND last year and alot of it was fuelled by crap i read online and i was wreaked with guilt due to it, i've no pnd this time but i really feel for those who do have it because of the whole bf/ff thing. I now tell myself i feel sorry for the kids who grow up with such ignorant mothers who make out they are so inferior just because they breastfeed. I've done BF and FF (now FF) and i have 2 happy/healthy kids regardless how they were fed, they only started catching things when i started taking them to playgroups, funny that since the things they did catch were off their cousins who were both breastfed, they are ill every 5 minutes (gastro, hand foot and mouth, colds, rotavirus) the list goes on, so i do snigger sometimes when i read how people are adamant their baby won't catch things because they were BF.

That's what I tell myself too. Their kid will never care if they were formula fed and if they came out of their mother's vagina or not. That's what made me have an elective c-section. Call me selfish but it would have been too inconvenient for me and everyone else around me to do it naturally, plus I don't really consider it an accomplishment, so I opted for CS... Now I get people looking down on me, pittying me, etc. as if what I chose for myself somehow effects how great they are.

 

[Saphira]

That's what I tell myself too. Their kid will never care if they were formula fed and if they came out of their mother's vagina or not. That's what made me have an elective c-section. Call me selfish but it would have been too inconvenient for me and everyone else around me to do it naturally, plus I don't really consider it an accomplishment, so I opted for CS... Now I get people looking down on me, pittying me, etc. as if what I chose for myself somehow effects how great they are.

That bold part sums it up well for every aspect of parenting I have the feeling. The competition, particularly among moms, won't ever end.

 

[HellBunny]

I don't understand the whole judgement on vaginal birth or c section births either, in the UK i don't think you can choose to have a section on the NHS without a medical reason but at the end of the day however you give birth, doesn't rank one higher on the "good mummy" scale some people seem to think exists, same with feeding methods, same with nappies cloth/disposable, mums who put their LO's in nursery, SAHM/Working mum, i hate the divide but for me i have only noticed this online, sorry i've gone off topic here (lets face it the thread went abit OT ages ago) lol!

 

[robinator]

I don't understand the whole judgement on vaginal birth or c section births either, in the UK i don't think you can choose to have a section on the NHS without a medical reason but at the end of the day however you give birth, doesn't rank one higher on the "good mummy" scale some people seem to think exists, same with feeding methods, same with nappies cloth/disposable, mums who put their LO's in nursery, SAHM/Working mum, i hate the divide but for me i have only noticed this online, sorry i've gone off topic here (lets face it the thread went abit OT ages ago) lol!

Because we can hide behind our computer screens!!!

This is so true imo, I have a friend who had all 3 kids naturally, bf every one and never used a stroller. She could care less that I had an epidural, combi-fed and (okay I didn't use a stroller, either lol). Not even an issue. No one cares.

 

[HellBunny]

True, people wouldn't be half so quick to say things face to face

 

[momofone08]

I BF for a month then FF, I had two sections (wanted natural but one breech baby and second was failed vbac), I will do homemade and store bought food, I crib sleep and use a stroller. NONE of that makes me a bad mom. As long as we all do what we feel is best for our children we are GREAT moms.

 

[Wobbles]

A question for formula feeding Mums/Moms... I don't understand why this wasn't left alone for discussion between those who chose this feeding method. Although going 'ok' so far I would like to ask members refrain from slating other parenting forums/sites and turning the discussion into a negative by attacking our community or anyone elses based on previous feelings/issues/discussions... there should be no they or us feelings.

Did someone suggest a combined feeding forum? This was once the case unfortunately it didn't work out and felt it best for the members and the community to create a support forum for both choices.

 

[KiwiMOM]

It makes sense to me to have 2 different sections because there are very different challenges within those feeding methods, ask me if it's normal for your newborn to feed constantly for 7 hours and I'll be able to tell you, ask me how many oz a baby of the same age should be drinking and I wouldn't have a clue.

I came into this post to say that No, I don't think the benefits are exaggerated (for the most part) but now I just want to give to Vintage, I'm sorry you went through that and I hope I never make a mother in a similar situation feel badly about their "decision" (is there a better way to word that? honest question). I'd never want to make a woman feel guilty but I would love to help support them to be successful breastfeeding with future children if that is their wish. (I'm about to start training as a midwife).

 

[Jaylynne]

I've found the ones who are rude enough to make snide and unnecessary remarks about how others choose to feed/give birth and basically parent are those who have nothing else going on in their lives and need something to boost their esteem. I mean really, why would anyone say that needing a c section isn't giving birth and is lower on the totem pole of motherhood. Just so ignorant. I literally laid in the hospital crying because I could feel my body give out the night before he was born via emcs but I didn't say anything because I wanted him growing in me as long as possible. The only thing I feel guilt about is that I got angry when he wouldn't latch time and time again then realizing he physically couldn't months later due to lip and tongue tie that was undiagnosed. I felt my body had failed my son yet again and those saying giving birth and breastfeeding is what women were made for totally didn't help. I wasn't made for it

 

[socitycourty]

I've found the ones who are rude enough to make snide and unnecessary remarks about how others choose to feed/give birth and basically parent are those who have nothing else going on in their lives and need something to boost their esteem. I mean really, why would anyone say that needing a c section isn't giving birth and is lower on the totem pole of motherhood. Just so ignorant. I literally laid in the hospital crying because I could feel my body give out the night before he was born via emcs but I didn't say anything because I wanted him growing in me as long as possible. The only thing I feel guilt about is that I got angry when he wouldn't latch time and time again then realizing he physically couldn't months later due to lip and tongue tie that was undiagnosed. I felt my body had failed my son yet again and those saying giving birth and breastfeeding is what women were made for totally didn't help. I wasn't made for it

I think that a lot of our identity as women is tied up in what our bodies do, and mothering itself. I was upset about my EMCS, because I felt my body had failed me. I felt my body had failed my LO when she couldn't tolerate my milk. it was a hard blow. but birth isn't a cut and dry thing and neither is BF, that's what I had to keep telling myself. Not every woman can do it the same way or even do it to begin with.

 

[Kage76]

A question for formula feeding Mums/Moms... I don't understand why this wasn't left alone for discussion between those who chose this feeding method. Although going 'ok' so far I would like to ask members refrain from slating other parenting forums/sites and turning the discussion into a negative by attacking our community or anyone elses based on previous feelings/issues/discussions... there should be no they or us feelings.

Did someone suggest a combined feeding forum? This was once the case unfortunately it didn't work out and felt it best for the members and the community to create a support forum for both choices.

hey wobs- i don't think the request for a combi feeding forum was raised but someone mentioned there should be only one section for feeding. Personally- i like things the way they are. Ironically I think its a lot less divisive if the two methods are kept separate.

 

[chellebelle8]

I personally think a combined feeding section would become a nightmare for the mods. Some people can't always play nice. I think with the advances made in formula already and the ongoing research no mother should ever feel guilt. I have done both but brastfeeding my son had major issues because of his blood sugars I needed to see what he was taking and yet some comments about formula make me feel terrible. Yes it's cows milk ...yes breastmilk is preferable but not always the best for your child. What really gets my goat is people saying they would explore other options like donor milk or wet nurses before formula. Both of those things are on the whole not a realistic option for most people so thank god for formula and the amount of babies that live because of its existence and not just live but thrive xx