Can us mums have it all??

[tinkerbelle93]

Depends on the definition of 'have it all' really and also on people's circumstances.. ie some may be lucky enough to have a good disposable income from just husbands income therefore not be in your dilemma. I know some women who work even though all the money goes on childcare purely because they cannot stand being a sahm every day but some mums who absolutely love being fulltime mothers. I'm sorry about your job, it can be really hard when things like that change. Hope you manage to find something else good x

 

[sunshine114]

I'm not sure, I think it depends on circumstances. Sometimes I feel quite lucky, then others I feel so overworked and stressed!
I work full time as a teacher, I'm the senco as well so I'm quite well paid, this means dh can just work 16 hours a week in the evenings so he does the childcare (apart from when lo is at pre school!) he will drop off and pick up from school in sept too, so we have that sorted.

However, I am always waiting for lo to fall asleep in the evenings so I can get on with work again, I bring work home for a couple of hours every night because I have to leave school by 4:30 so dh can go to work. I only really have about 30 mins to myself before bed once I have worked, showered, tidied, made packed lunches etc
I don't get to watch telly other than whatever is on e4 as it's on in the background when I'm working! I couldn't not work though, as I have a drive and passion for what I do, I don't know what else I would do to be honest if I didn't teach...


Dh and I hardly get to see each other, and this is something I would change, but then again, I think we don't have it too bad.

 

[Natasha2605]

I guess it depends on your definition of ''all''.

I truly don't think most people can have a 'career' and bring up a family with a nice balance. I couldn't be away from my children as much as that would require.

I work atm, my standard shifts are 7-3 ,7-12, 1-6 and I find that's a nice balance for the kids. I also work overtime, about 10-15 hours a week but usually once the kids are in bed.

I'm content with my family but not in my job, I've been doing it seven years and need a change.

 

[lindseymw]

I think it depends on circumstances really.

We have a good work/life balance + a good income. I work 3 days a week on a decent wage, I have progressed to Management from Admin and will be starting NVQ in Management shortly.

DH works 4 days, then 4 days off. Every 7ish weeks he gets 18 days off. He earns a very good wage. He doesn't particularly enjoy his job but he has done it for 18 years. There isn't a great deal he can transfer his skills over too (steelworker).

We have a nice car (albeit not being a Aston Martin), mortgage has been paid off, we can afford days out, shopping etc without counting the pennies.

I would say we have it all at the moment.

 

[Pearls18]

I guess it depends on your definition of ''all''.

I truly don't think most people can have a 'career' and bring up a family with a nice balance. I couldn't be away from my children as much as that would require.

I work atm, my standard shifts are 7-3 ,7-12, 1-6 and I find that's a nice balance for the kids. I also work overtime, about 10-15 hours a week but usually once the kids are in bed.

I'm content with my family but not in my job, I've been doing it seven years and need a change.

It will depend on the career and what you want out of it. Obviously shift work might not be family friendly or working part time might not further a lot of careers, but in my field I can work at my career and have 4 days at home (which is as much as I would need lol). Ok I won't be a manager next year, but I genuinely wouldn't want to be yet, even if I didn't have kids lol. I have gone from being a volunteer, graduate trainee, permanent trainee and will be made qualified in the next year, this was with a 1-3 year old, working only 24.5 hours a week, it's a 9-5 job. My old supervisor was the head of her department and only worked 2.5 days a week, she was very happy with the balance she struck. Some careers are compatible with family life and don't need to be put on the back burner and doesn't make the family suffer.

For me it's a question of how do you have it all with a military husband, not children, children are the easy bit lol.

 

[Kay_Baby]

I do feel that at some point something suffers in my life. Sometimes it's my career and sometimes my son. Generally it my house and my relationship with OH. I know that I would never be happy as a SAHM and I've worked hard to get to where I am in my career and I don't want to waste that.

I work in a very demanding and male dominated industry and know that I do miss bedtimes (not always due to work but public transport) and have to work at weekends as well as I have exams to pass too. But I do find that time spent with my son is very focused and I think he benefits from that need to make it quality time.

It's only going to get more difficult to juggle when I go back to work with 2 boys now but as my boss put it when I was chatting to him the other day that I am considered the office wonder women as while holding down a full time job and having 2 children, I will have qualified as an accountant, got a first class degree and still kept moving up in the company.

 

[Yo_Yo]

Not sure I've got it all, but I've got what matters most to me. that's my lovely little family and a baby on the way.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Ive no intrest in career personally. I feel happy and content with my life . I learn though my soms battles which is probably a full time job lol. If I was working I wouldn't have found the time to apply to getting him the secondary school I did! Il probably volunteer when they grow more independent.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

P.s I dont see material items as success. I see success as knowing your mind. Being content. Doing what you do with a smile. Dont own a house. Also dont care. Lol.

 

[Eleanor ace]

I feel I've got it all, or all I need ar least. I have a career and have got to a high position in my industry which makes me feel good. I only work part time, and from home so I can be a SAHM which I've always wanted to be. There are downsides- I'm always tired (I've just accepted it as my natural state of being now and it doesn't feel too bad ) because I work mostly in the evening and I sometimes have to make conference calls with people in different time zones- it always seems to be 3am for me. We don't have to watch every penny and I can generally buy what I want (although I have cheap tastes ) but we can't just drop a load of money on a car or big holiday, but that isn't important to me. My DH on the other hand would like more money for luxuries so he probably wouldn't consider us as having it all.

 

[Nibblenic]

I agree define 'having it all'

Some people may believe I 'have it all' Im lucky that I dont have to work and we have enough house hold income to manage day to day with some treats. However we dont have any Ipads, holidays abroad etc.
We do live in a nice area, and are building our family home on the site we live on this summer and yes its going to be beautiful.
I have enough time now Lo is in FT school to co-run a charity and do some volunteer work which makes me really for-filled.

But people see what they want to see based on their own priorities. So if peoples ideal is a nice house in a nice area and being a SAHM they might think I do have it all. But if people are very career orientated or if they like their gadgets or flash cars or holidays abroad and are a bit of a townie (we live in the countryside) they wont think we have it all.

Do I think I have it all? No. I am blessed, lucky and happy. However I am disabled, in constant pain, have a husband who is classed as severely disabled as he has aspergers syndrome. I would like to have another child, but would struggle to carry another pregnancy. I would like to have a second car, Ipad, holidays abroad. However I am very very happy with what we have in life as I think thats a very important way to live.

I dont think anyone can 'have it all' nor do I think its a healthy way to live or think

 

[aimee-lou]

According to most and on paper i've 'failed'. i graduated 9 years ago with a good degree and started well. Since then my career has died, i'm a sahm but really i'm an unemployed mum of 3 living on benefits. i'm living in a tiny house that is driving us nuts, miles from where we would like to be. husband isn't employed either (studying) and we barely get any time to ourselves. The one vestige of success is the 63 plate zafira on the drive that was paid for by an inheritance. we have nothing else new..... even the boys clothes are hand me down from a friend.

but..... life is the long game and we know it won't be like this forever. i consider myself lucky that i'm able to stay home and we can still eat. we have no debts as we live within our limited means. we have saved to go on holiday for the first time ever this year. we are all happy and healthy and my house takes all of 10 mins a day to spruce its that small lol.

i may not have it all but i am very happy. i have nothing but time to retrain and try to follow a career path..... i am only 30 so have over 30 years left in the workplace!!!! scary thought!! lol.

 

[Noodlebear]

At the moment my job isn't exactly amazing and it's only part time but there are ways to progress and I've put myself forward for that above full time members of staff. I think you can absolutely 'have it all' with a positive outlook on life, you just have to be realistic and more patient when you have children.

 

[Mummy Bean]

Thanks ladies. I think you have made me do a re think on what I define as 'having it all'. I am grateful to have 2 beautiful children and awesome hubby, a roof over our heads and money in the bank.

Looking back it about this time with my first that I started itching to go back to work. Im not built to be a SAHM. I struggle having my only identity at 'mum' I want to be Michelle again (which includes being mum) - Hope that makes sense.

well I got a few interviews this week- not jobs i really want, but my MIL been very generous and said the would help out if I want to hold out and find a better job.

 

[Pearls18]

Thanks ladies. I think you have made me do a re think on what I define as 'having it all'. I am grateful to have 2 beautiful children and awesome hubby, a roof over our heads and money in the bank.

Looking back it about this time with my first that I started itching to go back to work. Im not built to be a SAHM. I struggle having my only identity at 'mum' I want to be Michelle again (which includes being mum) - Hope that makes sense.

well I got a few interviews this week- not jobs i really want, but my MIL been very generous and said the would help out if I want to hold out and find a better job.

I know what you mean, for me working is part of having it how I want it, being a SAHM would be me making sacrifices I wouldn't want (or need) to make so wouldn't be me having it all, I'd rather be in a job even if it wasn't a career, so long as I enjoyed it. Good luck with the interviews

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

A late night chat last night made me realise I do

 

[lj2245]

I used to work in management and worked 70+ hours a week, had lots of money and even more savings and no responsibility. And no life, other than work. I thought I had it all then but I was very silly

2 children later I am married with a relatively nice house that needs a LOT of work, we have a car (we did have 2 but sold the 2nd one) and we have package holidays once every year or 2 years. I run my own business, making and decorating wedding and birthday cakes. I enjoy my job but I work when the kids are in bed. My choice. I spend my days with the kids and at 7pm, it's time to work. That usually means I end up going to bed at 2am only to be woken at 7am by the kids but I think it's worth it. I know I can work more during the day when we are finished having kids and the youngest is at school. We may be lucky enough to have 1 more baby, we may even be blessed with 2 more. Which means even more work will need done to the house in order to fit everyone in but I have accepted that my list of To-Do's as far as this house is concerned will never end!

I do see myself as having it all and I am lucky in that respect. I don't have designer clothes or savings or expensive jewellery but I don't want any of those things. Savings will come in time, when we decide we want that more than we want to fit a new bathroom or repair the fence.

I think 'having it all' just means being satisfied with what you have in life.

 

[RachA]

I feel that at the moment i have everything that i want. I don't work at the moment so i can focus on my children. I do voluntary work a couple of times a week which gives me a focus other than the children but it also gives me the flexibility i need in case the children are ill or have appointments etc.
Once the children are both in school i will try and find paid work although for me the children will still be my focus and work will have to come secondary.

I don't believe you can give 100% to your family and your work and your home - something slips at times. Thats not to say that you can't be happy with what you have, just that there are times you have chose either your work or family.

My husband has been on the other side of things work wise. He's had to pick up the slack from someone at his work with children who phoned in at least once a week because a child was ill or appointments etc. This quite often meant that on top of his usual 8-9 hour day he was having to put in an extra 2 hours a day to cover her work. I guess what i'm saying there is that for her she didn't/couldn't have a good balance between work and home.

 

[kmbabycrazy]

I think you can have it all, it's just a matter of perspective. If you want to spend more to time with your kids and work less and you don't mind living paycheck to paycheck then you have it all. If you want a career and work hard through the week to spend weekends with your kids and holidays when you have them, then you also have it all.

I personally feel like I've always had it all. I've had it all spending loads of time with my kids and not working, I've had it all when I've worked hard and been able to get them better things, I feel like I have it all now whilst I'm at uni working hard as well as being a mother, and I feel like i'll have it all when my course is over, I have the career I dreamed of and the family I dreamed of too.

Ultimately, it's just about choosing what 'having it all' means to you personally xx

 

[MrsPear]

In terms of career I think I would struggle to 'have it all' because I want to be a nurse (qualify later this yr) and it's hard to find a job which fits hours wise, plus it's impossible to guarantee finishing on time etc. My OH is also a nurse and is in a specialised role with established hours that he can't change so I will be the one who needs to be there to pick up from nursery etc. We don't have any family around, so unfortunately my job will be dictated by what suits hours wise for the next however many years.

I wanted to work in ICU but when I asked around there, all the people with children have support from somewhere for childcare whereas I won't. In my hospital trust it's very rare to get fixed shift patterns (pretty much impossible for new starters) so I just couldn't do the shifts. So it really wouldn't be possible to work there.

I think in many ways I 'have it all' but career isn't one of them. I wouldn't change my life but I do think my job will be dictated by my family and my options will be limited in that respect.