Children out of wedlock?

[pinktaffy]

we are engaged but not married. we are planning on getting married but in 2-3 years we r in no rush we are quite happy as we r.
and we think if we wait a few years we can include are little girl in the wedding and it will be more memrable.
aslong as your happy the way things r stay that way dont let anyone make u feel like u have to get married its only a peice of paper.
oh and me and OH have been togther 5 years xx

 

[bluebaby]

we are engaged but not married. we are planning on getting married but in 2-3 years we r in no rush we are quite happy as we r.
and we think if we wait a few years we can include are little girl in the wedding and it will be more memrable.
aslong as your happy the way things r stay that way dont let anyone make u feel like u have to get married its only a peice of paper.
oh and me and OH have been togther 5 years xx

I really think thats a sad thing to say. Marriage isn't just a piece of paper.

 

[polo_princess]

I think some people also marry because they think it will fill the cracks in a relationship, as do some who have a baby for the same reason.

Divorce rates are so so high, its sad, because i too believe that marriage is for life.

 

[coccyx]

Don't think it is correct that common law wife is legally binding???? Definately have more rights if married. Each to their own I say

 

[ouchwithNo.2]

Don't think it is correct that common law wife is legally binding???? Definately have more rights if married. Each to their own I say

I don't think 'common law' is the same in the UK as the States where it is more like an official divorce if the time comes.
It isn't a legally binding thingy here

 

[ouchwithNo.2]

We have 2 kids 'out of wedlock'.
Our eldest is 6yrs.
We have been together seven and a half yrs.
I cant be bothered with marriage. I see no point. I watch all my friends getting married and in my opinion it has lost the real meaning. With them it is just a competition, who has the best dress/most bridesmaids/flowers/rings etc (even if they dont admit it).
Then I watch them spend yrs paying it off. Not the best way to start your marriage, in debt!
Nope. We have a mortgage and 2 kids. Thats commitment enough.
Im not bothered about different names, even if Marco Pierre White were to propose I would keep my surname. Its me, its part of me.
We get friends constantly offering their services of wedding planning. It drives me insane.
I will never get married and yes I should be ashamed as I once got told!!!

No offence to you, but i find your post really saddening to read because it just goes to show that it really is beginning to lose its meaning for people to feel that way about marriage

None taken at all.
I am 28 and hardly any of my friends have married parents, in fact my mum and dad are one of the few still going (30yrs).
I do think marriage is losing its meaning. For a lot of people I do feel it is down to showing off, I bet if you to ask a lot of people if they would be happy to get married in a plain dress, just a couple of guests and no fancy cars / presents they wouldn't bother.
On the One Show a couple of wks ago they were interviewing OAP's who married during WW2.
They had the most basic weddings - second hand / hand made basic dress, cup of tea afterwards, no honeymoon or drinks. Some of the brides to be even went to work the morning of the wedding.
They were asked if they regretted not waiting and having a more lavish do, their reply, they didn't regret it. They had each other and thats all that mattered, they didn't know if their husband would come back alive from war. Thats the true meaning of marriage

 

[bubbles123]

Just to clarify - there is no such thing as a common law marriage in the UK. You must make wills (especially in terms of inheritance), get power of attorney if one of you ever gets ill, name each other as your next of kin etc. to protect yourself in the future.
But I do agree marriage has lost it's meaning to some people but I like to hope it's still special for the majority.

 

[Justagirlxx]

It has always been extremely important to me to get married before I have children. Unfortunately things didn't happen that way for OH and I, which I am still sad about. We are getting married in November but we have a 3 week old baby. I think it's extremely important for a family for there to be a loving mother and father who are commited to one another. This is why I believe marriage is important. To me marriage isn't just a piece of paper. It is a lifelong personal vow to be faithful and true to one another. Its a commitment. My OH and I believe marriage is for life. This is why I believe it is so important. Having a nuclear family has always been of the utmost importance to me, because I grew up in one, and my parents and my OHs parents (both still together) have taught us the importance of a loving marriage to a family.

 

[BlackBerry25]

I don't believe in marriage, and will never be married. I am my own person, and I just don't see the point. Just my beliefs. I don't care if other people get married, I am just not into it. The whole wedding thing in itself bothers me for some reason. I don't sit here and think bad thoughts about people who have weddings I just don't plan on having one.

I have been with my OH almost 8 years now, and for us, it would make no difference. We are both committed to each other, so meh.

 

[Heulyn]

I have friends in UAE who to register living together (they had been together a while) they had to get married as they couldn't be seen to be living together and not married. Also I had friends who were concerned about being in the hotel together out there as they weren't married, but it didn't seem to be a problem - at least no one in the hotel did comment about it.

Yes, it's illegal to live together un married here. But it's done, & government knows about it. As long as people r discreet about it, it's not a big deal. I've been married for 3 yrs, but until now I'm not registered under my DH sponsorship, we have a marriage certificate, but frm another country & we didnt even bother to attested here. We go to hotels together, & there is nothing in my ID or his that proves we'r married (I dont have his surname), & we never had any issues.

While travelling to Johannesburg for a trip a few years, ago, our group stopped for food at an airport restaurant in Abu Dhabi, while we waited for our next plane.
We were all asked to cover our shoulders and legs if possible, and not to kiss or hold hands whilst walking around, unless we were a married couple with the proper documentation to prove it!
I was a bit shocked that I'd travelled all that way, and couldn't even give my boyfriend at the time a kiss to say thanks for buying dinner

 

[lulu61388]

for me it is important for my OH and i to be married before we even think about TTC. i want the same last name as my LO, i want to have the security of knowing we are legally bound and i want us to have the time together as a married couple before we have children. i believe things are different once you get married and just because we live together now, doesn't mean that it is just a good reason to have a baby.

now for everybody else, i do not bat an eye. have a baby before you're married or don't get married at all! your choice to do it or not does not make a difference to me or to my life so why would i even be concerned? as a matter of fact why should anybody be concerned about someone's decision to get married or not?

 

[PeanutBean]

Ditto to those who have said that in the UK we have no common law. I understand it's excellent in Canada though! We should have it but we don't and for that reason I think it's particularly important to get married in the UK. It's not just divorce but also tragic things like the death of your partner as you might not get any of the estate necessarily. I'm generalising but this is important for women who might have spent a considerable amount of time dependent on their partners income and potentially could be left with nothing to support them. Wills are vital either way.

For me personally I really have no beef with if and when people get married. It's a sensible thing to do in the UK but I hold no notions that it's living in sin or whatever. We wanted to be married before having children so that we were financially arranged, so to speak, and because we love each other. For us marriage is definitely for life. I've seen my parents come through thick and thin and DH has suffered from his parents separating when he was very small then going off to have their own families. Neglected really. We love being a family and being married. It's easy and does feel different from before when we lived together. I agree that people don't always go into it for the right reasons but I suppose this is really in conflict with my notions of financial security! Lol. I guess we just have it all so I assume everyone else should too!

 

[November1984]

I'm going to be honest. I didn't want to marry before kids because I feel like kids are the ultimate stress on a relationship and you will really, REALLY know each other after kids. I now know our relationship is solid under extreme stress so I feel more comfortable w/the idea of marriage.

 

[bluebaby]

I don't believe in marriage, and will never be married. I am my own person, and I just don't see the point. Just my beliefs. I don't care if other people get married, I am just not into it. The whole wedding thing in itself bothers me for some reason. I don't sit here and think bad thoughts about people who have weddings I just don't plan on having one.

I have been with my OH almost 8 years now, and for us, it would make no difference. We are both committed to each other, so meh.

You are still your own person when you get married

 

[indy and lara]

For us we wanted to be married before having children. We have been together 14 years, 8 of those before we got married. Getting married meant a lot to us and it has a lot of significance. We didn't have a flashy wedding as that wasn't the reason for us getting married. We had a Registry Office ceremony as we are not religious so religion isn't the reason for us wanting to married before babies. Our friends who are married had similar weddings- marriage has significance for many people still.

 

[polo_princess]

I must say, ours wasnt flashy either, when we first got engaged we wanted flashy, but then we realised that it just wasnt "us" and we wanted something that represented us as a couple iykwim so we went for a nice simple, relaxed wedding and we had such an amazing day.

Im about to go to a flashy one next weekend and i must say, id rather put 20K toward the mortgage or a new car, but hey ho, im going slightly off topic now

 

[Dragonfly]

Its a personal choice thing, I have nothing against marriage but we just arnt married, we arnt religious and well its not cheap no matter how much someone says you can do it on a budget we dont have any budget at all for it. My son has my other halfs surname though should we ever do it. None our families have mentioned it to be honest as mine told me if i wanted to marry I was to bog off and elope and not tell them as they didnt want to help pay and well at this point in time wouldnt come to a wedding either. maybe some day who knows, I do think its more than a piece of paper though it has meaning and when two people do it for the right reasons and not just because they have to its even better. But I dont think everyone needs to do it especially if they do not want to but have to for the sake of kids or family. I wouldnt do a church wedding though registra would be ok by me as we are not religious as I said. Still I dont pop the question I believe the man does. Unless its a leap year and valentines day.

 

[polo_princess]

We did ours on £2,000 and thats a mega tight budget for a wedding when some spend £10,000 or £20,000, but how many people even have that kind of money kicking around nowadays, esp in the recession?

 

[Dragonfly]

I struggled to get Williams xmas present there so theres that out. Only that is a good price, I live at a place that is used as a wedding venue and its usually over £20k for it all here depending on what you want. You can have your wedding in the basement which I am sure I could get free or a discount on, its vaulted ceiling and really nice looking. still I cant do any of that yet, perhaps when kids are older they can walk down the aisle behind us. And then theres the other half view on things which is he is afraid it will ruin things for some reason.

 

[indy and lara]

I must say, ours wasnt flashy either, when we first got engaged we wanted flashy, but then we realised that it just wasnt "us" and we wanted something that represented us as a couple iykwim so we went for a nice simple, relaxed wedding and we had such an amazing day.

Im about to go to a flashy one next weekend and i must say, id rather put 20K toward the mortgage or a new car, but hey ho, im going slightly off topic now

Totally agree. We had a Registry Office service, a meal for 19 in a restaurant we love (they opened for us for a private setting) then had a reception for 100 at the Scottish Mining Museum. We spent our biggest amount of money on the band for night. We had no intention of flashy. It is just not us. We once went to a close friend's wedding which had 250 guests and the line up before the meal took over an hour to filter through!!! But they are still married and very much in love each to their own!