bfp while wtt

[Gabrielle]

Just read your whole thread. I'm not going to tell you what to do because you two have to make that decision. But i can tell you that me and my hubby got pregnant when we just got married..at 18years old! we had just gotten an apartment and both starting college. I was on the pill and ended up pregnant. I remember saying theres no way we can afford this baby! i went back and forth about keeping it or not..but i knew in my heart i wouldnt be able to go through that. I want to tell you that it has now been three years since that day and let me tell you...i am so happy with the decision i made! I have the most beautiful little boy and he is so special to me. I dont know what i would have done without him! I dont mean to make you feel guilt..i was once there too! We have had our struggles in the past three years but we have made it!

Things happen for a reason...if your werent able to take care of this child..then you wouldnt have been given one, thats how i feel. Please hun dont rush into a decision and dont give up a beautiful thing just because of finances. You said yourself that you are sure things would be good by july...so why not go for it! THat baby in your tummy was put there for a reason..dont take that away.. YOu can do it! WE did it, you just have to work at it!

Please dont be upset..i just wanted to share my experinece with you and i am not judging you or telling you what to do. I wish you the best of luck and i will keep you and your family in my prayers! Please keep us updated! Lots of hugs! i know this is stressful

 

[Gabrielle]

I also wanted to let you know, i work in a pregnancy center and talk to many women, and girls about what to do in an unplanned pregnancy..if you want to talk more i am here to help ! there are sooo many things about abortion, both physically and mentally terrrible for you, that they dont tell you! I have all the satictics right here if you want them!

 

[kate.m.]

Everyone on here is so lovely, thankyou all so much for your advice. I feel good being able to chat about it with everyone.

At the moment i am a teacher- & am off on stress, resigned the other day, but cant leave untill end of this term (so Christmas). The school i was at was horrible and it has really put me off teaching, hence change of career to childminding. Money will be fine untill christmas (teachers get a good wage, despite what we may say!!) but in january i will be relying on childminding (and the money isnt great even if ur fully booked). Its all a bit of a question mark from there on out. i do keep thinking of all the other people who are worse off and seem to manage (thats 1 of the things that make me think we can do it).

I dont think id be eligable for benefits of any sort, because (i think) they go on last year's wages and as a teacher i would not have been entitled to any benefits. It was a big enough decision to quit in the 1st place, without thinking of supporting a baby!

Hubby is the more logical person, im the more impulsive person, and our opinions are really different on this atmo. I dont want to force hubby into something he doesnt want to do, just as he has already said the same to me. Yet, if we dont totally agree, i think that one would end up resenting the other no matter which option we choose. I think im going to give it a bit of time, and me n hubby will just have to keep talking about it (we're very good at talking!) and see where we go from there
x

 

[Samantha87]

Yes This board is awesome ppl are very nice on here! Im sure no matter what...all us girls on this board will be here to support you no matter your decision

 

[TashaAndBump]

Hun, It really sounds like you don't want a termination... I believe you would regret it, more than your husband would resent you if you kept it.

You both want a child eventually; our child was completely unplanned and we were terrified, but I think if you choose to keep the baby then as the pregnancy progresses and you come around to the idea both you AND your DH will be just as excited as each other, and what's more when you hold your own baby in your arms there is no way either of you could feel resentment about that. It is the best feeling in the world.

I'm not trying to scare you, and if you do decide that a termination is what is best for you then you will no doubt have the support of everyone on this forum - Nobody is here to judge but it sounds like you don't really want it? The psychological and emotional effects of abortion can be devastating. My mother has had a few friends who have gone a bit mad after having abortions... I don't know if this is common but it definitely seemed related in these cases. What is more, when my mum's friend, Liz was ready for a baby and started to TTC, it turned out she had a weak cervix and couldn't carry the baby... again, I do not know if that was related to the termination.

I am just saying to think very carefully about this - and how you would feel if in a years time you came to TTC and found you couldn't conceive or if the emotional stress of the abortion came between you and your OH. There's so many things to consider...

If when weighing it up you decide that an abortion truly is the best thing for you then I am so sorry, hun that this baby came at such a pooey time for you and for all you have to go through

Good luck talking with your hubby, Take care xx

 

[Waiting2bMommy]

Hope everything went well.

 

[TashaAndBump]

Oh I just wanted to add, please don't worry about the finances - things WILL work out if you work at them. I know how scary it is but you CAN do this...

I was 18 when I got pregnant and my mum thew us out! I really didn't see how things were going to be okay, but here we are - our daughter is 7 months old and we couldn't be happier. We're not rich but we get by well enough and that's without benefits, too!

Could your hubby do more hours, or would it be possible for you to get a part time / weekend job for when you are not childminding? xx

 

[Drazic<3]

Hey,

I would never judge you for any decision you make but i thought id give you my tuppence worth!

It sounds like you want this baby so much. From all the people i have spoken to there is never a right time for a baby! There are benefits available which will help balance things but most of all you will have a lovely little baby.

I really hope you find the right answer in your heart. best wishes

 

[orange-sox]

Glad it went better than you thought sweetheart

If you have to convince yourself that a termination is the right thing, then it probably isn't.

I think you and your DH need to think very hard about this decision, but be assured that whatever your decision may be, we'll always be here for you xxx

 

[dizzy65]

glad everything is well for u

 

[LeaArr]

I have to agree with the other girls. If you need to convince yourself, you really don't want to go through with it. It never seems like the right time to have a baby, but it always seems to work out. Take care love.

 

[Schmelly]

I'm not sure what kind of teacher you were, but have you thought about private tutoring in the evenings? Much less stressful than classroom teaching and I think the pay's pretty good. There are lots of agencies, etc, that will find you work. I'm a music teacher and I teach at my own home in the evenings. DH and I figure that it will be easy for me to pick this up again if we do hve a LO because he can babysit in the evenings while I teach.

Just a thought...could boost your finances. Don't have a termination unless you are absolutely 100% certain, without any doubt at all. Otherwise it'll haunt you for a long long time.

 

[kate.m.]

Just curious: You must all have good reasons for wtt, but if you found urself pregnant, right now, how would you feel, what would you do? (I know every circumstance is different, im just curious! )

Thanks schmelly,
I was planning on doing supply work whilst childminding . As there will b 2 minders in 1 house, if we are not up to our quota, the other will be able to go off and do supply, and we'd put all the £ in the pot and split it 50:50 each month, regardless of who works more supply, and who keeps the business going. I think the plan will work: 2 qualified teachers working as childminders on a 3:1 child:adult ratio- theres gotta be demand for that? And talking with t'other teacher about my pregnancy, she seemed to think it would be fantastic! said that she'd stay with the older kids downstairs and i have some time upstairs with my baby and any others we have. Its just the uncertainty of it all.

Though, i suppose 9 months is a long time- even with a stable job u could find ur self unemployed, redundant etc?

 

[Ju_bubbs]

Hi Kate, I dont want to try and etll you what you should do, coz only you and your OH can decide whats right for you, but it does sound like you both really want a baby! A termination would put you both through a lot of emotional strain, and all for the sake of a year... If it is only your financial position that is making you concider a termination, then I think you should forget it! As others have said, you somehow just make things work! Even if you have to struggle a bit for the first year until you can apply for some benefits, or your childminding buisness takes off. I fell pregnant when I was 15, still at school, and my bf was on the dole getting about 24 quid a week! We were going to have a termination coz we thought there would be absolutely no way that we could afford to bring up a baby, yet here I am with a perfectly healthy, happy 9 year old! Seems just always seem to work out if you want them to hard enough! Goodl uck with whatever you decide to do hun xxx

 

[TashaAndBump]

Aw hun it sounds to me like you really WANT this baby I would be the same.

I wasn't TTC when I got pregnant so I can answer your question in terms of how I did feel, how we did act...

When I found out I was terrified... DH and I lived 200 miles away and I was still living at home with my mum, at college no less. I was terrified, I didn't think we were ready for a baby - how would we support it, would I have to move to Birmingham, would DH think I had done it on purpose??

Well the first step was to tell my mum, who assured me that everything would be okay... shortly before she threw me out! lmao It was the best thing she ever did for me, though. Once I told DH things got a lot easier, he told me it was my call whether we kept the baby or not. I knew in my heart I couldn't get rid of the baby. So things then moved into "preparing for baby" mode, and it was so exciting, once you know you are keeping the baby it gets a lot easier - that is the biggest hurdle imo.

We knew we had a lot to do; Dom had to leave his home in Birmingham and move down here, even though we had no where to live at the time. It took us until February to find a suitable bungalow to rent - until then we were living in council-provided B&B accommodation! But we got there just in time. Were well at home before baby arrived in March.

By the skin of our teeth we got by, and now we have a 7 month old daughter and I'm not going to say we wouldn't change that for the world, because although that is very true, it sounds negative to me - what I will say is, we are happier than we have ever been, we can't imagine life without our beautiful, darling baby girl, and having her was the best thing we ever did.

---

If I fell pregnant now? We'd do it all again - it would work out somehow. It always does x

 

[applegirl]

Honey - I was talking to a friend of mine from Mexico the other day who said that babies are born with the money they'll need under their arm.

Of course - what really happens is that parents priorities change, and they somehow find the energy and resources to look after the babe.

It sounds like you have a lot of supportive people around you now hon. This pregnancy is a gift, even if it is arriving at the wrong time. Of course, you need to do what is right for you - but if money is really the only concern - I can't believe that it won't work out.

Sounds like you and your OH have a lot of love to share. Take time to get used to your BFP, talk to your OH and business partner - and see where it takes you.

Sending you huge

 

[Gabrielle]

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking and praying for you! Hope you can do whats best for you and your family! Hang in there hun, lots of hugs sending your way.

 

[luckyme225]

Just curious: You must all have good reasons for wtt, but if you found urself pregnant, right now, how would you feel, what would you do? (I know every circumstance is different, im just curious! )

I would be nervous and scared (I don't sleep much with a baby as it is)but excited. My first was an wonderful surprise but not the best of timing as we had just moved and my husband just graduated from college but we made it work and are doing fabulously now. Nine months is a long time to get everything situated and ready, trust me!! Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Jkelmum]

I had jake at 14 & katie at 18 and they are now 13 and 8 healthy and happy we dont have lots of money though we are getting there ...Ethan and this bump was planned I work as a childminder too and my husband works we manage and I know my friend had a termination her hubby left her as they couldnt cope with the grieth then she comitted suicide she hated herself for what she says was killin her baby ....This isnt telling u what to do just telling u about my experiances
I am sorry you have this horrible desiion to make and hope u make the right one for YOU
hugs serina xx

 

[Vestirse]

If you really want opinions, if it were me, I'd keep it, even if I was WTT, not TTC. I talked about it with my OH before we decided to TTC and though he at first said he'd want to terminate, he changed his mind once he saw how much it bothered me because I didn't think I could. He told me he'd love his child no matter when it came and things would work out - because they had to. He preferred of course to wait until he felt ready, but he admitted that there was probably no such thing as ready until it actually happened. So no termination for me.

I also want to say there are ways to make it work and it will work simply because it has to. That said, talk to your OH frankly about what both of you want and why. Explore the reasons you would want to terminate versus keep. Only you two can make the right decision for you, but I do think this pregnancy deserves a chance. It's a big change and one you will both need to accept so it is important that you are in this together - no matter which way it goes. Good luck.