Children starting school without being potty trained

[JASMAK]

In recent years, health visitors have been advising not to push children into potty training too early and to wait until they are ready. I think as a result of that, parents tend to be very laid back about it. They don't bother talking about elimination until their toddlers are older, whereas if you start communicating about elimination to younger babies and toddlers, they are often able to potty train themselves at an "early" age.

Also, with increasing percentages of children being put into nursery/preschool at a younger age, I wonder if the emotional impact has anything to do with it?

Good point!

 

[Sarahkka]

My son turned 3 at the end of December. He is ahead of the curve on all sorts of milestones, but potty training has been a real struggle. He pees very well and is accident-free on this one for most days. However, when it comes to poop, he is incredibly resistant. He hides from us, holds it in, etc. Over and over again, the advice we have been given is to be patient. The worst approach is to make it into a huge deal and stress everyone out over it. He will hopefully be starting in a pre-school (non-compulsory) in September and being fully potty-trained is a requirement. I appreciate why, but I am worried that we'll still be in this absolute deadlock over pooping on the potty. And I am sharing this because I find it REALLY offensive that anyone would insinuate that we are "lazy" parents because my son is struggling with this. Every child develops differently. It is not fair or right to make sweeping judgements about parenting because some children might be behind in some areas. And while I understand that age 4 or 5 is very old to be still in diapers and certainly hope that we are not looking at that, those parents and children have my sympathy, not my judgement.

 

[Laura2919]

I just had an interview with the school to get the girls starting date for nursery, they told me ideally they would like Chloe and Jaycee potty trained and when I told her they already were she said oh thats good not many bother these days! I got my girls ready for potty training because of them going to school.

 

[nosocks]

Sarahkka, I really don't think anyone would be calling you lazy knowing your story. I think people are saying that there are now a lot more lazy parents around but there are of course exceptions so please don't take offense- I certainly see your struggle- mt sister went through exactly the same thing.
As a reception teacher I found many children wouldn't even TRY to put their own shoes, coats or jumpers on and that's what's frustrating. I'm more than happy to help a child who tries and struggles but a child that hasn't even been shown or encouraged by their parents at home, that's a different story! I had boys (especially boys!) who would just hold their coat out and shout my name!
Working in a very multicultural school I found there were certain groups of children who were worse than others... They were clearly spoon fed- would literally sit waiting to be fed with their mouths open! 5 year olds!
So I think the reason the numbers of children lacking these basic skills has increased- is because there are increasing numbers of parents who aren't perhaps helping them enough.... But there are always exceptions.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

Sarahkka, I really don't think anyone would be calling you lazy knowing your story. I think people are saying that there are now a lot more lazy parents around but there are of course exceptions so please don't take offense- I certainly see your struggle- mt sister went through exactly the same thing.
As a reception teacher I found many children wouldn't even TRY to put their own shoes, coats or jumpers on and that's what's frustrating. I'm more than happy to help a child who tries and struggles but a child that hasn't even been shown or encouraged by their parents at home, that's a different story! I had boys (especially boys!) who would just hold their coat out and shout my name!
Working in a very multicultural school I found there were certain groups of children who were worse than others... They were clearly spoon fed- would literally sit waiting to be fed with their mouths open! 5 year olds!
So I think the reason the numbers of children lacking these basic skills has increased- is because there are increasing numbers of parents who aren't perhaps helping them enough.... But there are always exceptions.

This

I know I said that I do think half of it is laziness, which I still do, I obviously do not think that this is the case with every child and every parent. There are always going to be exceptions and children that won't potty train for some reason or another but at the same time there is a number of kids that aren't potty trained before school age because of laziness.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

Also I think it seems that some people are talking of different ages when starting school. Here it is when the child is 4, the year that they will turn 5, it seems that in some places though that this may be a little younger.

 

[freckleonear]

Also I think it seems that some people are talking of different ages when starting school. Here it is when the child is 4, the year that they will turn 5, it seems that in some places though that this may be a little younger.

Yeah I've noticed a lot of people nowadays say "school" meaning nursery or preschool.

 

[smelly07]

yeah tbh its confusing me to..............school age here is the september after the child turns 4. x

 

[feeble]

surely some of it must be to do with the age we are putting kids in school? When i was little, it used to be 5/6 now its the September after you turn 4!! so of course some kids are going to be not quite ready yet!

Personally i think we should just stop making the age of school so early (like every other country in the world) because its not good for development. South African kids fair much better on average at school and they dont go in til 5/6, same as Australia etc

Why we have this obsession with getting children into school so quickly is beyond me.

 

[smelly07]

well 'legally' they do not have to attend school until they are 5, so you do have the option to keep them back an extra year, and in my daughters school the first year is mainly learning through play, i think she has only started having 'lessons' as such in year 3 and she is 6 turning 7 x

 

[mum22ttc#3]

surely some of it must be to do with the age we are putting kids in school? When i was little, it used to be 5/6 now its the September after you turn 4!! so of course some kids are going to be not quite ready yet!

Personally i think we should just stop making the age of school so early (like every other country in the world) because its not good for development. South African kids fair much better on average at school and they dont go in til 5/6, same as Australia etc

Why we have this obsession with getting children into school so quickly is beyond me.

I honestly don't think that it is because of that. There was no reception class when I started school but I think it changed the year after, (I'm 28 this year). There was definitely a reception class 3 years after I started as both my younger sisters went straight into reception.
What I'm trying to say is that the Reception class has been around for some time now, over 20 years, yet I think parents not potty training kids up till the age of 4-5 is more of a recent thing iyswim?

Not sure about the starting later though as TBH I've never really looked into it. I have read though that countries that start later usually do better though.

 

[indy and lara]

I think school starting age and potty training are separate issues tbh. 3 year olds have started school nursery at that age all my life but the changes mentioned in the article have only become apparent to me at work in the recent past. Same with the personal care aspects such as dressing and self feeding. My own experience would suggest that there is not really a connection between the two.

 

[Sarahkka]

Thank you for the understanding expressed by several of you regarding my situation. I do appreciate it because, in all honesty, it is really stressing me out. I can't figure out what we did/are doing wrong. Why is my son being so resistant?
I guess I just ask, that unless you know the whole situation, that maybe we all consider that there may well be a lot of struggle going on at home over the potty training issue and that using a label like "lazy" is pretty harsh. I'm sure there are some cases that warrant such labels, but thinking that someone could judge me that way (if they didn't know the whole story) makes an already stressful situation even worse. Just something to think about?

And our "pre-school" here is usually partial day/and 2-3 times per week - it's mostly just to help socialize and learn a few classroom skills. It is not compulsory. Most programs require that your child is fully potty-trained to participate.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

See here my DD2 goes to nursery which is half day for 5 days, she is coming up 4 and they don't have to be potty trained for nursery, I'm not sure if others require it but hers certainly doesn't and there is quite a few there that aren't.

Going to the preschool/nursery that we choose you would still have 1 year 6 months until school which I'm sure will make a great difference with your Little boy.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

My son was not potty trained till he was 4 (but does have SN needs) my daughter was potty trained way before preschool because I knew it was her benefit too to be somewhat independent x

 

[going_crazy]

Some very interesting resposes

My friend is a child minder and looks after a little boy who is almost 3 (she has had him since he was 8months). The boys mum asked my friend if she would potty train him as "she didn't have time". Just like to point out that my friend has this little boy Mon, Weds &Thurs 9am-3pm, the rest of the time he is at home with his mum! So, although my friend tried to start with potty training, it isn't backed up at home so the little boy is really struggling with it.

My question is this - These days, where there are more working parents, can this contribute to 'late' potty training? Do some working parents genuinely not have the time? Is it harder to potty train when the child is being looked after by child minders etc from a younger age?

Yes, I think some parents have taken a lazy approach, but this isn't the case for everyone.

I would be disappointed if my LO wasn't out of nappies (during the day) by 18months - 2yrs max (not disappointed with my LO btw... In fact I'm not sure disappointed is the word here, but can't think of another!) but I know that things sometimes don't go according to plan. This is just for myself, however and I do not judge anyone else with how they go about potty training

I personally wouldn't send my child to school in nappies/pull ups

 

[Yammas]

I dont think they have to be completely dry as the transition to school will mean their bound to at least have one accident but at least to have started and be majoritvely potty trained by 5 to me isnt much to ask.

Pull ups dont help with training either imo you might as well leave them in nappies as its basically the same thing thier just an uneccessary gimick.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

I dont think they have to be completely dry as the transition to school will mean their bound to at least have one accident but at least to have started and be majoritvely potty trained by 5 to me isnt much to ask.Pull ups dont help with training either imo you might as well leave them in nappies as its basically the same thing thier just an uneccessary gimick.

I don't think that is true. Not every child is going to have at least one accident at all. DD1 and 2 both either go to school/nursery and neither have had that accident. DD2 went through 2 weeks of night time accidents recently which we found to be a water infection.

I'm sure some do but just wanted to point out that not every child will.

 

[JASMAK]

I don't think it's a big deal if they do. Both my kids have had accidents WELL AFTER they were potty trained. Good grief...I shat my pants at a beach once and I was an adult!!! It happens.

 

[smelly07]

personally i dont think the age of 3 is 'too late' or starting pre-school still in nappies is 'wrong'............but its a long time between starting pre-school and starting school and i think by school age (if the child doesnt have any additional needs) there is no reason why a parent shouldnt be at least trying.

My youngest is 25 months and isnt ready to be potty trained yet but i know what a difference a couple of months can have on a child and how much they grow and learn and understand so much more in that short space of time, my eldest was 26 months and it took two days with not a single accident after those two days.

every child is different but they wont do it by themselves they need help and guidance from their parents.

When i talk about 'lazy parents' i mean the ones who admit it so and are just not interested in potty training their child and arent encouraging it at all. x


sarahkka: your little boy has only just turned 3, you are doing all you can and i bet you he will have this toilet training buisness sussed way before he starts school.