Can us mums have it all??

[Mummy Bean]

Or do you feel you have it all?

I got made redundant at xmas from my great job as a banker in the city. After my first they let me go 4 days a week which i felt gave a good home/work balance.

But now i am trying to find a new job the options are either work part time do an entry level job for no money or work 40+hrs a week...thus never seeing the kids.

So hard do I work and have disposable income and focus on having great weekends or not work spend every day with the wee ones buy live pound to pound.

Also any of you feel you can really focus on an actual career now the kids are here - Is your career motherhood friendly? I always thought having the kids young would be a bonus now thinking maybe having the career secured would have been better. (not that i would change them for any amount of money).

 

[RaspberryK]

No, I truly don't think you can.
Well I certainly can't. There has to be some kind of compromise somewhere.
I work one day a week, usually 5 hours on a Saturday.
There's overtime but the day and shifts always change so I can't get the childcare. I worked full time when dh had no work though but I had to just not care what the hours were or how short notice.
I can't justify putting ds in nursery to earn marginally more than it costs to send him.
Any part time jobs seem to be 10-2 type of thing and Bridge two nursery sessions.
Xx

 

[AP]

I've become less focused on career tbh. Maybe that won't be goog for me in the future, but i love my job, I love my hobbies, I still get plenty time with the kids. It works for me. i feel like I have it all, but i don't ask for much in life

 

[katherinegrey]

I started an access course to university to get my career back on track, and maybe I did it when my son was too young (he was around 9 months), but he got a bad ear infection, back to back with my husband getting an abscess, so I had to take a couple of weeks off to care for them both, and in that time I missed so much I ended up not being able to catch up and I dropped out.

I really feel something has to give, obviously my poorly son and husband couldn't give as they couldn't care for themselves, so my career had to. So I don't feel we can truly have it all to be honest.

 

[CatStorey]

Right now I am thinking no. I am just in the process of arranging my return to work and have had to decide what to sacrifice - good money and good job or less money and more time with the kids.

Before Tom was born I worked full time as a PA. It was long hours so I missed out on a lot with Chloe but I made good money and was happy with my choice.
Now I have decided to not return to my old job as I'm feeling I need to be there for the kids more, I want to collect Chloe from School when she starts in Sept and I am enjoying my time with Tom.

I am going back as a part time receptionist (same employer) on minimum wage. I'll work much less and get to see the kids loads but it will mean working my shifts around my husband so not seeing him much and as its minimum wage things will be tight.

Again I am happy with my choice but its one or the other, unfortunately I cannot have it all

xxx

 

[catty]

I personally dont feel I can have it all!
I will more than likely be working in a shop/cleaner or similar once I go back to work so I dont have to pay the crazy prices of childcare. Im a qualified nurse but need to re train as iv been out of that industry 4 years. I dont think I can work to get us extra income and study so that will have to take a backseat.

on the plus side this is actually the life I always dreamt of, if I could have written my life it would be to have 2 kids by 25,my own home, get to spend lots of time with my babies and be with someone I love.
I just didnt realise how poor I would be and how many personal sacrifies id make, I was so happy the other day as I bought a pair of converses and id realised it was one of the only things iv bought myself since lo was born

 

[Mummy May]

I don't think anyone can have it all! Hubs works full time, I work part time but I'm a postie and the wage is a good part time wage (way above minimum wage) and I finish before 3 usually. My kids are in childcare but! We're all always here for tea so we get to eat together and time after tea, plus if I do work on a Sat its only half a day usually so there's a good day and a half at the weekend together. Yeah we're not rich and we so sometimes struggle but we have loads of time together and to us that's most important. Yeah I would LOVE more money or to go to uni but I don't think now is a good time, or if there ever will be one. But we're healthy and happy xx

 

[Pearls18]

I don't know how anyone can say that no one can have it all because it depends on what you want as to whether you can have it, and we all want different things! At the moment I do have it all as far as I am concerned. I have a job I love that can go places and is well paid, I have renegotiated my hours to 3 days a week so I feel I have a lovely work/home, I also study part time. I am thinking of hiring a cleaner for a couple of hours a week when I go back to work just while I'm finishing up my studies so I can enjoy all my free home time with the boys. Hubby's wages cover our living expenses so I don't have to work, I choose to and the extra income is a bonus.

However, my husband is military so while I have the balance at the moment this will all get thrown up in the air when we get posted to somewhere different and I may not be so lucky finding such an appropriate job that allows me to do what I want and be home as much. It also means we can't live near family and I know having family around would make life much easier for me, not just for childcare but when hubby is away.

So at the moment I absolutely feel like I have it all, but due to my hubby's not it's probably temporary, but I will try very hard to get a similar set up when we move. I used to work full time before we moved here and the one thing I have learned is working part time is much nicer haha even though I like my job!

 

[modified]

I think my sister and her husband have it pretty good - he's full time and she works Mon-Wed. They bring in enough money to be comfortable, she's got a job she loves, 2 days just her and LO and then fun filled, action packed weekends as a family.

It all though? I'm not sure if anyone does!

 

[lovelylaura]

You did, so yes. But it's just rare. I want a career but knew it would be difficult with children so i have waited. Luckily my husbands money is enough but i still work on sundays just so i don't have a blank cv for 4 plus years. I would love more money and more time at work but i have sacrificed that to be more hands on with the girls. Good luck finding something that works for you. x

 

[missk1989]

I think it could be said that right now I have it all. I have a great hourly paid job as a teacher and as my OH is training with NHS most of the nursery fees are paid. I love my job and we get an hour either side of work each day sometimes more and then we get weekends. I dont get school holidays off as i teach adults not in a school but that suits me until lo starts school. I do feel guilty alot of the time especially when im late picking him up and we only get half an hour before starting bedtime but I do feel that I value our time together more than when i was at home. When we have to start paying for childcare we may find ourselves in a very different situation but right now id say we almost have it all.

 

[binxyboo]

I pretty much feel I have it all.
I am a nurse specialist, so work 4 days a week 8-4 (tues-fri).
It is a reasonably well paid job.
My son will start school in sept, but currently is at pre-school. My husband drops him off in the morning (he works flexi time and is also reasonably well paid).
My mum picks my son up from school, brings him back to my house and waits for the half hour tilI get home.
I get to feed my son his breakfast in the morning - he spends most of the day st pre-school/school while I work, then I get to give him his dinner and put him to bed. Hubby is then home for story time.
neither of us work weekends or bank holidays.
I don't pay childcare, as my mum is my child care provider and won't accept any money.

My work are also extremely flexible, and are able to give me time off for things like nativity plays, etc.

 

[x__amour]

I had a very child friendly job before and I was the only one with a child. I got to choose my hours, work at home when necessary, unlimited paid vacation, etc., but I also had to give up time with my DH. He had to work complete opposite hours as me so I never saw him. I'm much happier being a SAHM again.

 

[sue_88]

Depends what you want as to whether you can have it all.

I have a great degree and a very well paid job for 5 years allowing me to save a huge sum of money while trying a long time for a baby. I have quit my 'career' job and work 2 days a week in a little cafe which I absolutely LOVE and spend the majority of the time with my LO.

I don't have a partner, so I'm 'missing' that bit but I actually don't want one. I'm so blissfully happy that my girl is 100% mine and I don't share her and spend every waking minute just adoring how wonderful she's made my life.

So right now, there's absolutely nothing I want therefore I have it all

 

[Rachel_C]

I agree that it very much depends on what you want and whether you can adjust it when you have kids and still be as happy.

I feel very lucky at the moment - OH earns enough to let us do the things we want to do, I'm a SAHM but I do freelance work from home sometimes and have just been offered a lot more work, still from home and with flexible hours. It won't affect much to do with the kids but I'll have some extra cash for doing something I enjoy... I'm not sure how much better it could get BUT it's only come about because I'm a mum as it's all about baby stuff and it works well around our home life. If I wanted to do something like banking, well I don't think it would work for me because being home with the kids is my priority. OH works in an investment bank, not as a banker but in IT, and I know how family unfriendly it can be! I don't know if different banks are more or less family friendly on the trading floor - is that something you could look into OP? OH worked at one bank that was not great for families until 2 years ago but moved and his current job is much better for us as a family... but I don't know if what happens in IT reflects the rest of the bank!

 

[lau86]

I believe I can. I think a lot of the vocational careers give you a good sense of self worth and allow flexible training. I work in health and will take a good few years to get where I want to go but it's part time so I still spend 4 days a week with my children and also earn quite good money. We don't have a flashy life but have a holiday or two each year and do the things we want to do.

 

[wishuwerehere]

if you're talking about children and career then i feel pretty lucky atm - i work 15hrs a week just mornings (well, on mat leave right now) and although my post is quite junior there is a good structure for progression and when i'm ready to do further study to progress i'll have a good amount of work experience, but i'll have been around to spend afternoons with my girls whilst they are young. my work are very flexible as well - i've never had trouble getting time off for family stuff.
i'm also in the fortunate position of not having to work, so i work for me and my enjoyment and future prospects. in many ways i do have it all - writing it all out has made me feel pretty happy!

 

[Lauraxamy]

I have both, a children and a career, but obviously I've had to make sacrifices to my career so it fits around my children. It's hard work being a single mum and working, so I wouldn't say I have it all because it's not how I'd like it to be, I'd love to earn more in a day or whatever so I could cut down my hours and just work like three days a week but I can't right now.

 

[MumMumMum]

After dd1 I had to go back to work 5 days a week. I have cut that down to 4 days a week by saving money moving to an office nearer home.

I have a good degree but don't need it to work where I am working.

I would love to get my hours down to 3 days. I am working hard for a promotion and pay rise so I can afford to do so.

I would be happier if we could afford for me not to work but we can't so I just have to make the best of the time I do have with my family.

 

[seoj]

I don't personally have the EXACT balance I would like- but tbh, I don't think you can have true balance as a parent. There will always be something or someone needing your attention more (on any given day).

I do think I have a great rythm to my life... we both work full time, I work M-Thurs in office and from Home on Fridays (so I get extra time with LO). I like my job- I wouldn't say it's my dream job! lol. But I make great money and it's very flexible when needed so that make a big difference with kids. Plus, together, we can afford a bigger house- and overall, we have a happy life.

I think it depend on what "having it all" means to you personally. It would be nice if we could all have the balance (or rythm) we desired... too bad there isn't an easy button for that!