Breast is not best, language, guilt and lactivism musings

[Kess]

I've been musing about BFing and how my feelings have changed regarding the 'politics' (for want of a better word) of BFing over the past 10 months.

For example, I would have said, to begin with, that there was nothing wrong with expecting a BFing mother to be discrete. But my feelings on that have changed somewhat and I have done some thinking about contexts and why a BFing breast is not the same as a sexual breastand therefore not something that should need to be hidden, and why BFing in public openly is important for increasing BFing rates etc.

One of my biggest mental shifts has been following reading Breast is Not Best on the Analytical Armadillo's blog, and Watch Your Language by Diane Wiessinger. She made me question, why do we tell people of the 'benefits' of BFing rather than describing BFing as the biological norm and more correctly speaking of the risks of FF? Is it the formula companies' advertising working its magic? Is it a commendable impulse to avoid upsetting FFing mothers? Both?

If we talk of the risks of FF and the normalcy of breastmilk for our species, would it do harm by getting us labelled 'breastapo' and other such derogatory terms and therfore ignored, or would it maybe make some women think, provide women making their choice with information? Is there a way back from the current situation to a world where BF is the norm, donated milk available for those who cannot BF, and formula is a very useful substitute used only when real milk is not available, perhaps available on prescription to eliminate the current huge costs to women who need it?

 

[Liesje]

In Canada it is the norm, and when I first got pregnant I was surprised how every piece of literature, even ones out out by formula companies, would first state how breastmilk is best and recommended.

 

[Dragonfly]

Because people get offended by the risks.

 

[Liesje]

Because people get offended by the risks.

Guilty. I've been sitting in front of a lactation consultant at my hospital for months since my son was born, trying to exclusively breastfeed. I was so adamant about it that they actually threatened (well, I interpreted it as a threat) to admit my son back into the hospital if I did not give him formula because he was still losing weight after his 3rd week.
I'd prefer if the risks weren't thrown into my face and people didn't look at me like a lazy piece of garbage when they see me whip out a bottle of ready-to-feed formula. (not saying you, just people in general).

 

[Dragonfly]

Because people get offended by the risks.

Guilty. I've been sitting in front of a lactation consultant at my hospital for months since my son was born, trying to exclusively breastfeed. I was so adamant about it that they actually threatened (well, I interpreted it as a threat) to admit my son back into the hospital if I did not give him formula because he was still losing weight after his 3rd week.
I'd prefer if the risks weren't thrown into my face and people didn't look at me like a lazy piece of garbage when they see me whip out a bottle of ready-to-feed formula. (not saying you, just people in general).

Thats sums it up., Although you couldn't you will hurt from guilt so facts will hurt you. I would never think ant one who ff is a lazy piece of garbage. I am on the opposite end getting slack over breastfeeding. I get called child abuser.

 

[Lady_Bee]

I think the thing people often don't realise is most people actually don't FF by choice. (at least, they perceive that they don't have a choice. Lack of support for people experiencing serious problems with breastfeeding makes the whole campaign a bit of a trap.)

 

[Dragonfly]

But should the risks be kept quiet as mums do make it first choice not knowing any better? I was going to formula feed and didnt even know there was a risk to it till I done my own research. Mums around me think its all the same. This is why information isnt getting out for fear of offending mums who had to formula feed.

 

[Super G]

Interesting post. My attitudes have changed too. Those articles and other literature really has made me think, especially the book 'the politics of breastfeeding'. There is so much money involved in selling baby food, breastmilk is bad for these businesses. The more I read about formula marketing strategies, such as running breastfeeding helplines, the more it pisses me off. It also pisses me off because talking about these things gets you labelled as some sort of militant breastfeeding weirdo.

It's a shame because its so emotive. So many people start out wanting to breastfeed, but aren't successful. I don't care if you choose to formula feed, but I do care if you wanted to breastfeed and it hasn't worked out because of lack of support, bad information, bad advice & cultural pressures. I truly believe there are very few women who could not breastfeed because of a physical problem.
I think its usually for those reasons I just mentioned, which then sometimes lead to physical problems.
Consequently a lot of people are very upset & rightly so. I just got lucky. So I think that's why its so hard to talk about.

Certainly at the moment in the UK, breastfeeding is not the 'norm'. Rates are shockingly low I think. So this feeds into the language used. I think we do need to talk in a different way to see a change.

I really hope the tide is turning and we'll get to a point where most breastfeed and we can just have a more open dialogue about it all. I know formula can be a lifesaver and is the right choice for many, but so what. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad by talking about how amazing breastfeeding has been for me, but I tend not to talk about it because I don't want to make anyone feel bad.

I just hope we get to a point where if you want to breastfeed all the support, help & advice is there to make sure you can. And that women & families are making informed decisions not influenced by the the baby food businesses whose motivations are profit.

I'm rambling..........

 

[Liesje]

Interesting post. My attitudes have changed too. Those articles and other literature really has made me think, especially the book 'the politics of breastfeeding'. There is so much money involved in selling baby food, breastmilk is bad for these businesses. The more I read about formula marketing strategies, such as running breastfeeding helplines, the more it pisses me off. It also pisses me off because talking about these things gets you labelled as some sort of militant breastfeeding weirdo.

It's a shame because its so emotive. So many people start out wanting to breastfeed, but aren't successful. I don't care if you choose to formula feed, but I do care if you wanted to breastfeed and it hasn't worked out because of lack of support, bad information, bad advice & cultural pressures. I truly believe there are very few women who could not breastfeed because of a physical problem.
I think its usually for those reasons I just mentioned, which then sometimes lead to physical problems.
Consequently a lot of people are very upset & rightly so. I just got lucky. So I think that's why its so hard to talk about.

Certainly at the moment in the UK, breastfeeding is not the 'norm'. Rates are shockingly low I think. So this feeds into the language used. I think we do need to talk in a different way to see a change.

I really hope the tide is turning and we'll get to a point where most breastfeed and we can just have a more open dialogue about it all. I know formula can be a lifesaver and is the right choice for many, but so what. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad by talking about how amazing breastfeeding has been for me, but I tend not to talk about it because I don't want to make anyone feel bad.

I just hope we get to a point where if you want to breastfeed all the support, help & advice is there to make sure you can. And that women & families are making informed decisions not influenced by the the baby food businesses whose motivations are profit.

I'm rambling..........

Spend a day in Canada, you'll be impressed
When I was in the hospital, I couldn't even feed my son without someone pulling up my shirt to see if he was latching properly, having them stuff pillows all around me and making sure my position was correct... When researching formulas on the net, each site will make you read a disclaimer about breastfeeding that you have to agree to before moving on to the site. The first line on all products reads how breastfeeding is always recommended, but if it is not an option, bla bla bla...
It is legal to breastfeed anywhere here and if you work and breastfeed, you must be given a break and a place to pump.
You're excused from jury duty.
So if anyone in Canada doesn't know breastfeeding is best, they must live under a rock.

 

[lori]

I'm all for breastfeeding, but I found those links to be quite offensive. I sincerely hope that any FF mummies who read this thread know that these links represent the views of a minority of breastfeeding moms. I agree with certain aspects of the argument, but using words like inadequate, subnormal, and deficient (in one of the articles) is totally out of line. Comparing formula fed babies to scrawny, disease-ridden chickens is pretty low. It isn't enough that we're confident and happy with our choice to breastfeed? Does it only count if the FF moms around us feel like garbage? Maybe we should change our blinkie from "X month breastfeeding milestone" to "X months longer than any of you deadbeat moms who couldn't hack it". It's not about "watching our language", it's about recognizing that there are a million ways to be a good mom, but making another mom feel inadequate is not one of them.

I'm proud to breastfeed, but breastfeeding is not synonymous with being a good mother. to anyone who might have hurt feelings after reading this thread.

 

[vintage67]

I'm all for breastfeeding, but I found those links to be quite offensive. I sincerely hope that any FF mummies who read this thread know that these links represent the views of a minority of breastfeeding moms. I agree with certain aspects of the argument, but using words like inadequate, subnormal, and deficient (in one of the articles) is totally out of line. Comparing formula fed babies to scrawny, disease-ridden chickens is pretty low. It isn't enough that we're confident and happy with our choice to breastfeed? Does it only count if the FF moms around us feel like garbage? Maybe we should change our blinkie from "X month breastfeeding milestone" to "X months longer than any of you deadbeat moms who couldn't hack it". It's not about "watching our language", it's about recognizing that there are a million ways to be a good mom, but making another mom feel inadequate is not one of them.

I'm proud to breastfeed, but breastfeeding is not synonymous with being a good mother. to anyone who might have hurt feelings after reading this thread.

Bless you Lori. The women of the world who tried nipple shields, blessed thistle, fenugreek, round the clock pumping, multiple lactataion consultants, skin to skin, profuse water drinking, eating oatmeal, meditation, etc., thank you.
As do the women on a contraindictated medication, the women who spent time hospitalized due to birth complications and were too ill to breastfeed, moms of infants who were too ill to latch or had medical conditions.

I very nearly killed myself over being unable to breastfeed my first child and I will not go sit in a corner with the "bad moms." I will also not have my child described as destined for cancer, low IQ and obesity. If this is the direction the more outspoken breastfeeding advocates have in mind, there WILL be a very counterproductive backlash that work against breastfeeding. And I don't want to see that. I want to see more people breastfeeding. But I as a formula feeding mom due to circumstances beyond my control will not sit and be a whipping boy to prove any point.

 

[Dragonfly]

See what I mean. It is going to hurt mums who cant breastfeed. I get that, but it dosnt help education for others. I wasnt educated on breastfeeding and thought formula was the choice and better. I had to find that out for my own. I dont think kids who are formula fed are lower than breastfed ones or any of the nasty names mentioned above. I was formula fed and am not garbage, I cant fathom why mums would treat any one like that and hope not all breastfeeding mums get tarred with that brush. Same way I dont think all formula feeding mums hate breastfeeding mums for what they do.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I find it a bit odd that the mums that "failed" at BFing seem the most offended any time a BFing mom brings up the benefits of BFing. I have NEVER begrudged a mother for FF. NEVER.

 

[alette]

Because people get offended by the risks.

Guilty. I've been sitting in front of a lactation consultant at my hospital for months since my son was born, trying to exclusively breastfeed. I was so adamant about it that they actually threatened (well, I interpreted it as a threat) to admit my son back into the hospital if I did not give him formula because he was still losing weight after his 3rd week.
I'd prefer if the risks weren't thrown into my face and people didn't look at me like a lazy piece of garbage when they see me whip out a bottle of ready-to-feed formula. (not saying you, just people in general).

Hey, for all they know that's a bottle of expressed BM. I whip out bottles all the time..

 

[vintage67]

I find it a bit odd that the mums that "failed" at BFing seem the most offended any time a BFing mom brings up the benefits of BFing. I have NEVER begrudged a mother for FF. NEVER.

Ozzie, those two articles cited went WAYYYY beyond the "benefits" of breastmilk; in fact that was the point of both. The point was that both articles felt that wasn't "enough" and that formula must be presented as up there with lead based paint and cigarettes as risks to babies.
This of course, leaves a woman with no place to go if she "fails" at breastfeeding. ( a horrible word choice )

You can't smile and stick out a flower and say you have no problem with FF if a mother can't truly breastfeed after you have told people that their child will likely be cancer ridden, obese and stupid if you pour poison (formula) down their throats. ( not "you" as in Ozzie, "you" as in general)

That is why articles like this do more harm than good.

 

[goddess25]

I find them quite offensive....I had major problems breastfeeding and I had documented low supply. Once my babies got to 12w I could no longer supply their growing needs. With pumping, specialist breast feeding physicians looking after me, and medication. My maximum amount of milk I make in a2-3 hour period is around 2-2.5oz.

It took me a long time to get over the fact that I didn't work properly, I greived, I felt tremendous guilt and truthfully even though I now have 2 thriving children I don't think I will ever get over the hurt of it. I HAD to use Formula along with BM for my children to flourish and these websites make me feel like such a s**t mom. Not to mention the disapproving looks and comments when you pull formula out of your bag. Its awful!

 

[Ozzieshunni]

The word "fail" is not my word choice. I hear many women on this board using it. I don't like it, but it was the best way to describe it.

 

[patch2006uk]

Vintage, there are risks associated with formula feeding. No amount of pussy-footing around will change that. However, people genuinely believe that breast milk and formula are the same now, due to 'scientific advances', so why bother BFing? The language used by the media plays a big part in the portrayal of BFing as a 'nice addition' without being necessary, or even normal.

The articles posted use extreme examples to make a point.

 

[Dragonfly]

So can no one post things on risks of formula feeding?

 

[goddess25]

Yes we all know there are risks involved...

All I can say is that ladies that can breastfeed with no major issues are very very lucky, and you will never truly understand how hurtful it is to read comments written by people who clearly 'work' fine. Everyone needs to be more objective looking at both sides. Its a very emotive subject I agree and people will always take offense. All I can say to those of you with no problems, imagine that you were unable to breast feed your children and then look at the articles again, you may see them in a different light.