"but you need a night off!"

[Serene123]

I'm fed up of being told I need to go out. I could never, in a million years, leave Caitlyn while she's still this dependant on me. I wouldn't want to! I wouldn't enjoy myself. I love being here when she needs me. I wish people would just let me do things in my own time. I haven't had a drink for a year now and I absolutely have no intention of drinking ever again. I drank too much before and I never once enjoyed it. I am so much happier without it. I am quite happy to have a night in with my baby curled up in bed with my PJs on. Why is that so hard for people to believe?

 

[TashaAndBump]

I know the feeling...

My mum's neighbour (previously my neighbour) is always telling me that I need some me-time and that I need to get out and have some time off... well, actually, no I don't!

I quite easily believe that you are happier with Caityn being mummy than doing anything else - because I am the same: It's such a short space of time that they are dependent on us like this and happy to just curl up and snuggle and play and giggle with us... why wish it away or take time off if you don't want to? I want to cherish every minute - I know I will be kicking myself if the time comes when she doesn't need me, is in nursery, school, college, uni, moved out... doesn't want to cuddle any more and doesn't need me, and I think I didn't enjoy it enough or spend enough time with her...

Just ignore everyone else. If you know you are happy doing things your way, don't let anyone pressure you to change - You're doing an excellent job x

 

[marley2580]

I don't feel the need for 'me' time either. That said, if there's something I really want to do, it can be nice to have a couple of hours baby free to do it - eg shopping, reading a book etc

 

[sam's mum]

I feel exactly the same. People are always telling me that I need some time just to relax and enjoy myself! But I am relaxing and enjoying myself being here with Sam - there is nothing that I would enjoy more, and I know if I did go out somewhere just for the sake of having some 'me time' I would just spend the whole time missing him x

 

[Tezzy]

tbh if i have a 'night off' the last thing i want to do is waste it at a club drinking! id rather go to bed, read a book, have a bath!

 

[Wobbles]

I say if you have the chance to have some you time let your hair down enjoy yourself and have someone you trust to care for little miss for a few hours - do it!

Doesn't mean you don't love your daughter, don't care for her, don't enjoy the nights you slob in bed with her with your PJs on.



I personally think its healthy for babies to be around other people just as much as its healthy for Mum to have a couple of hours me time. Thats not selfish.

 

[Linzi]

I say if you have the chance to have some you time let your hair down enjoy yourself and have someone you trust to care for little miss for a few hours - do it!

Doesn't mean you don't love your daughter, don't care for her, don't enjoy the nights you slob in bed with her with your PJs on.



I personally think its healthy for babies to be around other people just as much as its healthy for Mum to have a couple of hours me time. Thats not selfish.

I agree with that.

It is really nerve wrecking leaving them for the first time but it does get easier, and you do need some time to yourself. I would have gone mad if I hadn't got away for a few hours every now and again! I also start to get a bit depressed if I dont have some 'me' time every now and then. That doesn't necessarily mean going out and drinking, maybe going to a friends house and having a pamper night or something?

But I guess everyone is different, if you feel like you dont want to leave her yet then ignore everyone else. You know yourself what you want to do best.

xxx

 

[Jo]

I love my kids but i really do like my time with my girlfriends as well, letting my hair down and having a boogie and a beer
I know my kids are well looked after by their dad so i have no need to worry

Sometimes I just need to be Jo and not mum

Sometimes i just like to get in the bath whilst Ant sorts tea and read a book in peace

 

[TashaAndBump]

I say if you have the chance to have some you time let your hair down enjoy yourself and have someone you trust to care for little miss for a few hours - do it!

Doesn't mean you don't love your daughter, don't care for her, don't enjoy the nights you slob in bed with her with your PJs on.



I personally think its healthy for babies to be around other people just as much as its healthy for Mum to have a couple of hours me time. Thats not selfish.

Even if we don't want to??

I don't think it would make me a bad mother to hand her over for a night, but I wouldn't want to! I much prefer a night home with my family to a night out on the town. If I need to let my hair down, I will often invite my friends to my place and we'll chill out over a DVD with some pop corn, or we'll crack open the wine and I'll lmao at them getting pissed lol

Some people just don't want to leave their baby - there's nothing wrong with that, just like there's nothing wrong with leaving your baby with people you trust to look after them if you want a night to yourself.

 

[ryder]

I totally agree with wobbles... Once in awhile is actually very good for babies... You will eventually have to go to school or work and without the independance or communication with other people its going to be really hard on her (and you!).

I have definately been able to see this in friends kids (as 2-5 year olds) and mine and my oh's sisters... You can definately tell which children have been socialized and which ones were only with mum and no one else taking care of them ever, OH's kids still dont even acknowledge me!!!! And we've been together for ages! They dont bother with their great-gramma (which is sad as she is dieing with cancer) or anyone else really. They play and sometimes interact with my OH or his mom.

Whereas our friends children are sooooo friendly! I love it when they come over as you can actually interact with them!

However, you will do this when you are ready. And it doesn't mean you have to go out all the time. It will be hard the first couple times too.

No one says you have to go out and drink, it could be an afternoon of shopping, a night at the movies, or just some chat time with your girlfiends.

I know my OH and I have well decided in advance we will be having time for ourselves, and time for me and him and time as a family. I know this is a necessary thing because I will have to work eventually to pay our bills etc. I don't have the luxury of staying home for 3 years.

 

[Wobbles]

If you don't want to no. I didn't tell you you MUST do it which if I did I'd have seen a purpose to you bolding & quoting only part of what I was saying.

It was a why not if you have someone you trust with your LO, a suggestion, a thought, my opinion that its not a bad thing. It's healthy for both child & parents IMO again thats not a why not to every weekend its not a why not so you can go & get pissed? The first time we did it we sat infront of the open fire on the futon matress, couple of drinks played wii and went to bed snuggling it was great and it was great to have my little girl back the next day for a big cuddle.

I'm happy that now & then my little girl gets to communicate with people outside of seeing me & OH 24/7 I dread her just knowing me & him never wanting to be left alone, clinging on when she goes to nursery to play with other kids and more. But thats MY opinion thats my way of looking at things which to me is positive for the child. Her Nanny & Grandad love seeing her bonding with her as well she couldn't wait until I was comfy with her doing that that first time ...its fab that Nanny (OHs Mum) wants to bond with her grand-child esspecially when half of my side of the family can't be bothered.

I don't see it as a negative thing was my thoughts on the idea of baby and Mummy having a short time apart - if your comfy with the person & indeed when your ready. Its lovely of people to offer you that chance if you take it up or not how nic ethey want to spend some quality time getting to know the little person in he family circle

 

[Wobbles]

Hey once I used the day to clean my house top to bottom. Was lovely I could do that and Caitlin came home to brand-new house

 

[Ju_bubbs]

I say if you have the chance to have some you time let your hair down enjoy yourself and have someone you trust to care for little miss for a few hours - do it!

Doesn't mean you don't love your daughter, don't care for her, don't enjoy the nights you slob in bed with her with your PJs on.



I personally think its healthy for babies to be around other people just as much as its healthy for Mum to have a couple of hours me time. Thats not selfish.

I fully agree with that, you're lucky you have peopke who care about you enough to think of offering such things, when i had my last LO i was on my own with severe post natal depression and 2 toddlers and would have killed for even 5 minutes just for myself, but no one understood why, and when i asked my mum to take them for a half an hour all i got was they're your kids, i never had anyone to look after you lot when i wanted a break!

 

[Serene123]

I don't really trust anyone else with her yet. I'm the only one who knows what she needs when she cries. Everyone else just tries to stop her crying without working out what's wrong in the first place. I will leave her for a couple of hours eventually, but I'm not ready yet, and I'm enjoying my time with her while she's little.

Plus I am still breastfeeding which probably doesn't help. She looks to my boobs for comfort too.

 

[Wobbles]

If your not comfy with anyone I'd not consider it either. There are members of my family I would not trust leaving caitlin with at first I did not want Caitlin to go to her Nannys but that was me not comfy with the idea rather than comfy with the person.

 

[AquaDementia]

I think it is very important for mums to have me time. Could it be that BF moms are more attached to their babies and unable to leave them? (Toria, Sam's mum, Tasha, Marley???) I might be fishing here, and I don't wanna say that we, bottle feeders don't care as much for their babies. But maybe it is the fact that only YOU can give your baby what he/she needs is what makes you feel that it is not even necessary to leave your baby alone every once in a while.

I love Mia more than anything, but I work full time, 8-4 every day, while she is in good hands at home. I completely trust the people taking care of her, and they can always contact me at work if something is wrong. There is nothing better than coming home after work and seeing her smile. Absolutely priceless. Makes it all worth it.

Also, she spends almost every weekend at Grandma's. It is not because I ask for the time "off", but because her grandparents adore having her over and she always learns something new when she returns.

Again, I don't think there is anything wrong with having alone time.

 

[Ju_bubbs]

I don't really trust anyone else with her yet. I'm the only one who knows what she needs when she cries. Everyone else just tries to stop her crying without working out what's wrong in the first place. I will leave her for a couple of hours eventually, but I'm not ready yet, and I'm enjoying my time with her while she's little.

Plus I am still breastfeeding which probably doesn't help. She looks to my boobs for comfort too.

Thats fair enough, I wasn't suggesting you should leave her with someone even if you dont want to... just to be aware that you have people who are there for you and thinking of you, even if its not want you want

 

[Tezzy]

I think it is very important for mums to have me time. Could it be that BF moms are more attached to their babies and unable to leave them? (Toria, Sam's mum, Tasha, Marley???) I might be fishing here, and I don't wanna say that we, bottle feeders don't care as much for their babies. But maybe it is the fact that only YOU can give your baby what he/she needs is what makes you feel that it is not even necessary to leave your baby alone every once in a while.

I love Mia more than anything, but I work full time, 8-4 every day, while she is in good hands at home. I completely trust the people taking care of her, and they can always contact me at work if something is wrong. There is nothing better than coming home after work and seeing her smile. Absolutely priceless. Makes it all worth it.

Also, she spends almost every weekend at Grandma's. It is not because I ask for the time "off", but because her grandparents adore having her over and she always learns something new when she returns.

Again, I don't think there is anything wrong with having alone time.

i ff rhys and i bf ffion so i can see it from both sides and i must say no.. bfing ffion doesnt make me more attached. when ffion goes to my mums she has expressed milk and a formula feed for a backup. i love my mum having ffion because my mum is bonding with her and they are both always in good moods when i pick her up

 

[TashaAndBump]

There's certainly nothing wrong with mum's having 'me-time', if that's what they want. I wouldn't - I know I wouldn't enjoy myself as I already leave Anna for two hours a week for my driving lessons and it makes me really uncomfortable, I'm constantly worried about if she is crying, or needs me, or I just plain miss her: I love spending time with her, and when we aren't spending time with together I miss it.

I will leave her when I am ready, but I'm not yet, and there's nothing wrong with that. When she's one we plan on putting her into nursery for one day a week, and when I do my degree in 2 years or so she will be in nursery 3-4 days a week. We won't be attached forever! It is such a short space of time where they are dependent on you like they are at this stage, so I want to cherish it and enjoy it. I don't want to rush into her not needing me.

I would say that breastfeeding does make me feel very attached to her; nobody else can feed her! Nobody else can make any problem go away, instantly by just whipping out their boob for her! Nobody can wake her up from a nightmare and calm her instantly.

I feel the need to point out that I am not making ANY sort of dig on bottle feeding mothers or the way they calm / soothe / feed their baby - just that MY baby has been breastfed and therefore what she knows as her comfort is my breast. She won't take a dummy because she doesn't know how (different sucking action to the way they suck / lap on the breast).

I do feel that nobody else can look after my baby for a substantial period of time yet, especially not a whole night. I also wouldn't trust any of my family not to feed her meat and to respect that until she can make a choice / ask for meat then she will be given a vegetarian diet only.

She's my baby and she won't be my baby forever. I hope people can understand that it's not just that I don't feel I can leave her, but I don't want to.

As for having people who are willing to look after my baby and being grateful for that, I am very grateful for the support that we have, however I would appreciate them accepting my decision that I don't want to leave her, and for them to stop pestering me about it and telling me that I NEED a night off. I don't need a night off, and I don't want one, either.

 

[Serene123]

There's certainly nothing wrong with mum's having 'me-time', if that's what they want. I wouldn't - I know I wouldn't enjoy myself as I already leave Anna for two hours a week for my driving lessons and it makes me really uncomfortable, I'm constantly worried about if she is crying, or needs me, or I just plain miss her: I love spending time with her, and when we aren't spending time with together I miss it.

I will leave her when I am ready, but I'm not yet, and there's nothing wrong with that. When she's one we plan on putting her into nursery for one day a week, and when I do my degree in 2 years or so she will be in nursery 3-4 days a week. We won't be attached forever! It is such a short space of time where they are dependent on you like they are at this stage, so I want to cherish it and enjoy it. I don't want to rush into her not needing me.

I would say that breastfeeding does make me feel very attached to her; nobody else can feed her! Nobody else can make any problem go away, instantly by just whipping out their boob for her! Nobody can wake her up from a nightmare and calm her instantly.

I feel the need to point out that I am not making ANY sort of dig on bottle feeding mothers or the way they calm / soothe / feed their baby - just that MY baby has been breastfed and therefore what she knows as her comfort is my breast. She won't take a dummy because she doesn't know how (different sucking action to the way they suck / lap on the breast).

I do feel that nobody else can look after my baby for a substantial period of time yet, especially not a whole night. I also wouldn't trust any of my family not to feed her meat and to respect that until she can make a choice / ask for meat then she will be given a vegetarian diet only.

She's my baby and she won't be my baby forever. I hope people can understand that it's not just that I don't feel I can leave her, but I don't want to.

As for having people who are willing to look after my baby and being grateful for that, I am very grateful for the support that we have, however I would appreciate them accepting my decision that I don't want to leave her, and for them to stop pestering me about it and telling me that I NEED a night off. I don't need a night off, and I don't want one, either.

All of them things I made bold are exactly how I feel. I'm glad someone gets it. It's personal choice, and I choose not to leave her yet. I am as attatched to her as she is to me; and it's not doing either of us any harm.