Breastfeeding is HARD (only for exclusively breastfeeding mommies)

[BlueHadeda]

I don't want to offend, so if you supplement with formula or pump, you've been warned - this is for exclusively breastfeeding mommies who don't pump or give bottles.

I just feel the need to vent! This is my 4th baby, and the 4th one I'm breastfeeding without any formula or pumping. I've breastfed all my others for 1+ year, so I absolutely know that things will get better and soon. And that you can't compare breastfeeding at 1 month with 3 months, as it gets sooooo easy and wonderful. And that it's not an issue at all after 6 months, because it's so easy. Even easier after 1 year!

But, at this moment, it's HARD. My baby is 5 weeks old, and I'm having a really hard recovery from my c-section (infection in the wound, wound opening up, UTI, etc.) So I'm really struggling to cope with my own pain and healing, dealing with 3 older children and what comes with them (homework, carting them around to school and activities, etc.).

So ontop of all of that, I struggle with all the normal things of breastfeeding. Bad latches, excrutiating pain in the nipples (getting better at last, thank goodness!!), thrush causing shooting pains and itchiness, shoulder aches from hunching forward, lower backaches from sitting so much, headaches from not rehydrating myself enough (because I'm constantly busy or feeding or holding baby!), blocked ducts causing fever and pain, engorgement, etc.

Sometimes, I see the humour in the situation when I hold baby with 1 arm, useing my other hand to lift my top, while pressing with my arm against the unused breast to stop the flow, all the while trying to stop baby from rooting everywhere except latching, her head moving from side to side and she getting upset because she smells the milk. And her cries causing the milk to flow, spilling down my stomach onto my pants. But other times I just want to cry when she wakes up for a feed, and I'm not ready yet to deal with the sore nipples, the shooting pains, the struggle, etc. etc. etc.

I love breastfeeding my baby, and nothing will make me stop, or make me supplement with formula or mess with my supply by pumping. But gosh, it's HARD. And when other mommies complain that they couldn't breastfeed and list those reasons, I just want to scream and cry and say yes, it's HARD. For us TOO. Even though we exclusively breastfeed, it's not any easier for us!! We too have cracked bleeding nipples where we have to bite on our teeth not to scream out in pain when baby latches. We too wish that our partner can take a turn at night. We too want a "break". We too need support and understanding and sympathy with the pain and hassle that comes with breastfeeding a newborn. Just because we breastfeed exclusively, doesn't mean it's painless and straightforward and easy for us!!! We're just darn stubborn in our wish to give our baby the absolute best. Just like when we were pregnant.

Sorry, vent over!

 

[ChesMik4eva]

Thankyou for this. I have been having a bit of trouble with forceful let down and it causes my LO to scream after feeds from gas pains and was feeling a bit disheartened. Hearing you say it gets better and easier is so good to hear. While you're right it is hard its the absolute only option for me and I will definitely be sticking to it.

 

[TheNewMrs]

I'm afraid this post is going to offend a lot of mums.

Implying that mums who supplement / give formula are taking some kind of easy way out? Yes for some it's true, but for most it makes BFing even harder!! I for one HAD to supplement. Not because I wanted rest, or a break or what not.

In fact I got more of a rest EBFing than when I was supplementing.

Please don't make light of mums who make choices out of nessisaty for the health of their child. We all do the best we can.

 

[Kato2]

I had same issue with pain when breastfeeding my LO and my MW suggested nipple shields- they have been amazing! Used them for 1 week and today started to wean him off and he has taken to breast fine- and no pain whatsoever! I had mastitis and bleeding nipples... Pain was horrific! May be worth trying the shields?

 

[BlueHadeda]

ChesMik4Eva, definitely hang in there! I had a very forceful letdown with my first as well, and it certainly gets better. Even with this one, she always swallows wind.

TheNewMrs...thanx for your warning. I really just needed to vent and couldn't find any place on these forums that's for JUST breastfeeding. I mean, there's a formula feeding section, and there's a breastfeeding section. But of course they overlap with mommies that do both. That's why I warned that this post is JUST for exclusively breastfeeding mommies. Because I DON'T want to offend. But I have a right to need to vent, don't I?

I did NOT imply that other mommies take the easy way out, I just needed to vent that for us too it's HARD. I did not dig at any mommy that HAD to formula feed or pump for medical necessity. I just said that I feel us that exclusive feed, sometimes gets overlooked. And I needed to hear from other mommies that suffer with me. I read your story a few days ago, and I was absolutely amazed and impressed at your determination. And that's what I feel we that exclusively breastfeed, also deserves. Because it's hard.

Kato, I totally forgot about breastshields!!! Thanx so much, I'll go and dig mine out, they must be somewhere in the cupboard! Thank you!

 

[LegoHouse]

Agree with being stubborn. I will do anything not to give my boy a bottle. For personal reasons though. Emotional issues lol

 

[future_numan]

I also exclusivly breastfeed and it is very hard and lonely ( sometimes) since I feel like my DH doesn't understand the struggles it takes to do this..
I do have to say it gets easier ( after four children I am sure you know this) but I am finding it a different kind of challange now that DS is almost 4 months.
I crave a bit of freedom , like going to the grocery store alone. but wouldn't think for a minute to change things.

 

[helen_beee]

I'm going to have to express and introduce a bottle because unfortunately I'm going to have to go back to work. Guess this means I don't want to give my baby the best

 

[LisK]

This is my first baby and we are at the magic 3 month mark where BF seems soooo easy. I'm not loving the realization that the first few weeks will be hard with EACH baby. I thought once you figured out bfing the first time you would be good to go for future babies. Ruh roh!

 

[CarliCareBear]

i think it's a bit odd to think that ladies who may express or suppliment don't see or understand how hard exclusively bf momma's work?? most of us have been lead to other alternatives because we tried it and it IS that hard and frankly is not that much easier with the occasional expressed bottle.

i am right along with you with how miserable it has been these first weeks and i have even expressed a bottle a few times (agasp!) so of course i never assumed it was easy for any exclusive breast feeder because it's not easy for ANY of us. so why is there a need to discriminate and categorize each other? we're all in this together!!

 

[Dk1234]

I'm sort of offended. By pumping I'm not messin with my supply. I'm upping it so I can feed a 17 pound 8 week old. And giving an occassional bottle of ebm still means you exclusively breastfeed. Breastfeeding is hard for everyone. I don't think this is a very fair thread implying you do more because you don't pump or supplement or give bottles.

 

[MrsPear]

I think the bottom line is that however you feed your baby it can be really hard. Each method has its own good points and difficulties.

Yes, exclusively breastfeeding (eta: that is to say exclusively straight from the breast, ) can be very painful and feel very restrictive, especially in the beginning- I can understand and empathise on all your points. Pumping and formula (or mixture of different methods) have their advantages and disadvantages too, such as being time consuming, or requiring lots of sterilising etc at all times of day and night, but the workload can be shared, and in the beginning those methods might appear easier because of the pain associated with exclusively breastfeeding.

Basically, I do understand your rant in terms of breastfeeding being hard, but I do think many people will be able to empathise even if they feed their baby using a different method, because parenting itself is hard and there is definitely no 'easy way' in terms of feeding, especially in the early weeks.

 

[meli1981]

she warned everybody in the title didnt she? if you dont ebf, then move on as to not be offended! it was just a vent, a kind of humorous one, about bf, not a dig at people who choose to pump or supliment. at least thats how i read it!

 

[BlueHadeda]

Thank you everyone. I do appreciate the support, and all the replies. Even those showing me a different point of view. Like one poster said...we're all in this together and it's hard for all of us!

Helen_bee, I'm really sorry I offended. Something you should remember though, is that introducing a bottle at 1 month, and introducing a bottle at 2 or 3 months is really worlds apart. I also didn't mean to imply that bottle feeding breastmilk isn't giving the best. I just found in my experience with friends, that if you introduce a bottle too early, at say 2 weeks, it may have an impact on breastfeeding. That doesn't mean that it's not a good option at 3 months!! I did introduce a bottle to all my babies eventually, to be able to go out, since I don't like to breastfeed in public.

Future_numan, I remember feeling like you do as well with my previous babies. I found that once baby are on solids at 6 months, that gets better too, because you can nip out to a movie or the shops while your partner gives baby his/her solids to tie them over until they can breastfeed again.

DK1234, sorry, I didn't explain myself well. I tried to pump with previous babies, and it messes with MY supply. I'm not implying that pumping messes with everyone's supply. My body doesn't work well with pumping. Not in the beginning in any case.

MrsPear, you're good with words! Thanx, you said it well. I totally agree with you on the advantages and disadvantages of each method. At this moment, I just feel like I do all the work, and my partner none. Not his fault though. Breastfeeding is my choice.

Meli1981 - someone understood!!! Thank you!

 

[kat2504]

Why not just write a post saying you are finding EBF hard, you would have got plenty of sympathy. Instead you have chosen to bring up pumping and formula, neither of which have anything to do with your situation. It's kind of like asking to offend people. We are all trying to do our best for our babies and we all have different circumstances in our lives. Some things are hard for some people, different things are hard for other people. I am finding breastfeeding quite easy actually but I am finding looking after a very high needs poor sleeping baby very challenging.

And for what it's worth, I introduced the odd bottle of ebm from 2 weeks and it has had no negative effect on breastfeeding whatsoever. It just means that LO can be babysat for a few hours now and then. Obviously because I actually want to get some sleep once or twice a week I am not bothered about doing the best for my baby...

 

[tu123]

I had to offer some EBM in the first ten days as lo was dehydrated and not gaining. However I am so glad to hear it gets easier. Lo is getting weighed tomorrow and I am having a real brainfart about how little he seems to suck and how he could possibly be growing. So the fact that you have done it four times and got there in the end is reassuring for Me.

 

[staralfur]

I find pumping to be harder than breastfeeding. Every time I have to pop into school I dread having to pump bottles for her!

But yes, it's difficult either way. I get what you're saying. It can be irritating to have people assume that you've had an easy time since you continued with it.

 

[Dk1234]

So when I give a bottle of usually once every three days or so does that mean I'm not an exclusive breastfeeder? My baby can't take formula so all he gets is breast milk. I just assumed I exclusively breastfed because it's all breastmilk. I can't imagine thinking that only feeding by breast is harder than having to pump to up your supply or save milk to go to work. Throwing the baby on my boob is so much easier than appeasing him while a pump is attached to my boobs held with one hand. Thankfully I just ordered a double pump and hands free bra! Woo Hoo!

Edit- personally I think exclusive pumpers have it the hardest but I guess we all are allowed our opinions and that means you to. I just felt it was kinda worded
Like a "I'm having it harder" type thread.

 

[mommy2be1003]

My daughter is 3 weeks old and i feel like i could have wrote all that you have mentioned, im going through masitis right now and shes been having such a horrible latch.. i am so glad to hear that it gets better.. although i dont plan on exclusively breastfeeding(im going to express, and have my husband be able to bond/feed her as well) it doesnt offend me what you posted. Im definately waiting until her latch problems works out before I introduced a bottle of expressed milk. I also really do get what you mean by you feeling alone...all yesterday i had a fever with aches and chills due to the mastitis and after nursing and changing a million diapers and doing laundry, dishes and cooking meals and seeing my husband watch tv or play on his phone the whole day was really hard to cope and i eventually broke down in tears because i just needed a minute to catch my breath, but he just didnt understand what i was going through and he didnt help one bit.. Have you tried communicating with your partner about how you are feeling? maybe thats what i need to work on because when im upset or overwhelmed i seem to just keep it to myself rather then explaining how i am feeling. Lets hope this all works out for all of us!

 

[modo]

she warned everybody in the title didnt she? if you dont ebf, then move on as to not be offended! it was just a vent, a kind of humorous one, about bf, not a dig at people who choose to pump or supliment. at least thats how i read it!

This is not attacking anyone but out of curiosity. If you supplement with a few bottles of expressed breast milk a day (or even one) then you are not considered to be exclusively breastfeeding? I have never heard this before.